heyy!! finish the story already!! i might kill some1!
Alrighty, let's have a look at your fic starting with your title. It's not the most inpsired title, it doesn't draw me in or strike me as original. It gives the impression of a carbon copy of their parents. Hopefully here will give you some inspiration to step outside the mould and make Ember more than just her parents child, you can make her stand up as her own person.
That said let's talk about your characters names, they just don't fit in with the canon pattern, all character's names are in Japanese. The closer you keep to the rules of the canon, the more people will believe it and be able to get into it. For example, your character's name Ember could be changed to Yoen, Japanese for burning embers or Tanebi. Same with Sara and Sally, I suggestion you look up some other Japanese names on the internet to keep with the Japanese theme of Naruto.
Another thing that kind of worries me is that straight of the bat there's a spelling mistake, cusions instead of cousins. I highly suggested rereading and spell check before you submit your story because everytime there's a spelling mistake it's like hitting a pothole. It means we can't get into it because we're too busy going 'there's a mistake, there's a mistake, and there's a mistake'.
One last suggestion is to make 'Ember' her own character rather than half her mother and half her father. How much are you like your parents? Also, we're very familiar with Temari and Shikamaru, so we want something different. What are the different things you and Ember can show us? Something new and exciting and unique!Cheers mate, keep going, keep improving, keep writing!
Author's Response: I'll keep that in mind. when i have the time i'll make the corrections.
Cool story. Please continue it
: D I thought it was pretty good! The beginning was really short, but it made some sense b/c it introduced the characters. I think you should put some pazzaze into the intro. Like, make it a little more interesting... Like a series of flashbacks that show who they are, after all, the past made you who you are today. : )
Keep it up! But may I ask, what is the main point of this story? (Like is it some sort of love story? Or is it sibling rivalry?? O-O Sorry. I'm kind of slow.. Hee...)
Author's Response: I edited chapter 1. don't worry their will be more flashbacks and stuff in later chapters.