Reviews For Chances
Name: rosylips (Signed) · Date: 07/05/12 - 07:12 pm · For: Chapter 1
Aww, this definitely seems like its going to be a cute story. (:
I wish you added a little more description though, but that's just me.
I hope you update soon!
Name: Rowanrose (Signed) · Date: 06/05/12 - 11:09 pm · For: Chapter 1
I liked this! Can't wait for more! I read it a while back but didn't get to review >_< Update please!
Name: Shizake Uchiha (Signed) · Date: 02/05/12 - 01:35 pm · For: Chapter 1
This was good for a first chapter.
The only thing I'm confused about is Konoha, Japan. Coz the Naruto world isn't the real world.
But hey great chapter anyways, can't wait to see you update.
Name: silverwolf1213 (Signed) · Date: 02/05/12 - 09:43 am · For: Chapter 1
I take it this is your first story, yes? It wasn't a bad start, considering you're a beginner. You have a relatively nice flow in the writing, nice description, and you know who you're writing about. Keeping characters in character is a great accomplishment for any writer, novice or veteran. So good job.
The only thing that bothered me was how you said Kiba wants a girlfriend right there in the middle of the chapter. You were talking about his job and his dog, then you suddenly being up his want for a loving woman, then it suddenly switches to his hunger. It wasn't a nice way of portraying that kind of hint. There wasn't a good flow for that part of the story. I don't even think it'd be a good idea to say that he wants a girlfriend. That ending was good, when he says that it gets lonely. But I don't think you should make everything too obvious. It is the first chapter, after all, no need to share everything about him.
But this was a pretty good start. I think refining it will help, but then again, don't we all need a bit of refining in our writing :P This was a nice first chapter though. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review! Thanks. :) I don't think I could call myself a true kiba fan if I wasn't able to catch his personality in writing. :) Now that I read the chapter over, I completely agree with you. I guess I thought that it was a way to hint towards his want of a girlfriend but it definitely isn't. I'll try to go back and fix that part of the chapter since it bothers me now. :P Thanks again for reviewing! :)