Reviews For For Us
Name: KKEYA2008 (Signed) · Date: 01/03/09 - 04:37 pm · For: Chapter One
The end was.... quite interesting :D
Name: i_heart_notebooks123 (Signed) · Date: 01/03/09 - 10:42 am · For: Chapter One
Oh my goodness. Okay, this is... brilliant and so mature and intriguing and... kinda sexy, that last part was.
I would be happy to beta this piece. Seriously. That, and I know how hard it is to find a beta-reader now, so if you'll accept me, I'm happy to help.
Anyway, I only have two suggestions/corrections.
Where it says "We will not be restrained, Orochimaru-sama!" you forgot the end quote there.
And my other suggestion is, your vocabulary is incredible and you use it accordingly, but I'm afraid that by using such mature language, you might be losing your readers. You want to keep your writing interesting and full of details and vocabulary, but you don't want to overwhelm a reader so much that they get lost.
I love your writing style by the way.
I agree with you this was a great chapter, and I can't wait to see what comes next. Great job. Is this your first piece on TONFA?
Either way, it's incredible.
Name: KKEYA2008 (Signed) · Date: 28/02/09 - 06:34 am · For: Prologue
Is Sayuri Sasuke in Oiroke-no-Jutsu form...?
Lolz. I can't wait for the next chappie :3