Recipe for Disaster
2/3 c. shortening
1 1/4 c. sugar
2 1/4 c. flour (self rising)
1 c. milk
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
Preheat oven to 176 Celsius. Grease and flour 2 round pans. Add all ingredients, mix until smooth. Pour in pans and bake in oven for 30 minutes.
Genre: Not quite a Parody
Rating: T or teen
also to cover for my sorry habit of swearing
~~~~~~~~~~~
Introduction:
“Hey old man! Wake up!”
“Eh?”
“Come on wake up”
“Knock it off, kid, I'm already awake and you're late.”
“Yeah sure, whatever, come on it's time for your walk.”
“Is it? I see, where are your fellows?”
“My what?”
“Your fellows, your classmates, your comrades...friends?”
“Oh them, well they aren't really friends and I suppose they're still on the way here.”
“You didn't come together?”
“Noooo, what are you senile or something? You said yourself I was late, so let's getta move on.”
“I think I'll wait for the others to arrive. I'm not in the mood to be 'walked' by a loud mouth genin. In fact why don't you have a seat and I'll tell you a little story.”
“You gotta be kidding, this has to be the stupidest mission...can't we just get this-”
“Sit boy!”
“I'm sitting, I'm sitting. Is this at least going to be interesting?”
“Not in the slightest.”
“Great, are there any battles?”
“A few.”
“Blood?”
“What kind of battles would they be without that?”
The boy shrugged so the old man grunted and started his story:
Our story begins with the simplest of ingredients, one sack of flour, a container of milk, some sugar, butter and the best of intentions. It was late March and the shinobi in possession of these items had big plans for them. Having purchased these ingredients, he made his way home with the firm belief that not only was he going to bake the best cake ever, he was finally going to win the heart of the girl he most desired.
Arriving home, Naruto reached into his pocket and pulled out a carefully folded piece of paper. On it was the recipe for a simple yellow cake. There was a problem though, the recipe had gotten wet and some of the words were now missing. This shinobi being the resourceful ninja that he was, sat down and attempted to fill in the blank spots with the words he thought should be there. Confident that he'd figured them all out he set about making the cake. Unfortunately for everyone involved, what it turned into was a recipe for disaster.
“Disaster?”
“Yes, it's hard to believe one cake could do so much damage, but we're getting ahead of ourselves.”
“But...wait a minute...”
“What now?”
“How did the recipe get wet?”
“Well that would be Konohamaru's fault.”
“Huh? Hey, did you skip a battle?”
“Just a small one, and it wasn't really a battle.”
“Well it's gotta be more interesting than hearing about some guy baking a cake.”
“You think? Hmmm, alright then, we'll back up a bit, but no more interruptions. Now where did I leave off...oh yes...”
Naruto, hadn't eaten any breakfast in his haste to get to the market early. So after leaving the there, he decided to make a quick stop at his favorite ramen shop. Setting the bag with the ingredients down he ordered a bowl of the house specialty and enjoyed it so much he had four more bowls. This also used up the rest of the money he had with him. Normally this would not be a bad thing, but Naruto forgot he was short an ingredient for his cake. Eggs. Remembering too late that he had none at home, he now had to figure out a way to get some.
For most, getting a few eggs was an easy enough affair; you just borrow them from a friend. But for Naruto this was a bit more of a challenge. He only had few friends to begin with and the adults he would normally ask were inaccessible to him at the moment. Iruka-sensei was teaching at the academy, Kakashi-sensei was...well wherever it is jounin go when they aren't training their squads and the old man Hokage, he probably didn't even have any eggs and Naruto didn't want to take the chance that the old man would bore him to death with some inane lecture on being a ninja.
There were the other members of his team, but since Sakura was the intended recipient of the cake, she was out...that left Sasuke. To say that Naruto and Sasuke didn't get along well would be an understatement to the extreme, but Naruto was desperate so he sighed and started toward Sasuke's home in another part of town. Like Naruto, Sasuke lived alone but Naruto never liked going there. The place was creepy, silent and empty of people. Why his teammate chose to live in such a place was one of those mysteries that quite frankly baffled him.
As he neared his destination he ran into a young acquaintance, Konohamaru and when I say ran into, I mean it literally; for as Naruto rounded a corner he was knocked flat on his back by the younger boy.
"Hey! Watch where you're going!” Naruto shouted.
“Sorry!” the other replied and after getting a look at who he'd just run into grabbed Naruto's arm and shouted, “Ah! It's you Naruto-niichan!”
“Konohamaru?” Naruto asked, “What are you doing running around like that! You could have killed me!”
“Naruto-niichan, you're just the one I need! You have to help me!”
Naruto rose from the ground and dusted himself off. Lifting his shopping bag he stuck his nose inside inspecting the contents for damage saying, “I don't have time right now, I'm-”
“But it's a matter of life or death!” Konohamaru begged. “Please...?”
“Ahhh...but Konohamaru I...”
If it had been anyone else Naruto would have just said no and been on his way, but Naruto had taken a liking to the boy. Thoughts of his cake and how much time he'd already wasted that morning ran through his head, but Konohamaru was so insistent that Naruto let out a sigh and said, “Oi...alright Konohamaru, but someone really better be dying.”
“Thank you Naruto-niichan!” Konahamaru shouted and bolted ahead into the crowded street. Naruto let out another sigh and took off after him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting near an open window, Sasuke was enjoying a rare leisurely morning after training. So it was by chance that he looked down toward the street in time to see Konohamaru flatten Naruto.
This brought a smile to the Uchiha's face as he thought, What an idiot.
Sasuke also found, he was oddly curious as to why in the world Naruto would even be on this side of town. There were plenty of people in Konoha that considered this part of town not only unlucky, but cursed.
“What the hell are those two up to?” Sasuke wondered.
Deciding he'd better keep an eye on them, he dressed quickly, grabbed his gear and headed out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey, Konohamaru, just who are we saving?”
“A princess!” Konohamaru shouted.
Naruto grabbed Konohamaru's scarf and pulled him to a halt. “A real Princess? I don't have time today to be playing ninja.”
“I know that, and it is a real princess!” Konohamaru shouted and took off once again. Naruto stared after him, surprised by how quickly the boy was moving. That Princess must be someone special if he's running that fast and Naruto almost missed seeing Konohamaru skid around a corner into an alley. Picking up his pace in an effort to catch up with him, Naruto rounded the corner at top speed and came to a dead stop when he realized Konohamaru was gone.
Now it is true to say that Naruto was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he wasn't completely dim. Even if he didn't always understand what was going on, he'd learned a long time ago to listen to his instincts. Something is not right, he thought as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Looking up at the imposing wall at the end of the darkened alleyway, Naruto backed up a bit hoping maybe he'd taken a wrong turn, but he knew he hadn't.
“Konohamaru?” Naruto called. No one answered and Naruto was getting that weird sinking feeling, the one that told him he should be getting the hell out of there. Shit... he thought and started forward anyway. “Konohamaru?” Still no reply. “Damn it, Konohamaru, where the hell are you?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sasuke heard rather than saw Naruto and followed the sound of his voice. As Sasuke approached the alley Naruto had turned into he paused and looked around at the milling crowds of people in the on the street. Not one person was any where near the alleyway's entrance to the street. In fact if he didn't know better, he'd swear they were being deflected away from it. A flash of orange in the alley caught Sasuke's attention and he heard Naruto shout, "Damn it, Konohamaru, where the hell are you?"
Naruto disappeared from view and Sasuke carefully edged his way closer to the corner. Wouldn't do to be spotted now but where was Konohamaru? Sasuke decided it'd be better if he got a better perspective and ran up the wall to the roof. With a bird’s eye view of things, Sasuke noticed what Naruto did not. Unfortunately it was already too late and Naruto abruptly disappeared.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey kid...”
"Huh? Why are you stopping? It was finally starting to get interesting."
"I think your teammates have arrived. Why don't you go let them in."
"Do I have to?"
“Yes.”
“Fine...”
The door opened and the old man surveyed the three people standing there. Two were children, younger than the one already in his rooms but not by much. In fact he’d venture to say they were twins and even though they didn't resembled the first boy he already knew they were siblings. The last to enter was their jounin sensei. She frowned at the older boy and appeared ready to scold him, but she caught the old man's eyes and paused, following his gaze. She shook her head as she noted the older boy already had his jaw set in anticipation of the event. Deciding the lecture could wait, she shrugged and said;
“Sensei, it's good to see up and around again, you ready to get started?”
The old man nodded to the jounin.
“All right you three, let's go.”
“But...”
“But what, we're already way behind schedule.”
“I want to hear the rest of the story...”
“Story? Which...story? Oh no, please tell me you aren't telling him that story...”
The old man coughed and headed for the still open door.
“Oh God! You were! You swore you'd never ...”
“I never swore...in fact I never promised either. Time to go, it's getting late and I'd like to be home at a reasonable time for dinner.”
“You're just evil.”
Which will I choose...miso? No, no, I had that twice already this week, definitely tonkotsu.”
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Table of Contents
- Text Size +
Story notes: Hello and welcome. Yesh, well as you can see I've been wandering the Narutoverse...and me being me, this was bound to happen eventually.
Just a quick note on what you'll find to start The first part is meant to be introduction. Not of characters, but of the premise of the story. You will find that it is light on the usual major elements...fun things like: dialog tags... character and general descriptions... names... They aren't missing, I simply didn't include them for my own reasons - also it's fun to try to write coherent dialog without tags
...There is also the fact that nothing I write is ever what I think it is...
While this may be mildy confusing at first, it does have a purpose and if you make past that you won't be disappointed. If you do have any questions feel free to ask away and I do so hope you enjoy the story..
No I do not own Naruto - but I do love the series and manga
Chapter notes: Let the chaos begin