ZOMG! I am so soooooorrrrrryyyyy I haven't got to your story sooner. Since I joined the TONFA community, I haven't really had a lot of time to read fan fiction. However, I am finally getting around to participating and I have to say, this first chapter was freaking brilliant.
I loved the Blue Tiger. Even though she was a 'bad guy', she was so convincing at being a bad guy that it was epic. I could feel the fear Inari, his mother, and Tazuna had for her. I felt it myself, I was weary of her and found her frightening. Even down to the very way she held herself was so damn convincing. I found that she was so young pretty interesting too and I am dying to know about her, why she wants to set up shop, and her crew. I have always had a soft spot for pirates, and this feels pretty original, so I am super excited.
I hope to keep on reading this in a timely fashion because it was a pretty phenomenal. You immediately captured my attention with the attack and you articulated everything so well that every scene I imagined in my head was crystal clear. This was a really excellent start, completely captivating.
Your friend,
Karnia
Author's Response: OMG I was so surprised to see you reading this :O I'm really flattered you decided to read this, makes me so excited! I hope you continue to enjoy it! I'm really glad you liked my pirate captain :3 I put a lot into creating her character for this rewrite so I'm happy to hear that even new readers like her. You will slowly get to know more about her as time goes on in this story. So stay tuned :) So happy you enjoyed the description too, thank you very much for the compliments :D Thanks for deciding to read this, Karnia-san! I hope this story stays up to par for you. Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING! Way to go, Wolf-Chan!
Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much, Purple-chan! I'm glad you liked this so far and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Awesome update! Your details are so crisp, and I don't think you had anyone out of character. Very nice chapter and I'm looking forward to the next one!
Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked this! I'm happy that this chapter came out so well. Hearing that the details were so nice is always assuring to hear. Sweet, I didn't OOC anyone, that's always a personal fear of mine. It would be awful if I messed up Kishimoto-sama's characters. I'm glad you're liking this story, Hazard-san! Thanks so much for still reading and reviewing!
Cool this is some Awesome Zombies I would show this to mom if she Didn't hate Naruto with a bloody passion well it was awesome I'm gonna keep reading keep up the good work
Author's Response: This is probably the best review I've ever gotten XD It made me smile and laugh so much. I'm happy to hear you like this story and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for reading and leaving such an interesting review :D
Finally slapped myself in the face to get myself to do this, though I'm not sure how well the review will be seeing as, well, I am basically winging this XD.
Anyway, first off, I want to say it is an amazing summary. It's very captivating, making someone wonder what is going to happen, especially if they know nothing about the old version. I'm sure you have plenty of twists in this one that will differ greatly from the original, but at least the older readers have an idea.
Now, again, as I told you via email, you truly have improved. You say I'm getting better and better while you've reached your peak, but this just proved your growing in writing still as well. Don't argue with me, Silverwolf, when I am only pointing out the truth, and I cannot lie, seeing as that is a sin.
Another thing that I liked, oddly, was how the beginning and end was the same thing - How did this happen?. I just found it extremely interesting and a great way to start and end this chapter. What's bad is I don't think I noticed it the first time I read it XP.
As I have told you, you've thrown in an interesting twist. Rereading this, I can see more reason to what the Suiheisen are doing. Speaking of, I still really like that name! They really are taking a route that can greatly help them out.
Your description in this chapter was exceptional. It truly did give the reader a great view of what was going on. Everything seemed to real (except a few times my mind drifted away and I forgot what was being described beforehand XD). You showed just how deep into hatred Kasumi has fallen in this version, and, as saddening as it was, it truly was fun to read. It makes me eager to see her grow again (if she does) through this story. I also can't wait to see all the other twists you have planned in this.
Again, you have greatly improved, and just as you've watched me grow with my stories, I'm glad to have seen you grow like this, Onee-chan.
Now, to get a bit off the chapter. I really wanted to cry when I saw this up. You don't know how worried I was that you'd actually lose this side of you. But now I can officially tell you that my prayer came true - you're back. Yes, I prayed about it, that's just how I am. You don't know how happy I am to know you're really, truly back. At least for now. Maybe breaks are good for you, because it just means you'll blow me away ten times more when you suddenly return with more amazingness. Really, all I can really say is this -
Welcome back to the dark side, Onee-chan (don't ask, I don't know XD).
Author's Response: Wait... did you really slap yourself in the face? What have I told you about hurting yourself, Sasaui? -_-
I'm glad you like the summary. I honestly don't know if knowing the original version will help with understanding the second one, we'll have to wait and see ;)
You realize we're never going to agree on who agreed and who is better, right? You do it on purpose to always start up that argument.
I'm glad you noticed the How did this happen? Sometimes people don't notice parallelism, so I'm happy you saw it.
Mmhmm, I didn't add so much pirate business in the first one, so I want the rewrite to actually make sense in terms of pirates and what they do and what will benefit them. If that makes sense... I'm happy you like the name, haha. I don't think a lot of readers take the time to look up the meaning of Japanese names.
Phew, I'm happy that the description came out so well in this chapter. Since this was the first chapter, I was hoping to catch the readers' attention with an interesting first scene. Gah, Sasaui, I can't believe you said her name! People aren't supposed to know her name yet! ;D
O_O You wanted to cry? Sasaui, I told you beforehand I was writing again, you don't need to cry for me. I'm also kind of honored that you prayed for me as well, even though I don't think it was necessary. Hehe... dark side... Anyway, thank you for reading and reviwing, Sasaui! I appreciate it very much!
Soo.... you're going to need a new banner then? ;0)Finally. A distraction from writing I actually enjoy. I get the feeling the new banner'll need to be a bit darker in tone than the original 'Blue Pirates' one. I have some ideas already - unless you already have someone working on a banner you'd like to use?
Moving on, I believe I owe you an apology. I should have reviewed the last couple of chapters of BPotM. There were a couple of things in there I would have liked to have commented on. I could give you a dozen excuses, but really I had aeons of time in which to have done it and I didn't... I'm sorry.
I'm not usually a fan of total rewrites. Largely they end in author's losing interest and people being left waiting on updates that never happen or author's becoming dissatisfied with their work again and other variations on the theme of total disaster. I'm usually happier if the author just goes back over what they've already written to improve the quality or whatever - but I think I can understand why you might have wanted to do this one. For a start, I note, you've gone and changed the plot on us. I loved the original story of BPotM, but I appreciate that you've matured a lot as a writer and you want to show us this in a much more mature and advanced storyline than you had before. This rewrite seems to have the makings of something you can be truly proud of that will showcase your abilities at their best. That has to be a good thing. I just hope you can keep the motivation to carry on writing. ;0)
I can happily say again that this story is a wonderful example of just how much you have grown as a writer. It was amazing. The vivid imagery, the suspense, the terror and ruthlessness of the pirates, the detailed descriptions of people's feelings... You covered Inari's family's anguish so well... I really left it when he was being knocked about and nearly drowned too... and - oh - the jutsu. The jutsu were stunning. Well thought out, well worked into your chapter and most crucially of all well described, so that their enormity and terror was really palpable through your story. This was really incredible work. I get an astronomic thrill seeing someone write fanfiction of this level of quality and seeing it from someone like you, who I have watched grow in both confidence and ability... Well, I am immensely, overwhelmingly proud right now. Well done, honey. That was amazing!
Nobody's perfect though, not even me (as I was reminded recently) and there were however a couple of things that caught my attention, which I would like to bring to yours. They're pretty much all minor quibbly points, so don't worry, but just to be thorough:
"It was the market building, Inari noticed with despair" - this confused me for a moment. A 'market building' to me is a giant hall-like structure in which loads of different sellers come to set up stalls or shops (generally of whatever that market specialises in: farm produce, fish etc). It would be too huge to have a single flat above it - and I seem to remember from the manga that the land of Waves had an open-air market anyway. What I suspected you mean is what we British call a Greengrocers or just a general grocery store. Perhaps the term 'vegetable store' or 'grocery store' would have been more suitable? Don't worry about it. It's just a word suggestion."his mother and grandfather being bounded by their wrists" - 'bound', as in past tense of 'to bind', is spelt as I just did, without an 'ed' ending. Unless you actually mean 'bounded' as in 'bounced', which I honestly struggle more to make sense of in context. 'His mother and grandfather being bounded along by their wrists' or 'his mother and grandfather being dragged by their wrists' might be a better choice of wording if that is the case.
'allowing a shower of cerulean to cascade against the darker blue of the wardrobe' - your wording is technically perfectly correct here, but I still spent a minute or two trying to work out where exactly the bedroom furniture had appeared from. 'Allowing a shower of cerulean to cascade against the darker blue of her wardrobe' would have been clearer, but I understand you were still aiming for a neutral gender at this point so you couldn't have used that. A less controversial word like 'outfit' or 'garments' or just 'clothing' though might have helped a little. As I said, you were perfectly right as it was I just thought a change of wording would have made things clearer.
As I said, little things and they don't detract from what is, overall, a stunning piece of work. I can't wait to see where you're going with this, but I already know it will be (to use your favourite word) epic.
Author's Response: Batty Onee-chan! I haven't heard from you in so long, it feels so weird to be getting a review from you O_O Mah, you know I'd never ask you for a banner, no matter how pretty and beautiful I think they are.... You're going to go ahead and make it anyway, I'm sure -_- No, I don't have someone making a banner for me, haha, I think they're all intimidated from your other artworks when they look at my stories ;D Well, if it provides a nice distraction, then by all means, go for it :3
Meh, don't worry about not reviewing that other chapter; as much as I appreciate all your comments, I'm pretty sure I would have done this rewrite anyway. I hold no grudge for you not reviewing though, please don't worry; I know how difficult life can be sometimes, it just gets in the way so darn much.
Oh my, I just suddenly felt a lot of pressure to impress you with this rewrite. I really hope it keeps your interest. You're right that I want to show off more of what I've learned from writing. I'm really hoping to keep people's interests with this and provide something better than the original story. Frankly, I hope I keep the motivation to carry on writing because not writing sucks -_-
Oh my gosh, I have a huge smile on my face now, I'm so happy you liked this first chapter. I feel so giddy to have impressed you with this XD I'm so happy I was able to make you proud of me, I feel so accomplished.
Huh... I didn't really see a problem with the market building, and even when you point it out to me, it just sounds like an opinion thing... Now as for the other two mistakes... I wanna facepalm for each one. Yeah, I'm sorry for the confusion on both of those, I'll get on to fixing those. Thanks for pointing them out.
Heehee, I do have a fetish for using the word epic XD I hope this story does continue to catch your attention though. Thank you so much for reading this rewrite and taking the time to leave such a great review, I really appreciate it. Thanks a bunch!
I loved pirates of the mist, but I will admit that this is some better. I see what you mean, this does seem like a better begining. I caught this story in it's first chapter, and for every chapter that comes out, I'll through my two sence in!
Oni
Author's Response: Aww, I'm flattered you liked Pirates of the Mist, but I'm sorry I kinda abandoned it :( That story was due for a rewrite, honestly, I couldn't stand the beginning chapters :P I'm glad you like this new beginning though, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy the following installments. Thanks for reading and reviewing, Oni!
much more intense and thrilling than the first one so far -- I miss the fluffy clouds and pretty blue ocean though ;P.
Yeah you're really good at writing. I didn't know if you'd continue to work emotions so well like you did in Three Day's, but the skill is definitely still there.
It's about time I found a good fic to follow on this site. I don't have anything to nitpick either. If everyone could write like you I wouldn't get to act like a know-it-all, so stay better than them all.
Author's Response: Sweet~ I'm glad you thought this beginning was better than the original. That's what I was hoping for. D'aww, if you miss the fluffy clouds and pretty blue ocean, maybe I can find some way to incorporate that into the next scene for you ;)
Your compliments always get to me :3 I'm all flattered that you think I'm good at writing, it's so confidence-boosting. I think writing Three Days was actually a breakthrough for me because I was able to write emotion so well; let's just hope I can keep up with that :P
Oh my, you're so impressed with this story that you actually want to follow it... Yeah, now I'm nervous. "So stay better than them all"... yeah, no pressure or anything -_- Well, thanks for such encouraging comments, I really appreciate everything you said. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, you're awesome!
WAAHOOOOOO...!!! xD
FINALLY U UPDATED!!!! :D:D:D
AWESOME!(my usual start with the exclamation marks? xD)
this was like... woah..
totally different.. O___O
yeah... absolutely different...
but hey :D
you showed that the crew members will be the same, and wont be changing...
but ofcourse... there might've been a lotta trouble behind makin them xP cant just scrap them like that xD
ahahaaa.... u didn't show her as a possibly guy pirate this time :P since that suspense no longer exists :P
some of the few changes there ^
They writing style was pretty good :D
and i didn't find any mistakes even though i tried to find some xD
u and the unnamed beta reader have done a pretty good job at that :P so cheers!
hmm... a trade base o.O
that s a totally new concept...
so i don't think the capturing, reformation and all will be a part of this fic anymore...
what i wanna know is if sasuke, orochimaru and all will be included again, or they're leavin too...
this is a really intersting new twist... rather concept for this fic :D
the destruction and killing was defined in more detail...:D and pretty well ^_^
the sorrow and desperation of tsunami and Tazuna expressed pretty well too...!
Suiheisen? O.o name change? or is it its japanese translation?
OFCOURSE PoTM will be Missed D:
:/
so will the pairings be same in this? xP
trade hmm...?
can't wait to see this new theory fares... :D
update soon urufoo :DD
Author's Response: I know, right?! Finally, I got to write something and actually be happy to post it.
Yeah, I'm going for a much darker approach on this story, so it will definitely be different than the original. Mmhmm, some of the crew members will be the same; I'm changing the outlook on some of the crew mates as well though. Meh, I could have showed her as a possibly male pirate again, but I figured there was no real point to it - not because most of my readers already know Kasumi but because there is no real point to pretending she's a boy.
Yay, I'm glad you didn't find any mistakes, I'm happy to hear that :D Yeah, the trade base will probably be more significant in this story, but you'll just have to wait and see on that ;D As I said, this story is going to be much different than the original. And as for our friends from the Sound Village... meh, I can't tell you, don't wanna spoil anything XD
Since I have developed as a writer, I wanted to portray the destruction better than I did in the first story and get the emotion in there as well. I'm glad I was able to accomplish that. Haha, yes, I changed the name; they are no longer the Blue Pirates. Suiheisen does mean something in Japanese, but not Blue Pirates; if you want to know what it is, you'll have to look it up yourself ;) I don't know if I want to go for romance in this story though; I'm still mulling it over...
Thanks for the awesome review, Shadow! It's much appreciated!
is this a sequel to PoTM? :OOOO
imma read it!!! xD
but i'm bout to drop now..
I'l read it first thing tomorrow :D
Glad for u that u can write again x]
Author's Response: No, this is not the sequel. This is the rewrite, as in PotM doesn't really exist anymore. I'm starting it from scratch. Don't worry, this'll still be here. I hope you enjoy it.
Wolf-nee!! YOU"RE BACK!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Yattai~ XD I'm so happy~ You know that there's no pressure on you, ne? So write as you please. ^_^
This was really different from the first chapter of the original, yet still interesting. I read the first paragraph and saw the difference right away as to how descriptive and emotional it was and is, this whole chapter. The approach you used was completely different, and I can tell how scary that must be to change things. You did well, I think. The captain - O_O So young she is! I hadn't come to the part where you revealed her before, so that was intensely surprising. The ending is a good cliff hanger and I have no idea how things will go from here.
Congrats on being back!
Author's Response: Yes! I'm back! And it feels so good! Well... mostly, at least; I'm still nervous, even if you say there is no pressure. I think I'm just putting pressure on myself T_T
The layout of this first chapter was pretty much the same...sorta... The Wave Country gets attacked and Inari is kidnapped; it's the reasoning that's different. And of course, I hope the writing was different - in an improved way, I hope.
Yay! I'm glad you saw a difference in description and emotion. I did go about this in a much more darker approach, trying go give more life to the original scene I guess you could say. It is hard to rewrite a whole scene, as I'm sure you know.
Oh, that's right! You've never met the captain! Oh wow, you don't even know her name like most others do...
I'm glad you liked this chapter! And thanks for the welcome back into writing, it does feel nice to be writing fics again. Thanks for reading and reviewing, Rose-chan! I appreciate it very much!
Wow... I didn't get around to reading the original, but this is really amazing. The emotions were very powerful. I love your OC. She seems very cool and interesting. Love it!
I don't usually read stories on here, but I'm taking a break from having to read my summer reading book: "The Poisonwood Bible" and I saw this one. :) Wonderful!
Author's Response: Wow, I was going through and responding to reviews, and this was not here when I started. How exciting :D I'm glad you decided to read this, Konan. Ooh, I'm happy to hear that the emotions in this came out so well. That's really great to hear. And I'm glad you like my OC, she's definitely a real charmer ain't she? XD Haha, well I hope your summer reading goes well; I'm happy this story was able to give you some kind of relief from it. Thanks for reading and reviewing, you're awesome!
Again, great chapter... I was wondering what happened to the updates of your stories... guess you were working on this one.. Keep writing, and give all your stories equal attention!!
Author's Response: Yeah... This summer was supposed to be filled with updates for my stories, but some things came up that prevented me from writing and then this came up instead of my other projects. Meh, such is life. I'll try to work on my other stories haha. Thanks for reading and reviewing! It is much appreciated!
I never read the original, but I'm stoked to read this! I'm very enthralled with he plot and setting, and having pirates is awesome! The only thing I can think of that would rival it is like a western style fanfic.... Anyways, I'm totally digging it and looking forward to more Wolf-chan!
Author's Response: Admittedly, I think the later chapters of the original are better - it's the first few that I'm upset with it. I won't hold it against you if you did read it, I just happen to be upset with it now haha. I'm glad you like the whole pirate thing. I'm hoping to have a lot of piratey action in this story, so keep your fingers crossed for more of that ;D Thanks for leaving a review, Hazard-san! I'm really happy you decided to read this!
Wow. Don't be nervous. This was amazing! You know I'm not one to be picky with a story but wow, definite improvement from the original. Such raw emotion too! Wow this was amazing! Great chapter
Author's Response: My first review for this story! Thank you so much, Nii-san! I'm really happy to hear that I improved from the first story. I wanted this to be better and maybe darker and more intense than the original. So to know that I did well with the emotional aspect of it is also really nice to hear :D Thanks so much for reading and leaving a kind review, Shizake! Much appreciated!