Nice man, cool fight scene. Keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks!

That was a great battle scene you wrote! Very intense, and you did pretty good with switching between the two on-going fights. One of the mistakes I saw though was when Zuzake was speaking to Hitomi and explaining what happened, he said "Zuzake managed to take down that lady" - he wouldn't refer to himself as Zuzake, so I'm wondering if it was Isago who was supposed to talk?

But anyway, this was really good. The cliffhanger leaves me wanting to know what was in the dream! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thanks! Ok I went back and changed that :P My bad. Thank you for the review Nee-chan :)

Nice update, and I'm pumped to see the battle coming up.

Author's Response: Thanks bro. It'll be epic for the first battle for sure

First off, great job with Hitomi. You're doing a great job with her. Amazing, even. So yeah, eight thumbs up there.

Although their are some grammar mistakes, it was a fabulous chapter. It has me on the edge of munster wondering what will happen. Oh, and would it be okay to send in another Aku member?

Author's Response: I do a bad job of proofreading. Glad you liked. Go for it though

:D You were spot on with Hotaru and her intense training personality. Nice job. And I know it was just him talking about missions and stuff, but I like how you wrote Doubutsu already. I honestly made him up on the spot, so I'm kinda excited to see more of him later on in the story.

Nice job on this! Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: Hell yeah. I'm so glad you liked your characters. I really like Doubutsu as a character. I will enjoy writing him. Same thing with Hotaru :) Jeez your up late wolf-chan :P But so am I

Yep. Like I thought I would, I loved it. The only real problem I see is what Silverwolf said about Hotaru telling them about the team work.

I absolutely loved everything else. Even if it was like Kakashi's test, at the same time it was different because of how the team reacted and what Hotaru did. She actually took them away, which could either scare the team or see if they care enough about their teammates to go save them. So yeah, I think that was a good way to do it rather than them not knowing that the other person was being captured/taken/whatever.

This was an amazing chapter, Itoko-san. Once again, you did an amazing job with Hitomi. I can't wait for the next chapter. I'm sure it will be just as awesome as this amazing chapter.

Author's Response: Hmm. I'll go change that then. It's starting to bug me also :P I'm really glad you liked this. I thought it would be cool to keep that tradition of the bell test, especially with team seven. This team is going to have a bit of a twist on them though, and you'll see why in the next chapter. I'm glad you liked the way Hotaru did things also :) Thank you for the review Itoko!

I nearly jumped for joy when I saw this had been updated. It's so awesome! This was a great start, and you did amazing with Hitomi and Hoshi bi think you did great with the others, but that's up to the creators to decide. It was a great start and it makes me eager to see what's coming next.

Author's Response: Heh. Didn't know you were so eager to see this updated. I'm glad you liked it. I will probably have the next chapter out by tonight. I really wanna type up the survival exercise.

Good start and introducing characters, although I still think script style is a bit weird, but it doesn't detract from your writing.

Another note, you have it very canonish, and this may just be my personal opinion but don't try to connect the two so heavily or the story might get stale. Overall, damn good start so keep it up.

Author's Response: Thanks, I hope you enjoy seeing your OC in there. Don't worry I wont have them connect so heavily, just wanted her to give him some reassuring words and what not. It feels weird switching back between story style and script style though. Just gotta get into the flow of things I guess.

Name: Hoshi Keikan
Gender: Female
Animal Partner: She has a small little rabbit that is always following, but she persistently denies that it’s hers.
Age: 29
Clan: Keikan
Country: Nine Tailed Fox Village

Family: She has a three year old sun named Satoshi. His father is a man named Hokoru. Hoshi’s mother and father live in the Cloud Country. Hoshi had moved away when she was nineteen, so they don’t see each other very often unless one decides to do a random visit.

Background: She had a pretty normal life up to the age of twenty. It was then that she had her first child. The baby girl was killed, though, by a kunai a genin had mistakenly thrown at her while training. This pained Hoshi for weeks, at first creating hatred toward Shinobi. Then she decided to do something. She decided she wanted to teach kids how to be ninja so that a mistake like it would never happen again. So that’s what she did, becoming a teacher at the Academy.

Personality: Her bitterness toward Shinobi from before will occasionally show when she sees a genin, chunin, or anything higher mess up. It’s even worse if they accidentally hurt someone. Otherwise she’s usually quite nice. She tries her best to teach her kids to the best of their abilities, pushing them to make sure that they can do their best. At times she pushes too hard and doesn’t even realize it a majority of the kids are complaining.

Appearance: She wears the usual chunin wear, has bright yellow eyes, and red hair.

Best At: Teaching kids

Worst At: Controlling her temper when it does appear.

Fighting Style: Usually she’ll use her lightning ninjutsu for long range. If she must, though, she’ll use her lightning to speed herself up and use taijutsu.

Special Abilities: Increasing her speed with her lightning

Chakra Nature: Lightning

Kekkei Genkai: None

Crush: None

Other: None

Name: Hitomi Hyuuga / Kyuumu
Gender: Female
Animal Partner: None
Age: 13
Clan: Born clan – Hyuuga. Adopted clan – Kyuumu
Country: Nine tailed fox village.

Family: Hitomi is a descendant of a not well known Hyuuga in the lower part of the clan. She is (unknown to both her and her foster parents) part Kyuumu, getting it from her mother’s side. Her mother died in child birth, but nobody knew because they already thought she was dead. She was part of the royal blood in the clan, but didn’t want to be anymore so faked her own death. Then she married Hitomi’s father, Kyo. Her family along the Kyuumu is either unknown or dead. Her adoptive parents are Kagome and Haku Kyuumu.

Background: Being part of the lower branch, she was branded with the cursed seal when she was four. Before that, her life was never good. Her father was angry at her, blaming her for her mother’s death. He took out his pain on her, beating her often. This was unknown to most people, for she hid it because she felt it would please Kyo. It seemed like the older she got and the more pain tolerance she had, the more he beat her. He would also mentally abuse her, sometimes to the point where she wouldn’t leave a dark part of the house until she was near dehydration. She worked even harder when she became an Academy student, trying to achieve the best. She failed, though, always weak from the beatings and sometimes from lack of food and water when Kyo decided to try and make her go through small periods of starvation. She wasn’t saved from this abuse until another Hyuuga found her running away from the abuse once. Usually they just ignored it because her father would lie, saying that she was just upset because she’d failed in training. This Hyuuga, however, saw her after a particularly bad session of abuse because Kyo had been drunk when he’d done it, leaving her with a bloodied nose, black eye, broken arm, and a red mark on her face. Knowing that nobody would subject a young girl to that kind of training, this Hyuuga found out the truth and from there she was taken from her father. From there she was adopted by the Kyuumus. They began to get a tutor from the Hyuuga clan for her, but otherwise she didn’t participate in the Hyuuga things after the age of nine.

Personality: She is somewhat reserved, what happened in her past still haunting her. Sometimes she still finds herself belittling herself because she somewhat created her own inner bully who pushed her to be better than she could be, saying cruel things to her when she failed. Kinda like Inner Sakura, but mean to herself. Hitomi always tries to be nice to others and makes friends with the people who lack them because she knows what it’s like to be lonely. She’ll take pain for others, knowing she can take it since she’s been through so much, but not knowing the pain tolerance of others. She thinks very little of herself, but she thinks a lot of others, especially those who are nice to her (sheesh, her personality is starting to be a bit like mine…..). Even if she’s not good at seeing other’s pain tolerance, she’s really good at guessing what they’re feeling.

Appearance: I’ll send a picture to you. I don’t have it on the website yet, but I will soon. I’ll tell you when.

Best At: Taking pain, taijutsu, and getting along with others.

Worst At: Self-esteem =P. She’s also worst at seeing when she’s had enough, pushing herself just to make sure that the others don’t feel pain.

Fighting Style: She usually does taijutsu, and when needed she will activate the Byakugan, but only rarely because it’s not very strong. Then she always has her other kekkei genkai…… Which is why the Byakugan isn’t very strong.

Special Abilities: Her kekkei genkais I guess.

Chakra Nature: Wind, though she doesn’t use it too often.

Kekkei Genkai: She has two. One comes from the Hyuuga, the other comes from the Kyuumu side of her blood. The one from the Hyuuga side is weaker. This was another reason she was abused – her familiar at her kekkei genkai. This is the ability that activates when she is knocked out yet her will to protect is still running strong. She becomes an unconscious fighter. Everything becomes better because she doesn’t worry at all and she doesn’t really feel too much. Her will to protect her friends is still there to the point it will actually take away her mercy if it means she’ll protect her friends.

Crush: Hm…… Who do you think it should be?

Other: None that I can think of.

Author's Response: Whoa...This character is complicated yet easy to work with! I really like her. I think she'll make a great addition to the story :) Now all I need is a Teacher (Like Iruka) and a Hokage... and 5 other Aku members :D Thanks for the submission!

Okay, as promised, here is the sensei!

Name: Hotaru Hyuuga

Gender: Female

Animal Partner: A ferret named Hiro

Age: 25

Clan: Hyuuga

Country: Nine-tailed Fox Village

Family: She is the granddaughter of the Hyuuga prodigy, Neji Hyuuga. Her parents were also excellent shinobi but died on a mission when she was very young. Her parents' names were Atsushi (father) and Chiharu (mother).

Background: Her parents died when she was only five - she could faintly remember them but she didn't know enough about them. Once they died, she was raised in the Hyuuga compound, but she never knew love. She was raised in the old-fashioned Hyuuga methods: strict and firm. She was fashioned into the ideal cold-hearted strong Hyuuga.

Personality: She's very, very strict. She gives no leeway to her students. Her training is brutal to the point where others literally feel like they are dying. She takes hard work to a whole new level, as she takes to heart the saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Her goal is to break the stereotype that says the Hyuuga branch family is inferior to the main family.

Appearance: (Sadly, these are not my pictures)





Best At: Taijutsu and fire-style techniques

Worst At: Genjutsu and using weapons

Fighting Style: She utilizes more offense than defense, though she does know the Hyuuga method of defense. She can use the Hyuuga clan's Eight Trigrams and Gentle Fist techniques, but she usually combines them with her fire-release attacks.

Special Abilities: Combining the Hyuuga method of fighting with her fire-release techniques. She can also use combination fire attacks with Hiro.

Chakra Nature: Fire

Kekkei Genkai: Byakugan

Crush: I don't think she can have one, haha :P

Other: That's it, I believe.

I hope this works for you! Tell me if anything needs changing!

Author's Response: Whoa. Great minds must think alike huh? Sasaui wants to submit a female teammate who is also a Hyuuga. This should make for an interesting team. I like her. She cuts no slack not even with Zuzake's situation huh? I like her a lot! Thanks for the submission!

Name: Yoku Nekoshima
Gender: Female
Animal Partner: None, but cats always listen to her.
Age: 13
Clan: Nekoshima
Country: Water

Family: She has never known her parents, but she does have family that is living. Well, if you consider being a demon living. Her mother was as human as can be, but her father was a cat demon, Toshiro, working for the strongest cat demon. She has two sisters – Kiyoko (19) and Yoru(17).

Background: Her father is, as said above, one of the top cat demons. His master told him to plant seeds within the humans to work as their spies. To do this, Toshiro decided to mate with a human, receiving three children from three different humans. All of the woman died during child birth. Toshiro left them in the human world, knowing their different appearances would lead the humans to hating them. He wanted this to put a seed of hate into his children. It succeeded, and by the age of twelve he went and told his children who they were. With the discoveries, the two eldest instantly joined their father. Yoku, however, hesitated, angered by her father’s neglect. As a child she had been abused and hated, yet he didn’t even try to stop it. Because of this she ran off, joining Aku to get her revenge on humans for their treatment of her. The only reason she works with the other humans is because she believes they will help her kill more.

Personality: She’s cold toward humans, hating their constant abuse and hatred directed toward her. She was only a child, yet they did everything they could to hurt her. She’s very kind toward animals, though. They bring out a kinder side of her. She’ll usually be found speaking to them, and she’ll even use them to kill some humans.

Appearance:



If it doesn't show, here's the link:

http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/342/1/b/yoku_nekoshimo_by_sasaui-d4ijsba.jpg

She’ll occasionally wear a black cloak over her clothes. Her hair is a dark grey, her shirts a dull brown, and her pants are white.

Best At: Agility, sneaking around, and using animals, usually cats, to kill.

Worst At: Doing anything around water (yeah, like a cat, she hates water), figuring out when a human is telling the truth (she thinks every human is a liar), and following orders without comment.

Fighting Style: She usually kills quickly, using claws she can elongate or animals (as mentioned a few times before). She’ll also sometimes use her tail to strangle opponents. Yoku’s agility is shown a lot during fighting as well. If she ever uses ninjutsu, it’s simply demon style ninjutsu.

Special Abilities: She can make elongated claws, has really good hearing, can see in the dark, and her ability over animals.

Chakra Nature: Demon

Kekkei Genkai: None

Crush: First, she’s only 13. Second, she hates humans.

Other: None that I can think of.


Well, there she is. My first character. I hope you like her. Oh, and the picture is mine.

Author's Response: Amazing character. It'll be interesting to put a 13 year old in an evil organization.