Reviews For Thunder and Swirls
Name: Fruits_Punch_Samurai (Signed) · Date: 21/09/08 - 07:50 pm · For: Iced Hearts: It Has Everything to do With You!
WOAHH
INTENSE
those kids need a snapple and some anger management
:)
I forgot who Samui is
is that bad??
I'm always forgetting people
DON'T TRY THE LINK
its probably a virus
or a link to a porn site
o_O
I'm sick too!!
we can be sick together
I thought I ate the recalled meat
but nope
:(
you know what I just realized??
Shimo sounds like Shamu
the whale!
so I always picture a killer whale in nija clothing or a really fat kid
:DDD
just thought you should know
;)
10/10
GET BETTER SOOOOOON
like now, if possible
oh and please don't kill Shimo off
I kinda like him being around
because of the mental picture
yeah I'll stop talking now :)
great chapter!!
Author's Response: lol don't worry about Samui yet. This is the first time he's actually been in the story! :D He's new. You'll see more of him in the next chapter. The links don't work...I tried them. >__>; lol I apologise ahead of time for your whale picture, but it's 100% nessesary!
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 18/09/08 - 02:54 am · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
but if he doesn't do an angsty monologue, how will we know what he's on about? it's a tried and true method of building the plot/ tension / whatever (hasn't done a writing class )
buuuttt... if she died of grief, mehbeh i just read a fic that did the same thing...
but i didn't see the mom thing coming. and if she didn't die of grief i have no idea where you're taking it. (but if she did i'll get over it don't change anything plese post fight! yah!)
Author's Response: lol there are other ways that can build tension/plots in a story, Example: When Kaminari first took on Zabuza nobody knew why Kaminari didn't want to reveal her last name to Zabuza. Later when Kaminari takes on Zabuza agian, it's revealed (though, you really got to squint to see it) that Zabuza had the hots for Kasumi, but Kasumi rejected the creppy man with no eyebrows. (and no I'm not talking about Gaara xP) And that's why Zabuza casted the genjutsu on Kaminari. lol, l don't think ANYONE saw the mom thing coming. I kept Shimo's anger at Kaminari focus on his dad. Only to turn around and focus it on his mom. xD That's probably going to be the biggest twist in this story yet, but who knows, Thunder and Swirls is over yet. I plan on having two more plot twists that will change the future that my readers probably plan for Kaminari. xD
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 15/09/08 - 10:57 pm · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
dun dun dun! what happened to his mother? what has it got to do with Hiyoris? stay tuned for the 'bad guys' angsty monologue :D lolz
yay for fights!
Author's Response: lol if you can predict my chapters that well, mehbeh I need to add more twists and cliffhangers....nah, I like how it is and how I plan on it going. ^_^ lol Thanks for the review!!
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 15/09/08 - 02:39 pm · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
Gosh! Now Shimo's mom is involved in the fight! He might as well go avenge his great-uncle against some random ninja! xD
Hehe. Anyways, I expect for the next fight to be awesome. If it's not, then... um... I'll...
I'LL BAKE A PLATE OF COOKIES AND YOU WON'T GET ANY! AHA!
*ahem* Beta time. c:
“Heh, lair.” Kaminari said with a slightly amused expression."
Its liar. elgasp.
"Kaminari forgot all about her stomach and watched Naruto with wide eyes as red chakra spilled from Naruto’s body giving him incredible power and claws!"
Hmm. Well, you can put a comma after body or a dash; I personally prefer a dash, because it adds a certain tenseness and ... uh, what's the word... the best word I'm looking for would be pronounced. The dash makes the effects on Naruto seem more surprising.
I can't find anything else wrong. Good job! I'm looking forward to the next chapter. :D
Author's Response: lol don't worry, you'll be meeting his uncle! xP lol thanks for pointing out those mistakes!
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 15/09/08 - 02:01 pm · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
OMG! so intense at the end! i love it!!!! Write More!!!
Author's Response: lol
Name: Fruits_Punch_Samurai (Signed) · Date: 15/09/08 - 01:04 pm · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
LMFAO
the ending was amazing
that Shimo guy has issuesss
I'm surprised he wasn't in the corner cutting himself and writing a sad angsty song in his own blood
SOMEONE GIVE THE POOR KID A SMILIE FACE COOKIE!
you missed up something though
you called Shikamaru a lair
I don't know how you kids diss one another
but here in the beautiful arcticness of Canada (kiddinggg, just plain boring Canada)
anyways we call them liars
I don't know if you were going for liar
or I'm just so old I don't keep up with the slang of today and lair is the new hottest diss
:DD
thank you for reviewing my story
its hard going from well known to nobody
i have to work up my popularity again
;_____;
damn social ladder -shakes fist-
great chapter
MORE FLUFF D:<
I sit here tingling with excitement for the action packed chapters to come
10/10
Author's Response: lol sorry. You and my beta Incarn both caught something I missed. >_>; Course I would review your stories. You were one of my all time fav. authors on animespiral. lol on a site that you were popular I wasn't and on a site where I'm popular you not (yet). How ironic is that? xD Damn you and your fluff! Wasn't the b-day chapter enough for now? (I don't think it's a good idea to have fluff when oro-snake is about to attack the village) lol Thanks 4 the review!
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 15/09/08 - 07:58 am · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
OMG MOTHER WTF DID SHE DO TO HIS MOTHER!!!! i want her to say someing cool back like 'unliky i have the upperhand and you totaly dead cuz 1 i have done nothing to your mother and 2 you father killed my partents and 3 u just piss me off' that would be like you go girl. you have to keep this up or die 3 times over !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE U AND YOUR WORK LOVE AIKO
XOXOXO
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Name: Miki Everless (Signed) · Date: 15/09/08 - 06:02 am · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
0_0
Okay... Somebody has some explaining to do.. WHAT?!?! Man, I love this story!
Author's Response: lol I don't think anybody was expect that curve ball I threw at you guys! You're all alike O_o "Wha?!" lol ^_^ explaintions soon!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 14/09/08 - 07:46 pm · For: The 3rd Round Begins!
There's the twist. I wonder what will happen. Kaminari better kick his butt or I'm going to kich his butt myself. Awesome chapter like always and update again soon.
Author's Response: lol aye aye Captin'! Ye twist has been spotted. :3 Bet you weren't expecting that one.
Name: Fruits_Punch_Samurai (Signed) · Date: 13/09/08 - 11:02 am · For: Best. Birthday. EVER!
uhh yeah I think you should stop updating every 2 two seconds
It took me forever to get caught up
surprise its Erikaa!!
and no one gets my username
which makes me sad
;_____;
FLUFF!!
I love fluff
:))))
there should be more fluff though
MORE FLUFF
D:<
ahaha her drunk aunt
lmfaooo
that's going to be me one day
table stripping
woooo
So yeah, loving the story still
keep on a movin and a groovin
:DD
10/10
Author's Response: *eyes wide* EEEEERRRRIIIIIIKKKKKKAAAAA!!!!!!! (lol I like your new name) *Mega Glomp* You're finally here! lol and I don't update every two seconds. I update once a week. That's not that quick. But I's soo happy your here! :D You've made my day! And thank you for reviewing!
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 10/09/08 - 09:17 pm · For: Best. Birthday. EVER!
yay, how sweet. looking forward to her battle, and more shino-ness. good luck with school and finding time to update! and, remember to back up your story in several different places.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm slowing figuring that one out.
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 08/09/08 - 08:51 am · For: Best. Birthday. EVER!
I GLAD IM NOT DEAD TOO!!!1 YAY
FOR ME NOT BEING DEAD! I LOVE FULLY STUFF THE END WAS SOO
SWEET. I HOPE NARI KICKS
SHIMO'S BUTT TOMOZ, I NOW
SCHOOL IS JUST LIKE SOO HARD
AT THE MO IM IN YER 10 SO I GOT
GCSE AND THE TEACHER WONT LET
ME FORGET SHEZ PARANOYS OR
WHAT. KEEP IT UP.
LOVE YOU AIKO
XOXOXO
10000000000000000000000000/10
Author's Response: I'm in year 10 of high school too. >__>; So I know personally how tough it is. lol Thanks for the reviews!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 07/09/08 - 01:54 pm · For: Best. Birthday. EVER!
Awesome chapter. I hope that you have her beat Shimo to the ground in the fight. When are you going to explain Jessica's angel to everyone? I hope soon. Update soon.
Author's Response: Sometime after Nari fights... >__>; heh, heh. I will explain it though!!
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 07/09/08 - 01:50 pm · For: Best. Birthday. EVER!
hehe, i'm liking yer story!! keep this up!!!!
Author's Response: lol I'm glad you like it!! o^.^o
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 03/09/08 - 01:09 pm · For: Hell's New Name
hay amamzing sorry i have not review 2 week in france is fun but no computer is torcure. i soo happy Nari won the fight, not so happy about the arm though. still love your work. i would right more but i have story to cach up on XP
love Aiko
xoxoxoxo AIkoMatxuo
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Author's Response: Yay! You didn't die!! You had me worried there for a minute. ^_^
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 30/08/08 - 07:09 pm · For: Hell's New Name
how you've explained elemental jutsu means you haven't watched shippuden season two yet. just a heads up that the cannon explanation is somewhat different.
good job on updating so quickly!
Author's Response: No, I haven't gotten that far into Shippuden yet, but this is also the Hiyori explaination. Of course its going to be a bit different. Remember Kaminari's explaination on Chakra? Chakra is a feeling? Yeah, kindda like that. Thanks for the review.
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 29/08/08 - 08:23 pm · For: Hell's New Name
Grawr! I return with the chapter to haunt you with annoying corrections! Bwahaha! Face the beta's wrath (that really doesn't have to do with anything...)
“trust me on this, against Shimo you have the greatest advantage, yet the greatest weakness.”
That t at the beginning of the sentence wants to grow up into a big, strong T!
“‘the greatest advantage, yet the greatest weakness’?"
So does t's twin, t 2!
"In the ice element. You have two main particles."
legasp. Replace that middle period with a comma; otherwise, you have two (basically) incomplete sentences.
“Ice element Hiyoris, are more like earth element Hiyoris then you’d believe."
Like I said in the last chapter; clan names really don't have a plural. Kinda like deer, you know? It could be referring to just one doe/fawn/buck or a whole group. Also, you don't need the comma after the first Hiyori. c:
"We’ve been sparing nonstop like this since sunrise! And it’s like…Three o’clock now! I’m hungry!"
I guess you forgot to italize this? Because it was kinda confusing to so suddenly switch from third person to first person.
“aunt Kasumi can we take a break and get something to eat?”
legasp. I bet Kasume would like her title to be capitalized, because she'd just be that much more awesome.
"Kaminari couldn’t help the grin that worked it’s way on her face as she blocked at attempted to counter her aunt’s slashes with her scythe."
M'kay! First, that it's. It's is only to be used for "it is." When dealing with a type of possessiveness, the word you use is "its," without an apostrophy.
Second: that at appears to have wrongly wiggled itself there! BAD AT! BAD! xD
“How true,” Kasumi chuckled. “those are the enemies you really have to look out for."
Hm, that first comma needs to be changed into a period. If what Kasumi said was actually strung together, you probably would've used a semicolon. In this situation, you need to make that comma a period and capitalize those. :3
"At that very moment, Kasumi’s belly let out a load roar."
Oh my! Those typoes are sneaky lil' critters. Eh. Everyone gets them.
“Was nice talking to normal people again."
I'm not sure if you purposely typed it like that or not; some people say sentences like that and are too lazy to include the 'it.' I know I sometimes am. xD
"... she was sparing with Jessica while Jessica’s family and Kasumi watched."
You didn't use the right word on sparing - sparing is when you spare something. You want sparring. ;)
Well, I'm off to explore this new story forum I found. See ya later! Er, type ya later, whatever. The internet can be confusing...
Author's Response: lol Thanks for the corrections! You'll make me have decent grammar yet! ;D
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 29/08/08 - 04:33 pm · For: Hell's New Name
I'm so glad that you updated. Are you going to get on yahoo anytime soon? We need to discuss when we'll update the next chapter on our story. Hope you'll update soon.
Author's Response: I'll be on Yahoo tomorrow. K? :D
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 28/08/08 - 01:58 pm · For: Hospital Room
heh, i liked this chap. when's the next one coming out.
Author's Response: Today! xP
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 24/08/08 - 04:36 am · For: Hospital Room
one bit i'd like to point out
"Kasumi’s face turn from an angry to one of understanding. "
try reading it out loud, perhaps?
congrats for the award!
Author's Response: O__O; Wow, that don't make much sense does it? lol Thanks for pointing that out and Thank you!!
Name: inuzuka king (Signed) · Date: 23/08/08 - 08:42 pm · For: Don't Piss Off The Cherry Tree!
So...whats her kekkai Genkai agian?
Author's Response: Her kekkai Genkai is called "Hiyorime" The summary gives a basic introduction to the Hiyori bloodline trait. Since Kaminari was born in an electrical storm, her element is electricity and her name means "thunder". On the other hand, Kasumi, was born when a heavy mist covered the land so her element is mostly water. That clear things up for you? Thanks for the review!!
Name: Miki Everless (Signed) · Date: 22/08/08 - 10:55 pm · For: Hospital Room
Congratulations!
Short chapter, but pretty well written. Ooh, Shimo. He's the guy that blames Kaminari for his father's death, right?
Author's Response: Yup, yup! I'm happy you remember! lol Thanks for the review!
Name: Incarn (Signed) · Date: 22/08/08 - 07:24 pm · For: Hospital Room
Just a suggestion if you don't alreasy have it planned, but I think a bunch of people (including me) wants to know the history behind Jessica's angel... I mean, we don't even know its name - or its gender! It's only been referred to as "Jessica's angel." I'm really curious about it...
Hehe. You know what time it is. ;D
“Stop yelling at me.” Kaminari said looking away from her aunt."
Add a comma after said.
“Hiyori’s get their powers from 6 elements."
I suggest that you don't put that apostrophe s on Hiyori. Clan names really don't have plural form.
"The water Hiyori said rocking in her chair."
Another comma after said. n_n
"Who me?” Kasumi continued to laugh."
Mr. Comma here says he wants to move in between Who and Me street. xD
"I forgot, Hiyori’s name their children to match their element."
What I said a few beta-fixes above. Just to remind you. c:
“Am I aloud to leave?” Kaminari said throwing off the covers."
Change aloud to allowed; aloud relates to sound and allowed relates to permission. Also, Mr. Comma's son would like to buy an apartment on the junction of Said and Throwing street. Haha, that's a good anology... er, whatever that is.
"I can only give you guy five minutes in here.”
Legasp! A typo. Mrs. Guy (...not Gai's wife, ew) feels lonely without her beloved s.
"The nurse started to open the door?"
Typo ahoy! xD
Great chapter, though, and I'm so glad that you got the best in category! I have a weird sense of pride in this story, because I guess I helped it improve.
Author's Response: lol you should have a sence of pride! If it wasn't for you and kuramasgurl018 this story would be nothing like it is today!!
Name: kuramasgurl018 (Signed) · Date: 22/08/08 - 06:14 pm · For: Hospital Room
Awesome chapter. I wish that it could have been longer but it was great all the same. I can't wait to see the fights. When is Orochimaru coming into the picture?
Author's Response: lol sorry, but I had to get Nari out of the hospital some how. >__>; Oro-snake will be in the picture when he invades Konoha!
Name: yvorazz3986 (Anonymous) · Date: 18/08/08 - 04:08 pm · For: Jessica’s Angel and Kaminari’s Unmastered Jutsu
This was intense! More please!!!!
Author's Response: lol That was the main idea! ^o^ Tanx 4 r-view!