Reviews For Kenteski Aburame.
Name: ForyourLove (Signed) · Date: 21/04/08 - 10:30 pm · For: Chapter 1; Prolouge.
To Ada:
When giving someone advice loose the f'ing attitude. It just sounded like some smug airhead trying to be nice when they couldn't really give a damn about the situation.
Now dear author...I'm Sara and Jess is CrimsonClover ^^
Sara says:
omfg people P me off XD
Jess says:
?
Sara says:
On tonfa, I go around and review people now telling them how to correct their stories...no one else is going around and doing that. but as soon as I do it to a story other people will go the story and say the same thing as me but in different words like they are something big X.x F'ing morons now the poor writers will be discouraged
Sara says:
example of a signed review from me ~*Gives a link to this stories reviews*~
Jess says:
-_- OMFG Can I kill them? Please?
Sara says:
I was trying to think of a retort that I could give and a way to encourage the author but I don't know what to say
Jess says:
Ugh. I'm mad and it's not even my review... I just F'ing hate people who write reviews like that. They aren't helpful cause it reads like it's filled with bitter spite and I just want to throttle that person now.
Jess says:
Yours, was very nice btw
Sara says:
Thank you ^_^ I try to be nice yet offer a way to help to
Jess says:
Those reviews are the best. Where you can tell that there's some genuine encouragement behind it.
Sara says:
*copies and pastes this part of the convo to the review to show the author we encourage them*
Jess says:
*facepalm*
Sara says:
I like to copy and paste convos *fails*
Jess says:
I know you do
---
Sara says:
I forgot to edit out the curse words in from our convo to the review *dies laughing*
Jess says:
Oh great. XDDD
Sara says:
Guess who is getting another account deleted from tonfa~ this time not of my own wanting X.x *still made of fail*
So I came back and deleted the last review and made this one more reader friendly ^^;
We hope you continue your story Love ^_^
Name: Ada (Anonymous) · Date: 17/03/08 - 11:40 pm · For: Chapter 1; Prolouge.
Hm........
I see several problems with this. First of all, your pacing is too rough, too fast. Also, I see some OOC of the main characters. Also, I see very little actual text--there is no explanation for anything, and that's a lacking factor. Also, I can sesnse that since the pregnant woman's baby (I don't remember her name) is special enough to warrant attention from the Akatsuki, I can probably sense a Gary-Stu coming up.
Your spelling and grammar, however, is passable. I suppose that is really the only redeeming factor to this story.
There is, however, a chance, that this story can become decent, and have a non-cliche/predictable storyline. Do that, and I will hail you as a decent writer. If not, then you fail in the most ultimate way.
Neurotically Yours,
Ada
Name: ForyourLove (Signed) · Date: 06/03/08 - 08:04 pm · For: Chapter 1; Prolouge.
It went kinda fast, didn't leave much room for the readers to get into the story...You could have explained the situation more and if she had all that power why didn't she stop it and why the heck didn't Shino fight back when he is hella strong.
I'm wondering why the Akatsuki would just march right into the hospital and ask her to join even when she has a baby, because that would be too much of an annoyance and would slow her down unless she would just be used for like information and the like.
You have great spelling and grammar which is AWESOME! You just need more details. So I'm pretty damn sure you can change this around and make it a great fic ^_^
I hope you can :D
Good luck and later!
Author's Response: o_o Well I didn't wanna make it seemed one sided which happens alot when I try to write fight scenes ><, And shino wouldn't have fought back because Kuro was Serene's brother. And Serene didn't want to risk losing the baby so she didn't fight back. ._.;; I'm working on the second chapter now, so I'll try to add more detail ._.;;