It was only a few days till Akatsuki were to invade the hidden villages, and many joined forces to fight. This was the best idea, or so the Hokages thought. Mist with Lightning, Rock with Cloud, Sand with Leaf and so on. The newly formed Sound had offered their services after the downfall of their leader, Orochimaru. Each village was to send a reliable ninja to another with a signed agreement. This ninja, however, wished she hadn’t been picked.
A cool breeze filled the streets of Konoha; like the calm before the storm. The usual anticipation and anxiety that came with war was not present. Even in the Hokage tower, the atmosphere felt strange. Why weren’t people…awake? They seemed to just, stumble about nervously. Temari hadn’t been here in a while but she always thought the ninja of Konoha were better than this. Was this what was happening back in Suna? Her brother had changed ever since his encounter with Akatsuki and so she was given the responsibility of watching over him. Admittedly, she hadn’t been here for a while but this strange behaviour still puzzled her.
The Hokage’s secretary watched Temari as she sat down in the corridor which, she noticed, reflected the strange atmosphere. Everything looked drained; the half assed-paint job had started to crack, paper littered the normally finely polished floor – it just wasn not up to Konoha standards.
“Godaime is with someone, if you want to leave the scroll with me….?” Shizune reached out with a bandaged hand.
“No, no….I’ll wait”, Temari frowned slightly. She had to hand it to the Hokage personally and was not going to let some secretary loose it. There was a noise from within the Hokage’s office as several chairs were scraped back. She could hear the muffled voices within. “I know how his death affected you so, but these are desperate times…..” “Yeah…ok”.
“Really, I can give it to her” her secretary begged, looking behind her. “The Hokage is under a lot of stress at the moment….” Temari had heard how harsh their Kage could be but this was a little odd. They really don’t seem to work well under pressure here, do they? Perhaps if their Hokage wasn’t so lazy and uptight…
The office door creaked open a little. Temari craned her neck to see who could be keeping the Hokage. The secretary stood up abruptly, bringing Temari’s attention back to her.
“ No. This is an important message that I must pass……..”. She stopped mid-sentence. Someone had walked out of the door. Someone who she hadn’t seen in a long time. Someone she had tried, in vein, to forget. He hadn’t changed much; he was much taller now but still wore the same lazy expression. Idiot. His hair was longer hovering poker straight just above his shoulders. He hadn’t noticed her yet. Those black eyes of his skimmed over her, not aware of what had looked at. What an idiot.
“Eh…..Tsunade? There is a representative of Suna here to see you”, the secretary nodded her head towards Temari. The ninja stopped in his tracks. Now he sees me, Temari thought. But no; he simply walked over to the other side, leaned against a wall and lit up. She couldn’t believe it. Yes, there had been long periods where they had not seen each other and yes, they hadn’t been the best of buddies but to completely ignore her!? He took a long drag and stared at a crack in the wall. Tameri clutched the scroll a little harder than was necessary. How could he just stand there? He hadn’t even looked up. Was he blanking her? After all they had been through together, all the time they spent with each other?
“Miss? Miss, the Hokage will -”
“She can wait”, Temari said sharply as she flew up of her chair to Shikamaru .Only then did he look up. There eyes met and for a second, only a second. His widened but his expression slipped almost immediately back. He looked away and took another drag.
She stared at him in fury. Where had all this anger come from? She wasn’t even sure why she was getting so worked up. “What are you doing here”, he drawled out, still gazing at the floor tiles. That’s why. Her mouth opened automatically to retort, then quickly closed it - then opened it again - then closed it. He was so annoying that she, Temari, the ice queen, was flustered - and he wasn’t even trying to be!! She let out a cry of exasperation, grabbed his cigarette right from under his nose and through it to the ground.
“…there bad for you” she said through gritted teeth, turned on her heels and left.
***************
Time had gone out of sync. It just wasn’t going as smoothly as it used to. Mornings would come as quickly as they liked! Oh yes, there was no escape from having to get up - what for, he didn’t no anymore. The afternoons would drag out, like a special torture which consisted mainly of noise, followed by paperwork and then perhaps a trip to the Hokage for an argument or two. Night was just as bad. He no longer took comfort in knowing the trouble would be over when he came home; a barrage of disturbing images and sounds afflicting his dreams put a stop to that. Pain, anguish, hatred - the whole gang was there. He would wake to a feeling of unease and dullness enveloping his mind and he still had the whole day ahead of him.
The War was drawing nearer. As tactical annalist he was needed pretty much 24/7 - which was a pain in the ass. All he needed was a little rest, a little time to himself, which never came. Every day was riddled with questions and demands by various Jounin and Kages. And when he did have time to himself - which was what he needed - he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t bear to be left alone with his thoughts. He had truly lost it. Ever since Asuma died; it was more of a blow to him than anyone. All he had left was the bitter taste of nicotine. He had never thought of himself as one, but now he couldn’t get enough. Every morning, he couldn’t function with out a smoke. He had had enough, he wanted out. It was a big risk with Akatsuki arriving any day soon. But that was why he had come; to have a word with the Tsunade (if that was even possible).
“Shikamaru is here to see you”. Shizune’s head poked round the corner of the door optimistically.
“Hhmmchwat?” Tsunade said lifting her head from the pile of paper work she had used as a make-shift pillow. “Oh…right…tell him to come in a minute - and tell him he can’t take them in this time” she added with a wag of her drowsy finger.
Shizune nodded and closed the door. She didn’t want to have to tell him, he always looked so sad as if he were leaving a loved one behind, like he would miss them for all of ten minutes. She looked over to where he had stood at her desk only a moment ago. He was now sitting on a bench with his head in his hands. He didn’t look himself at all, she thought. He was never a lively one, even when younger, but this? He looked drained; there was never a moment when he didn’t look like death warmed up. He had let his hair grow out a bit and his clothes looked worn. After minutes of watching him try to prop up his own eye lids with his index finders, she came to the conclusion, that he needed a break.
There was a loud smash and Shikamaru jumped up immediately; even had his shiriken out. A moment later a muffled swear could be heard from with in the office as Tsunade tried to mop up a broken sake bottle. He hadn’t realised how tense he really was till then. Sitting down, he tried to relaxed again, well; get back to what ever he was like before the smash. He stared down at his hand that held the shirikun tightly. Was that his hand that had jumped so willingly to his pouch at a little noise? What was wrong with him? He still hadn’t let go of the blade; his hand trembled slightly, when a voice somewhere in the back ground called out to him.
“I’m afraid you’re not allowed”.
“I’m sorry?” he said in dazed tone, pulling his eyes away from his hand with the knife; he sighed and automatically went for his packet.
“I said you can’t take your smokes in - she won’t have it!” she added at the frown that slowly covered Shika’s face. He sighed again. How could she? She gets to have her sake and I’m not allowed my smokes, the one thing I have left in my life? He stuffed them roughly back into his back pocket and sat up, leaning his head against the wall. At the opposite end of the corridor, pictures of old ninja and their teams were lined up. A cold sting shot down through his stomach and he turned away. He couldn’t look at the happy faces; it only reminded him of his nightmares. His head began to ache.
“I’m sorry -” said Shizune again (although she didn’t sound like it) “- but you have to leave them here!”
From within the office, Tsunade’s last efforts to tidy up could be heard. Why did he come here? It wasn’t a question because he knew. Every time he did this, he was offered the same answer. But every time, he became more and more desperate. He stood up and started to pace up and down the hall impatiently. The damn nerve of her. He was busting his butt for this village everyday and Tsunade - baba has a snooze? I have my own shit to deal with and she can’t even be awake by 12?, he thought grinding his teeth. Maybe it was the lack of nicotine or perhaps just the insomnia ; either way, he turned round and walked uninvited to the office door.
“Excuse me tsunades-” he didn’t want to be here longer than he absolutely needed to. His head still ached and he had plenty of his own paper work to deal with “Excuse me!” he still needed to talk to Chouji and had an ANBU meeting to attend. “Shikamaru!” He really needed a smoke and the lack of it only made his head worse. “Where are you - I told you”, where was that noise coming from? His head ache grew stronger. “ wait a min -” He hadn’t had sleeped in days - “ and YOU CANT TAKE THEM IN” - and he needed to reread his reports - that noise was still going on - “ I said -” he had to get away - “ Hello?” - An arm reached out to him - “you know what she’ll -” and that annoying sound - he knew where the arm was headed - “what?”- A stream of pain went down his eye - “I need to take them-” he couldn’t take the noise now - “she wont -” it had to stop - “why are -” breathing harder - “Argh!” - Head painful - “shikamaru?”- Breathing faster- “You know your -” - I can’t take it! Shut up, shut up “SHUT UP!!”
A piercing scream followed by hurried footsteps echoed down the hall awaking Shikamaru from his trance. His hand was tightly gripping the Kunai, which had been thrust through shizune’s hand pinning it to the table - the one that had reached for his cigarettes. His breathing was fast and uneven. Blood spattered all over the desk and on to a stunned Shizune. Tsunde, who had run out of her office, walk slowly over to the desk but stayed silent. He stared at his hand once more; white knuckled. He quickly let go, realising his hand stilled held the bloody dagger in place. What had he done? His breathing was slowing down but his hands still shook. Eyes swivelling round, he looked to the floor. The packet of smokes lay there, waiting to be picked up. He couldn’t; not yet. They had made him do this and yet - he couldn’t let them just stay there; he needed them. His knife broke the silence, hitting the floor with a violent clang. Silently, he picked up his packet, walked into the Hokage’s office and closed the door.
He needed to get away and she couldn’t say no this time.
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Chapter notes: This started out in my fanfic Always Be Yourself as a collection of tiny fics. I decided to make something out of them.