Reviews For A Seeing Beauty
Name: DropDeadThenDance (Signed) · Date: 29/05/09 - 03:10 pm · For: Chapter 9 A Bite of Indecency
Oh! Oh that was nasty! Oh that part, that was weird! HOLY MAN! DID SHE JUST DO THAT S***!!
This part here was freaking funny as all hell:
“OVER STIMULATION MY F***ING ***, YOU PERVERTED F)))ING PIECE OF SH...!”
Oh man! Good stuff, confusing but awesome! So is she sharing a body with Jason? By the way ignore my last comment XD
I've never seen the movie either. Again, cool chapter!
Author's Response: she has a split personality personality disorder..a really messed up defence mechacism so she doesnt feel the *trama*...i explain much later on...sry it bn confusing...im re-editing everything b4 i go on...i got ch 1-4 edited so theyre ok, i still hav 5 chptrs to go so plz b paiten...also sum1 rd my other story!!!! or does it suck tht much????
Name: DropDeadThenDance (Signed) · Date: 29/05/09 - 02:43 pm · For: Chapter 8 Insanity Seen
Circus pants~! Oh Circus pants~!! You have Circus pants~!!!
Okay, I'm done. Sorry... Wasn't Jason the name of some psycho dude in a movie or something? I'm not sure but Jason has always struck me as a 'Psycho-Killer' kind of name... It might just be me XD
Anyway, cool chapter. Jasmine is totally nuts in here but it's immensely entertaining!
One last thing before I move onto the next chapter:
PEANUT BUTTER AND PICKLES RULE!!!!
Author's Response: YES THEY DO RULZ!rnYes Jason is a psycho name, and yes he is a killer moive....i may hav dull him down a little but...here he is more scary in the mind than by his actions....youll see
Name: DropDeadThenDance (Signed) · Date: 29/05/09 - 02:29 pm · For: Chapter 7 A Scuffles And a Laugh!
"And you called me melodramatic, Jasmine. That was positively sinister of you."
Oh! OH!! No joking there, that was totally uncalled for!
...
Although that's why it was funny. HAHA, awesome! Sorry I haven't been able to read your story recently but I'll get on it now, kay?
I'll leave another review in ab it!
Author's Response: i no im can be cruel in a funny way, but u got to amit, tht was a perfect place to be cruel.
Name: Ayako Haru (Signed) · Date: 23/05/09 - 08:43 pm · For: Chapter 9 A Bite of Indecency
Now that... um nutcracker thing... all I can say is WOW! Didn't see that coming what so ever.
Author's Response: i know no one ever sees it coming, tht is why i lik Jazzy being able to do it ^_^ *evil grin
Name: Ayako Haru (Signed) · Date: 23/05/09 - 08:29 pm · For: Chapter 10 A Interesting Thought
Okay, with the jason thing that was kinda messed up but it was HILARIOUS!
Author's Response: messed up in a good way? like wow tht girl got sum issues or thts totally a stupid i cant believe tht happened....ty for saying it hirlarious, i put a lil me in it. ^_^
Name: Crimson Lily (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 - 02:14 pm · For: Chapter 4 New Ninja Aboard
hm....its amazing still, but im kinda confused.
1) where did she get the kunais? and learn to use them?
2) how is she able to beat sasuke when she's just a cilvillian?
and not to be rude at all, but in my opinion, its kinda unrealistic that she can suddenly use chakra just from reading it. its a good story, but i think it should be a bit more realistic in terms of ninja skills. maybe im totally wrong and you'll curse my name for writing this, but if i am wrong, please correct me.
other than that, i love it! keep writing please!!!
Author's Response: okay...well i see ur pt..soo im going to fix it a lil. the kunais ebay and the backyard and she didnt really beat Sasuke, she just nailed him in the nuts. but ty for the rev, hope u lik the nxt chapters. also the chakra....its a mary sue moment...she has them...thts all i got for no
Name: Crimson Lily (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 - 02:09 pm · For: Chapter 3 Interrogation
O_O
wow...that smart mouth is going to get her into trouble...but i like it all the same. it gives her spunk.
haha i just read a story where the same thing happened, and ibiki didnt believe her either. hilarious how for him, the truth just isnt good enough...
Author's Response: i no...i lik the smart mouth too...ibiki the sadist is very mean and narrow minded to most people so i didnt thik he b nice to a suspect
Name: Crimson Lily (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 - 02:06 pm · For: Chapter 2 Confrontation
ahhhhhh amazing! haha i love how she's like "no way!' as the team 7 reveal themselves. so funny, cant wait to read the rest!
Author's Response: ty again, i fig kakashi is btr at tht line than the others...its more of his kind of deal
Name: Crimson Lily (Signed) · Date: 22/05/09 - 02:05 pm · For: Chapter 1: The Beginning of Anew
haha hilarious!!!!
i really like how you change POVs, they give insight on the characters and their relationships with jasimine, who i love by the way (the way you described her eyes was amazing also, so brownie points for you!)
:D
Author's Response: ty, i lik brownie ptsrn
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 19/05/09 - 10:59 pm · For: Chapter 10 A Interesting Thought
your going well, keep going!
Author's Response: ty, im curious thou how everyone took Jasmine's ummm.....fight with Zabuza....i've yet to hear how people found it...
Name: DropDeadThenDance (Signed) · Date: 05/05/09 - 02:05 pm · For: Chapter 4 New Ninja Aboard
Holy jeez!! I can't believe i'm JUST now starting to read this story! It's really great!
....
I have a cousin named Jasmine XD
Anyway, great great GREAT stuff so far! I'd love to read more but I have to get back to my own story for the moment, I'll be back to check it out soon!!!
Author's Response: ty, i lik the name Jasmine...it has a cool nickname in it Jazz...thz about how far its good, wait till you get to ch6 and 8 i believe. they'll blow ur mind a lil
Name: VampQueen14 (Anonymous) · Date: 04/05/09 - 06:14 pm · For: Chapter 8 Insanity Seen
OMG!!!! Talk about a Cliffhanger!! LOVE IT!!!!
Author's Response: really? it was a good cliffhanger?? TY TY TY "LET THE POWER OF YOUTH EXPLODE!!" ****HUGGING VAMPQUEEN VERY HARD***
Name: Kikyaru360 (Signed) · Date: 04/05/09 - 07:40 am · For: Chapter 8 Insanity Seen
Please don't stop. This is pretty good!
Jasmine's laughter even gave me chills.
Good chapter!
Author's Response: thank you! i glad people are enjoying it. ^_^ ***Hug of DOOM**
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 03/05/09 - 07:17 pm · For: Chapter 8 Insanity Seen
ooh, what is going on here? a dissociative identity disorder? nice. introduced well too. gonna want to know the origins of his name, since jason is is like that friday 13th guy's name?
... i think they got out of the boat "We landed on shore;" early, then "We landed in Tazuna’s country" again.
keep going!
Author's Response: the name is exacltly tht guy, and the reason for it....you'll see soon enough, i fix the little error on the landing thing, ty for reading!
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 30/04/09 - 12:02 am · For: Chapter 6 Horrific Memories and A Chance
omg! that was great! i really like your revision. well done, and keep going!
Author's Response: aregato!!! ty! i thought of making the mother sound as the guilt of the daughter. plus i didnt capitize it because i fig it would make the mother have a low hateful tone, or she just stating the facts in a cold marble lik way. So thats wat i did, right now i trying to have the girl hav a mental problem show up and get a lot of lime light w/o geting her to be hated by the reader. any suggestions would be favorable, i hav the idea of havin the episode of her mental unstably to be a quiet but horrifing one.rn
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 29/04/09 - 07:34 am · For: Chapter 7 A Scuffles And a Laugh!
yo, sounds like you're committed to the story with all these updates. exellent.
you might want to proof read things a few times to make sure you're not missing words and things (i find reading out loud helps), or find a beta reader.
i liked the end scene where she messes with naruto.
but the nightmare scene was over the top. you can have a profound effect on the audience without choosing the most obvious angles to convey horror and mental anguish. it reminded me of the rediculous deaths from the 'final destination' movies, and the mom spoke like a jelous enraged teenager instead of the specteral apparition of Jasmine's guilt and shame over her helplessness in preventing her mother's death. swearing has an effect, but not the right kind.
... i sound so mean :( i only mean to help, not discourage! you're going great, keep going and be sure to mention when kakashi does his hot 'this jacket is dry clean only' glare. y'know. the one where he's wet and angry at zabuza? that one. mmmm.
Author's Response: thanks 4 the help, i fix the mother part, should i just not capilize and tone it down to a guit killer of guilt? i kinda typed it late at night with the help of 2 monsters and a sprite mixure...and should i be more discreat with the horror parts? and i nvr thought of the glare* i feel so ashamed for forgetting it, i defiently add it!
Name: VampQueen14 (Anonymous) · Date: 28/04/09 - 10:48 pm · For: Chapter 7 A Scuffles And a Laugh!
Never ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER STOP!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: *Hug of doom*
Name: VampQueen14 (Anonymous) · Date: 28/04/09 - 10:47 pm · For: Chapter 7 A Scuffles And a Laugh!
OMG!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!! Keep it coming!
Author's Response: ty! i keep going anyway, plz tell me if you hav a lil idea or critical thought on the chs, i dnt mind.
Name: Ayako Haru (Signed) · Date: 26/04/09 - 07:28 pm · For: Chapter 5 The Secret Revealed With Ramen
This is a good story, wow.
Author's Response: ty, im about to add the 6th ch, it's showing an moment in her past, but twisted at the end of it. enjoy!
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 22/04/09 - 12:30 am · For: Chapter 2 Confrontation
hey, that was pretty dang good! yay spacing! and “Jazz’s elbow jab.” :D
it's good how it isn't sinking in for her that fast. but her threat seemed a bit... off? i don't pretend to know what "Justus in swordsmanship" are.
but...
"I’m a highest ranking martial artist anyone can be in 5 different martial arts" ...
Wiki "The highest dan ranks are sometimes reserved for the founder or leaders of a style..." (sometimes only after they die!)
Yahoo! answers for more info http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080321074448AAYlP7T
so yea. she can still be amazing without being the best.
keep going! yay!
Author's Response: ok i'll just say she really skilled in 3 different martial arts. I think I'll fix the justu and swordmanship thing, ty!
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 20/04/09 - 05:54 pm · For: Chapter 1: The Beginning of Anew
Reguradless or some annoying things, i'm going to keep reading this as long as your central confict is compelling.
Author's Response: wat did you find annoying? im trying to keep it to the central chara the same as i have described her, so if theres sumen tht's buggying i like to no to see if i can get the story to lean with it rn ty
Author's Response: wat did you find annoying? im trying to keep it to the central chara the same as i have described her, so if theres sumen tht's buggying i like to no to see if i can get the story to lean with it rn ty
Name: Kikyaru360 (Signed) · Date: 20/04/09 - 05:10 am · For: Chapter 1: The Beginning of Anew
I love this! I hope you write more soon. (I can't wait to see how jasmine handles the truth of where she is!) (:
Author's Response: she has a hard time seeing the truth but she gets it. im very glad you like it, dont blame me thou wen u see wat kind of past she has. thats just all i hav to say on the matter