-~|(●)|~- Prologue -~|(●)|~-
He could hear the rain pattering outside of the building, the winds of the storm driving it against his windows. It was pitch black outside those windows, and nearly as dark inside the tiny one-room apartment. The occasional flash of lightning lit up the room, but he made no move to turn his lights on himself. He just didn’t feel like it.
The darkness…fit his mood. He could almost feel the darkness sucking him in, the feeling of utter loneliness and betrayal. The disappointment that his best friend had tried to kill him…and that he hadn’t finished him. That he had left him here, all alone. That he had left him to face the hatred and accusations by himself again. To face all the people that wished he were dead without his support. Things had been starting to go so well too…they were more friends than rivals, and they understood each other like no other.
It had taken him some time to understand that he valued the Uchiha as more than just a friend, and really nothing remotely close to a brother. If the other had stayed, their relationship probably would have become much more complicated. He knew now that he loved Uchiha Sasuke, and if the other had only asked he probably would have followed him without much convincing.
-~|(●)|~-
The fight had been going on for some time. They were so very equally matched, they had been in one way or another for most of the fight, but only because they had been forced to call upon their other powers. Sasuke had the cursed seal and Naruto the Kyuubi.
He hated it. He hated the way Sasuke looked when the seal had transformed him, and he hated the confusion of emotions running through him because of this fight.
There had been words exchanged, but in the end neither of them had said anything that had made any real difference to the other’s way of thinking. Naruto was still stubbornly determined to keep his best friend, one way or another, and Sasuke was equally determined to cut his ties.
Finally, when there was nothing else to say, Chidori and Rasengan met in a terrible clashing of destructive power. There was a bright flash of light, and then Naruto felt a searing, terrible pain in his chest, just barely shy of killing him right there, or so he thought faintly. It was then that it hit him that Sasuke was truly trying to kill him. He didn’t…couldn’t kill Sasuke, but here he was with his best friend’s arm buried in his chest. And that was his last thought before everything went mercifully black.
-~|(●)|~-
It was raining when he regained consciousness the first time. The agony in his chest was unbelievable, but at least there didn’t seem to be a hand in his chest anymore. He seemed to be on solid ground somewhere, and there was something placed in his hand, but he couldn’t move it enough to see what it was.
He could hear the faint noises of someone stumbling away from the area. He turned his head to watch Sasuke stumble away with dying eyes. He didn’t even have the strength left to call out to him. There would be no more trying to convince him, no asking him why he didn’t finish it like he had obviously wanted to in the beginning.
As he watched Sasuke leave, the light in his sapphire eyes died a little more with every step he saw the raven take away from him. With every step the agony of his emotions grew to eclipse that of the pain in his chest. When the Uchiha finally stumbled beyond view, he was unable to take it anymore, and fell back into the welcoming darkness.
-~|(●)|~-
He was in a very familiar set of tunnels. The water dripped, and he was knee deep in it, but here there was no pain. No physical pain anyways.
He wandered in the hallways of his mind for a very long time. How long exactly, he couldn’t have said. There was a certain cavernous room he was avoiding. He half hoped that maybe the damned Kitsune wouldn’t be able to heal him this time; that the Konoha medics wouldn’t reach him in time.
Even he couldn’t avoid that room forever though. When he had himself completely and thoroughly lost, he eventually turned into that room without attention or care, and suddenly found himself face to face with the Kyuubi no Kitsune.
There was a loud rumbling from the cage of his unwilling guest. “What the hell do you think you’re doing brat? You’ve been wandering around in here for days!”
Naruto’s shrug was rather apathetic. “So what, fox. Why didn’t you let me die?”
The ancient demon said nothing for a moment, and then the rumbling grew louder. “So that’s the way it is, is it? What has happened to the brat who had the gall to demand my chakra? What has happened to the stubborn little boy who refused to give up on anyone or anything?”
The blond in front of the cage laughed bitterly. “He’s gone. He was killed by his best friend a few days ago. You should remember, you were there fox.”
The great Kitsune actually rolled his eyes at the boy in front of him. “You’ve been in here alone too long, kit. Time for you to go back.”
Then with a burst of chakra, the ancient Kyuubi sent his spinning back up into the unbearable pain of the land of the living.
-~|(●)|~-
When he woke next, it was in Konoha hospital. He recognized the white walls and sterile smell immediately. The pain in his chest was significantly less, but the agony in his heart hadn’t lessened one bit.
As his eyes fluttered open, he heard a gasp from the bedside, and was suddenly being hugged by a very pale and sobbing Haruno Sakura.
“Naruto, oh Naruto! Tsunade-sama wasn’t sure you were going to wake up!”
“S-Sakura?” His voice came out as a hoarse whisper, and he felt like he hadn’t had anything to drink in weeks.
The arms around him tightened, and he could feel a wetness spreading on his chest. “I-If I’d know he was going to do that to you, I never would have asked. I can’t lose both of you! Oh Kami, you were such a mess when Kaka-sensei brought you back! There was blood everywhere and this gaping hole…” The kunoichi on his chest was hiccupping now, on the verge of hysterics. “Tsunade-sama wasn’t sure they had done enough in time. And then you weren’t waking up, and no one knew what to do! Don’t ever scare me like this again!”
Somehow, the sight of Sakura like this managed to bring him nothing but more pain. But it did bring him to one decision…he wasn’t going to let them know how he felt. He’d hide it as best he could. Better to suffer in silence than to make the ones that still cared disgusted by him faster.
So he wrapped his arms around the promising kunoichi that was clinging to him for dear life, and started whispering reassurances to her. That it was all fine, that he was here, and he’d be okay, and they’d get Sasuke back somehow before the snake did anything to him. Eventually she calmed, but his whispered comforts didn’t do a single thing to ease his own shattered heart.
-~|(●)|~-
Over the next week people came and went. Sakura was there every day without fail, and the uninjured members of the Rookie Nine and Gai’s team visited often on their rounds around the hospital. He almost couldn’t stand the looks of pity from some of them. So many had been injured, and in the end it was all for nothing. Sasuke had continued on to Sound.
Sakura was alarmed at first by the new, quiet Naruto. All too often she’d come into the room to find him starting off into space with a blank expression. She always made a point of telling him that it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t keep his promise, and that next time she’d be there to help him. Next time he wouldn’t have to convince Sasuke alone.
She also told him about her resolve to be Tsunade’s apprentice. That she was going to work hard to make sure that the next time she wouldn’t be a liability.
He’d managed to pull himself together enough by the end of the week to put up his mask, acting like some semblance of his normal self. It seemed to reassure the people watching him that there was minimal lasting damage…it never seemed to occur to him that he’d had his entire life to practice hiding pain.
-~|(●)|~-
He still had Kakashi-sensei and Sakura-chan, but it wasn’t the same. He’d lost something of himself when Sasuke left, some vital part of him had been torn away to leave with the raven haired Uchiha.
Every morning now was the same damned thing. He’d get up, going through the motions of living normally. He’d put on his bright, happy mask. He didn’t want to worry the people that cared for him, but it was had to avoid the fact that he was falling apart inside. He just couldn’t make the pieces of himself fit back together, and they were getting smaller and smaller all the time. There were never any more of them, because every time something else broke, a small piece was pulled into the maelstrom of darkness that seemed more tempting with every passing day.
He was getting tired of pretending. Tired of telling the world that there was nothing wrong with him, tired of waiting to see who else was going to betray him. He knew it would happen eventually. After all, if Sasuke, his best friend and rival, betrayed him…why would anyone else want him? It was inevitable that they’d all betray him, he could see that clearly now.
Today the routine had been no different, but he’d slipped a bit. Jiraiya had mentioned that he wanted to set out soon to continue Naruto’s training, but his reply had been less than his normal, enthusiastic self. The old pervert had looked worried for a moment, before Naruto had hastily added a more energetic reply.
Sakura seemed to be the one most likely to catch him in the bad moments. He was sure she simply thought that he was sad about not being able to keep his promise to her. She was in pain too, but she seemed to be handling it better than he was. Rather than falling apart, she seemed to be more determined than ever to become more useful to her team, and to help get Sasuke back on the next try.
Would there be a next try? Naruto wasn’t so sure anymore. Was there a point to trying again? Sasuke had obviously chosen his path, was there really any point in trying to sway him? There was one thing he was sure of though. He was still going to go train with Jiraiya. He desperately needed to get away from Konoha and the villagers. The old pervert left him by himself enough that he didn’t really have to worry about him noticing the changes in him.
Of course, it was a sign in itself that Jiraiya was spending so little time with him. He wasn’t worth the old pervert’s time…was he worth anyone’s time? He used to be able to answer that with ease, but not anymore. There were doubts there now that weren’t possible before.
Only one thing was certain now…the pain was pulling apart, and it was only a matter of time before he disappeared or was betrayed again…