Grammar mistakes float around this chapter, but that might just be my Nazi talking. Mostly you forget to use commas where you really need them, which is interesting because most of the authors I have worked with use too many commas, and I'm constantly having to remove them to save the sentence from awkwardness. Yes, I am aware that that sentence right there was awkward and drawn out, but I do not care. Tiz only a review, not actual story material. :P

One thing that did bug me:
"Aubrey's just driving slowly because of the porcupines," she beamed as she made her statement.
Beamed is a facial expression that suits the situation, but it is not a verb that can be used in terms of speaking. She could have spoken while beaming but not beamed the actual words. I don't know if your intention was simply to indicate a facial expression and your fault simply lay in misusing a comma after the dialogue rather than a period and start of a new sentence; or if you were trying to use the word "beamed" as the action for her dialogue. Either way, the mistake is easily fixed in future writing.

Peninnah is a bit cliché over-energized obnoxious girl, and that could turn out good or bad. Are you hoping to simply keep her in for gags and comic-relief, or do you hope to make her a more serious aspect of the story? If the latter is the case, it will be tricky thing to accomplish. If you do, though, she will be an amazing dynamic for the story.

Her introduction was a little awkward, though. It took me a couple reads to make the connection of her first dialogue with the name mentioned in Omri's dialogue. The revealing of the driver's name being Aubrey was slightly confusing, too, though not overly. Just be careful that you are not identifying your characters too disjointedly, though I understand the desire to also use more interesting methods for character introduction. Using the same old boring method every time leads to a boring story. The only girl of the four you introduced clearly was Sydney. Just keep that in mind.

I apologize for the nitpickiness. I'm a beta, and I can't seem to stop the work when once I get started. I really only get nitpicky in this way with good authors, though. I figure they're strong enough to take the constructive critique. And of course they're the only ones worth spending my time trying to improve. Anybody can learn to write; only a few can tell a story.

Anyway, I actually do rather like where this is headed. I wonder where the girls are going to end up, and what they will do. I'm interested in them with a strong enough desire to keep reading in order to find out. That's pretty good for me since I often will like a story but still abandon it after the first one or two chapters, anyway. I'm a little hesitant about the "sexual themes" warning, but I'm willing to go with it. I look forward to more, and I'll try not to get too nitpicky in my reviews. I know it can be a drag.

--The Wreyck

Author's Response:
I have a lot of issues with the English language, so I apologize for that, ha. I could reread a chapter several times, deem it ready for read consumption, and than find a few days later a few periods or a word or two missing for no apparent reason... Heh, it really is terrible, but we try I suppose.

Anyway, much of the reason the passing of character dialogue is kind of off is because this first chapter is mostly focused on Sydney herself, thus the reason you get the best feeling for her right out of the gate. I will keep in mind, however, the distance and separation of character vs. speech and try and keep it a little smoother in the future.

And any amount of helpful advice is still helpful advice, so please feel free to interject whenever you feel necessary. I look forward to hearing from you in the future :3