Reviews For Buried Memories
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 14/12/11 - 06:29 pm · For: What was once mine
Okay, I really like the back story that you're giving your character. Authors who send their OCs into the Naruto world rarely ever give any kind of background to their protagonist, so I'm glad you actually took the time to do so.
I have to agree with Rowanrose that you need to make your readers feel what is going on, rather than just telling us. During that entire scene of her being attacked, I did not even shudder. And I'm usually pretty squeamish, so the horror in this wasn't exactly thrilling enough.
As of now, I'm not... hooked on the story yet. But I'm not completely turned off either. It's the fact that there are a plethora of stories like this that inhabit the fanfic sites. If you can show me that this is different, I'll give you mad props. You already have the potential, seeing as how you've developed your character already within the first chapter. You have potential, and this story has promise. I look forward to seeing how this turns out. Keep up the good work.
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 13/12/11 - 06:21 pm · For: What was once mine
wow-wow-wow!
Alright, since I think that Constructive Reviews are the best, and since you deserve the best, here I go.
You're really good. You're waaay better than me when I first started on Tonfa.
I think making your writing a little more clear would help; whow where she's at and make a clear distinction between scenes and trains of thought. Revision is the friend who annoys you the most but is helps you the most while she's at it.
The beginning jumped into the thick of things in a non confusing way, actually, but you know the number one rule? Show rather than Tell. Try to show her hatred instead of describing it, in any way you can. Say she comes home and her mom isn't there and she's happy, or something, I don't know.
I look forward to the next installment! I'll make another review to help you on some basics, like photos and so on.