Reviews For Forgotten Thunder
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 09/09/09 - 04:52 pm · For: Angel Wears Sneakers
That was an interesting turn of events. Can't wait until the next chapter is posted.
Author's Response: Thanks.
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 10/08/09 - 10:41 pm · For: Jessica’s Efforts In Vain?
Hey!!!
Would you mind reading and reviewing my sister's story?
She posted it on my account!
She'll have my hide if people don't start reviewing!!!
Thanks!!
Love,
The Ardisaur
Author's Response: Well, I don't see why not. Sure.
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 03/08/09 - 05:20 pm · For: Jessica’s Efforts In Vain?
I really liked this chapter. The details about Kaminari’s new medical condition were well thought out and will be interesting to see how she manages it, and how her friends approach the situation. It is going in a good direction!
Some things I noticed were how you seemed to skip the fact there was a large lightning storm/strike over the grave area and there was no notice of how much time had passed since Jessica teleported her. Unless every ninja was outside of Konoha at the time, I’m sure one of the 11 people that arrived with Naruto would have at least mentioned it or informed each other of the lightning--rather than Kiba’s response. And even if they actually had noticed it, it still wouldn’t have been correct due to how unaware Sakura was approaching the Hokage.
Personally in an earlier chapter I would have made a chapter about Jessica and Lee discussing her plans to revive Kaminari, rather than keeping it a secret. It would have been a deep, dramatic/emotional chapter, leading up to an even more dramatic event while showing us Jessica’s personality and giving realism/details to the revival. They got married and had a kid for kami’s sake; Lee should have been in on the plan! xO
Anyway, I think the story is going in a good direction now and will pick up from here on! I sense some Shino drama about to happen, fluff it up! Have him attach some bugs onto Kaminari to supply her chakra when she needs instead of sucking it away lol xD jk. Enjoy your summer, but the way you put it is bad *wink* (taking a break from the story so you can enjoy summer) haha.
8/10 It's coma btw, and rarely do people come out of one normal. *evil laugh*
Author's Response: Ah, well...at least the story's getting better! Thanks for the review!
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 02/08/09 - 03:13 pm · For: Jessica’s Efforts In Vain?
-.- wow...does kami hav it rough or wat? and jessica...hmm i hope some how in mircale or wat ever sense kami can b normal or a ninja..but oh well. good job on the story! Write On!
Author's Response: Well, I doubt that Kaminari can be a ninja ever again. Fragil chakra points is a serious problem. (at least in my story it is) Thanks for reviewing!
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 02/08/09 - 02:58 pm · For: Jessica’s Efforts In Vain?
Sadddddddddd.........
Nari-chan can't be a ninja!!!
Damn that Kabuto to hell!!!!!!!
lol
Author's Response: Kabuto certainly does know how to destroy a person, doesn't he? Thanks for the review!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 02/08/09 - 01:50 pm · For: Jessica’s Efforts In Vain?
Oh no I'm in a coma. Oh well. Something like that had to happen due to the effects of that jutsu. Can't wait to see what's going to happen next.
Author's Response: I agree. Twas either that or death! And personally, Kaminari would not be a happy camper if she came back only to find one of her best friends were dead for attempting to bring her back. Thanks for the review.
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 02/08/09 - 12:22 am · For: See You Later Kamichi!
YAY!!!
Go Jessica!!
Author's Response: LMAO. Thanks for the review!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 24/07/09 - 10:38 pm · For: See You Later Kamichi!
Well I called the Mary-Sue-no-Jutsu revival. Heaven's Resurrection? Uncreative way to do the revival, considering no one else in the Naruto universe could pull that off.
Kaminari had no knowledge that Jessica was preparing to revive her after wandering around as a ghost for years and instead watches Sasuke’s change of heart? It’s just like how you made a special exception to Kaminari suddenly realizing people show up for the anniversaries of her death.
Tsunade’s reaction to a jutsu of that magnitude was fail: Naruto gets scolded and has his “Rasenshuriken” labeled as a Forbidden Jutsu when his hand gets torn up, yet Tsunade is lenient in allowing Jessica to use a Kinjutsu revival technique with some magic scroll that puts Orochimaru’s revival of the Hokages to shame. How nice of Tsunade to care about the wellbeing of Jessica’s child while she goes off to do the impossible. *sighs*
I’d ask for an explanation of how she could pull this off and still be an ordinary ninja, but you would probably just add that explanation into your next chapter.
I giggled a bit, but other than that it seems like you abused the Mary-Sue and took the easy way out to get your character up and running again. The story will probably get better once your OC can actually socialize with other characters once again, and that seems to be where your fics excel, but I think you should have spent the last four chapters giving some sort of foundation to the rest of your story, rather than jokes and ghostly observations full of contradictions.
3/10 Downhill, too much OOC-ness compared to T&S, not enough information.
Author's Response: This chapter was an epic fail then, huh? lol, sorry. Next chapter should be better. Thanks for the honest review.
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 22/07/09 - 07:49 pm · For: See You Later Kamichi!
yaheee! blue hair girl is back..im sry i forgot her name....but yeah! i wonder wat problms she'll face now???
Author's Response: lol Kaminari Hiyori. Ka-mi-na-ri. xP lol thanks for the review.
Name: Miki Everless (Signed) · Date: 22/07/09 - 06:50 pm · For: See You Later Kamichi!
And Kaminari's back, bitches!
LOL.
I feel bad about her leaving Kamichi, though... he was so cool.
Jessica developed one powerful-ass jutsu. I mean, crap.
I wonder how Shino will react to this?
Sasuke just got rejected by Sakura... LMAO. Poor guy.
Update soon, Kamisori!
Author's Response: lol, I think some surprises are instore! >:]
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 22/07/09 - 05:58 pm · For: See You Later Kamichi!
Yay she's back. Can't wait to see the next chapter.
Author's Response: Yup! About time!
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 19/07/09 - 06:58 pm · For: Gai’s Inspiration and Kamichi’s Question
the forbidden justu..o o sooo she (nari) could be brought back to life by her friend? i hope it works and that Jessica lives to see her friend!
Write ON!
Author's Response: lol really? The one who suggested you Thunder and Swirls wants the exact opposite! lol, thanks for the reviews!
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 19/07/09 - 06:55 pm · For: Case of the Missing Legs!
well..i kinda be down if my legs disappeared...then i couldnt run even if i was a spirit
Author's Response: Yeah, I would be too. Kamichi's still trying to understand the use of legs. xD
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 19/07/09 - 06:52 pm · For: Grieving Visitors and Killjoys
wow...depressing so down i feel...lower than the ground...i need a drink
Author's Response: How do you think Kaminari feels? She's 6 feet under! *bad joke*
Name: crazykittylover (Signed) · Date: 19/07/09 - 06:49 pm · For: Summary of a Dead Girl
well..i thik u did a spiffy job on the sum thumbs up!
Author's Response: Hey thanks! :D
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 14/07/09 - 12:22 pm · For: Gai’s Inspiration and Kamichi’s Question
Frog? That's soooo random!!!
Go Jessica!!!
Author's Response: =] Thanks.
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 12/07/09 - 07:26 pm · For: Gai’s Inspiration and Kamichi’s Question
(In response to the review response)
I don’t dislike Jessica, just how she is invading your story. You always did really well with keeping Hinata/Naruto/Shino among others in great character, but when you include Jessica it becomes bleh due to the outrageous things that follow. Itachi wouldn’t rape her. Lee wouldn’t marry her at such a young age and give up his dream. Tsunade gives special attention to her and allows her to use some special Jutsu and she has no problem with leaving that kid with Lee.
With abilities to read minds, copy kekkei genkai, defeat Orochimaru at her age, and be the only person in existence to harness the “Legendary Signature Eye”. She would be the next Hanzō, not tagging along with a lowly canon team of her choice. You can’t deny she is one of the biggest Mary-Sue’s out there and she sticks out like a sore thumb in your own fiction, even using her real name as her character. The ways you try to mask this is and include her is uncreative. I am guessing Jessica is your friend in real life or something similar. Sorry for being harsh but most of it would be common sense even for a fan fiction. Ironic that the title is “Forgotten Kaminari (Thunder)”
Author's Response: You're right on most of it. 100% percent about Itachi. But in Jessica's defense, Tsunade gives special attention to Naruto and I believe that if Lee truely fell in love, he would stand by his wife/lover's side no matter what. In addition, most ninja die at a (fairly )young age so I wouldn't be surprised if they would have arranged marriages and marriage at a young age without it being frowned upon. Wanna know a spoiler/secret? Jessica's kekkei genkai didn't have a name. Her parents didn't have a name. Infact, a nice chunk of info wasn't given to me when I first got Jessica's profile, but I did my best with what I had. I admit, I took the Mary-sue test with everyone of my OCs and Jessica as well. Jessica may have not gotten the...best score, but it amazes me how quickly people are ready to cut your throat for your OC having an unusual mark or more then 1 guy fall for them. I guess when they met reality, they were shell shocked. Funny, I know people who are anything BUT a sue yet would be classified as one. Now I'm not trying to start an argument with you, (you're opinions helped in more ways then you probably realize) I do not think you were trying to be harsh and I apreciate you bringing this up. (lol, I see you caught on to some of the reasons the sequel was named the way it was.) I'm not blind. I am well aware that the first couple chapters are...less then satifactory. I hope my future chapters and writing will be more enjoyable for you. Ha, ha. I guess my new writing goal is to impress you. ^_~
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 12/07/09 - 04:44 pm · For: Gai’s Inspiration and Kamichi’s Question
You should get a picture of your OC, it would get a lot of views (The alive one of course)
The chapter itself was basically dead jokes and two slight builds ups: Asking if she would prefer to return to life (which will happen eventually, poor Kamichi) and Jessica receiving permission to use the Sue no Jutsu.
The whole Itachi rape thing still bothers me as Itachi would never rape anyone. Jessica’s willingness to just hand the kid to Lee if she died would also make Lee OOC because his passionate mission of pursuing his way of the ninja would be tossed out of the window, just as the baby should.
5/10
Anyway, enough of the dislikes. Time for constructive criticism and suggestions after seeing you are open to them in your profile.
Constructive Criticism/Suggestions: Aside from the amount of OOC of canon characters, I would suggest toning down Jessica’s involvement in the story unless she is working on reviving you, which would be very touching since in the previous chapter you were missing her (And yes, her living after using a magic Jutsu to revive you would make me rage). The amount of Mary-Sue since you have returned to writing has been over-kill in my opinion. Nari’s reaction to the amount of people who showed up was odd because surely being a ghost for four years she would have already seen the previous anniversaries unless I misread somewhere. Perhaps you could create a reason as to why so many people showed at this fourth anniversary, an example being something tragic happening to another clan member. Otherwise it is just more Mary-Sue. Also I would suggest not riding on the story line this time around seeing as how Sasuke has returned.
Author's Response: I've actually drawn a picture of Kaminari but I has not a scanner to scan it to the computer. =[ lol you REALLY dislike Jessica. Please remember that Thunder and Swirls was based on information BEFORE the truth of the clan killing was revealed. I didn't plan on using the Naruto story arc now. (that would be pointless) So sorry for the amount of Mary-sue-age. ^_^' I will try to do better. Thanks for the the cronstructive criticism.
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 12/07/09 - 11:26 am · For: Gai’s Inspiration and Kamichi’s Question
Oh things are getting interesting. Keep up the good work and I can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Yosh! I shall do my best!
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 08/07/09 - 12:11 am · For: Case of the Missing Legs!
Yes!!! Go Jessica!!
Author's Response: ;]
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 06/07/09 - 04:48 pm · For: Case of the Missing Legs!
Nice chapter and that was odd about the missing legs but hopefully she'll still use them when she comes back.
Author's Response: Ha, ha. To be honest, that had been a random plot bunny that got out of hand. :3 Thanks 4 reviewing!
Name: Ardisaur_rawr (Signed) · Date: 02/07/09 - 12:16 pm · For: Grieving Visitors and Killjoys
Awww... SAD!!
But, I hope Kaminari gets back into action quick!!
This is gonna be great!!
Author's Response: I'll do my best to not dissapoint you! Thanks for the review!
Name: Miki Everless (Signed) · Date: 01/07/09 - 03:33 am · For: Grieving Visitors and Killjoys
Oh, god...
I didn't get to read the end of Thunder and Swirls.
I didn't know that Kaminari died, or that Shino and her were in a relationship.
Were they? Or was he just confessing his love for her for the first time at the grave?
Well, I'll read the last chapters just to make sure.
I'm so sad, but I know that she'll be back. She's friggin Kaminari, after all. ^__^
Man... please update soon.
Author's Response: lol Thunder and swirls was complete MONTHS before I started posting the sequel. :3 The last two chapters of Thunder and Swirls should answer your question. Thanks for the review!
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 30/06/09 - 07:26 pm · For: Summary of a Dead Girl
Wooot! You are back!! I love your stories. I hope you don't mind but I parodied your fic a bit in my own. I'm a fan ^_^.
-1 for making me read slanty!
Author's Response: lol, I'm happy to have a fan! Sorry for all the italics in the first chapter, but it was all thoughts. Thanks for reviewing!
Author's Response: lol, I'm happy to have a fan! Sorry for all the italics in the first chapter, but it was all thoughts. Thanks for reviewing!
Author's Response: lol, I'm happy to have a fan! Sorry for all the italics in the first chapter, but it was all thoughts. Thanks for reviewing!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 30/06/09 - 07:24 pm · For: Grieving Visitors and Killjoys
Things are getting good. Keep up the good work. I hope that Jessica can bring her back and I have an idea how.
Author's Response: lol, yes, you've told me! Thanks for the review!