Reviews For Heartbreaker
Name: Iago (Signed) · Date: 25/05/08 - 05:09 pm · For: Chapter 01
The genre's not the one closest to my heart, but I liked the execution on this one nevertheless. :) (And mmm, Neji bonus points.)
I'm a bit surprised at the Hinata-only-pretends approach, even though I've seen it before. But now that the choice is done, I hope you ride the idea out well in future chapters too! :)
Thanks for the read.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I love it when people like my stories, especially when they aren't necessarily their favorite genre.rnrnI'm not entirely sure how I'm going to pull off the Hinata-only-pretends approach yet, but I'll make it work. I don't like making things seemed forced after all. :]rnrnThank you for reading!! Your review means a lot to me.
Name: AikoMatsuo (Signed) · Date: 29/02/08 - 08:43 am · For: Chapter 03
freat story. you have to writed more. well u don't have to but i really want u to. X
Author's Response: Don't worry, I definitely will. In fact, I'm working on the next chapter at this very second. =) Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Name: Silent Witness (Signed) · Date: 29/02/08 - 08:27 am · For: Chapter 03
I think the biggest problem you have is your confidence, not anything with your writing. You need to be more confident of your own ideas, and don't apologize to your readers for every deviation from the established norm.
As I read it, it all flowed properly, so there is little need to worry about that factor. If something is really glaring, you might want to justify it. But I don't think Hinata exploding is particularly out there. It's ALWAYS the quiet ones you get surprised by. I know, I AM the quiet one. ;)
Your a good writer, and you are beginning to master the elements that makes a story engaging. As I read through, there weren't many dry patches, and the spelling/grammar was pretty good. There were a couple of word choice issues, but I'm pretty lenient about visual metaphors.
The only major problem I have with this story is the high school celebrity vs. legion of fangirls aspect. This is not your fault as a writer, it's more of something endemic to the entire genre. Maybe my high school was filled with feminists, but I never saw anything like this. Except in a few rare instances, it was the other way around: the women had the power and they knew it.
For future chapters, try nuance this dynamic a bit more. If you aren't careful, you can start to come across as misogynistic. And remember, your primary audience in fanfiction is likely to be women.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to read my story.Also, thank you very much for the constructive criticism. I'll try to watch the visual metaphors a bit more, and I'll definitely work on fixing the whole high school celebrity vs. legion of fangirls aspect. In fact, I've already started coming up with ideas on how to change that in future chapters.
This really helped me, so I have to say it again: Thank you. =)
Name: Kate09 (Anonymous) · Date: 28/02/08 - 09:59 am · For: Chapter 01
I won't stop reading your story, but I really thought that NaruSasu was a great idea !! I'm kind of sad now that you changed it.. =( Good job anyway.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm kind of sad about getting rid of NaruSasu too, since I had some really good ideas for them. I don't know, maybe I'll work it into the story somehow. It's all up in the air right now, as far as pairings go. But yes, thank you.
Name: scarlett_fire (Signed) · Date: 26/02/08 - 08:52 pm · For: Chapter 03
ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!! that has go tto be the funniest thing i have ever read!!! i love it! well all i can say is way to go hinata! lol keep writing this is great!!!
Author's Response: Haha thank you very much! I figured it was due time that Hinata stood up for herself! Hehe, thank you. =D
Name: Baka_Onegai_Aishiteru (Signed) · Date: 26/02/08 - 08:10 pm · For: Chapter 03
Hehe of course I don't hate you silly, that was infact great! I like Hinata, not just the way she is in the anime/manga, cause I mean come on...she *would* be human too :P I really liked the bit with Neji too, he is so cute when he's confused! Ohhh and thanks for dedicating this chapter to me, I looked at the AN and was like 'whoa, this is awesome, I feel so loved!' you didn't disappoint me ^_^ Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Phew, I'm glad you don't hate me, cause that would be really bad, heh. And yeah, I guess she is human, but then again, most people are. Especially when they're drunk. :P And thank you! I'm glad you liked the bit with Neji, cause I thought I may be going too deep into his character too quickly, but apparently not. =) And you're quite welcome! I just HAD to dedicate this chapter to you because you're the coolest, haha. And because it was you who gave me the idea to make this chapter about Hinata, not to mention you're a constant reviewer and I've come to look forward to what you have to say haha. ^_^ But I'm glad I didn't disappoint you! And thank you! ^_^
Name: kurisuchin45556 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/08 - 10:40 am · For: Chapter 02
Wow, I never really pictured Neji like that, Sasuke on the other hand, he's a whole different story. Good job.
Author's Response: Heh, thank you very much. I try to make the characters as diverse as possible, so I'm glad that you never really pictured Neji like that. =)
Name: Baka_Onegai_Aishiteru (Signed) · Date: 25/02/08 - 06:40 am · For: Chapter 02
Aww poor Hinata! I really like that girl, she is so sweet, I hope she gets some attention in this story! Heh, speaking of Hyuuga's...Neji got a *little* insecure at the beginning there, it was quite cute! Anyways, wonderful job!
P.S. Thanks for the bit at the top, it made me feel special ^_^
Author's Response: It's funny that you mention Hinata, because the next chapter is mainly focused on her...though, I'm not sure if you'll like it or not, since you like her because she's sweet....x_x And yes, I love slightly insecure Neji who doesn't even realize he's insecure, haha. That boy is so much fun to toy with....OH! And thank you! Haha, I almost forgot that. Whoops. THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU. That's to make up for almost forgetting to thank you. (I apologize, I've had far too much sugar.)P.S. Well thank you for always reviewing! It makes me feel special, haha. And besides, you're awesome, so I'd be crazy not to specially thank you, heh. =D
Name: Baka_Onegai_Aishiteru (Signed) · Date: 24/02/08 - 05:43 pm · For: Chapter 01
Whoa, that first part was great, I liked the emotions in it. Oh oh and Ino was *hilarious* in this, I hope she stays a part of it. Great job!
Author's Response: *grin* Thank you! I worked hard on the emotions, and believe me, they're gonna get more, ah, intense as the story goes on. And I'm glad you liked Ino in this, haha. She's gonna wind up having a pretty big part, it seems, even though I never intended for that to happen. But my Ino muse is a lot like the Ino in the manga: violent, clingy, and ready to beat the living daylights out of you if you don't pay attention to her. x_x But she makes the story better, so yeah, it's all good. Oh, and THANK YOU again! *hugs*
Name: OmgVikiRawr (Signed) · Date: 24/02/08 - 04:35 am · For: Chapter 01
WOWZ i love it
:D its such a good story line lol
please make more!
Author's Response: Ahh thank you! :D
I'm working on the second chapter as we speak, well, type. Heh.
Wanna know something weird? I was planning on reading your stories when I woke up, cause I'm about to go to sleep. So be expecting a review or two from me later on today. ;-D