Poor Naruto. This was an interesting chapter and it was written up to the same high standard. Ahh, love...

Author's Response: Same high standard? Now I\'m getting nervous that I won\'t reach that high standard someday... ^^\'

This was lovely - and up to your usual high quality, but if I'm totally honest I can't help thinking that maybe you enjoyed writing about the Merkingdom more? Maybe because you were actually creating more for yourself then? This is still really good, but - as you're looking for things to work on - to me that chapter felt a lot more lively and engaging than the rest. I couldn't tell you why, but that is something I'd noticed - and as I know exactly what you mean about reviews - I figured I should point it out. Otherwise allow me to reiterate that your writing is lovely, you pay magnificent attention to details, such as Manami learning about pain & the oven, and (although obviously deliberately OOC compared with Naruto) Ayame makes for a great character in your story. I enjoyed reading her section.

One other minor thing:
"She was taller than Manami and far leaner--where Ayame was buxom and curvy, this woman was angular and decidedly flat."
Is that meant to be 'she was taller than Ayame and far leaner'? I sort of struggled with this sentence in context with its second half (as it would make Ayame both the leanest and more buxom and curvier than the flat angular Nanami - which is a picture I struggle to make sense of, unless Nanami is actually cube-shaped), so I was just wondering if I'm actually being an idiot (which is entirely plausible) or that's really just a typo...

Author's Response: Oops...I meant to write Ayame, not Manami...thanks for pointing that out. Again, thanks for your review--it\'s nice to know some people are nice enough to review. :3

That was a stunningly beautiful chapter. All the imagery and the way she responds to the sea and it calls for her... Wow! It took my breath away.
I actually like the way you've built in the Japanese legend her (and if you really wanted too. I don't see why you can't build in a little dragon-ness into the mermaids either... like a fishdragon sort of thing...)
I thought your personifications of the sea and the way you described Manami and interactions with it .. and with the boys... well, it was all so beautiful. Definitely one of my favourite chapters so far...

Author's Response: I suppose I could build some dragon into the merpeople...my plan is for a sea dragon (the wani) to be one of the forms Manami\'s father takes, seeing as how he is Ryujin the sea dragon god. I was thinking about it for Manami but I wasn\'t entirely sure...ah well, I\'ll figure something out. Feel free to throw ideas at me too, I\'m pretty open. I\'m glad you liked the chapter; I worked pretty hard on it (two tries!! I\'m glad I went with my second try...my first draft was pretty childish). Thanks so much for your kind words once again, and I hope to hear from you with the next chapter. :)

I'm glad you like it. We usually call them 'banners' on all the sites I've been on, but title card is a nice name too.
Do you know how to use basic html to bold and italic and stuff? Basically you just put 'img src=' then the image url inside pointed brackets ( < ). There's no need to close the tag.

img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v376/BattyBigSister/Banners/BeazysBannerIO1-LtRbanner.png"

Try googling 'html image' or something, if you're still confused, for a helpful guide. I'm not sure how to explain it better in a review...

Author's Response: Awesome. Thank you so much; I\'ll put the banner in the description and make sure to credit you too...fantastic work, I love the beautiful sky against the water and the boot too! It reminds me of Manami slipping out of her boots in the most recent chapter so she could feel the sand in her toes. ;)

Naomi, huh silverwolf? ;0) Now there's a name I've seen before... *giggles* She knows what I mean, LostInForever. Don't worry about it.

Let's see. This was nicely done and a very interesting start. Naomi comes across as a lovely character, especially to keep visiting someone she found at the gates for a month, but the whole scene was very carefully written with a lot of attention to detail. Very sweet.

Author's Response: Thanks :) haha odn\'t worry either, i\'m not worrying :P

Okay - I've decided on a character Profile.

Onihara Amaya is twelve years old with very fair white skin that easily burns and short, but bushy, hair, which is a brownish auburn in colour with blonde and white-blonde highlights. She has a round face with a stubby nose, thin lips and shallow cheekbones. If you mention her eyes, then they are vastly oversized with a whitish pink colouration. Her body is also quite skinny, almost emaciated, and her joints quite knobbly. Although her natural limb shape would be very slender and fine, she is also quite small for her age.
Her favourite clothes are oversized frilly dresses with an empire-line waistline, floaty skirts and an oversized frilly collar. These are usually in bright colours like yellow, lime green, pale blue or pink.
Amaya is a mental patient, who Kusami meets during the course of her treatment for amnesia. The little girl seems to live almost in a world of her own and is constantly talking to imaginary 'friends' that no one else can see or suddenly screaming at the sight of monsters that aren't really there. She's especially fixated on fairies and they are one of her most common 'happy' illusions. In fact she wants to be a fairy when she grows up.
She tends to forget most real people, but strangely Kusami seems to be someone she always remembers and can talk to almost normally - albeit with interruptions from her fairy friends. She can get quite confused as to why the real people she is talking to can't hear comments made by her illusionary creations and can get quite upset or angry at people because they haven't answered the 'fairies' questions.
The problem is that Amaya comes from a family of ninja who specialise in Genjutsu and after too long in her company, people will start to see things that aren't really there, like vines of flowers creeping up the walls and over the furniture, or brightly-coloured fairies dancing around the room. They may also see more disturbing images, such as fanged green monsters crawling out of cupboards... especially when Amaya is upset and things are likely to get quite dangerous for them at that point. In other words Amaya subconsciously traps those around her in genjutsu and may accidently use it against them (much like Itachi deliberately uses the mangeko sharingan).

Can I also make suggestion for somebody else's character? Personally I would love to see a Naomi/Kiba romance (partly because he's silverwolf's favourite character), but also because I think there would be a really interesting dynamic between the two of them - especially as they are childhood friends.

Author's Response: I really like this character! As I was reading it, I have already come up with a few ideas for her! I like the idea of the romance too.

You're right. I'm being ungrateful. Sorry. You've given me a lot of support with both my stories and my meagre attempts at artwork - and believe me, I do appreciate that. Your appreciation means a lot to me - I just worry about saying things wrong or upsetting people. I have nicer elements to my personality too, of course, but I can be a bit of a cow at times... and sometimes things get out of hand and I've hurt a lot of feelings. So I worry.
Moving on - I think what I was saying before I got cut off was that I was thinking of sketching out my character anyway (once you've written and uploaded her chapter) simply because she sounds like great fun to draw. The fact that you've found a picture for her is way better though, as I tend to draw sketches in pencil... and they are sketches too: not proper drawings. Half the time you can still see the guidelines and I rarely use colour. What you've found is probably better.
I think I also said that if you're feeling guilty about missed target dates - why not simply set new ones? That way everyone will know what's happening and you can enjoy the rest of your holiday, guilt free, with a plan ready for what you're doing to do with your time afterwards.
Don't make them too ambitious though. Keep a realistic idea of what you can do given your other commitments, so you don't find yourself swamped with too many things needed your attention. You also need to allow time to eat, sleep and have fun, of course, or you won't study, learn, work or even write as well as you should. ;0)

Author's Response: It\'s quite alright. I understand your mixed feelings. I personally don\'t believe you could be a cow, but I guess I don\'t know you personally, so I couldn\'t be the judge of that. I do appreciate all the support you show me, and in return, I give you support. Not because I feel obligated to, but because I really think you deserve it. Anyways, you can always sketch the drawing and display it anyway. And if you like it better than what I found, obviously, I\'ll post it instead :D I think it\'s important for the characters to be personalized. Yeah, I think I\'ll put up a blog soon with possible updates that hopefully won\'t be turned upside down again :P Thanks for the advice! And thanks, as always, for the support!

Look, it's me! I am... much younger and prettier and thinner than I imaged... but I like it. A lot. =0D Nothing like a crazy bat lady. And she's blonde. Wow! I've never been blonde before. Awesome.
She does have a strange resemblance to my own Naomi too... but that's cool. I think this is possibly a more likeable Naomi too. ;0)
I also love how evil the hamster looks... even if whoever drew that picture put his incisors the wrong way around. Please just ignore that in the story. ;0)

Author's Response: I know, it wasn\'t exactly what you had requested, I actually ended up making Naomi the opposite of what you had in mind. Yeah, she\'s younger and thinner (unhealthy though, keep in mind), but prettier? Eh, maybe if you tilt your head and squint... eh, alright, we\'ll say she\'s pretty ;) But I\'m glad you liked Naomi anyway! Let\'s hope you and the other readers continue to like her!

Oh look! It's my Dad! O_O
Of sorts anyway.
Nah, I think he's an awesome character. He makes up for mine a little too... and so deliciously righteously evil. I'm sure he'll be a pleasure to read about.

Author's Response: Haha, yes, in some ways, he is your Dad. XD Oh, what do you mean that Kioshi makes up for Naomi? Each character is important to the plot, remember that. But yes, he is definitely evil, that much is greatly true ;) I sure hope he\'s a pleasure to read about, otherwise, the plot might just go down the drain... O_O

No. She's fine. As you say - she's different, just not quite in the ways I was originally expecting. I just like this character because he feels so very different too. ;0)

Author's Response: Ah, different. We always like different, don\'t we ;)

Again, punctuation. It doesn't matter how good a writer you are, if your punctuation is bad people will still struggle with reading your story and subsequently enjoy it less. Your actual story was good though and reasonably detailed. Work on expanding those details for maximum quality I think. Don't rush your story. You've definitely got some talent in there and this story has some potential. Expand on that.

Yes, yes, yes... fine. Chuunin exam. Woop de doo. You still haven't explained why Kakashi didn't come to see Naruto for two whole weeks. I mean, that was seriously odd for the start of a relationship when he was so 'obsessive' before...
Moving on: Gaara! Yay! I love Gaara! Oh... and you didn't indicate the thoughts with anything at all in this, which made them difficult to pick out from the normal text and therefore a tad confusing...