Reviews For The Embrace of Death
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 05/07/13 - 10:49 am · For: The Breaking Point
First off, there were still quite a few starts with "I", but it was a lot better than last chapter.
Whoever helped Sam was very nice. It's kinda sad she's so used to the dark part of life she can't even take an offer to a bit of light. When it's to the point the pain is your home, that's not exactly good. But I did love the next scene despite feeling bad for Sam. For some reason seeing her break just made this chapter for me. Again, no clue why.
Looks like the old Tommy isn't just random. He's caring enough to apparently know when her birthday is. But then she began to fall into the real darkness. It scared me to read seeing as I've talked a suicidal person out of suicide. I guess the similar wording to things just brought back those feelings of fear from that. But it was sad in it's own way and it stink seeing Sam go through it. Now, however, she's already done it. Guess that means it's Narutoverse time, though.
Really great chapter. I truly enjoyed it.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/06/13 - 12:41 pm · For: Pain
Other Reviews
Okay, well, first thing, thanks for your review for Tainted Guardian. Next, you use a pronoun way too much to start a sentence. I looks at three or so paragraphs and nearly every sentence started with I or He during the time Stephen and her fought. There needs to be variety. Aside from sentences and the first few and last sentemce, most of them start with a name or, again, pronoun. Another thing, you just kinda told us how her life is. This should probably come out more through the story I used to be really bad with this and may still do it at times (not sure). Other than some grammar and sentence problems, there's nothing else really big that bothered me.
Despite this, and I'm sorry for the big list, I did enjoy your story. I always enjoy reading about tough characters, which Sam appears to be. I also have never read a story where the person is orphaned in our world, so I find that interesting. It makes me very curious how her background and everything will affect her in the Naruto world. After all, she's already hardened before she gets there.
I'm very eager to see where this goes ^.^
Author's Response: This is my first fanfiction...I'm pretty surprised that you think it's good. I do use 'I' a lot...I don't read that much, either. Well if I stick to reading your stories maybe I can pick up some better ways to start a sentence lol. Well In hoping to put up another chapter later today... Thanks for the review ^.^