I am amazing, thank you. So was this chapter. I had a big banana grin throughout.

Author's Response: Heh, who said you were amazing? Pfft, alright.... Wait... That\'s it? Really? You thought this chapter was amazing? It left you with a big banana grin? Hmm... alright, I\'ll take that :D Thank you very much! I\'m very happy now! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

No more Shino T_T *hangs head* I'm going to have to write a one shot or something cause I'm going into withdrawal for some reason.

ANYWAY~

I would like to see a fic where Adrianna goes to a cosplay convention or something, that would be humorous. I see where this fic is going now.

Author's Response: As I said, he might make an appearance again, so don\'t worry ;) Though I wonder about your obsession with him... Well, I think I mentioned that Adrianna\'s parents don\'t know about her Naruto obsession, so a cosplay convention might be out of reach for her. It could happen though, I might use that idea :) Hmm, you see where this fic is going? Well... could you tell me? Because I really don\'t know... Thanks for reading! I appreciate it!

bad.

This is a really neat idea. I wonder how my OC Takuyamo-chan from no mary-sue would do in this fic. lmao

Author's Response: That would be pretty interesting, I must say :D

I have to echo what silver said.

Author's Response: Kk, thanks for the honest opinion :) (no hard feelings lol no worries)

yay~ Orochimaru fic~ You captured the atmosphere really well, and it's good to see he's actually in character. I have to critic though.

There is almost no backbone to this story in the first chapter. It covers nothing other than sending them onto a mission along with mentioning the OC was saved, tortured, given meaning to life, and condemned with not even a sliver of information attached. There isn't even a hint of plot in the story summary.

Other constructive criticism:

-You describe to the reader she is the perfect puppet, however with lines such as 'She would not fail him' combined with the narrator adding 'Replaceable. It was the one word that haunted the back of all their minds. That if they didn't obey they could easily be disposed of.' contradicts Midoki's sentiment of being the perfect puppet and her unwavering loyalty/determination. This can be a major problem if you try to narrate with intangible information.

-Orochimaru keeping her to ask her if she will fail him appears pointless.

Tell me more about what is happening with tangible details, and let me decide what is and is not.

Will continue reading!

Author's Response: I kinda just let the plot flow as it goes along, all of my stories start off slow (don\'t know why, just the way I write). I don\'t want to give the hwole plot away at once, or completely describe her character yet, that would be boring (in my eyes but eh, different opinions and what not) When I say perfect puppet and everything I mean that, that is how the others see her and how Orochimaru raised her to be because it\'s how she acts. What she thinks, however, is another matter entirely. Hence the whole \'it\'s the unnoteworthy ones you have to watch out for\' thing. Again, just a flaw in how I write that will probably take quite a while to fix. Orochimaru asks her as kind of a mind game. He knows he is in control and he likes reminding her of the fact. For now she is the loyal little soldier. Even though she thinks the things she does she still follows orders to the T. I\'m a rather intagible writer, but I suppose I could try to work on it (is really, really lazy lmao). Thank you for the critique as it is very helpful and i hope you find the story enjoyable. :)

Can you not have immediate pleasure and lasting affection?

My hand gives me both.


You really took vows? I'm so interested now.

Author's Response: That and more. I guess you could say that I am a majorly ultra conservative, ya know? You can't have the best lasting affection God has in store for you and still have immediate pleasure. All these things with people now that won't be your future spouse taints the marriage, brings about insecurities, unanswered questions that you're never really sure if you want the answer to or not. You can't give your full heart to that person because so many bits and pieces have already been given away to other people. You can't tell me you haven't gone through a lot of pain from dating and whatnot. I was of that scene at one point myself, and I still have scars from it, probably always will. That's what a scar is, a wound that will never truly go away. And don't make crude comments. Anyway, thanks for the review, Buta-chi! Out, Masumi TAT

t.t damn. My stomach is froze with that feeling you get right before you get into an accident or those falling dreams.

I had typed out my own personal experiences but thought otherwise. I think people are emotional enough as it is with your story. I'll just settle with the lump in my throat =]

I just want to mention that when you watch a loved one go through that the meaning of "Rest in Peace" becomes a lot clearer.

Author's Response: Um... I don't know if that's a good thing that this chapter made you feel like that... I'll just say thank you :) But I'm sorry I left a lump in your throat. As for that last part, I completely agree. "Rest in Peace", it embodies a lot of different meanings based on the person. Thank you for reading and reviewing, I appreciate it!

I probably should just respond in email but w/e. 30 reviews looks so much better than 29. 29 is an ugly number ;D

I'm doing good. I've moved around a bit, landed myself a roommate, and finally am making some money. Naturally I had spend some to get a console to get that new Naruto game :D

I completely understand your concern about me basing my comment of you improving by what I read previously, but I don't just mean improvement in terms of writing ability. The choice you made to write this type of story in first person was absolutely spot on. The first person narrative lets you experience and share emotions like no other, but there are reasons why the style isn't popular. It has its nuances. If I continued I'd just be parroting authors words and I feel like a prick preaching so I'll stop. Point is, it was the correct way to go and a smart choice.

I'll be honest, (oh god my internet curse) I've scan read a couple of your most recently updated stories, and I just can't say I enjoy you juggling around so many OC's -- especially after seeing how well you do focusing solely on one character like this. That's what lead me to see the potential you have. People can put faces on people in the Three Days story, and using the original characters from Naruto can save authors from having to flesh out new ones.

*rant mode engaged, this is not directed at you* Most OC fic's that involve a lot of new characters and sadly even a single OC end up with "Info dumps" that sour the fic immediately. They throw the information at you assuming that if you know their features, quirks, and past that you'll immediately share the connection with the character as you do with the ones in the Manga.

For example, try to imagine the average writer on TONFA creating a character like Lee in their fic. I would be awe-struck if they could portray the hardships he's gone through, the importance of his ninja way, and his extreme determination. This is more of a problem with OC's similar to Sasuke and Gaara. You either get an info dump or some generic background tale that is supposed to suffice to the reader. *end rant*

Now that rant came to mind because in Three Days you don't get a OC with a character dump. You did it right. You displayed the circumstances surrounding the character and took the reader on a ride. You showed how upset your character was; the scene where you showed your character repeatedly cried, cried, and cried would normally be handed on the "I cried harder than I ever had before. I had never felt so horrible." platter. But you struck it repeatedly into the readers head and made them realize the seriousness. It was real. Hell you could have done this in third person limited to. It's small differences like in that scene which can accurately portray the seriousness of the situation. When it is done in a fake manner it comes out as cheesy, but since the reader knew the circumstances at that point, knew what the character was going through, it had an impact. Good grammar and good ideas don't make a story. You have to sell it; make it real. I was afraid it would be over-dramatized as people tend to do with these types of scenes but it was legit.

You've got some jinchuuriki power level writing skills hidden inside you, but for future stories be sure you don't jump the gun and try to shove readers onto a emotional rollercoaster before you build up to a climax. It's almost like its own skillset to be able to deliver these scenes correctly, as the hardest part is keeping a good pace throughout the "normal" parts of the story. People seem to be in a hurry to reach these types of climaxes so it has no effect when it hits; they want their "OMG WOW MY DREAM SCENARIO LETS JUMP TO IT" It's hard work and fanfic writers are usually lazy about it.

I think your idea for this as a general fiction piece would be great.

Author's Response: I agree, it is a very strange-looking number. Thank you for making it even :D Oh, glad to hear you're doing alright! Got a job and a new roommate? That's good to hear. Oh, if you didn't get the new Naruto game, it'd probably be a very sad thing to hear ;D

This part of your response made me very happy. I have seen my improvement in writing throughout this story, but hearing all your compliments honestly make me feel a lot better too. The first narrative was admittedly both comfortable and uncomfortable for me. It was a nice way to write it because it was through my eyes and I could pour everything into a first person POV. But I know what nuisances you're referring to, so we don't need to get into that ;) But I'm especially happy to hear that the first narrative was a good choice and even came out so well.

Okay, well, at least I know that you actually did read some of my more recent stuff. Thank you for bothering :) I do think I need to practice with writing more OCs at a time because, let's be honest, if I ever write a novel or something, I'm going to have to manage every character I bother to create. So I consider this practice. And thanks to this honest remark, I now know I need to better myself in that area :D

An "Info dump"... Did you make that up? Or is that an actual thing? But anyway, that is a really interesting way to put it, and your perspective is now making me think a little...

Oh wow, Three Days was just a short venting session of an occurrence in my life, so to hear that you think I wrote it so well is... I don't know... Confidence-boosting? Yeah, let's go with that. I feel like you're being too nice, but the logical part of my brain is finally noticing all the stuff you're pointing out, such as the repeated "I cried, and I cried, and I cried," and it is telling me that I should incorporate this style into my other works. You're right about it being real, so now I need to keep everything I write real. Thank you for explaining this to me. You definitely have a very interesting perspective that is also really helpful. Thank you for the awesome compliments, nkbz, they really helped.

Hey I know I haven't been around as much lately but I check in every once in awhile (I don't review often anymore because sadly I don't feel like people take criticism.) I've read the whole thing and the passion you put into it was really evident. It's probably the most mature subject I've seen you write about and probably the best. I've had all four of my grandparents pass, and because I think many can relate to the subject it easily draws out the emotion.

I believe that should this have been a scene in a well fleshed out fanfiction and you were you were able to invoke the same emotions in the characters you created instead of driving off of the readers experiences it would be novel quality. It really goes to show how much potential you have.

I'm not going to nitpick any spelling mistakes as I know by now it somehow seems to be easily overlooked by writers when they become absorbed in their own work. Probably why editors are life savers among authors ^_^

It's really great stuff Wolfy, but as you probably are aware this type of "genre" won't be fully appreciated or understood due to the average age of the writers and readers on the site.

On an unrelated note my friend introduced me to website called writingexcuses.com where four successful authors do 15 minute podcasts discussing writing techniques and more. It's a great site to check out if you are looking to improve and hear insight from people who have been able to make a living off of writing. One of the recent podcasts was about "Writing the Omniscient viewpoint" which I remembered us discussing for awhile. You can check it out here (Just click on the Audio MP3 icon or right-click and save as):

writingexcuses.com/2012/03/18/writing-excuses-7-12-writing-the-omniscient-viewpoint

They even discuss Mary-Sue's in one of them ^_^

Author's Response: Well, look who it is! Yeah, haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?

Wow, this is probably the nicest review you've ever given me. I'm all flustered now. This is my first piece of writing I've ever created through first person POV, so I think that might have something to do with why it seems so much better than what I have written in the past. I'm sorry to hear that you've lost all four of your grandparents. You know what this feels like then. I"m sorry for your losses.

This whole story was written in the span of a month while my other stories take nearly months to update. So this writing style incorporates my more recently developed skills. I think my other pieces of writing that you've read were still in the beginner stages, so I'm personally sad to know that you're basing my improvement off my more immature stuff :P But I did see myself improve when it came to writing emotions and more mature subjects, so I do thank you for noticing this. And thanks even more for the compliment on my potential, that's even more flattering.

Oh jeez, I'm a terrible proofreader, I'll be the first to admit that. I need an editor sometimes, but I think I'm too impatient to actually wait for one to do the work for me.

Thank you for the lovely compliments, nkbz. Oh, I know that this type of story won't catch people's eyes. But at least I know that for those who did read it, they were touched by it. I think I'm going to un-Narutofy this and post it on a more general fiction site as well.

Hmm, it sounds like a really interesting site. I think it'd be really helpful to me, thank you so much for leaving the link!

Thanks again for reading and reviewing this. Feedback such as yours is always much appreciated.

Why do you always include a space after your first " ?

Author's Response: Just a bad habit I suppose.

trying too hard to be deep. It's obvious.

Author's Response: Hey nkbz! I see the reviewutsu is hard at work! Your reviews have become shorter though. I'm sorry you thought that. If it's obvious, this must be serious, I mean, I may be too close to my writing but I don't see it and thus wouldn't know what to do. *frowns* Meh, if you would tell me more that would be great, but otherwise, thanks for the review and I'm glad you checked it out. XD

better than most. A shika/oc fic won't have a large audience.

Author's Response: I'm not looking for an audience, really. I write because it's what's in my head, but thank you for the comment.