Common misunderstanding number one:
Kiba's tan and tattoos.
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Fangirl(s): I'm so jealous of Kiba's tan! He's got such perfect, sun-kissed, golden-brown skin, it's totally not fair! Why can't I have a tan like that!? He looks so sexy with it, though *nosebleeds* and those tattoos... wow. The blood red looks so good against the tan... *more nosebleeds*
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Kiba:
Listen up, girls,
First of all, YES!! I have fangirls. Take that Shino- I have fucking fangirls, and you don't!! Well, actually, you probably do, stupid bug freak.
Oh well, getting to my point.
My skin? Since when was it tan? (Although I agree, I would look drop dead sexy with a tan like that. Maybe I'll go get some of them spray-on kind.). If you would actually pay attention to me in the anime, though, I'm actually almost as pale as everyone else, if not equally as pale as. It's kind of obnoxious how little difference there is in skin tone between characters.
As for my "tattoos"... they're not tattoos, damnit. Get it right!
We actually have no idea what the heck they are because Kishimoto never tells us! (At least, he doesn't say in the anime, and to hell if I'm gunna read fight scenes). They're not face paint either, or else they would get smudged all the time and be just plain obnoxious. Besides, there's no way they could be tattoos. Isn't it supposed to be dangerous to get tattoos on your face, anyways? I may seem like a bit of a risk-taker, and I am, but I wouldn't risk my face which you, my beloved fangirls, have dubbed sexy.
Damn, I really gotto get me a tan...
I'm all yours,
Inuzuka Kiba (and Akamaru, of course)
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Common misunderstanding number two:
Kiba the slut, whore, exhibitionist, masochist, etc.
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Fangirl(s): Kiba! Our yaoi god! Someone that sexy just screams manwhore. Which obviously means he's an exhibitionist who loves kink and S&M. *scamper off to write X-rated Kiba x OMC fics*
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Kiba:
Listen up (again), girls,
First of all, let me remind you that the sexy tan or nosebleed-worthy tattoos both don't exist.
Secondly, who the hell decided I was gay? I believe that's my decision to make.
As for being a manwhore... no. Even in Shippuden, I'm only freaking fifteen! Is it even legal for me to be having sex at that age? (In some places, yes.). Shit, I need get myself laid!
Ahem.
Wanting to get laid aside, I'm still not a friggin' whore. I'm actually pretty choosy, for your information. I'd tell you my type, but I don't want to dissuade my fans who don't fit my preferences.
As for being an exhibitionist... possibly. I'm still a virgin, contrary to popular belief, and I won't know how I am in bed until then. I'm pretty confident I'll be good at it because, I mean, I'm good at just about everything (usually).
A masochist I am not, however. I think that, being a ninja and all, I know pain pretty well. Knowing pain as intimately as I do... I also know that I am strongly opposed to it. I'd rather avoid getting hurt. Who the hell gets turned on by getting hurt, anyways!?
Wait, shit, Shino does. Neeeevermind, then. Eheheh... heh. Yeah.
Moving on!
I don't even know what the hell kink is, but if it's got to do with sex, I'd love for you to teach me.
Wink wink, nudge nudge.
... I was kidding. Like I stated before: NOT a manwhore. I'm very selective.
Maybe not all yours, but still mostly yours,
Inuzuka Kiba (and Akamaru, as always)
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Common misunderstanding number three:
Kiba hates cats.
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Fangirl(s): OMG, Kiba's, like, an Inuzuka! He has, like, a companion dog! Obviously he hates cats with a venomous passion. He thinks they're the spawn of the devil, for sure!
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Kiba:
Hope you're still listening, girls,
Yes, I like dogs. Yes, I hang out with Akamaru all the time and he is my #1 Best Buddy.
But that doesn't mean I hate cats. Of course they're not my favorite animals in the world, but they're not all bad. I mean, Kankuro wears what looks like a cat uniform, and he's not a half-bad guy (he did save my life, ya know, I hafta give him some credit for that). Akamaru doesn't mind cats too much, either, s'long as they stay outta his territory. And trust me, no cats come anywhere near the Inuzuka compound.
Therefore I obviously don't view felines as the "spawn of the devil" as you put it.
No. I'll tell you what's the spawn of the devil.
Fleas, damnit. They're itchy and they never sleep, so you're up all night scratching! It doesn't help that as soon as I get rid of them, they come right back, because Akamaru always has them. Why does he always have them?
Because the devil is Shino, and he won't let me give Akamaru a flea bath and kill the pesky pieces of shit! So as soon as I manage to get them out of my hair, they end up settling back in within two days because I always hang out with Akamaru, and, like I said before, Akamaru always has fleas, because Shino is the devil, and fleas are the spawn of the devil.
Damnit, if he can control insects why the hell can't he make the fleas leave me an' Akamaru alone!? He says they only bother us because we're not clean.
I take baths every day! I use really strong lye soap and loads of shampoo. And yes, I wash it all out real good. Akamaru gets a bath every three days, too (because it's ridiculous to try and clean a dog that big every day, c'mon. It takes four hours to clean him up good.) Shino's just anal-retentive about hygiene. One speck of dirt and he says something is filthy.
I really hate him sometimes, you know. Pretty mutual really. I don't think he likes me, either.
Still yours, if you don't mind the fleas,
Inuzuka Kiba (and Akamaru, but don't worry, I just gave him a bath. He's flea-less for the moment)
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Common misunderstanding number four:
The Kiba x Human!Akamaru pairing.
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Fangirl(s): If Kiba is so hot, wouldn't it be even hotter for him to fuck himself? *faint* He loves Akamaru, and Akamaru can turn into a human, so it's not wrong!
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Kiba:
Uh... listen closely, girls,
That's... wrong.
It's fine and dandy that you think I'm hot and sexy, but... me? Akamaru? Excuse me while I go barf my brains out.
As much as I love him, he's my dog for crying out loud. Don't they have a word for owners who screw their pets? Oh, right, bestiality, or something like it.
No.
You can rationalize it all you want by saying that it doesn't count as bestiality because, technically, with the juujin bunshin, Akamaru is a human, in form. But keep in mind that it's call the "Human Beast Clone" technique for a fucking reason.
No, whoever came up with this idea is sick. Did you know how long it took to teach Akamaru that when he's in human form no, he's not allowed to lick people's faces?
Nu-uh. You, my fangirls, are insane. As in right up there, in the head.
For the First's sake, and I thought Shino was weird with all his talk about handcuffs and ribbons...
Not entirely sure I still want to be all yours...
Inuzuka Kiba (not Akamaru. I'm not letting you get your hands on him ever again)
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Common misunderstanding number five:
The Shino x Kiba pairing.
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Archaic Aphorism and fangirl(s): Shino and Kiba are so meant for each other! It's like day and night! Perfect, perfect, perfect! We love them together. I mean, they even wear semi-matching jackets! C'mon, Kishimoto did it on purpose.
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Kiba:
Yeah, you really gotta listen up, girls,
Shino and I are friends. Do you not understand the term friends? As in a platonic, brotherly, not sexual relationship.
I'd like to ask you how in the hell you arrived at the conclusion that Shino and I are perfect for each other. For those of you not paying attention during the chuunin exams, Shino openly stated that he sometimes outright hates me.
With Shino, hate means hate. Not that stupid saying "Love and hate are one and the same!" Psh. Bullshit.
I kinda hate Shino sometimes, too (note the flea issue) so it's mutual.
We don't even talk that much, and when we do it's usually him complaining about how poor the teamwork in our cell is (which is sad, because many of the jounin say our group works together the best. Makes me wonder what the other teams are like...). Everything about that guy bugs the hell outta me, and the same goes for him about me.
And who in the world suggested that I would be uke? In any relationship?
I'd like to give you a good taste of my Tsuuga.
I am most definitely a seme.
As for the jackets being similar... how the hell does that have anything to do with us dating? You have now provided yourselves with a reason for my outfit change in Shippuden.
I've finally decided that I don't want to be yours anymore,
Inuzuka Kiba
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Um... yeah. So I feel like this borders on bashing peoples' opinions, which is not the point of this fic. And there actually isn't that much Kiba x Human!Akamaru stuff out there (as far as I know, there isn't, just one or two that I stumbled across accidentally... and one or two mentions of it in passing in other places) it just... I felt like Kiba would probably want to say something about it.
And the jacket thing in the last misunderstanding... that's utter bull. That's not why I believe they're perfect for each other, but... eh, I was just referring to the fact that they both wear hugely oversized coats that make them look fat at times. There's actually a really really funny parody picture of that... someone got a screenshot of when Akamaru was in Kiba's jacket, but you can't see Akamaru, so Kiba looks pregnant (he's also wearing a surprised expression) and they took a picture of Shino, added a blush, and then the text, "When'd I get you pregnant?" and I can't remember what Kiba is saying.
It's hilarious.
Anyways, so, the point of this is to cover my ass if this chapter isn't as funny and seems more like a bash-fest than poking fun at some stuff. I really don't intend to bash people's ideas and stuff, but... it's hard to make Kiba be tactful, you know? Oh, god, what's Naruto gunna be like? He's got even less tact that Kiba!
Now I'm afraid... very afraid...
(If you haven't noticed, when I write, the characters control me... there are different levels of difficulty to control them. Ironically, Neji is one of the easiest, even though he's one of the most prideful and headstrong characters.)
Anyways, uh, I hope I didn't make anyone too angry or what-not (blame Kiba, not me!)
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed (I just wrote the word "enjoyed" as "nejioyed" -__-` I'm so lame...)
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Chapter notes:Second part, here we go! I was given a few great ideas, but I'm afraid none of them are going to be implemented this chapter. Why? Because I want to do one of my other favorite characters: Inuzuka Kiba!
There are so many misconceptions about him flying around (I would know, I participate actively in many of them) and I just kind of feel like bashing myself, as an Inuzuka Kiba fangirl, at the moment. Consider it a form of self-punishment for messing with Kiba's character the way I do.
As always, take with a grain of salt and remember the strung-on-crack-ness of it all.
Don't feel shy about laughing at some of the crazy things us Shino x Kiba fans have come up with concerning Kiba... mainly, the second and fifth "common misunderstandings" are what I'm talking about.
I might do a second chapter for Kiba because, well, I do a lot of shipping for him, so I know a lot of the different ways people characterize him that are still considered "In character" (yes, the second misunderstanding is often a characterization of Kiba in the Kiba x Shino realm... go read JBMcDragon's story Mark. God, I love her Kiba.) Anyways, my point is, I know a lot of misunderstandings about his -actual- character from the anime, and I didn't quite cover them all here.
Hope you enjoy!