A rather interesting twist on Naruto, but not a bad start at all. My first impression of your writing style is quite good too.

Oh my. Now *that* I wasn't expecting. Interesting use of the Kyuubi. It was rather weird to see him call Naruto 'sama'. This is definitely turning into an interesting story. I think (in case you hadn't guessed) this is undoubtedly my favourite of yours so far.

Still beautiful. I noticed a couple of errors here and there (I was also relieved that this time Naruto isn't twelve), but generally this was a beautiful picturesque story and I really love the way its written so far.

What an interesting idea for a story. It's very picturesque and I find myself rather drawn to it. I loved the way you described things in this prologue. It was a lovely mix of bland yet interesting that was very reminiscent of the children's story it featured.

So cute. Both were in character and the whole thing was just so adorable it took my breath away.

o/ Plot development? 10/10
I actually cannot think of a way to improve this. There was an amazing feel of suspense that started from the first Ryu scene and just kept building all the way through. I was gripped and everything just ties in so neatly wanting to make me read more. Awesome work!

o/Use of characters? 7/10
I will be honest and say I was struggling to keep track of exactly who was in every scene, but most of your handling was very masterful with just enough description of side characters to display things like your genjutsu to its fullest and most powerful effect, but not so much that they bogged down the chapter. Very nice.
Point number two: Yes, I know, you're not good at portraying young characters. We've had this discussion many times. However you did an awesome job with Ryu (who isn't like a normal child anyway) and Sakura... well, ups and downs. I was really impressed with her reactions when she first woke up and felt like they were going to kill her. That feel of powerlessness and panic was very apt for a very young Sakura, but then by the same token I felt maybe she'd be be a little less 'collected' when Ryu actually does take off his ring; a bit more panicky and confused perhaps... Otherwise this was a very good attempt and I was impressed by how much you've improved.
I was also a little surprised, however, about the fact that Asuma didn't think of Konohamaru when he realised everyone thought of Ryu as his father's grandson, especially as Konohamaru is (presumably) the offspring of Asuma's deceased sibling (and said sibling's partner), hence why his grandfather named and raised the boy. I can't remember whether you said Konohamaru exists in your story or ot, but if he does - given the circumstances - you'd have thought Asuma probably felt protective enough to spare the boy's feelings a thought at least.

o/ Description? 8/10
You do describe well. There's never much on the settings, but you do include a lot on character actions and things and do a good job of keeping things flowing throughout the chapter.
I really enjoyed the way you started this chapter with the mentioning of the trees 'flying passed'. That really set me up with an image of the scene and what was happening - as well as drawing me. I wasn't quite so impressed with the way you repeated it in the next paragraph, that technique didn't quite work for me with the slightly different wording and stuff, especially as you repeated the word 'trees' in the next sentence after that as well, which (is bad practice anyway and) was just slightly too much.
The other thing I noticed was the description of 'scars' from Ryu's cursed jutsu on a recently dead body - unless the jutsu heals as it injures and kills (quite hard to pull off if you think about it logically) - that should be impossible. Those should just be wounds (though not bleeding ones without a heartbeat). So this was either a masterfully inserted little 'hint' that I hope you're planning to build on later or it's an error. I'm not sure which, but I'm obliged to mention it since i noticed it.

o/ Inconsistencies with cannon plot? Characters in-character as regards to the original work? 9/10
With the exception of the Sakura stuff I've already said, this is perfect. I particularly loved the Genjutsu. I see so many 'genjutsu' in fanfiction that theoretically have nothing to do with mind or illusion, so this was just a real threat. It was everything I have always thought a good genjutsu should be. Perfect!
One more thing that amused me was Ryu's estimate that it would take them around four minutes to kill off himself and Sakura. He evidently has a very high (and probably justified) opinion of the amount of fight he could put up in his starved and dehydrated state, because four minutes for two jounin-ranked shinobi to kill two 10 year olds is ridiculous; one or two minutes tops.
Oh, and the log substitution jutsu... This is perfect cannon and nicely used here - it's just another thing that makes me laugh... Where do they get their supply of perfectly chopped logs from, seriously? Kakashi did make it clear that this technique can be used with any available item, so the constant use of those logs amuses me. I do get the need to keep it consistent in the manga so people recognise the jutsu easily, but that doesn't make it any less silly. Ah, but it's the manga/anime's problem, not yours; perfect use of cannon as I said.

o/ Overall quality of the writing? Easy to read? Grammar and Spelling? 7/10
Ah - everyone always bombs this section (including me). I've already told you about the repetition of 'trees' in the second paragraph and there were plenty of single clauses that were used as sentences - but you can ignore them. Many writers do and it often adds to rather than hinders the quality of their work. It's how we speak after all. I just point them out, because I am a stickler.
Of more note was the incident when you had a sentence reading 'Shiro and Daichi was just talking', when it should have been 'were'... Unless, wasn't that in direct speech? If you're claiming that is just how Ryu speaks then you're fine ignoring, (but you'll have to remember to mess up his plural grammar regularly).
And that leaves the two things I really wanted to talk about. First off, you've got a couple of sentences up there that go something like 'He realized he was injured... etc... small pool of blood. Could he be injured?' It just sounds like you've got Ryu noticing this guy's injury and then noticing it again... If he's wondering whether someone actually can hurt that guy then you need to make that clear, otherwise this just doesn't work...
Then when Ryu was wondering about taking off his ring there was this sentence at the end of a paragraph that read 'He could risk doing that', which struck me as a bit weird when I read it for the first time. When I thought about the context it was in more I wondered if perhaps you'd meant to write 'couldn't' instead?

o/ Enjoyment? An engaging read? 9/10
It was a bit slow to start with, but then you totally got me. As I said, great use of suspense, great use of writing technique in many places actually. It was amazing. I was hooked!

o/ Overall? 8/10
Awesome work, Sasi-chan! You know I judge you to the same standards I do silverwolf, Destinygiurl and myself? Your writing is so much more developed than anything I would expect from your age group. It's easy to see that you have the potential to become a phenomenal author, if you keep working hard at it, so please please do. Your talent is another one I would hate to see wasted...

Author's Response: Woah. A 10/10. I can't believe it. I am so happy about that first one! But then, of course, the rest are 9-7s. *sigh* Well, first of all *facepalm facepalm facepalm* I can't believe i forgot about poor Konohamaru. But don't worry, I have fixed that by both adding a bit of him in this chapter and adding him to one of the latest chapters. And I'm very glad that I was able to keep them more like little kids this chapter. That's always been a hard one for me. Crap. I can't believe I'd repeat like that. I guess I just wasn't thinking. Oh, and I've tried to fix most of the things you pointed out, though I doubt it's anywhere near perfect. Especially since some of the stuff I couldn't figure out how to fix. As for the scars on Shiro, trust me, there is a reason for that. Let's just say that the jutsu didn't want him to die so fast. I'm glad that I got the genjutsu thing. I've never read too many genjutsu things, so I wouldn't know if they are oftentimes messed up. Maybe I was kinda overestimating how long it would take. My bad. I think I fixed that part though I can't remember...... As for the substitution jutsu.... Hahaha, you're right about that. I've never noticed it, but you're right. It is very funny. Now you have me wondering about that =P. Well, no, he doesn't talk like that. I just messed up =P. But I've fixed that little mistake. Well, I can't say what it was I was thinking about when I wrote most of this, so I probably just messed up about the injured thing. Ah, my bad. I fixed that, too, and it was probably just something that resulted in me being in a hurry. I'm really glad that you enjoyed it, BigSis-chan, and I hope that you continue to enjoy it when you read it. Really? Wow. That makes me feel special. Well, I am only a few years younger than Silverwolf and DestinyGirl. I was way worse a few years ago. I guess it was just because I was writing for so long that I got to where I am. And trust me, I will continue to work hard. Writing is, and probably always will be, my favorite thing to do.

Quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes here. Otherwise this was quite good. I found your description of the action a little hard to follow (not that I blame you. Action scenes are my worst nightmere too) - but the children were enthralling. Loved it.

Author's Response: Usually I can write writing scenes pretty well, but other times I end up even confusing myself when I read my fighting scenes. *sigh*. Oh well. Sweet. I achieved your love in this story as well. *happy dance*. I\'m doing a lot of happy dances today...... You rock, BigSis. I never expected you to read through all these. I\'m surprised you\'re able to without getting bored of my writing.

Okay - here we go. I mean, what do I say now? I already told you it's awesome.
That interrogation scene was brilliant. It was powerful, detailed, moving... You felt the scene along with the characters. I could not have written anything better myself.
The kids came across magnificently as themselves, right down to Naruto, and the interaction was lovely and very sweet. Suki and Naruto get on so well. They just really seem to connect as characters. It's lovely.
So was the way they dealt with Sasuke-kun. It was an interesting re-write of the scene - although I was struck by the fact that now the original point of it (that Sasuke & Naruto being connected by both being alone) was missing, as Naruto is no longer alone. But then Suki reaches out and tells Sasuke that he's no longer alone either. He's got them, even if he doesn't want them. ;0)
Kakashi and the nurse was... well, it was epic. Powerful and then just heartbreaking as she announced Suki's secret to the village. What an awful thing to do to a little girl.
Then at the close we see Kinmaru and Kakashi doing what is in part the awful consequence of that action, which is forcing Suki to accept her destiny as the new guardian, which is a really emotional thing as you see her naively fighting them to protect the little precious happiness she's gained since living in Konoha... until she realised she can't and that she can now only fight for it a different way.
The bit about Obito was a nice final touch too. It makes it feel more cyclic.

Author's Response: Aw shucks, thanks a lot!

It\'s a relief to hear that the interrogation scene went well. I felt I was making Kakashi a bit OOC in that part, but hearing that you think the scene went well with the characters makes me feel so much better.

I\'m also really happy that I wrote the kids well. I believe it was you (and I\'m pretty sure shadow4000 mentioned this as well) that said Suki was a bit mature for her age, so I tried to keep a little bit of that while also adding that innocent seven-year-old persona to her as well as her friends. I\'m glad I succeeded in keeping them in character.

Well, when even one permanent character is added, I feel that the entire plot changes, and that is what is happening in this story. Yeah, the scene with Sasuke and Naruto changed, but it somewhat opened new possibilities, or at least that is what I tried to hint at.

I almost changed that scene between Kakashi and the nurse when I finished, just because I hated the nurse. Yeah, I hated how I made her so evil, even though that\'s what I wanted out of her from the beginning.

Oh yeah, writing that last scene was very moving for me. It was heartbreaking for me, so I\'m glad others were able to feel the same thing. I just had to insert the little bit about Obito, as it was mentioned during earlier in the story. So yeah, I\'ll agree it makes the story cyclic :D

Thank you very much for the detailed review! I was content with your previous review because you had already said that you enjoyed it so much. It means a lot that you bothered to review again just to tell me what you liked about it. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, you\'re an awesome fan!

o/ Plot development? 9/10
Nothing too surprising in the way things played out, but it isn't really the kind of chapter where that is needed. Everything is thoroughly and very neatly underpinning and adding to what has gone before, as we delve deeper into Suki's heartbreak at the loss of her best friend and her initiation as a genin - which is precisely what was needed at this point in the plot. As usual you demonstrate a keen author's instincts and bucketloads of talent. Well done!

o/ Inconsistencies with cannon plot? Characters in-character and true to themselves? 10/10
Of course there are no problems here. You demonstrate your usual flawless knowledge of the Naruto world and its inhabitants. The only things that surprised were the fact that there are two girls on Suki's team as most of the Konoha ninja teams consist of two boys & a girl. Knowing you however, I strongly suspect that you had considered this and chose to be different on purpose. After all, there are other combinations in the Naruto cannon such as the older Ino-Shika-Cho team.

o/Use of characters? 10/10
Nothing to fault nor would I expect there to be. As always - you place every character into the story with expert precision and give them exactly the amount of time, depth and detail they require. There's never any playing 'favourites' or glossing over anyone you don't like much. Perfection.

o/ Description? 9/10
Nicely used and never overused. It's just enough to give your story flavour and depth, but not so much as to become bogged down in it. You're story reads as well as anything (and better than many) you'd find in a bookstore. Beautiful.

o/ Overall quality of the writing? Easy to read? Engaging? Grammar and Spelling? 10/10
Of course there are no problems here. You pay attention to your work and take your time over it and as a result it is as flawless as anyone has a right to expect.

o/ Enjoyment? 9/10 I would dearly love to give you a ten here, because this is a beautiful example of a technical 'filler' chapter designed to bring the story forwards in between the major events - but then it is a filler and we are going over the less exciting but necessary parts of the plot, including cannon scenes which your readers are highly familiar with. Don't get wrong - you did a beautiful job and made that scene your own - it was a real pleasure to read, but if I start handing out 10s like candy then they'll start to mean less.

o/ Overall? 10/10
A flawless, brilliant chapter: expertly constructed and laid out like a true professional as well as being highly engaging and fun to read. Great work!

Author's Response: Oh wow, I love this review format. It\'s very nice and very helpful :D

Yeah, this chapter was definitely a rather long-ish chapter filled with a plot that we already know about. That\'s why I tried throwing in some scenes with Suki, Kakashi, and Deno. I wanted to show Suki\'s heartbreak, Kakashi\'s concern, and Deno\'s relation to the Copy Ninja. I\'m so glad you liked it, considering about half of it was plot repeats.

Flawless knowledge? Haha, well, I wouldn\'t say that. I do try to make sure the cannon characters are true to their original forms, as I hate OOCness myself. Oh, you\'re the first to comment on the 1 boy/2 girl team makeup. I will tell you that it is on purpose; Haruki and Michiko aren\'t just there for show, they will play major roles in Suki\'s life ;)

Oh, I didn\'t even know something like this could be considered a category :P That makes sense though, and I\'m glad I was (surprisingly) able to deliver. I guess I never thought I would ever try to gloss over a character and emphasize more on someone else. I know that\'s not fair to the characters that Kishimoto-sensei created, and I could never dream of giving more depth to an OC over another. So I\'m glad this came out nicely.

Yes! The description was nice! I know that I sometimes don\'t give a scene everything it needs, so I\'m happy to hear this chapter was relatively nice in elaboration.

Well, even though I try with the proofreading and all, it\'s nice to see a 10. I know I do miss a couple things sometimes.

Ah, of course I\'m disappointed to not have a 10 for Enjoyment, but I wasn\'t expecting it for this chapter anyway :P You\'re right in saying it\'s a filler chapter, and when I actually think about it, having a 9 for a filler chapter is amazingly exciting! I understand your reasons; I don\'t want a plethora of 10s anyway. It won\'t help me improve :)

Heehee, a 10 overall though is really nice. Such nice compliments, thank you so much! And thanks a bunch for such a constructive review, this is very helpful and very well thought out. It\'ll really help me with my writing. Thanks for the awesome review, BattyBigSis, you\'re amazing!

Oh! That was awesome. So awesome. I couldn't wait to read it, but it's like three am here so I'm going to save the detailed review for tomorrow, when I've had a little sleep and can actually think straight. For now I'll just tell you that that was sooo awesome...

Author's Response: Aww, thanks for reviewing anyway! Even with your lack of sleep, you still reviewed, which means a lot :D I\'m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reviewing, even if it is so late at night for you!

Very sad and very beautiful. It's a really detailed little portrait of events and so sorrowful that its beautiful, especially the end. I love the little details you give about characters in your writing too. It gives you an interesting insight into their personality.

Author's Response: Beautiful? That\'s a very unexpected yet highly appreciated comment. No one has ever said that about this chapter. But I\'m really flattered, honestly. Sorrowful writings can be beautiful, and I\'m glad you appreciate that fact. And thanks for noticing the detail! It\'s awesome to know that the reader actually notices the hard work that goes into being descriptive.

Very nice. This chapter had a lot of depth to it and I think you're really finding your feet now we're entering deeper into the plot. Suki continues to be very sweet and mature for her age and her friendship with Naruto came across really nicely. I loved this chapter. =0D

Author's Response: Yay! Yes, the plot is deepening now, glad you saw that! And we continue to see Suki\'s maturity and sweetness! I\'m glad you loved this chapter! It\'s a real confidence booster to read your reviews!

Interesting. I didn't know a lot of that...

Author's Response: Yeah, I\'m Chinese, so I pretty much know the whole zodiac thing. But some of the abilities do follow the anime/manga while some I had to make up for the benefit of the story. Plus, I couldn\'t find some abilities for some animal signs, so I had to make them up.