Reviews For Beware the Siren's Song
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 07/08/12 - 07:26 am · For: It's the Subtle Things
a fine fic!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 06/04/12 - 06:27 am · For: It's the Subtle Things
Wow! You did an amazing job with this update! Midoki's quiet uet threatening personality came out very well in this. And dare I say, I'm starting to like her character. She's creepy, scary, and a bit sadistic, but I like her :D Haha, anyway, good job on this!
Author's Response: Wahoo! Happy to make you happy Wolf-chan!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 05/04/12 - 06:05 pm · For: It's the Subtle Things
masterfully written! I've been shocked out of words! I liked the way you wrote it, the flow was very good and very smooth. I loved the last line the most - i felt really sad for Midoki. It's got to be an awful thing to be his puppet.... I also found the exchange between Midoki and Kabuto interesting and amusing. He used the word Dang! For some reason that makes me crack up. It also makes him seem more his age.
Author's Response: Awe, thank you so much!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 06/02/12 - 06:40 pm · For: Home Sweet Home
I'd like to see how this girl affects everything.
I liked how you placed everyone and everything at the beginning of the chapter effectively and without too many words. You described their place and time nicely without interrupting the flow of the story.
I understand now whose thoughts the italics are, and it seems Midoki has a healthy hatred for Orochimaru; no sickly loyalty attaching her to him, which is curious considering that it seemed that Orochimaru 'saved' her.
This shows that A, Orocimaru didn't particularly care what his minions thought of him as long as they were loyal, or B, Midoki is particularly strong against brain washing. (wasn't the bone dude dead loyal to Orochimaru or something?)
Anyways, good story, can't wait for the next chapter!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks! ANd don't worry, I do explain (eventually) the whole brain-washing deal.
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 06/02/12 - 06:25 pm · For: So the Snake Whispered
Lovely bio that simply draws the reader in. I'm excited about this new story and can't wait to see where it's headed. It seems really interesting.
About the chapter, it was a bit confusing. In the beginning and in between, it's hard to understand who it is talking about life and so on. If it's simply narrative, then here's an idea- why don't you italicize both the narrative and the comments on the narrative? To set them apart? Just a thought.
I liked it - next chap!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 06/02/12 - 04:40 pm · For: Home Sweet Home
Now I can't tell if she is only serving Orochimaru to survive now. t.t I'm getting confused. I thought he gave her meaning to life but condemned her and she was a puppet... aghghhgh my brain.
This chapter didn't progress the story much either ._. The Anti-Sue-Repellant was sprayed on thickly (It's blatantly obvious but I prefer it to a sue), and I found out Orochimaru decided to do his kidnappings in Konoha this time around.
The range of vocabulary was good but you made some spelling mistakes.
I want to see what your weirdo OC is going to do with Sasuke and if she can make up her mind about Orochimaru, so keep making chapters! (something I can never do)
Author's Response: I find your chapters both make me feel like I've failed as a writer, yet also make me want to write more lol and I haaaaate sues. With that being said you may see later on that she shares some suelike characteristics..... ;) Thanks for your review!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 06/02/12 - 04:13 pm · For: So the Snake Whispered
yay~ Orochimaru fic~ You captured the atmosphere really well, and it's good to see he's actually in character. I have to critic though.
There is almost no backbone to this story in the first chapter. It covers nothing other than sending them onto a mission along with mentioning the OC was saved, tortured, given meaning to life, and condemned with not even a sliver of information attached. There isn't even a hint of plot in the story summary.
Other constructive criticism:
-You describe to the reader she is the perfect puppet, however with lines such as 'She would not fail him' combined with the narrator adding 'Replaceable. It was the one word that haunted the back of all their minds. That if they didn't obey they could easily be disposed of.' contradicts Midoki's sentiment of being the perfect puppet and her unwavering loyalty/determination. This can be a major problem if you try to narrate with intangible information.
-Orochimaru keeping her to ask her if she will fail him appears pointless.
Tell me more about what is happening with tangible details, and let me decide what is and is not.
Will continue reading!
Author's Response: I kinda just let the plot flow as it goes along, all of my stories start off slow (don't know why, just the way I write). I don't want to give the hwole plot away at once, or completely describe her character yet, that would be boring (in my eyes but eh, different opinions and what not) When I say perfect puppet and everything I mean that, that is how the others see her and how Orochimaru raised her to be because it's how she acts. What she thinks, however, is another matter entirely. Hence the whole 'it's the unnoteworthy ones you have to watch out for' thing. Again, just a flaw in how I write that will probably take quite a while to fix. Orochimaru asks her as kind of a mind game. He knows he is in control and he likes reminding her of the fact. For now she is the loyal little soldier. Even though she thinks the things she does she still follows orders to the T. I'm a rather intagible writer, but I suppose I could try to work on it (is really, really lazy lmao). Thank you for the critique as it is very helpful and i hope you find the story enjoyable. :)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/02/12 - 07:43 pm · For: Home Sweet Home
Ooh, she comes from the Leaf Village. Interesting. We're learning so much about her already. I'm excited to learn more about her story. It seems like a good one ;)
Haha, I'm glad my review before made you so happy. I'm honored the chapter is dedicated to me, I'm all flattered now.
Anyway, I like the way your portraying Midoki. I can't wait to see how she develops throughout the story. Keep up the awesome work!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 05/02/12 - 05:38 pm · For: So the Snake Whispered
Seriously... You captured the essence of Orochimaru and his minions so well. Fake concern and devoted loyalty, I loved the way you portrayed it all. Excellent, excellent work! I can't wait to see where you take this! I'm so excited!
Author's Response: Ahk! I love you so much XD