Once upon a time there was a umm... Person who... Did something and stuff happened. The end.
Oh, you actually wanted the deatils huh? Well, let's see now... Who was it that did that thing again? Oh yeah, the kid's name was Naruto. He had piercing blue eyes that looked like the ocean, well... Not really, the ocean's kinda green and foamy depending on where you are. what else can I compare it to? The sky? No, that has smog and birds flying around in it... Ummm... Windex! Yeah, his eyes were the color of Windex. And he was blonde. Not much to really say about that.
Naruto was a loud brat, no one knows for sure if his mouth ever had an off button but at the same time when he was quiet something just didn't feel right. So it was one of those situations that some would say 'can't have your cake and eat it to' whatever that means. One thing about that blonde idiot was...you could always depend on him, he was there for his friends no matter what and that is where his troubles started.
Yeah, this is the start of that something... Which caused that stuff to happen. And it all had to do with a simple school trip, one that had been taken almost every year. It was the annual trip to the Zoo! Yay! Animals! Lions and tigers and bears... Oh my! Wait... Wrong story... Heh. Let's get back on track, shall we?
"Ya think they got Ligers at the zoo this year?" Naruto asked as he bounced in his seat on the yellow school bus. Now, I would make a comment about that and insult the boy's intelligence at the same time, but... I don't really have to.
"Liger?" The boy sitting behind Naruto asked. His name was Sai, a social reject who had a fondness for exposing himself in public. Sure it was usually just his stomach, but you can never tell with some people just how far their clothes are going to go down.
The blond-thinks-he-knows-it-all snorted as he leaned back in the cool green seat that always seemed like it wanted to suck your skin in if you ever were dumb enough to wear shorts. "Man if you don't know about them, you just ain't awesome and I don't have to explain it to you. Its something only bombtastic people can know about." The socially retarded boy's eyebrow rose in mild curiousity.
"You're so troublesome." Yet another boy sighed as he lifted his head from the glass window. Yes, it was glass. Not plastic, glass. Hah. Anyway, this kid's name was Shikamaru. Complete genius who hardly ever lifted a finger, even if it would do him some good. All he really did was sleep and... Yeah, that's about all he did. "Liger's are a mix between a tiger and a lion."
"That means a tiger fu-"
"UZUMAKI! Watch the language!"
The blond grumbled from his seat as he sunk down farther, mumbling the curse words low enough to where no one but himself and the teen sitting next to him could hear. Windex colored eyes snapped to the side then suddenly exploded with happiness and joy and all that good stuff as his arms shot up and a cheerful cry escaped his lips as he spotted a sign for the zoo.
-WHACK- was the sound that soon echoed through the metal deathbox on wheels, the brat's face quickly drained of all emotion. Slowly his eyes slid shut as a nervous smile etched his lips and a sheepish chuckle vibrated through his throat as he turned. He rubbed the back of his neck while his mouth opened. "Eh...sorry Neji...I was just a little over excited I guess...hehe."
Neji didn't say anything. He just simply shook his head as he closed his eyes. He could feel a migrane coming on due to the loud mouth he had some how ended up sitting next to. Now, that's really not fair of me. The kid isn't always pissy, no that would be the duckbutt sitting next to the fat kid. No, Neji is... Complicated.
"Tch, Naruto...that sign was to tell us the zoo is 50 miles away." the lazy brunette sighed, his eyes still shut and his feet drapped over the sit in front of him...the reason Chouji was sitting next to the Uchiha just so Shika could fully relax...yeah Shikamaru owned him BIG time. Naruto fell face first into the back of the seat in front of him, not such a good idea on a school bus. Suddenly the bus came to a grinding hault...for no real reason.
And that was because the bus driver had no other way to stimulate the bordum that had built up in him. Normally the white-haired man would have tried to take a peek up a few skirts, but being the bus driver for an all boys school, that prevented his usual form of fun. even though there were a few boys who could pass for girls, well if you just put them in a skirt and threw a little eyeshadow or lip gloss on them.
After the out-cries of frustration and pain that obviously happened, the bus started going again. Not at it's normal full speed, but atleast it was going. Just part of the bus drivers devious plan to entertain himself as they inched closer and closer to the zoo.
The boys started to sigh all throughout the bus, some 'colorful' words being shouted at the man as their teacher stood up from his seat and stomped up to the man. All the boys in the bus went silent quickly once they saw the small tinge of red burning across Mr. Umino's cheeks and the bridge of his nose, they all knew that face from the handful of times someone was actually ballsy enough to piss the man off. After being in a bus full of obnoxious, fidgeting teenagers for four hours in a stuffy metal box while the other "teachers" just reclined in the seats and fell asleep leaving all the work to him then being subjected to the whims of a perverted bus driver its pretty safe to say that even the best of us would snap.
Now, here's where the nice fluffy teacher and I differ... I would have smacked the pervert upside the head and slammed my own foot on the gas pedal. Sure, not really that safe, but atleast we'd get somewhere. Iruka however, likes to talk things over before using violence. Typical uke...
"Why on Earth are we only going twenty? It's a fifty zone, if we're late I swear..."
"You swear what?" The old pervert asked with a curious smirk on his face as he looked away from the road and at the teacher. Iruka did a double take as he had never been called out on that bluff before, truth was, he didn't know what he'd do if the bus didn't pick up speed soon.
"You do know that the all girls' school is going to be at the zoo today, don't you?" A gruff voice asked from behind the driver and flustered teacher. "The sooner we get there, the longer you can oggle at them Jiraiya."
Without a moment's hesitation, the old perv stomped on the gas pedal and the bus went zooming down the road. Iruka however, went flying backwards and spent the next few minutes trying to regain his breath as he looked at the roof and rubbed the pain from his bum.
Typical Asuma tactic, bribe someone to get what you want then go back to sleep. When Iruka finally got to his feet he glared with a glare that was worthy of Uchiha glare infamy right at the back of Jiraiya's head.
When the teachers finally settled down again the boys turned to each other all with almost the same expression...I say almost because some of the boys just aren't capable of showing the same emotions as "normal" people. "All girls school?!" a few muttered in disbelief in a chorus that echoed through the bus like a death sentence.
All knew the fate of one who came into contact with girls, they all had fan clubs. A plan had to be made and fast, they only had about fourty five miles left between them and certain death!
"What the hell are we going to do?" Naruto asked, looking around the bus. He was way to paniced to think of anything and from the looks of the others, they didn't have a clue either. The only one who actually could come up with a plan, looked as if he didn't care as he just sat there with his hands in his lap as he blankly stared at the back of the seat infront of him.
"The zoo is a rather large place. Maybe we won't run into any of those hags." Sai said softly, as if he was wishing that it could be true. The other boys just shot him an evil glare. "What?"
"You're a loser." The pissy duckbutt replied. "If they know that we're coming, they will hunt us down. Every last one of us."
"We do have a secret weapon." Shikamaru simply started as he pointed to the tiny little fluff of red hair that barely peeked over the top of the bus seat. "Gaara."
All the teens stared at Shika like he was a drunken noblemen hitting on their youngest daughter who was pregnant with said man's brother's best friend's baby with a bloody knife in his arm. "What the hell good will he do us?" The littlest Uchiha sneered from in front of the Nara, never bothering to turn around like the stuck up bastard he was.
"Chi, if you can't figure it out on your own then good luck Uchiha...I'm sure you'll be the first they go for." Sasuke's back stiffened. Shikamaru sighed and shut his eyes once more to fall back to a peaceful sleep even as the rest of the teens started to argue amongst themself about how to get out of their little problem...trying to think of what kinda solution Gaara was.
"I know Gaara has a temper but... How does that work for us?" The fat kid, Chouji asked.
"I say we just throw him infront of us if we get cornered and run." A sassy little brunette named Kiba nodded. "Who cares if some of them get killed if he get's out of control, at least we'll be safe."
And that's why prissy duckbutts should keep their mouth's shut. Because if the smart one of the group decides not to let the idiots in on how to solve a problem... The idiots come up with their own even dumber then they are solution.
"YEAH! Thats a great idea Kiba! Man you sure are a genius, heheh." the blond chirped as he relaxed back into his seat as if all the problems had been solved. "Gaara'd do anything for us so we don't have to worry, and he can protect himself. A little molestion will be good for'em!"
Kiba's face split into a grin as he gave a Rock Lee thumbs up.
Chapter notes: Co-Written by ForyourLove
She was bored. I was bored. We RPed.
This is a complete crack fic based on said boredness, hope you enjoy. ^^