Reviews For Thunder and Swirls
Name: game_over316 (Signed) · Date: 18/08/08 - 02:22 pm · For: Jessica’s Angel and Kaminari’s Unmastered Jutsu
AWESOME CHAPTER! the fighting scene was awesome!
Author's Response: I'm happy you think so! ^___^ Thanks for the review!
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 17/08/08 - 08:18 pm · For: Jessica’s Angel and Kaminari’s Unmastered Jutsu
THAT..
WAS...
EPIC.
But I'm expecting to see some new moves in the third round matches! Kaminari went all-out here and all the genin know about her super-awesome powers. She's gunna have to train for a new technique to have a trump card to play, unless she gets an exceptionally weak character. Which... I can only think of Dosu. I mean, yeah, his sound attacks can be bad, but you can easily defeat him with long-ranged stuff...
Er. Anyways. Beta time! And I guess I am going harder on you. legasp.
"Kasumi stared down at her niece nodding her head in a “no” motion."
I think you need to re-write that sentence a little. Kinda like this.
Kasumi stared down at her niece, shaking her head in a "no" motion.
"When the light faded, two Kaminari’s pulled out kunai’s and launched themselves at Jessica’s Angel."
The 'two Kaminari's' shouldn't have a apostrophy. The word 'kunai' doesn't have a plural, and although it sounds weird, you'll have to get rid of the apostrophy s.
“Summoning jutsu’s are contracts in blood with living creatures."
Jutsu doesn't have a plural either. X out that apostrophy s.
"There still so young."
Their. ;D
"So why hasn’t it yet?! The electric Hiyori though, frustrated."
Thought. c:
"That’s bitch is going down!"
Fix it! -wiggles fingers in a hypnotizing way-
“N-nari-san, Jessica-san” Naruto whispered."
Oh no! You forget the punctuation.
"More specifically, her friends arm."
Dun-dun-dunnn. Forgot the apostrophy.
"Jessica groaned in pain as another wave of pain slowy ripped through her body."
I suggest you find a thesaurus and find a new word for pain. Plus, you forgetted the l in slowly.
Well, that's enough beta'ing for today. Away to dinner!
-flies off heroicly to the kitchen-
Author's Response: *laughs at your antics* O__o wow I suck. *raises fist in air* I shall fix it! :D
Name: Miki Everless (Signed) · Date: 17/08/08 - 03:57 pm · For: Jessica’s Angel and Kaminari’s Unmastered Jutsu
OH MY GOD D= so cool. i just read the entire story; its amazing. can't wait for the update ^.^
yeah go Nari! She's a ninja in her own eyes! whoo!
Author's Response: lol I'm happy you think so! ^__^ I try to make this story as good as possible! :3 thanks for the review!
Name: Tennotsukai (Signed) · Date: 17/08/08 - 03:23 pm · For: Enter: Kaminari Hiyori
Whoa. I don't know whether I'm happy Kaminari won or sad that Jessica lost. AWWW! I"M SO CONFUSED!
...Great chapter by the way ^-^
Author's Response: Twas a close one! Had Kaminari not landed on her knees it could have been a draw!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 17/08/08 - 11:54 am · For: Jessica’s Angel and Kaminari’s Unmastered Jutsu
Awesome chapter. I can't believe it. The battle was so close. Can't wait for the next chapter. Hope you'll update soon.
Author's Response: Yesh it was, it was like...a nanosecond victory! xP lol thanks for reveiwing!!
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 11/08/08 - 08:38 am · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
wow, this is great!!! Write MORE!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: I'm trying I'm trying! ^_^' lol thanks 4 review!
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 10/08/08 - 06:07 am · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
omg THIS IS GETTING INTRESTONG KEEP IT UP PLEASE OR ILL DIE!!!
oh and btw i am tryig to nomiat you but it not working i'll keep on trying.
Love aiko
xoxox
1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10
p.s i like your a name.
Author's Response: Thanks for trying at least! ^_^ That make me happy. You like my name? Kamisori? Cool.
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 09/08/08 - 10:05 pm · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
*points at Kamisori*
DON'T YOU DARE TURN INTO A GIRL VERSION OF NEJI!
If you do, I'm going to ignore my immense laziness and beta you beyond the point where anyone needs to be beta'd!
...Eheh, I just don't like the version of Neji that didn't have Naruto happen to him yet.
Anyways. Beta'ing time.
"Kaminari’s look of shock slowly melted into an emotionless façade as she jumped off the balcony rail and into the arena."
"What a troublesome situation.” Muttered Shikamaru..."
"Ino gained a sneer as she walked next to Sakura."
Replace 'gained a sneer' to 'sneered.'
I've noticed that a majority of the telepathic conversation between Jessica and Kaminari doesn't have a bunch of punctuation. I suggest that you go back, and, uh... re-puncuate..? Eheh..
"Kaminari grinned widely before gaining a seriously look on her face."
Take out the -ly in seriously. c:
"The proctor gave a sickly cough gaining Jessica’s and Kaminari’s attention."
Add a comma after cough.
"The smoke from the explosion quickly faded away revealing Jessica to Kaminari."
Add a comma after away.
"What shocked Kaminari most was her chakra. Which was 100% visible!"
The second sentence isn't complete. You can change 'which' to 'it' or combine the two sentences with a semicolon.
And.. and... That last sentence in the chapter was just grand.
Heheh.
Author's Response: lol Thanks for keeping my ego in check. xD And thanks for your help!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 09/08/08 - 05:13 pm · For: Electricity vs. Psychic
This is getting intense. Who is going to win? Can't wait to read the next update.
Author's Response: lol I hope you'll like the next chapter!
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 04/08/08 - 05:08 pm · For: Start of the Third Exam
yay!!!! i liked this chap. KEEP GOING!!!! now if only i oculd get out of my writing slump! *sighs* i digress, this was great!
Author's Response: OMG!! OMG!!! OMG!!!! You are my 100th reviewer! xD Awesomeness!
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 04/08/08 - 03:39 pm · For: Start of the Third Exam
*le gasps*
I... I don't know what to say! Maybe that the battle will be epic or something... Or the Hokage'll be all "Wait they're on the same team, that's weird so they don't have to fight each other, so re-do that match-chooser thing."
Or not. c:
Found a typo thing. :3
“Hey, where’s is Naruto?”
Haha, Shika totally owned Kin. He's just awesome like that.
SHIKA FAN GIRLS UNITE!
Er, um. *cough* I didn't just yell that.
>>
Author's Response: *shock* You're not dead! I was worried. You haven't edited/reviewed my story for the last....5 chapters. PROCRASTINATORS UNITE!! Tommarrow. xP Thanks for picking up that typo!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 04/08/08 - 11:51 am · For: Start of the Third Exam
Aw come on. Did you have to pit our characters against each other? I can't wait until you update again.
Author's Response: Sorry, but it had to be done! I've been planing this since.....half way through the Zabuza sega. >__>;
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 02/08/08 - 01:14 pm · For: Cherry Blossom Petals in a Thunderstorm
Where are you? Are you going to get on yahoo so we can finish the chapter?
Author's Response: lol Our chapter is awesome! xD
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 29/07/08 - 09:28 am · For: Cherry Blossom Petals in a Thunderstorm
yayz! i love this chap! keep updating!!!! write more!!!!
Author's Response: Hai, Gai-sensei! I shall do my best! :) Thanks for the reveiw!
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 29/07/08 - 08:25 am · For: Cherry Blossom Petals in a Thunderstorm
how bout Coby for your cats name, amazing i love the way this is going. you have to keep on writing every time i see that there a new chapter i like YESH THERE A NEW CHAPTER WOOOO. lol you n your writing is just amazing
Love AikoMatsuo xoxoxc
1000000000000000000000000000/10
Author's Response: lol That's a good name, but my kitty's a female. Thanks for the suggestion though! lol Me's happy you like me story! ^o^
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 28/07/08 - 06:42 pm · For: Cherry Blossom Petals in a Thunderstorm
Awesome chapter. I can't believe that you ended it there. I hope that they're alright. I can't wait for the next update. Hope to hear from you soon tomorrow.
Author's Response: "Cliff Hanger! Hanging from a cliff! And that's why he's called Cliff Hanger!" xD I'm such a nerd. Thanks for the review!
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 25/07/08 - 12:28 am · For: Sorry Mr. Mohawk, You Lose Again
omg what going to happe i just cant wait. lol great. love you and your work Aiko xoxoxo
1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000/10
Author's Response: lol xD You make me smile when you reivew. Cx lol thanks for the reveiw!
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 23/07/08 - 02:53 pm · For: Sorry Mr. Mohawk, You Lose Again
i liked this chap. everything is going along smoothly. great job!
Author's Response: lol Thanks? xP
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 23/07/08 - 01:18 pm · For: Sorry Mr. Mohawk, You Lose Again
Awesome chapter. That's what they get for trying to ambush Kaminari and Jessica. I hope that Naruto and the others are alright. Can't wait for the next udpate.
Author's Response: lol Toshimaru just can't win at anything, can he? xD lol Thanks for the reivew.
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 20/07/08 - 10:26 am · For: Questions Too Hard? Phone a Friend!
Awesome chap! very funny! hope you write more soon!!!
Author's Response: lol! ^_^ Thanks
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 19/07/08 - 03:23 pm · For: Enter: Kaminari Hiyori
Why did you sign out of yahoo? I'm still on if you want to finish writing the chapter.
Author's Response: I'M SO SORRY! My internet was down! D:
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 19/07/08 - 12:58 pm · For: Questions Too Hard? Phone a Friend!
OMG AMAIZNG KEEP IT UP LOVE AIKOMATSUO XOXOXOXOX
1000000000000000000000000000000/10
Author's Response: lol xD I will keep it up! Thanx 4 review!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 19/07/08 - 10:24 am · For: Questions Too Hard? Phone a Friend!
Awesome chapter. Things are getting more interesting. On to the FOrest of Death we go. Could you get on yahoo so we can get this next chapter started? Can't wait until you update again.
Author's Response: Yesh! On to the forest of DOOOOOM! xP lol On yahoo now!
Name: Matsu Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 17/07/08 - 03:20 pm · For: The First Exam: Poker
Wow!
Your story is amazing!
I just started mine yesterday, I only have to chapters written :]
Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ All this praise is giving me an ego! xD Good thing they're people like Incarn and Vixkill to keep my ego under control! xP lol Thanks for the review!
Name: xXxTiNkxXx (Signed) · Date: 17/07/08 - 02:57 pm · For: The First Exam: Poker
GYAAAAAAH!!! IT'S SHINO!!! why did I have that feeling considering your in love with Shino...?? >.> ,
Author's Response: I don't know, but I do know this: Shino is the most awesome character and there are very few stories with him as the main character! It makes me sad. :( But you reviewing makes me happy! :)