You have a great first start here and you painted his character vividly. The hamster is a funny little addition. You've established him as a serious character and his environment feels quite alive. I'm looking forward to reading more.

I would caution you with overusing adverbs. You can read any article about the debate about their detriments to writing and a more effective use. I use Edit Minion to catch it in my writing.

T_T Batty Onee-chan, I'm so sorry for missing this and reading so late. Life really gets in the way.

Oh my goodness... preparing for battle... I'm really excited :D I mean, I'm not thrilled that Naomi is jumping into action because of all that had happened to her, but still, I'm sure it'll be really epic.

The more I see the daimyo, the more I dislike him -_- I mean really, so stubborn this man is. I understand he's very protective of his country and all, but c'mon, let the Kage help, sheesh.

Oh my, it was just so refreshing to see your writing again, Nee-chan. I really love this story, and I'm always thrilled to see it updated. Great work on this, I hope you find time to continue writing :D

Author's Response: Whatcha sorry for? ^_^ It's only been a week or so. I'm just very grateful to finally have someone review. =0D
Seriously, I had such major problems with this instalment. I've never spent months on end working on an update for ANY story before. (I mean, I've had updates take months, but that was because I WASN'T working on them (back when I was in school/at university). Not in spite of the fact that I was.) I had writer's block a couple of times, which is something that doesn't tend to happen to me unless there are structural weaknesses with something in the story, so obviously those needed fixing... (I hadn't addressed the fact that Tsunade was right there while yje daimyo was giving Naomi orders to fight and a couple of other things...) and all those random extra people that needed describing didn't help either. Honestly I've been avoiding them for as long as I could (ideally, I should have brought them in around chapter six as 'honour guards' when the GoKage were meeting the daimyo - but frankly there was enough describing in that chapter. I didn't want to bother with an extra nine/ten people in the scene), but the story just reached a point where I couldn't ignore them any longer... I said they were there, so they have to be there OR else I have another structural weakness to give me writer's block. [/end moany writing rant]
I can't focus on anything else when SWB isn't going well either - it just totally messes up my head - so between that and 'the other thing' which I think I'd rather discuss by email or something... it's been a very irritating six months.

Anyway, Naomi's still being Naomi, isn't she? I know it gets to you and I'm sorry. I'll be coming back to that subject in later instalments, so bare with me till then.
And yes, the daimyo's basic lack of.... likeableness is one of the things that makes him one of my favourite characters in this story. ;0) No, really. I adore him. He's just so... crazy at times. His 'xenophobia' is a key point later on though, so its important to have it well established. He's had a tough life, Seishin was continuously at war until about five years before the story, so you have to remember that. His whole mindset is shaped by war, but I think he can be quite warm underneath all those prickles - and also very cruel when he wants to be. That's my interpretation of him anyway.

Oh, Mokey says hi again btw. He's just had a load of treats (the other kitties were having them so...) and he's been checking up on me while I wrote this and/or seeing if he can have cuddles or something... which would mean I have get out of the rocking chair, so no. Poor little Mokey. I think he's gone off in a sulk now...

I'm not gonna lie, the review form really does scare me. When I use it myself, I mean; I don't mind it when you use it :) But I'm going to try and hit on all the important topics anyway.

In terms of mistakes, I can never tell if comma usage is different in certain areas because of the British vs. American style. So I'll lay off that. The only real mistake I saw was right down there at the end. My clan head, as you said he was 'a little more hesitant about speaking than his college had been earlier.' I believe it's colleague?

Other than that, the description of the scene was excellent, as always. I expect nothing less from you. I love how you used all the characters. Naomi really was a great leader in this situation, and everyone who was opposing her was portrayed in a very realistic manner, which I really enjoyed. And now the plot thickens as the jounin ready themselves, so I'm really excited to see what happens next.

Nice job, Batty O'Nee-chan! I can't wait to read more, keep up the great work!

Wait, that's the end? Oh, wait, 45 (about) more chapters to go. I guess in this case that's both good and bad since this way I'm not left hanging with the cliffhanger.

Speaking of which...... HOLY FLYING CHOCOLATE MONKEYS!!! Nee-san? What's she doing in their house? Wait, so she is real? Dang it, I must know. Yeah, sorta happy about being behind now. Anyway, like always, great job with description. It is mind-blowing just how well you describe stuff. Overall I absolutely loved this chapter. Your story is amazing, BigSis-chan!!

Author's Response: It's a castle, Sassi-chan. I just thought I'd point that out in case you've forgotten. (It has been... what... three or four months since you read the earlier chapters?) It's a giant castle with a city (and a hidden village) around it...

Oh, and it seems like most of the rest of your questions are answered in 4.c, so I won't spoil it for you . ;0) To be honest, I'm actually surprised you liked this installment at all. It's mostly just description of Yurika's clothes...

Ah, what an interesting chapter. Just as the other chapters, it makes me seriously consider what the heck I'm doing with my own stories while also inspiring me to do better.

I believe you've told me (and I've observed) that some people lose interest in your writing simply because of 'no action or romance.' Okay, so there's no fights, and the romance is still budding. Honestly, so what? I would do anything to read more stories like this, where there's an actual interesting plot and both major and minor characters play an important role.

Seriously, the best part had to be when the Daimyo stepped in and ranted on the shinobi. I love how he accused them all of slacking off and being lazy. It's such a great scene. The power he holds mixed with his intimidating personality is so astounding, and blended with your wonderful description just makes it so much more enjoyable.

And of course, cliffhangers as always. I'd expect no less, but they always leave me wanting more just because there's always some kind of twist that leads easily into the next installment to continue the story.

SWB is one of the few outstanding fics that can be considered a story with a romance instead of a romance with a story. Sure, romance is included in this, but it doesn't make the story. It doesn't define everything there is. I enjoy reading about the politics and the social issues and the people in general. It makes it so much more likable to read a good plot and idea.

The only thing I have to ask is something capitalization-related.

'It's good to see you're all assembled,' her disembodied voice informed the crowd, 'We've got a lot of work to do…'

Shouldn't the 'w' in 'We've' be lower case? It's something I just recently noticed something in your writing, though probably because I beta for someone who does the same thing. Very minor proofreading mistake, but just something I wanted to point out.

Anyway, great job, Batty-O'Nee-san! Another brilliant chapter, just as I expected ;) Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: To be honest, I think you'll find that's a British thing, especially as 'It's good to see you're all assembled' and 'We've got a lot of work to do' are two separate sentences and the only reason that comma isn't a full stop is because of where I've inserted the non-spoken part. I mean, I'd need to look it up to be 100% certain, but I'm still like 98% sure that's correct to British punctuation standards.

Interestingly the old Austrian standards I was taught as a young child would have it as,
'It's good to see you're all assembled.' her disembodied voice informed the crowd: 'We've got a lot of work to do…'
and the Germans would have made it as something like,
,It's good to see you're all assembled.' her disembodied voice informed the crowd ,We've got a lot of work to do…' or <> her disembodied voice informed the crowd <>.
This was back before endless editions of the New German Writing system obviously, but basically I think my point is that these things vary with the nation concerned (although those are the only examples with which I am personally familiar). What people have always told me on the subject is that so long as you stay consistent to one method all the way through, it doesn't really matter how you do it. It just has to all look the same...

I think I have come to the conclusion that those people who love a good book love this story. Those people who just wanted some steamy Gaara romance get bored more easily. I guess I just can't please everybody... and I'm at a disadvantage as people aren't really expecting to be given a highly structured plot.

It doesn't help either that I use a lot of very subtle writing techniques, many of which are deliberately designed to alienate the reader from certain characters and that doesn't go down well with my short attention-spanned fanfic audience. Still I've learned many valuable lessons from doing this story and I think all of that is going to feed directly into anything I write later on. It's nice of you to say such lovely things, but to be honest I'm not sure even I (as the author of SWB) could set out to write a story like SWB.

The idea just appeared in my head one day and grew bigger and bigger until it was this fully-fleshed out world with a whole host of people living it in. For months and months on end I couldn't think of anything else every time I tried to write... and because of that there are so many little things that build into everything I write for it.

Take the old lady among the clan heads from this chapter for example. It so happens that this lady is in fact the head of the Iriai Clan (since the death of her husband), Ayame Iriai, who is also Naomi and Ren's grandmother (from her third son). I'm pretty much certain I will never directly reference that anywhere in this story, but it affected the way I wrote this installment, it's had an impact on things I wrote in the past and it'll certainly affect 8.a or b (which ends up carrying on from this scene) and probably other installments in the future. That said, I was actually surprised to see her here in person - I wasn't expecting her to ever make a personal appearance in this story - but in the end nobody else could have delivered that speak with quite the same meaning she did and, because I can see through all its layers, it's got a really heavy impact for me. There're parts of ongoing themes hidden there, you see...
Another named, but nameless, face you might be interested in would be the chubby clan head on the other guy's back, because I'm more and more certain that he's the head of your character's clan.

Hi! Long time no see, but i was wondering, are there spoilers? I really want to read past the second chapter but I'm worried about that... I'm at the part where Sasuke goes to find Zabuza's sword...

Author's Response: Ah! Thanks for reminding me. I used to have a spoiler warning in the summary. I should go put that back in...
There aren't many huge spoilers (I don't tend to go over events that happened in the manga/anime or anything), but if you're that far back in the manga... Then yeah. There are going to be some things mentioned that you won't know about yet... Sorry.
=0( I guess that means you won't be reading for a while at least. If, when you're a little more up-to-date with the manga/anime, you still feel like reading this - then please know that I would be honoured to have you do so.

Hahaha. Naruto and his ramen. It's just plain hilarious if you ask me. Once again, the description in this is amazing. It's impossible not to see it as a movie in your head. Do I tell you that too much? Either way, it's true. This was amazing, and I can't wait to get the chance to read more. Your story gets more and more addictive the more my brain starts to adjust.

Author's Response: Hahaha. See below for my response. ;0)

Once again a chapter that absolutely takes my breath away. This was just so amazing! The description was beyond belief. I can see the village so clearly in my mind it's as if I'm watching a movie. You are absolutely amazing when it comes to writing and describing, BigSis. It makes me wonder how I couldn't be completely caught in it even if I'm still wrapping my mind around character-centric stories.

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I always worry about alienating my readers with too much description, so what you and SilverWolf and some of my other readers have said about it really does help boost my confidence in it immensely. I think it's important that when i can see something in my mind, I try and show that image to my readers as well.

NOOOO! Ren, what did you do?! Naomi, don't go! Don't do it!

... Why am I freaking out about this? I'm quite sure I saw this coming...

Your description (I wonder, do you seriously ever get tired of me saying this?) was wonderful. No, it was beautiful. As in, beautiful. It wasn't just a sad description of how the village is being destroyed to its core. You added the surroundings and the cause of the destruction, and mixing it together was seriously a great benefit. I was clearly able to see Seishin's beauty and then the deadly green smoke corrupting its serenity. It was like seeing a beautiful autumn tree with its vibrant colors, and the next moment, the tree is bare and 'destroyed' in a sense. Does that analogy somewhat make sense?

Well anyway, Gaara and Naomi... I wonder if he'll be able to handle her... ;)

Wow, I seriously can't wait for more, but I know you'll be working on SA. Then again, I love everything you post, so I'm excited for anything you put up next :D Keep up the awesome work, BattyBigSis!

Author's Response: I think I actually said on Sasaui's site that I was going to do two chapters of SWB this time, because this one was so short - and i intend to stick to that, so you won''t have too long to wait. AND - Yes, I know!!! Ren let me down too. =0( I was actually expecting more of a fight from him - I even told you as much - and then with the way I laid out the situation he really didn't have too much of a choice...rnrnAm I really being that unclear? You know I wonder if I'm just confusing you now... Anyway, Naomi's not going down there to fight (at this point anyway). She's going to go kick some order into her jounin to make them defend the country properly. She's not about to like what she finds either - then again she probably already has a good idea of the shambles everything is in. Telepathic know-it-all... As for Seishin being under attack... well...rnrnAnd yes... Gaara and Naomi are alone again. Honestly, I'm more worried about whether she can handle him.

Wait a ticket. So was the Nee-san thing just a dream? Oh man, I want answers. I really really want answers. Too bad I need to sleep. I might get another chapter in today (I'm also reading two other stories right now and going back and forth between the three). This chapter was awesome. You keep the characters in character so well it's as if they're your ocs. I think I've already said that before, but it's just so true! I've never seen anyone who could adapt so easily to other people's creations. It's just mind blowing. I still haven't found someone with eight thumbs, but I still give you eight thumbs up!

Author's Response: Well, you could always give me two thumbs up four times, I suppose, if you still think it's worth it? I just hope it makes more sense as you continue reading... *worried*

Holy cow, this chapter was awesome! You had me hooked with the beginning, and then we meet this girl in a wheelchair. I wonder who she is. Anyway, once again, your description was just out of this world. And why is Naruto running away from the voice? Man, I really want to know. You did a fantastic job and now I just have to read more.

Author's Response: Hmm... I wonder too. Oh no, wait, I know, don't I? (Joke. Of course I know.) I'm glad you like the description. It's what I work hardest at, so it's good to know that it pays off for the reader. ;0)

Interesting genjutsu, I never saw that coming... though I probably should have... *facepalm*

And just when I thought the little grey child would be apprehended, he surprised everyone but continuing his attack. He's out of his confines, and I'm so excited (and frightened) to see what will happen when he's out in public.

Even though this chapter was short, it had me on the edge of my seat. Only your writing can do that to me: such a short chapter with amazing quality that has me begging for more.

Well done, this was excellent. I do think there might have been a few spelling mistakes, such as you said necessarily when it should have been necessary.

Other than that, as I said, this chapter was amazing. Great job. I look forward to seeing what happens next! Keep up the awesome work!

Author's Response: Yeah, I noticed a few myself when I was re-reading it the other day... and I've posted corrected versions once already, as well as my usual proof-reads and checks before uploading - looks like I'll have to do it again. ;0) In my defense I was writing through the middle of a migraine, so that would be why...
I'm really surprised actually that you enjoyed it so much. I was actually worried that this installment would be hard to follow, as it's so jerky and fast-paced... Like a real fight I suppose... Fight scenes never really lend themselves to written media to begin with, I think, and I don't help matters with my preference having them so fractured... but I'm pleased you enjoyed them ... and that you liked your character's genjutsu.
Given that this is the 'Mind' village (seishin = mind/emotion, in case you've forgotten 80), which I wouldn't blame you for. I think I last referred to that about forty installments ago) I figured I could do with a few more genjutsu users. (I have quite a few with water abilities as well, seeing how close this place is to the Hidden Mist, but they seem to be taking over). I also wanted to keep your abilities different and distinctive from, say, Kiba's as you're from different clans, countries and villages. Your genjutsu style gives you something of an advantage as it enables your wolf to attack from pretty much anywhere without it being obvious to the quarry. I figured that made for a good C- or B-Rank jutsu, which is appropriate as you're a chuunin...

I've probably said it enough, but like with your drawings and how amazing they are, I have to say you're amazing. You continue to keep them in character, fitting in your own oc perfectly and describing him so well it's as if he's a real person standing right in front of me. Great job, BigSis. I love this story. Like many other stories I read on here, this story should be illegal it's so amazingly good.

Author's Response: Thanks Sasaui! You're pretty damn good yourself. =0D