SasUKE, Dobe? (Happy B-Day Sasuke-Bastard)
“Oh god, that is great!”
“Brilliant!”
“I’m totally gonna wet myself!”
That annoying laughter. It just wouldn’t. Shut. The fuck. UP!
“Naruto.”
Said blonde managed a pant that roughly sounded like a ‘what?’ through his mindless cackling.
“Shut up.”
Naruto chortled some more, some snorts mingling with his laughs. “I’m sorry (“No you’re not.”) Man, but your name is-”
“Not at all what it seems,” Sasuke quipped, effectively cutting off the blubbering idiot. He wasn’t really sure why he had accepted the blonde’s invite in the first place. Sure, Naruto threw the party for him, but he didn’t necessarily have to go, did he?
Well, apparently he did. For he was lounging on a deep gray couch with the annoying Uzumaki boy, who had done nothing for the past half hour but make a mockery of Uchiha SasUKE’s name. Humph.
Somewhere in the middle of Naruto’s ranting of how Sasuke would end up uke in any relationship he made, due to his name, said Uchiha had managed to tune out all the other party guests.
Faintly in the background, a clock chimed, alerting everyone that a new day had started. When would these people leave, anyway? Didn’t parties normally end at 10, not midnight?
“Yeah, well what does your name mean, smart ass?” Naruto’s voice, dripping with sarcasm, pulled him from his thoughts.
Sasuke sniffed. “I was named after Sarutobi Sasuke, if you must know.” (1)
Naruto stared.
And stared.
And stared some more.
“Well, who the fuck is that?”
Sasuke was tempted to grab the beer bottle out of the blonde’s hand and smash it over someone’s head. Primarily Naruto’s, but he wasn’t sure if he would mind doing that to himself at the moment, either.
The Uchiha huffed indignantly, ripping his gaze from the tanned face and towards the couch’s upholstery. “I’m not going to be explaining such trivial matters to you all night, dobe.”
Silence.
And more silence.
And even more silence.
“So…you’re name means uke?”
A vein twitched above Sasuke’s right eye, he knew it did. “It does not mean ‘uke’ you idiot. And if anything, I would be ‘seme’ in a relationship. Anyone who thinks otherwise will be dealt with and tossed into your ramen-filled cabinet.” (2)
Even though Sasuke was looking the other way, he could still see a Cheshire grin pulling at Naruto’s lips. “Are you sure your not made out to be an uke?” Sasuke subconsciously blocked the rants he knew would be coming, by focusing his attention on something else. Unfortunately, that something else happened to be Naruto’s bright orange t-shirt that was slowly slipping down and revealing a very delectable collar…hmm…Sasuke was tempted to start sucking on it then and there, but everyone else was right there in the house, so…
Maybe later.
“…’Cuz, I mean, I can sure as hell see you on a bed, nude, with your wrists tied above your head in black lace, face flushed and a “Fuck Me; I’m Uke!” expression planted on your face!”
…What…the…fuck?
“Naruto, have you been reading Kakashi’s books again?”
“Che, where have you been? I get them directly from Ero-Sennin.” It was meant to be a joke, he was sure, but something made Sasuke think otherwise.
“Seriously though,” Naruto continued, going back to what he was saying before. “I can totally picture this. Uchiha Sasuke, cum splattered all about your stomach-oh, your shirt’s piled near your chest by the way, cuz no one bothered to take it off; cum leaking out of your mouth and - ahhh, what the HELL!.?”
Naruto writhed uncomfortably, almost dropping his beer bottle as he set it on the wooden floor beside the couch, as long fingers made quick work of slithering down his pants and boxers.
He almost moaned out loud as Sasuke’s cool fingers brushed across his heated cock, arousal spiking up his spine while his fingers hooked themselves at the edge of the couch, digging into the rugged fabric. “Fuck…”
Sasuke, who had somehow gotten to be almost on top of him without being noticed, nibbled at the outer shell of Naruto’s ear. “That imagination of yours is causing me some problems…as well as yourself, it would seem.”
Naruto did his best to glare, which he found to be hard--difficult with someone grasping and fingering your erection. “What the hell are you doing!” It was supposed to come out as a whisper, but it turned into a high pitched squeak when a finger snubbed his tip.
“Damn it, Sasuke; do you realize what you’re doing? Where we-” His voice set off into a scratchy croak.
Sasuke sucked above his collar bone, sinking his teeth into the flesh he found there and then sucking again. He pulled back at the end of his ministrations to blow evenly on the reddening neck, loving how the boy next to him shivered at the mixed textures.
It was almost funny, how no one noticed. The heartthrob of Konoha, leaning over Uzumaki Naruto with one hand in his pants and the other latched onto his neck.
Naruto did his best to bite back a groan, but a small mewl slipped past his lips when he felt the fingers tighten their vice grip and pump him in time with the sucking and smacking noises that vibrated against his neck.
When he thought he was gaining control over himself again, something unexpected happened-there was a very hard object grinding eagerly against his right knee. That only hardened him further, as he managed soft thrusts against the invading hand.
“Nnng…N-not here…’Suke…” He managed, hoping that the raven-haired boy would be able to translate it. Sasuke did just that; to him, it clearly read: ‘Fuck me; bedroom. NOW.’
SasSEME?
“Damn it, my ass hurts…” Naruto whined, rolling over so he was on his stomach; the blankets still draped across his backside.
Sasuke sighed, propping himself next to the blonde on his elbows. “Your ass hurts?”
Naruto glared at him half-heartedly. “Fuck, yes, my ass hurts.”
The brunette glared back. “You had it easy all night; I had the hard part, idiot.”
The blonde snorted. “Yeah, right.”
Sasuke’s eye twitched. “My ass took the most damage, I don’t care what you say.” (3)
…
So…
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Who was SEME and who was UKE?
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No one. Everyone saw the tousled couple trying to go upstairs while jerking each other off. The girls beat up Naruto and the guys proclaimed rape and beat the shit out of Sasuke. Poor SasuNaru!
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Moon:
(1) He really was. But that’s not what this is here for. I added the ‘if you must know’ because….I don’t know why, but it seemed right XD.
(2) In a round-about way, he threatened Naru-chan’s precious ramen.
(3) I liked typing that line. (Snickers)
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Chapter notes: This is a fanfic I did a while back for Sasuke-teme's birthday. It's on CRACK! XD Teehee.