TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

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Het Romance [1092]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
Alternate Universe & Crossovers [651]
Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
Essays & Tutorials [17]
An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1739]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [865]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [291]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1575]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [194]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance [106]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
Fan Ninja Bingo Book [125]
An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
 
 

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Members: 11985
Series: 261
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Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
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Penname: Zeoniu [Contact]
Real name:
Membership status: Member
Member since: 18/03/14
Website:
Beta-reader:
Wow, hard to believe how long it has been since I last visited this place! I don't know what happened to my original account or the original version of "Misplaced Timing" that I had posted back then, but I can't get a reset password link to go through so I'm pulling a MediaMiner and registering under this shortened username.

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Stories by Zeoniu [1]
Series by Zeoniu [0]
Challenges by Zeoniu [0]
Favorite Series [0]
Zeoniu's Favorites [0]
Reviews by Zeoniu


Title: Me, Myself and I by Jfer4ll
Rated: U Liked [Reviews - 2]
Summary: Eventual Fem!NaruXKiba. maybe a Fem!SasuXNaru. Naruto is so close to defeating Pain, but the redhead uses a strange Jutsu, and travels through time and space- to an alternate dimension. But as something goes in, something has to come out... Naruto a lot stronger and smarter. Naruko is the same as Naruto in the Shippuden, headstrong, arrogant, etc. etc.
Category: Het Romance > Fluff
Characters: All
Genres: Romance
Warnings: None
Challenge: None
Series: None
Chapters: 2 | Completed: No | Word count: 1182 | Read count: 1658 [Report This]
Published: 11/02/14 | Updated: 25/03/14


Reviewer: Zeoniu Signed
Date: 26/03/14 Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning

Okay. I'll try to do this in a nice and constructive way, but its going to sting no matter what.

To begin with, your opening is... really lackluster. It doesn't try to make any sense(1. All italics. Try using them only for technique/jutsu and particular emphasis of words at the very most. 2. Overlapping paragraphs/Characters' speech in the same messy paragraph. Always end one paragraph and open another when two different characters are talking).

Naruko just popping up and both her and Naruto's reaction to it is bland. They have little to no build up, and KOing her in a single tap... is she not a Jinchuriki, of the Nine Tailed Demon Fox? If she's just been facing Pain in her own world/dimension should she not be a Senjutsu/Sage user as well, and therefore capable of holding her own against such a mild 'blow'?

It reeks of a simplicity to shoehorn the plot in a certain direction, and that it is done in the same vast paragraph is equally unpleasant.

Skipping down to the next segment continues to make little sense. And please, please, break the structure down accordingly! Everyone is talking over themselves.

I want to like this, as I enjoy the idea of Naruto and Naruko co-existing - and, to a lesser degree, gender-swapped Kuramas'(Kyuubi). But the writing just grinds the concept down to a point that I can't get behind it. I'm sorry.

Author's Response: Hey, its fine. This is my first story, so this kind of stuff is good. Thank you for reviewing, and for the tips. I will try to make this better.