Reviews For Cygnus Olor
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 01/09/12 - 09:42 am · For: Chapter 4: Thank You
I blame you for this, but now I want to write Lying Eyes (I doubt anyone remembers that - it was a Chapter Special back when TG was still called Sasaui Uchiha). Though seeing as she's no longer Sasaui Uchiha, I can't.
Okay, now to your story:
This was truly fantastic. The chapter was just truly amazing, reaching into the reader's heart and making them feel Sasuke's anguish. It really hurt my heart seeing Kokoro through Sasuke's eyes, though it was worse seeing the guilt and pain in this chapter, though I believe it was needed. It shows the mental change a bit in Sasuke, and rather than being completely overcome with hatred and rage to begin with, he is dealing with feeling like a coward and fearing he'll lose Kokoro. I think this is probably something I should have done in TG (I never would have thought I should have done something from the old version that I didn't rather than improving from it =P).
This was a terrific, heart wrenching chapter. I really want to read more, and I will be waiting for whenever you update again.
Author's Response: Well, you can write it and send it to me or send me the original? I'm really curious about it now! Thank you for that, Brekky-chan, I'm glad that I've accomplished what I set out to do. That the description of Kokoro affected you to makes me feel happy (yes I do feel like a sadist saying this... -_-, but) because I managed to accomplish that. Thank you for the feedback and the honest review. I'm glad I made you think about your own writing! Don't stress, k? That's kinda pointless since I know you will anyways. *rolls* This was an amazing review, thank you muchly for it Brekky-chan!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/08/12 - 01:55 pm · For: Chapter 4: Thank You
Very sad...The emotion was very raw and you did good with the detailed description of it.
Great chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you. I really meant for it to be raw, I wanted the reader to get caught up in his pace. It seems I've accomplished that, judging from your review? Thank you for reading and reviewing, Zhake-san, it's always appreciated. They're concise and sum things up. Arigato!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 28/08/12 - 08:14 am · For: Chapter 4: Thank You
Well one of the things I noticed:
< i>I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Don’t die, I’m sorry. Please.
I guess it never got around to actually italicizing?
The slight child/ seven year old boy/ boy stopped and just stood there and cried...
Someone took his fingers in their/her own and a pulsing green light..
Now, a sudden flip/blink of her lashes...
Why with the slashes in between the words? I'm pretty sure that shouldn't be happening in a story.
Other than all that...
I really loved the raw emotion in this chapter. Sasuke was portrayed really well, and his anger and frustration in himself was really well illustrated. You did excellent with showing his feelings and thoughts, I really was impressed with that part.
Nice job on this update, Rose-chan. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: THANK YOUUUU THANK YOU THANK YOU thank you wolf-nee, I am SO GLAD you read that and caught that first. XD I could fix it quickly! The italization thing was being an idiot, and took a while to work, and the / thing - I didn't proof enough. Those were like, a part of my rough draft, and I didn't remove them. T_T -- I'm intensely glad I did. That makes me really happy - thank you Wolf-nee. So I did well with the breakdown, this means? I'm glad it was realistic. I'll try! Send more luck! XD Thanks for reading and reviewing~ you're awesome!
Name: Oni Nexus (Signed) · Date: 19/08/12 - 06:40 pm · For: Chapter 3: Splintered Dreams
I hope to see more of this!
Oni
Author's Response: Ahaha! So you checked this out? I'm glad you liked it! I plan to update soon. (plan is a relative term with me, but I'm being optimistic!) Thanks for reading and reviewing. ^_^ RoWAnROse
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 26/07/12 - 09:13 pm · For: Chapter 3: Splintered Dreams
trying too hard to be deep. It's obvious.
Author's Response: Hey nkbz! I see the reviewutsu is hard at work! Your reviews have become shorter though. I'm sorry you thought that. If it's obvious, this must be serious, I mean, I may be too close to my writing but I don't see it and thus wouldn't know what to do. *frowns* Meh, if you would tell me more that would be great, but otherwise, thanks for the review and I'm glad you checked it out. XD
Name: nkbz (Signed) · Date: 26/07/12 - 09:08 pm · For: Chapter 1 - Part 1: Until Death Do Us Part
well, at least you tried.
Author's Response: Kokoro: Tried what? Me: I don't know, dear, but you shouldn't interrupt a review. Kokoro: But he didn't specify! I don't get it! Me: Neither do I, but you have to be polite no matter what. Kokoro:.... but I don't understaaaannnnnd.... Me: *sighs* My sentiments exactly.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 14/07/12 - 09:32 am · For: Chapter 3: Splintered Dreams
I still don't understand why you envy my writing (referring to what you said in the favorite authors comment thing) out of all people when your writing is this good. This chapter was truly amazing!
You're really doing well writing through a little girl's mind, something I feel I fail at. You add in all the confusion and innocence someone her age should have. It's wonderful. It makes it almost sad to read because it shows how young she is and what she's going through.
How you portrayed her stage of being between life and death was amazing. I thought it was really sad to see Itachi be the one who carried her to and from death, especially after finding out the truth about him. I wanted to cry, because he's the reason she isn't dead. I think you might know what I mean, but I'm not entirely sure.......
My favorite part had to be when she woke up and stuck her tongue out at Sasuke. It was almost a type of relieve, both for her and from the intense emotions in this story. Plus it was just so adorable to imagine.
Like always, your writing was amazing. I loved everything about it. The grammar, spelling, structure, and flow was great. Haha, just like my nickname says, you really are blooming, Saku-chan.
Author's Response: It's easy - it's 'cuz I recognize talent and strive to overcome it! XD I want to be better than you! I'm glad you liked it! I'm really glad you feel that way. I understand - writing children is hard, especially since it's hard to assume how much they would know and understand at that age. Do they know the concept of death and life? Do they understand betrayal? Revenge? Hatred? It's great that you feel that I pulled that off. Thank you. Actually, I don't... But i kind of can figure it out, now that you've mentioned it... T_T I need to get to this part sooon... I'm going on an anime marathon when I get back, I swear. Naruto, FMA, Soul Eater. *nods determinedly* And you really get these things , you do! Her being between life and death - you got that! And Itachi! Thank you! *happy* Aw, that's awesome. I'm really glad you mentioned that. Like I said, you get alot of these things - It was a relief. i mean, if she did anything else, someone would've started crying, which would have been the switch of disaster. *nods* The adorableness - imagining it now, i see it. XD Mwah, thank you Brekky -chan, for your awesome review and your awesome nickname (and of course for being awesome). i love it even more, and i don't remember if I understood it when you gave it to me, but thank you. Let's bloom together, ne?
Name: Charlie (Signed) · Date: 09/07/12 - 09:00 pm · For: Chapter 3: Splintered Dreams
Dude, that was, like, the most epic hallucination scene I've ever read O_O You got, like, everything awesome! It was totally wicked!
I'm pretty happy with how your story is going so far, so keep up the god work :D
It was pretty neat how you used Itachi as the guy taking her from her family. And Sasuke was just... Um... There... I think I might kind of get the title, unless I'm jumping too far ahead of myself ;)
Author's Response: That's awesome, that you liked it so much, I'm on Mars every time I read this! Thanks, I will try! Do tell me if I'm doing good or not in the future. ^^ Then you liked that? It's kind of a strange chapter, even for me. Sasuke and you getting the title.... *is rather confused* Hmmmmm... What.. do you think it means?
Name: Charlie (Signed) · Date: 09/07/12 - 08:54 pm · For: Chapter 2 - Part 2: Until Death Do Us Part
Nice to meet you do :P
Wow... Um... I, like, wanna say I liked it, but I feel weird saying I liked reading about a lil' girl's family getting killed in front of her lol It was well written and interesting, that I can say XP
Man, am I confused or what... I think I need to read up on Itachi to get what was going when he, like, started crying...
Poor cat XD
Author's Response: This is probably one of my favorite reviews ever so far. XD You reminded me how sad I was writing this scene, so thanks for that. And I'm glad you found it to be well written and interesting; enough to read more! XD Owh, you're confused? Did my writing confuse you or the reason he started crying confuse you? Oh, and my story has no spoilers for the Naruto story because *rolls eyes* I haven't even gotten far enough to spoiler others. Everyone spoilers me. T_T Wan, the cat, the cat! You remembered her! Ah, she dried herself off in Kokoro's closet. XD
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 09/07/12 - 02:02 pm · For: Chapter 3: Splintered Dreams
I'm wondering, was the last part of this chapter supposed to be italicized? That threw me off, I wasn't sure.
Anyway, the whole dream sequence was really very good. Eerie, actually, I was kinda freaked out just by how vivid it was. Just because it was so creepy.
I'm a little surprised the first thing Kokoro would do is stick her tongue out at Sasuke when she wakes up. Wouldn't she be freaked out? Even if she doesn't remember the massacre, then what about from the dream?
That could be me just thinking too much into it. It was still a rather sweet moment between the two. Very cute.
Good work on this chapter, Rose-chan. It did come out very well. I look forward to more. Keep up the awesome work with this story.
Author's Response: Noooo it wasn't. *cries* I fixed it after I went back to check out my chapter after reading Zhake-san's review, so you must've got to it before i did that. T_T Darn ending html codes. Tsk. Awesomeness, really? Coming from my big sis, that means a looot, I'm (weird yes and also) glad that you found it creepy. That makes me feel that I wrote it well enough. XD Hum, well, I suppose I should do something to fix this so that it's a tad bit more obvious. I think I have the tendency to think I've done that when I write. T_T So basically, in her dream all Kokoro could hear were screams and crying and the sound of herself crying as well, ne? The one sound she did not hear was laughter, which was what she wanted. For her, if she woke up and burst into tears and/or if Sasuke started to cry out of relief/happiness, it would be like she was back in her nightmare again... Dos that make sense? T_T I'm glad I could pull off cute after creepy. That's pretty opposite and it's awesome. XD Yattai, Arigatou Gozaimasu! Thank you! I shall try, and I hope to have more on a consistent basis, but you know what that means coming from me. *sighs*
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 09/07/12 - 12:43 pm · For: Chapter 3: Splintered Dreams
Jeesus this was intense. I really liked the emotion you evoked into me. It was a creepy picture but in a good way. I'm really enjoying this and like most of the good authors on here I really envy your writing style. Great chapter. Can't wait to see the next update.
Author's Response: Whoa! I was so surprised when I found I had a new review already! YATTAI! "Intense." *closes eyes and grins real broad like* Mwahhh, i'm so happy that my writing was able to immerse you so much that you felt that way. That's perfect, that means that I accomplished what i wanted to do. Thanks Zhake-san, It's awesome that you see my writing that way~ I bet you know how awesome your writing skillz are! XD Ah, update. T_T It has now become my personal vow not to promise quick updates because I am the BIGGEST procrastinator this world has ever seen, so all I shall say is; I hope you like it! =D
Name: Charlie (Signed) · Date: 29/06/12 - 12:02 pm · For: Chapter 1 - Part 1: Until Death Do Us Part
That was nice. I think I enjoyed this more than I thought I was going to. I kinds, like, new to Naruto, and I don't really like the Uchiha guys much, but you wrote them pretty good.
I liked the scene with the dog. I dunno, I guess I just like dogs lol
Oh, and I looked up that word you've got for a title. Cool, bye the way!
Author's Response: *pumps fists so wildly Naruto would be proud* Hello! I'm psyched that it surprised you (there will be lots of surprising things ahead!), and it's awesome that you liked it even though you don't like the Uchihas that much! Oh, and welcome to the awesome world of Naruto. ^_^ It's a fun place, ne? -- Mwah, i've noticed you on Dance-chan's Bite Back the Curse, so that's fun. XD I like them too, and that was the hardest scene for me to write, actually, so i'm glad you liked it. -- You did! That's awesome! I think you're one of the few who did- fun! It's awesome that you thought it was cool! It was hard of me to choose what to put as the title; i was sincerely considering the literal translation, but i'm glad that I didn't. XD I'm RowanRose btw, nice to meet you!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/06/12 - 08:41 pm · For: Chapter 2 - Part 2: Until Death Do Us Part
No time wasted into the Uchiha massacre (I feel like I said that last time). Like usual you described it well. The anguish, the despair, it was definitely all there. There seems to be complaints about it all being in bold but I don't care lol. It was a great chapter and I can't wait for more :D
Author's Response: You did, and it's nice still the second time around. XD It's awesome hearing what you thought and i'm doubly glad that the feelings were all there. It's kind of hard to tell at times. T_T LOL, thank you but it wasn't supposed to be in bold! XP Thank you Zhake-san! I hope to show everyone more soon! You really forget how nice it is putting stuff up on TONFA.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 25/06/12 - 06:25 pm · For: Chapter 2 - Part 2: Until Death Do Us Part
Well first off, this whole chapter was in bold... Hmm...
Other than that... Loved this chapter :D The whole hide and seek thing was very original from what I've seen. Most writers would have the sibling with Sasuke. But this one was much more enjoyable because of the suspense building from the childish belief of playing a game. I really liked it.
Heck, I liked this whole chapter. This whole thing was very well done and greatly written. Nice job, Rose-chan.
Author's Response: It wasn't meant to be. T_T I changed it as soon as I saw this in the reviews and I yelled so loud when I found out I scared my family. *rolls eyes* -- Darn, i never even thought of that, but i do think that that wouldn't work out well if i had done that (sibling w/Sasuk). T_T I'm really glad you think it's original, considering how many stories there are that's a real compliment. I wonder if you know reviews are what keep me warm at night? judging from your review, the way the suspense built up went well, and the childishness too. I'm glad, thank you Wolf-nee for that. XD
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/06/12 - 06:06 pm · For: Chapter 2 - Part 2: Until Death Do Us Part
First, I must ask - why did you name this Mute Swan? And second, it's all in bold, so yeah......
Okay, the only thing I really noticed was at times you only used one enter rather than two, so there was no space between the paragraphs. Otherwise, that and the boldness was all I noticed.
Again, I am amazed by your writing. You did very well with writing her in her own age. I loved how confused you made her. It really was what I could imagine a four, almost five I believe, year old girl seeing that. I guess there are some words used that a little girl wouldn't know like impassive, but hey, it's nothing too big and helps the reader understand rather than completely seeing through a little kid's eyes.
As for the chapter, I'm curious about whether or not you've read the latest manga chapter or something, because you usually watch the anime, but this is very similar to how it has recently been shown happening in the newest chapter. Anyway, I was innerly crying at the hide and seek part. She was screaming to try and make sure Kokoro would hide. It was so sad T_T. And then seeing the attack through the little four year old's eyes was heart breaking because we knew what was happening. I wanted to cry, especially (for some reason) when Itachi was being so gentle and then cried himself. This entire chapter was really heart wrenching to read. I feel so sad reading it that I'm surprised I didn't cry.
This was a great and emotional chapter that was brilliantly written. I just have to give you this:
I hope the picture shows since this is on the iPod. Anyway, it is the YOUR STORY reward, and to see what it means if you don't know, just go to the end of my bio. I'll try to add this story as soon as I can.
Author's Response: Well, i explained in FFW but i will here too but in short; it has to do with the Swan Song. XD OH MY GOSH Thanks so much for telling me, I changed that. T_T Ah, i'll have to go back and fix the paragraph thing too. -- This made me think so much... i really need to go over that part of the chapter looking through Kokoro's eyes and see whether that's something I need to fix; i'll do that and get back to you. XD YES! In characterness for a four/five year old! -- Huh? :? No, actually I haven't, does the latest chapter have something to do with the Massacre? Tell me! In FFW if not here. - Yeah. T_T It made me sad writing it, and i'm really happy that the emotions got across well. It's awesome hearing about how you felt reading it 'cuz i don't know how you would feel when writing it. --- Ah! I couldn't help it, i sincerely freaked at that! AWESOMENESS, YATTAI!!! I'm so glad~~~ This means alot to me. I want to put it on my Bio! I can't really see it though; i probably would be able to if you linked it from Photobucket. T_T
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/06/12 - 05:43 pm · For: Chapter 1 - Part 1: Until Death Do Us Part
Okay, something I must get out of the way. *clears throat*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *takes quick drink of water* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Okay, I'm done. I'm sorry - l just had to let that out when I got home from my grandma's and saw I have not just one, but two chapters to read. And now, to the actual review.
First, I must say I loved the summary. It is very interesting, and I'm sure new readers will be completely caught seeing as I know what happens and it still captured me. It's just amazing.
Now, to the writing. Oh. My. Qizar (lollipops for you non-Martians). It's so strange remembering back when you first wrote this, and then now. You have improved so much it left me speechless for a while. I seriously can't think of any words to express how far you've come from the beginning of KU.
Now, for the chapter. It was so cute, and I love how Kokoro used her cuteness. It makes me think of that chapter of Light in the Darkness where Aika either uses her cuteness or has it used upon her or something (don't ask why I remember that - I don't know). And you did wonderful with the characters. They were all very in character, and it was fun seeing how Kokoro affected them such as she did her dad. I also loved the cuteness spread out through this chapter, just like her protecting her brother from assassins by trying to assassinate him herself XD. I also loved seeing that protective instinct that overcame Sasuke with those Kunai. And, of course, I loved Itachi. I smiled like crazy when I saw that Itachi kicked the dog into a pillow. So like him.
The only suggestion I have is maybe leave some definitions for the Japanese words to help out those too fascinated to read to leave the story to figure out what they mean.
Sasaui: I don't remember having a little sister.......
Me: Outta my review!
Anyway, great job. I'm going to read chapter two, though I'm not so sure I'll get to reviewing. Speaking of which, I loved the forewarning in this chapter with Itachi's vanishing smile. Gah! I know what's coming because of the titles, but I'm off to read it.
Author's Response: Bwahaha! Fun! Don't apologize, that was amazing! *HEART* Really? I'm glad you told me that, thank you! I was stressing about it because i'm last minute about these things. T_T *is so happy with that can't speak* WAN that means so much coming from someone who was there with me since the beginning; Bre2k8; Gonjapku. (cookies for you non-Martians). Yes! I used little kid devious cuteness before, i can't believe I forgot! XD I'm glad; Kokoro's personality just permeated this chapter so well, i'm glad. And since keeping the canon characters in character is one of the bigger challenges, that is just awesome. That's really great to hear; thank you. -- oh my, thank you so much for reminding me, i do believe i'd forgotten about that. I put that in endnotes now, do you think that will be sufficient? Kokoro: Is that my nee-chan? Me: Uhmmmmm.... -- LOVE your hesitation; i think Kokoro would like to stay in that first part forever too. XD
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 25/06/12 - 11:01 am · For: Chapter 1 - Part 1: Until Death Do Us Part
I'm very excited that you got this out, Rose-chan. I've been looking forward to this after hearing about all the hard work you went through ;)
Anyway, first my complaints... When you introduce Mikoto, please don't put Mommy in parentheses. I'm not a fan of parentheses, especially when you're interrupting the story to add in an author's note or something. To explain who Mikoto is, just say "the mother of the Uchiha household" or something.
Another thing... Kokoro is way too smart to be negotiating with her father like that. If she can't pronounce 'assassins' or be smart enough to get away from a snarling canine, then it's almost scary how she can smooth talk her dad. That's not really normal... By the way, I mean this in a helpful way. I also have the issue of making young children seem older than they are. I think that's just a flaw of most fanfic writers.
Now, what I did like, all the canon characters were awesomely in character. I was really impressed how well they were written in such a short chapter. I really liked it.
And as a whole, the chapter was rather cute and adorable. It did make me smile at the childish innocence of it all :)
Overall, this was a very nice start. I look forward to see long what else you have.
Author's Response: Yay! Wolf-nee! Firstly; thank you for reading,reviewing and thank you for the insightful comments - i really appreciate it. I found that you had a point with "Mommy" and I changed that as well as "assassins". And i don't think you got this one part of Kokoro - Kokoro is completely danger prone. -_- She's clueless; i went ahead and i changed the last line of the second to last paragraph of that chapter so that it kind of explains things and gives the feeling i was trying to give. And I know that her cluelessness kind of makes it seem as if she wouldn't be able to smooth talk her dad; i do understand the thing of making kids older in fanfiction and i totally agree with you on that point, except five year olds are extremely smart like that. I know that for sure that they could do that to people; they know they're cute and they use it to their advantage =)... Especially when sweets are involved. XD YES!!! I'm happy with that - they weren't ooc! Even Itachi and Sasuke? AWESOMENESS!! *happy dance* Really happy that you liked it, and i wanted you guys to do that! I'm happy i accomplished that. ^_^ Thank you for this awesomely long review and the awesome critique; it was really helpful.
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 25/06/12 - 09:43 am · For: Chapter 1 - Part 1: Until Death Do Us Part
This was a great start. It was...cute? haha I'm not good with words.
I'm not a big fan of putting japanese words into a story but hey that's your style and it adds some zest. Can't wait to see the next update.
Author's Response: Yessss! First review, thank you Zhake-san! I'm glad you liked it. Cute! haha, i like that! XD Ah, the japanese words; i use stuff that can't be directly translated into English, like Nii-san, as Miya-chi advised. :P Whoa, zest, that's an awesome word! I shall update soon! XD