First of all the fic itself is nice as a concept and I like it. The narrative was in char all in all, good work on that :)

Though I believe with a little extra work you could make it even better.

I think that if you had fleshed out the details (When is this timeline-wise, how old are they? What lead to this tragic event - e.t.c) or perhaps made this the ending and from here on depict the decline of the situation that drove Naruto to suicide - it'd be a nice touch (kind of like the movie momento).

In the future when you have a char act in a way that is somewhat against his characterization I personally believe you should devise a brief explanation to make the reader understand why - so it's more believable - for example you should've perhaps explained Sasuke's outburst or hostility back to an incident like: ("Sasuke had always insulted my cooking. If I could try and figure out why I'd have to guess it's because Kakashi-sensei always asked me to cook while pointedly avoiding ever asking him - his ego probably couldn't take the blow...").

This would make your story more flowing and realistic and avoid glaring questions and accusations of OOCness.

Alright, now I've got some tips for you to help you on your way of writing so please don't take offense in anything I say, I will backup my words with examples...

1)
In terms of paragraphing:
A) you should make a new line for every character that speaks,
B) You should try to split it up by subject, like when Naruto is describing what's going in the room that's one paragraph. Then when he hears the knock and his emotions on that - that should be seperate.
*) this makes reading easier and smoother.

2)
There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes, when you write try to use a processor, this minimize the damage - I go through the growing pains of editing every chapter I post (3-4 hours a piece >_

Author's Response: Thanks a lot. Yeah I totally agreed with you, my spelling is horrible!!!! Thank you for the review, I hope you will read my other stories when I post them!!