Reviews For Impervious
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 20/04/12 - 04:19 pm · For: Bloody Wishes
:) I was happy when i saw this was updated. Yay! Gaara's a personal project of mine, so this was nice. I thought your description of him was a little stiff, maybe a bit remote, but other than that, everything flowed smoothly. I liked the descriptions you used throughout, and found this chapter interesting.
Also - no grammar mistakes, as far as i could see!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 20/04/12 - 02:16 pm · For: A Helping Hand
Wow, the Kazekage is so hotheaded :P I loved the little fight though. He totally kicked the Kage's butt!
One of the mistakes I need to point out is that Kazekage and Kage should be capitalized because it's a formal title.
Other than that, I thought it was really sweet that he offered Gaara a summoning scroll in case he needs help. That's very kind and considerate.
I can't wait to read more! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Yeah, he handed the Kazekage his butt. lol. Glad you like the character, got more coming soon!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 19/04/12 - 08:05 pm · For: Bloody Wishes
Aww, that was really sweet of him to help Gaara like that. I really liked how that turned out. This was a really nice chapter; he was very kind and sweet toward Gaara, which is always awesome because he could use some care in the world :) Keep up the good work with this story!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 19/04/12 - 05:00 pm · For: Bloody Wishes
This man continues to amaze me. With all he has acquired it makes me wonder who will be the one to give him a challenge. Great work bud keep it up!
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 18/04/12 - 05:51 pm · For: History Counts for Something
Very good. I thought it went rather well for him. Though I'm surprised he is just leaving so suddenly; I thought he'd stick around. I guess the mysteries in Suna await then. Looking forward to that. I can't wait to see how this goes, keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 18/04/12 - 12:20 pm · For: History Counts for Something
Sweet. The first outsider that isn't terrorized for being...well an outsider lol. Good job. Can't wait to see what goes down in Suna.
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 18/04/12 - 07:42 am · For: History Counts for Something
Haha, that's hilarious ^^ If you don't get any offers, contact me on my profile page and i'll do it - i've never beta-read before tho, so.....
Much of the problem's with story flow have to do with grammer, but you seem to have that under control, so moving on. Naruto.... is unbelievable, (in a proper In-Character way). You just demonstrated how badly that knucklehead could screw up..... I'd think that Naruto would be a bit more suspicious of outsiders, as shown in his other interactions with them, but i can easily imagine him doing this, so it's not that far of a stretch.
Also, perhaps describing Yushin as well would help. First person is a hard style like that, in the sense it's hard to describe surroungings, but incorporating that would help improve your story. Perhaps you could grab a first person novel and take a look at how the author does it?
I've fallen in love with this story! LOL, the concept is quite unique and Yushin is an interesting narrator. Something worth mentioning- someone that old will have picked up certain speech and style mannerisms of his time. Describing this would make the story more interesting; for example, trends and cities change fairly quickly. You could have Yushin remarking on the growth of some things, the loss of others, etc. Rather, he is an unchanging observer of all that is changing, so he will be odd in comparison to what is changing, right?
Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks a bunch!I'll definitely try to capture the 1st person perspective better in the future. Glad you liked how it's going so far, and I'll be sure to have more coming soon!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 17/04/12 - 07:01 pm · For: Just Another Day
The first thing i noticed as i read, was that you probably need to proofread- proofreading will make a great impact on your overall story quality. just let the chapter sit for a while, reread it, and proofread.
Despite that, the story jumped out to me. Yushin's character is very interesting and I liked his narrative. First person is really hard to pull off, but I'd say you did great. Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks for the input. Since I don't like to reread my stuff I'll be in the hunt for a beta reader.
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 17/04/12 - 04:27 pm · For: Prologue
Wow, this is an extremely interesting concept! I look forward to joining Yushin Jourou on his journey ^^
Author's Response: Glad you like it so far! I'll be including a lot of characters in this story so it'll just be getting more interesting from here on out!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 17/04/12 - 02:29 pm · For: Just Another Day
This looks pretty sweet. I like the character so far. Good job
Author's Response: Thanks man.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 17/04/12 - 03:42 am · For: Just Another Day
Ah, this was awesome! The events that played out were really realistic so far. I like it so far. I'd like to see more of this, but I also want to see the end of Bad Influence as well. Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: Thanks, it's just a new story I'm trying out. I'll have updates occasionally, but It'll probably pick up after I finish up another story.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 17/04/12 - 03:34 am · For: Prologue
Huh.... This sounds really interesting.... It's a weird kekkei genkai to have, definitely. I personally would say that the shinobi world wiped them out simply for their kekkei genkai rather than just having the clan die out on their own, but that's just my take on it.
I like the idea though, I shall keep reading!