You know, usually, when I read your stuff, there's something that immediately drags me in. I don't know, I didn't really feel it in this.

Don't get me wrong, what you wrote was good. Very good. But I can usually get into the character's mind when you write. I didn't really get that in the first part of this chapter, and I only felt it towards the end in the second part, when Sai was thinking about Sakura as she walked away.

There was a lot of issues with punctuation. I'm nitpicky when it comes to commas. And then there were times when you forgot a word or the apostrophe and s.

I know this is only the first chapter, so if you do update this, I'll still probably read it just because it sounds like an interesting idea. Good job writing this chapter.

Author's Response: I agree that it doesn't drag you in off the start, and it's such a shame ^_^ That's part of the reason Tsunade's section was made short and unfortunately sparse and lacking detail. I might have been in too much of a hurry attempting to build a foundation with one of the main character development.rn
rnGood feedback, and I'll definitely update this. This is something i'm writing mainly for my own interests, but figured I may as throw it up on TONFA. You'll have to read each chapter I put out. =] I, love, commas!