Why did you do it? That is my question. Why did you leave me to exist listlessly in this world with no hope of salvation? I lingered in this world dancing over a thin line that marked death and life so close to falling every second. You left me to live pathetically, without love or hate. Because after you stole my family from me, I lost love. I lost a love I never had. You cannot lose what you did not have, but somehow I did. I lost a love that had never existed. And in turn I could never experience hate. Do you know how much that hurt? I could not do what you asked me to. I ran away. I lived uselessly. But I could not hate you.

I met you a few weeks ago, hovering above Naruto like some sort of reaper. The expression on his face, of confusion, of anger, of sadness, something about the look he was giving you angered me so much. But I felt as though I had to prove to you I could do what you told me to do. Even though when I stared at my reflection in your sharingan I did not see hate. When I looked at you that day I wanted you.

There is a lot of pain in our pasts. Why did you do it? Why did you kill everyone Aniki-sama? I could have loved them. Instead you destroyed my ability to love by destroying them. You took away any happiness I could have had. Except for you. You’re existence gives me reason. Not in the way you hoped, but it gives me reason.

I was easily defeated and now I exist with even less purpose. I did everything I could do just so you could see I was who you wanted me to be: an avenger. But I cannot avenge a loss I do not have care for. I lost my father, who cared nothing for me and everything for you. I lost my mother who barely gave me a second glance. So where was the pain? The vengeance? It did not exist? Still, I tried and I tried, but I could not be who I should be. Because in my heart, I did not need to kill you, I needed you.

Every weekend I clean the estate. Every damned room. Do you know how much time it took to get the stench of blood off the walls? Do you know how much time it took to get the stains out of the floors? I forgive you though. Your room is the cleanest, far more so than my own. I keep everything the way it was when you left, are you proud? Are you proud older brother?

My village retrieved me today. They took me back and put me under surveillance. I don’t care; I don’t care what they do to me or what happens. I don’t give a crying fuck what they do. They’re pointless beings anyway, their lives have no meaning in my eyes. My eyes are cold as ice, while yours, yours are warm with lust and blood. A deadly combination that attracts me so painfully. My sensei visited me today. I wasn’t aware my sharingan was activated and my glare must have been intense. You know what he told me? I am you.

I’m captain of the ANBU now. I don’t know how or why, but the village randomly decided they would trust the Uchiha brat even though he ran away with a dangerous missing-nin that killed the fourth Hokage. But now I am captain of ANBU and Naruto is sixth Hokage. Everything worked out perfectly for everyone. Except me. Because you aren’t here. I don’t give a damn about the clan’s revival, but I decided I owed it to my parents to have a few children. I wonder what kind of abilities my child will have, considering she has Uchiha and Hyuuga blood in her veins.

I was on a mission today, guess who I saw? A man by the name of Kisame. I killed him, are you proud? I hope so; you’re standing over his body glaring at it as though expecting something to happen. I walk over to you and gaze into your eyes, sharingan and emotionless. You won’t look at me, have I done wrong? I glare in the gentlest way I can at you, wishing I hated you. Your gaze diverts from Kisame to me exciting the blood in my veins. Look at me. Notice me. I feel my arms wrap around your waist and I pull you into a hug. Something about the way you patted the back of my head was a consolation. You accept my embrace. You accept it. But because of you all we can have are these desirable moments. Because you took away my ability to love. I wont love you.

Because my heart is made of ice.