Reviews For Abysmal
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 08/05/12 - 11:39 am · For: Calamity
That is just a flipping messed up way to torture people. Unimaginablely painful and scary........
I loved it =D.
This was a nice, twisted chapter (two words that don't usually go together). I really enjoyed reading it. And we finally get some info on this monster. I think all it did, though, was leave me more curious.
Author's Response: Muhahahaha! Yeah, the torture is quite evil and nasty. More stuff on the monster lore will be coming soon, and lots more twists will be coming!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 08/05/12 - 11:19 am · For: Deception Point
Well, I hope these two finish by Friday 13. They're unlucky enough as is. I can't believe they had to do that to Shira and Hoshi for no reason. It's just sad T_T. And to make it worse, they had to fight and Gatsuuga had to deal with past pain. Sheesh. One crappy day for them.
Is it strange my favorite part was seeing Hayai's human side?
Great job, Itoko-san. I loved this chapter.
Author's Response: I mean they've had a balance of unlucky and lucky events. But this was a major unlucky one. Haha sure? Thanks :)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 07/05/12 - 09:19 am · For: Calamity
Ah, the torture sounds so horrible... It was so graphic and awful...
Whoa, I feel like we haven't heard about the monster in a while. Now we are going to learn more all at once. Cool!
Good job on this, Hazard-san! Keep up the great work!
Author's Response: Yeah, it's some nasty stuff with the interrogation. Anyways the monster will play a larger role in the story later on, and we'll keep it interesting for sure!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 07/05/12 - 02:28 am · For: The Assignment
Sup! ^^
There's room for improvement, but i think that will come with time. Your dialogue is slightly choppy, as well as the presentation, but the story seems interesting. I like the idea of two people in the story learning to work together while you guys are collaborating and doing the same. Glad I got a chance to finally check this story out!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Thanks for the pointers, I haven't been writing that long so that might explain some of my mistakes. Thanks for checking out the story!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 06/05/12 - 08:15 pm · For: Deception Point
That's terrible! They betrayed Hoshi's and Shira's trust for nothing now! And Gatsuuga killed the leader! It almost seems like a waste, these two have rotten luck...
Another greatly well-written chapter, Nii-san! Good job!
Author's Response: All can't go well right? Thanks for the review :)
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 05/05/12 - 07:18 am · For: The Calm Before The Storm
Don't get me wrong, Hazard-san. I love Gatsuuga, but seriously? First he takes advantage of her and now he's going to hold Hoshi hostage? That's just wrong.
For some reason, Hayai reading a story to Hoshi is so adorable and I absolutely love it! I think that was my favorite thing about this chapter - the thought of an Anbu reading to sweet little Hoshi.
Great job, Hazard-san. I absolutely loved this chapter.
Author's Response: Awesome. Next chapter should be up soon depending on how Shizake is doing. It's the big event next!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 01/05/12 - 08:17 pm · For: The Calm Before The Storm
That's so mean! Gatsuuga is a terrible person, seriously! Ready to hold Hoshi hostage, I mean, c'mon! They've been so kind and everything! I know it's so that the scenario will look more realistic, but it still seems really low...
Nice chapter though, Hazard-san. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Gatsuuga's been twisted by being in P.I and his past experiences, so to him this is just normal business. Glad you liked it!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 28/04/12 - 06:04 am · For: Answers
I can't tell what I like more - Gatsuuga's strange personality or how oblivious Hayai is to humans. Both are so fun to read about.
I really liked this chapter. Even though I still think it was wrong for Gatsuuga to take advantage of Hoshi, I'm glad he did because now they can help her and her mon. As well as the rest of the village, but right now I'm mostly happy those two are getting help. I just hope that their plan works.
Great chapter, Itoko-san. I can't wait until your next chapter.
Author's Response: Haha i'm glad we made our characters each likeable in a way. Thanks for the review Itoko :)
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 23/04/12 - 08:09 pm · For: Answers
I find Hayai's small knowledge of human emotions very sweet in a way. Maybe like a childish way because it's like he's learning about them, especially when they apply to himself. You do very well with portraying an ANBU. Nice job.
I really hope their plan works, because otherwise... Yikes, do I even want to think about the otherwise? Hmm...
Anyway, nice chapter, Shizake-nii-san! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Thanks! I thought it would be neat for him to question others emotions. It's like he's going to relearn what being human is really like. Haha I hope it does too :P Thank you Nee-chan for reviewing!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 20/04/12 - 06:55 am · For: Uninvited Guests
Oh, that's just not nice, Hazard-san. I mean, being in P.I. must make you use any resource you can, but to take advantage of a little girl? Not nice at all. Even the Anbu thought it was wrong.
But it was a nice twist that I'm hoping will lead to some answers. Any answers they (and from there, the readers) get will be very helpful. Great job, Hazard-san. Though I did see some mistakes, it was a great chapter.
Author's Response: Yeah...Gatsuuga's kinda of a dick. haha, but it was just for his mission, and that's reasonable in his mind. Anyways thanks for reading and reviewing! Shizake should have the next chapter up soon.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 19/04/12 - 07:02 pm · For: Uninvited Guests
I can't belive Gatsuuga took advantage of a little girl. He's not even the one who helped pick up the produce! *sigh* Men...
Anyway, this was a good buildup to the next chapter, which I presume will be the information and rumors about the village. Looking forward to that already :D Good job, Hazard-san! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Yeah, but never said he was a nice person :P Well the next coming events will really be interesting as the mystery's start to unravel.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 17/04/12 - 01:12 pm · For: Redemption
Well, just to get it out of the way, I saw a couple times you made a mistake in tense and, as Silverwolf pointed out, that "rouge" for "rogue". Other than that, no mistakes big enough to stick.
Otherwise it was great, especially considering how out of writing you felt. Great job, Itoko-san. You do very well with a character who's Anbu, coming up with creative ideas that are great and seem to show he's Anbu-like still. So yeah, great job there.
It shows just how used I am to good guys when I feel bad reading about someone killing another so easily. Or maybe I should say I'm just used to pure hearted ocs like Ryu and Suki from Silverwolf's story. Then again, that's probably just because of the fact I'm me. So yeah, I feel bad for poor Doku. He thought he was free, but apparently not =(. Great chapter anyway, Itoko-san.
Author's Response: I always make mistakes in tenses :P I'm glad to see im doing well with an anbu character :) It makes me feel good. Haha yeah. In this line of work you can't leave any loose ends. Something like letting a hostage go free could wreck the whole mission. Thanks for the review Itoko!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 16/04/12 - 04:45 pm · For: Redemption
This was awesome! I almost felt bad for Doku, the way Gatsuuga and Hayai were so torturous towards him... But then he started talking about the 'Mob', and I just wanted to find out how much worse these people are. Did kinda feel bad that Hayai's clone pretty much jumped Doku out of nowhere, but hey, what are you gonna do?
Good job on this update, Shizake-san! I think one of the mistakes I remember is that you spelled rogue wrong. A 'rogue' shinobi is one who has left the village, such as a missing-nin. You spelled it as rouge, which I believe is a color :P But other than that, this was excellent plot development. Nice job!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked! Lol I always confuse rogue and rouge. Your right it is a color lol :P Thanks for the review!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 16/04/12 - 01:48 pm · For: Haunting memories
There were grammar mistakes in this, but it's nothing major and unless you feel like proofreading will stay the way it is.
Anyway, great chapter, Hazard-san! I was surprised when I saw their Chuunin test because it was mostly like what I had planned to be the one in Path of the Host. That's kinda creepy. Then again, I doubt yours was inspired by Hunter x Hunter. Though I do love his past. It's really interesting and definitely not what I expected.
Author's Response: Yeah just some background stuff, and thanks for reading through my mistakes. I just never like to proofread. And I tried to give him a weird past to show why he acts like he does, and some things may come into play with his mental health in the future. Oops. Spoiler. Never mind that, and thanks for the review!
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 14/04/12 - 07:09 pm · For: Compromise
I was right! ANBU fail in social situations!
I don't mind the length, this was an exciting chapter. I can't wait to see how this easy going mission turns out! Just one question, why does everyone seem to know the fire ball jutsu? I thought it was supposed to be an Uchiha thing lol
Anyhow, I liked this, as you can probably tell. Great chapter Senpai! I hope the story turns our well! From what I've heard, you like depressing endings X3
Author's Response: Hmm I didn't know it was uchiha only. I thought it was one of those jutsu tha everyone knew. I'm glad you liked it though. As for the endings yes I do but that was just for my other story. I'm down for any kind of ending. Thanks for the review.
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 14/04/12 - 07:02 pm · For: Elusive
Oh my. I don't know if it's just me, but I don't trust poor Hayai's social skills...
This is definitely getting interesting. It's rare to find a story that follows this portion of the Shinobi world. Maybe because it's difficult... Or at least it is for me :3
Well written and well paced, an great chapter Hazard. I'm just sorry I took so long to get around to it -_-
Author's Response: Well Gatsuuga's reasoning was to get his feet wet in the field, since you won't advance if you don't have hands on experience. Thanks for the review!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 14/04/12 - 07:58 am · For: Haunting memories
The biggest recurring mistake I saw was that you kept writing 'we' when you meant 'he'. Other than that, basic grammar things that I like to nitpick on but others don't really notice, so I won't be picky with that.
This was a really good chapter. Loved the insight and background info. It makes the story that much more interesting to read. And now we understand Gatsuuga better, so perhaps he Nd Hayai will be best buds now :D Or eventually, hopefully...
Good job on this chapter, Hazard-san! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Thanks for reading for my mistake,I just really don't like to reread everything since it takes me awhile. Glad you liked the background, and now things will hopefully make more sense later on.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/04/12 - 02:30 pm · For: Compromise
Sheesh, Itoko-san. Where did you come up with that sadistic method of information gathering. It's pretty darn twisted.
It was a really good chapter. I loved the fight. It was amazing. You did so well with Gatsuuga I forgot it was you writing him a few times. I really like the octopus for some reason. I just liked it for some reason. Great job, Itoko-san. It was amazing.
Author's Response: I picked it up from a t.v show. It was pretty intense. I thought it would be cool to use it here also. Haha thanks! I can easily write Gatsuuga and Hayai for some reason. I liked using the octopus also. And his name is Tako. Which is like Taco. lol. Thanks for the review. I messed up here and there with the tenses I know. I just need to go back and edit them :) Thanks again for the review Itoko!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 12/04/12 - 02:18 pm · For: Elusive
Sheesh. That is one heck of a jutsu. Though I guess it got what they needed, huh? I guess I should expect it from this duo, but I was still surprised by the order to kill and the carelessly killing. Then I reminded myself they're part of the P.I. This was a great chapter. You were right about the mistakes, but it was still really good.
Author's Response: Thanks for the input, and glad you like it!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/12 - 04:43 pm · For: Compromise
The only thing I'm iffy about is the fire cracker thing. That's not a very discreet method of signalling to someone.
But everything else was very nicely played out. The whole chapter had a nice flow to it, which kept it that much more interesting to read. It was a very well written chapter. Nice job.
Author's Response: I couldn't think of anything else...It wouldn't be a loud boom though. Just a quick pop. Idk lol. Thanks for the review.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 11/04/12 - 07:05 am · For: Elusive
This was great! I lover the Overload jutsu, that was so creative! And their upcoming plan is just getting so much more intense. I'm really enjoying this so far. Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thanks, I was quite tired when typing this around midnight so I came up with an odd new jutsu. Glad you liked it!
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 10/04/12 - 02:00 pm · For: Lets Get Down to Business
The only thing I'm iffy about is the immediate knock out rather than following him to his partner or even making sure it's the right guy and not just someone similar. Other than that, I loved it. Gatsuuga's teacher-like attitude toward Hayai is very fun to read about. I also enjoyed reading from an Anbu's PoV. It was really interesting. You did well with the Anbu attitude and also with not making him too emotionless, giving him some character. Great job, Itoko-san. A definite improvement, just like Hazard-san.
Author's Response: Sometimes you gotta take risks, especially when dealing with private investigation. Thanks for the review, Im glad you enjoyed.
Author's Response: Sometimes you gotta take risks, especially when dealing with private investigation. Thanks for the review, Im glad you enjoyed.
Name: Sasaui Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 10/04/12 - 01:46 pm · For: On The Road
Well, your writing is blunt (or seems that way to me). Oh, and just a quick thing I saw. You tend to mix up were (past tense of are) with we're (we are). Other than that, there wasn't anything major like the tense thing.
This was definitely an improvement. Don't get me wrong - the first chapter was good. But this one didn't have as many mistakes. I really enjoyed Jiraiya's sudden appearance. It was unexpected and now I'm even more curious about what their mission has to do with. Great chapter, Hazard-san! It was an excellent chapter.
Author's Response: Hey thanks Sasaui! Yeah I know my writing can feel a bit direct, but eh. Just how I do things, and I'm still learning.
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 09/04/12 - 01:30 pm · For: Lets Get Down to Business
Just so you know, you're already a better writer than most of my classmates :3 I wish you luck on developing a style, I think that's one of the most important things about writing.
Anyhow, I love Anbu. You write them pretty well. Hayai isn't completely void of emotion, but he's pretty awkward around people. He's also a bit over observant, which just adds onto his character. I really like the direction this is taking. It's always nice to read a book that stats out with things going smoothly. I can't wait for the plot!
Great chapter Senpai! I enjoyed it muchly!
Author's Response: Haha that might have to do with the fact that i'm 17 :P More experience ya know? But I bet there are 5th graders out there better than me...lol Anyways I didn't want to make a completely emotionless dull Anbu. Just enough that he can slightly interact but is still awkward like you said. Thanks for the review Haiena-chan! :)
Name: JubileeOfPuppies (Signed) · Date: 09/04/12 - 01:23 pm · For: On The Road
Redemption? definitely! I like he story so far, it's a good read. I also love how you incorporated Jiraiya. Is he ever not with women before he meets Naruto?
Anyhow, I saw no tense mistakes :D Is writing in present tense hard? I know it's traditional for a first person story, but I've never been able to pull it off in anything other than poetry -_-
Random question aside, great chapter Hazard! (I need some sort of nickname for you...)
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! We appreciate it. As for tenses I just prefer to mix things up since I get bored writing the same everyday, and maybe you could think of it as recording of the events that happened like memories. I dunno. As for nickname, I dunno.... :D