Sweet! This story's awesome! Yeah, I've only read the first 2 chapters, but it's really interesting. Keep updating please! For the sake of all your readers!

This looks like its going to be an awesome story! Please update again soon!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I am a notoriously slow writer and hopefully Chapter 1 is going to be a lot longer than the Prologue.rnrnHopefully.

G'day Kogane Ichimoro! Firstly, welcome to TONFA, I hope you enjoy yourself. Now onto your fic!

Firstly I like your title, simple but eye catching and so is your summary. I do however have a few reservations as I have never seen an Anywhere But Here fic done well. Your summary obeys most of the rules which I'll get onto once we start on the actual chapter.

One of the unfortunate problems with TONFA is the formatting doesn't seperate the AN's from the actual story so I recommend putting a distinct separation. Perhaps something as simple as reiterating your title or a banner.

I, Kogane Ichimora

By Akane Toshiro

Would do the job fine.

Onto the actual writing. Something about Kogane Ichimora sounds off. She sounds like a typical western otaku so giving her a Japanese name is more like you- the author's self insertion. I think you've hit a key note with the reader, we all want to be dropped into the Naruto Universe but that Japanese name separates us from them. If it were a western name we'd empathise with her that much more. I could imagine Alice Langer fumbling for a Japanese name once she fell into the Naruto world, but having that Asian name is too coincidental.

Otherwise I can empathise completely, that manic grin as she gets reviews is so familiar.

Now, for a bit of grammar, always type your numbers, eg 16 should be sixteen and 5 should be five. Also remember to reread your own work before you post 'roll' instead of 'role', because any small typo can completely alter the meaning of a sentence. The last thing you want is something as hilarious during a really tense scene as one I read once 'Dumbledore peed over the top of his glasses into Harry's cup.' Quality control means a lot to the reader.

*laughs* Oh god, Kogane's over the top writing style is hilarious. It's like a soap opera!

I think your best way to pull off an Anywhere But Here fic is to make everything as about Kogane as realistic as possible and play it off the completely over the top anime reactions of the people and places around her once she falls into the Naruverse. Her scream of 'WHAAAT' and falling onto the floor wouldn't happen in the real world. A startled jump and gasp would fit the real world imagery better.

Try not to over use your capitals, they're like a balloon popping- use them too much means they lose their effect on the reader.

All in all, an interesting prologue. Your writing style is good but could use a bit more description and exposition. The story is A Girl from Real Life Falls into Naruverse, so in essense everything is a contrast, Kogane comparing how different everything she knows is to the Naruverse and its many zany characters. To pull that off we need to know as much about her real life as possible. How old she is, what she looks like, what's her normal routine, describe her family and family life, her relationships with people at school.

All this information should fit into the flow of the story because bios just don't work for the reader. Imagine what Lord of the Rings would have been like if Tolkien's had started the book with 'Frodo- See Bio.

Name: Frodo Baggins
Race: Hobbit

A bio lacks impact and staying power in the memory of the reader, because they'll be reading lots of different fics and different chapters. Bios are a form of Infodumping and interrupt flow. By putting that information into your story it would increase your word count, something that'll be needed for your first chapter to abide by TONFA's 700 word minimum per chapter.

Cheers mate, I congratulate you on your first story and first chapter, it's great stuff for a beginner. I think the best advice I could give you is to Read and Review as many other stories as possible. It'll give you ideas, improve your writing style, make friends who may review you in return, and put you in the running for our Most Valuable Reviewers competition! Keep going, I look forward to your next chapter (but don't hurry, haste makes waste and you have only one chance per chapter to impress a reader.)

Ta, Tucka

Author's Response: Thank you for wasting your time by reviewing my pathetic attempt of a story. *bows* The reason for me not using distinct... ways, I guess to make distinct separations is because I cannot, for the life of me, remember how to use TONFA's designated ways to use italics and bolds and underlines.rnrnI also don't have a SpellCheck on my computer. *Sighs*rnrnWell, thank you for reviewing *bows again*