Okay, I think that you have a really good plot going on here. But you have a few spelling mistakes that make things a little confuseing. And having everything put together the way you do makes things even more confuseing. When someone is talking, make that its own paragraph. And add more details. It makes it easier for the reader to picture what is going on or how someone is feeling.
But, all in all, I think that you have a good plot and have good potiencial with your writting. And please don't take this as a flame or anything. I got qiute a few of these myself with some of my other previous stories.
So you can take my advice or not. It's up to you. But I look forward to reading your next chapter.



Author's Response: k! i'll take ur advice! and im glad u like it so far! ^^