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Senju Naruto by Baal of Yarns

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Chapter 3 - The Terrible Twos:

“Naru-chan, it’s time to put on your shoes and get ready to go to the clinic with your Kaa-san, and me!” Shizune said. Her cute adopted nephew/brother figure had recently had his second birthday and was already well into his “terrible twos” stage. Tsunade claimed if she heard the word ‘No’ one more time, she was going to go completely insane and start setting fire to things. Shizune decided it was probably best if she took over the majority of the Naruto-related duties until he grew out of it a bit.

Speaking of her mentor’s currently least favorite word…

“No.” Naru-chan said. His face set in an adorably obstinate little pout. He had a hold of TonTon’s vest and seemed to be trying to hide behind the small pink pig.

“You know we do this every day Naru-chan! Kaa-san and I have to go to work so we can buy you things and pay for the house. Now, let’s get your shoes on you…” She leaned down and reached over TonTon, but Naruto sidled around the pig. Shizune frowned and turned to catch him, causing TonTon to turn, causing Naruto to giggle and dance sideways as well. This went on for several minutes until she finally lunged over the poor traumatized pet to snatch the toddler up.

He squirmed and protested, but she finally got him sat down on the couch and started to put his shoes on him. She was stopped from putting his left shoe on after his right one had been fastened, by his shirt hitting her in the face. “Naru-chan!! NO! We don’t take our clothes off except for baths and sleeping! Remember? If you do that, you’ll have to wear the onesies again!”

“No!” He looked horrified. “Bad ‘Zune!”

She scrunched the shirt back up and pulled it back over his head, helping him get his tiny arms through the holes. “Don’t call me ‘bad’, Naru-chan! You know you’re not supposed to do that! Be a good boy and wear your clothes and let me put your shoes on you, and you can have a treat later.”

“Orange?”

“Yes, you can take Orange with you too.”

“K.” He stuck his thumb in his mouth and looked up at her with his angelic little face. Seeing him like that it was hard to believe he’d been terrorizing the house all morning.

She stood up and turned for a second to get his jacket when she felt something hit her in the back of the head. “Ouch!” she spun around to find no toddler on the couch and a tiny pair of shoes laying discarded on the floor, one of which had just be used as an impromptu projectile. The imp had good aim for a baby. She had to give him that.

She sighed and followed the trail of discarded clothes to find her charge attempting to scale a tree naked but for his diaper in the backyard. This was going to be a long day.

Tsunade cursed as they tried to make their way through the busy streets of Grass Country’s capital city. This move had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Grass country was plagued by easy to deal with things like allergies. It was mostly flat, relatively dry plains, so there wasn’t a lot of rain or standing water, so sicknesses didn’t really stick around or get carried by bugs too often. Add to that the fact that the boring terrain made injuries minimal, and it was a lazy medic’s dream. She figured that the most a medic would have to deal with was the occasional mauling by a predator hiding in the thick vegetation to ambush random passersby. Best of all, without any significant geographical features to bring in tourists, the whole country was dotted by world famous casinos and other attractions in order to compensate.

What she’d failed to take into her calculations when deciding on their current relocation, was the fact that everyone else thought it was a good idea to move here too, or at least visit really often. The place was PACKED. Idiot cart drivers were everywhere, cursing at each other and proving a danger to themselves and pedestrians. She saw more cart accident victims than she’d dealt with sunstroked people in the month they’d lived on the border of Sand before Naru’d been born. It was Rule of the Universe Number 34 that people automatically lost 10 I.Q. points the second they got behind the reigns of a cart, and some people just didn’t have 10 I.Q. points to lose in the first place.

After five minutes of waiting for a gap in traffic so they could cross over to the space they’d rented to set up a small clinic, Tsunade had finally had enough. “Naru-chan, what Mommy is about to do it Very Bad. When you’re old enough to demolish things, don’t try it, okay?”

The little boy nodded solemnly. Shizune quickly opened her mouth to protest, but it was too late, she’d already put a fissure in the road upsetting two carts and causing a complete stand-still in the traffic. There were loud curses and screams of outrage everywhere.

“Bad Kaa-san.”

“Yes, Naru-chan. Very bad Kaa-san.” Shizune thought about covering his ears so he wouldn’t hear the expletives being hurled between his mother and the irate drivers around them, but figured it was probably way too late to keep him innocent of curse words. He did live with Tsunade, after all.

“What a cute little boy!” Tamizawa-san exclaimed, spying Naruto playing with his stuffed frog on a blanket in the corner on the clinic. Tamizawa-san was a hypochondriac, Tsunade could tell. He’d come in complaining of malaria and he hadn’t been to Ame in his LIFE.

“Naruto-chan recently turned two.” She informed the older gentleman who knelt down beside the toddler and was reaching out to ruffle his hair.

“OUCH!” The man exclaimed, hurriedly pulling his hand back.

“Be careful,“ she sighed, “he bites.” Great, now he’d probably be convinced he had tetanus or something.

Shizune dug out a piece of poster board and a marker and plopped it down beside the blanket. It read, “Beware of Baby.”

“Good idea.” Tsunade grinned.

“That’s why you pay me the big bucks.” Shizune deadpanned.

What had started out as a perfectly average day took a surprising turn after that. Shizune and Tsunade looked up at the sound of the bell over their door tinkling a welcome to see an ANBU with long red hair tied back in a low ponytail and an Otter mask stumble into the clinic, practically dragging her blood covered partner.

Tsunade’s eyes widened, the man looked pretty bad, and even with the mask, the girl looked familiar. The only way that was possible was if they were residents of her old home village. ‘Crap.’

“Tsunade-sama, please help us!” the girl gasped.

“Put him down in there!” The medic barked, pointing to the examination room behind her, “You’re Konoha ninja, aren’t you? Are you hurt anywhere? Where is the rest of your team?”

The woman laid her partner down as carefully as she could on the table. “We’re from Leaf, yeah. That’s why I brought him here –the mission we were on went totally to crap. We were cut off from the rest of our team and trying to hide on the western edge of the city. Lucky for us, I heard people talking about you being in town after the huge cart wreck this morning. It’s taken me this long to get us here. I’m not hurt, but we can’t risk being seen – this is black ops, and Lion-kun is practically hamburger! I couldn’t move him very quickly without messing him up even more.”

“Alright, get out of the way and let me take a look at him. Shizune! Bring Naru-chan in here so we can keep an eye on him! I’m going to need your help with this one.” She cast a glance at the tired and dirty looking ANBU woman, “Sit down before you fall down, even if you’re not hurt, you’re obviously exhausted.”

The woman nodded, “I’ll be out in the other room…if you want, I can keep an eye on the kid for you, while you work.”

She sighed, hearing Naruto’s protests. He obviously didn’t want to pause in his playing to relocate in there, “Well, you can try, but in your state, I doubt you’re up to it. We’ll just leave the door open in case you need help.”

Otter-san blinked. How hard could it be to watch a baby? He’d seemed to be playing pretty quietly when they came in. She went to relieve Tsunade’s apprentice of Naruto-sitting duties, and got a sinking feeling when she saw the ‘Beware of Baby’ sign.

Naruto looked up at her when she slid down the wall to sit beside him on the floor. He seemed to be attempting to completely cover a large red plush toy with as many plastic bandages as he could tear out of their packaging. He was doing a damn good job of it too.

“Well, Naruto-kun, are you playing Med-nin and patching up your frog?” Otter asked. She figured she might as well start up a conversation with the kid, as much as you could with a toddler. Maybe it would keep her awake. She hadn’t slept in over 48 hours. They’d been on the run and she’d been worried her partner would die if she stopped giving him first aid.

“No.” The little blond boy said. “He Orange.”

“Oh…Okay…” Well, he was a toddler, who knew what went through kid’s minds at that age. “He looks kind of red to me.”

“Orange red.” He agreed, covering up one huge bulging eye of the toy with a large gauze pad.

“Um, well, not really. He’s a pretty bright red.” ‘Why am I arguing with a two-year-old about what color his plushie is?’

“Orange, no Orange?” He looked distinctly suspicious now, and not a little upset.

“Um, whatever you say, kid.”

“K.” He went back to clumsily wrapping the frog in medical tape.

Otter sighed and slid off her mask. It was technically a breach of protocol, but who was this little guy going to tell? Besides, the string was frayed and about to break so she’d have to find something else to fasten it with soon, and it was hot under there. She pushed her long red bangs off her face. She needed to get them trimmed; even her Whirlpool forehead protector wasn’t holding them back much anymore and her hair clip was proving useless.

She leaned back and closed her eyes for a moment, only to startle them open again when she felt a weight on her lap. The kid had climbed up on her crossed legs and was reaching towards her face menacingly with a band-aid. “Er, thanks, but I don’t need one.” She gently caught his hand a for a moment their eyes met. The kid had really rare colored eyes. She’d only even see that shade on one other person. Come to think of it, they had the same shade of hair too.

She frowned and he mimicked her expression. Just to see if he’d keep it up, she threw him a cheeky grin, and her breath caught when he returned it, he looked just like – well, minus 25 years or so, but still –

“I must be more tired than I thought, Kid.” She groaned and lifted him off her lap, “For a minute I thought you looked just like this jerk I used to be in love with…Ouch!” She glared at the baby beside her who was now frogless, “What the hell? Aren’t babies supposed to be cute? Who do you think you are, throwing shit at me?”

“Lady bad!”

It was probably good things hadn’t worked out between her and Minato. If they had, she might have found herself stuck with a little monster like this someday!

It was a few more hours until Tsunade strolled out of the medical room and scooped up her little demon spawn. “Your teammate is going to live, but it’s a good thing you got him to us when you did. He wouldn’t have made it all the way back to Leaf without medical help, and I’m guessing whatever mission you are on is off the books.”

The redhead nodded, “we aren’t sanctioned to seek outside aid, but you’re still technically a Konoha shinobi, so…”

Tsunade nodded, “Sensei wouldn’t mind you getting our help. Even the council wouldn’t be able to complain. I won’t ask what you were doing way out here; I know you can’t tell me. You’ll have to stay with us overnight, though, because Lion-san isn’t going anywhere until at least tomorrow night. Shizune and I are good, but we aren’t that good.”

Otter sighed, but she’d expected something like that. “Thanks for putting me up, Doc.”

“No problem.” Tsunade frowned down at the woman who had forgotten to put her mask back on. “You’re Uzumaki Kushina, aren’t you?” She swatted at Naruto’s hand when he attempted to grab one of her ponytails to chew on.

The ANBU looked stunned for a moment, before realizing her face wasn’t covered. “Oh, shit. Yeah. I’m Kushina. I saw you around a lot when I was growing up. You hung out with Minato’s sensei, Jiraiya, a lot.”

Tsunade dodged a wildly flailing Orange with expert ease. She felt kind of bad for the girl in front of her, almost like she’d stolen the life she was meant to have. She jiggled the son that could have been the redhead’s on her hip, then chewed on her lip for a minute. “Well, come on. Shizune’s got a spare set of clothes in the back. You can shower and change back there, and then Naru-chan and I will take you to get something to eat. You look like you could use a good meal.” ‘-and it’s the least I can do.’ She mentally added.

“Really? Great! Can we get ramen?”

Tsunade blinked. She must really like ramen to want something like that after what she’d obviously just been through. “Eh, sure. It’s not exactly the best thing for a kid as young as Naru-chan, but it won’t hurt him to eat it once or twice.”

The woman levered herself up gracelessly and threw the mother and son a grin, “Awesome! Thanks, Doc!” she scampered out of the room in the direction Tsunade had indicated.

“It’s a good thing that weirdo tomboy isn’t your mommy, isn’t it Naru-chan? You’d probably grow up to be a mannerless, ramen eating freak!”

“K!” Naruto cheered.

“What? NO, I didn’t mean you should try to do that!”

“Kaa-san, Bad!”

“ARGH!!!”

It didn’t take long for Kushina to wash up and change and before Naruto and Tsunade could really get into it, they were on their way to the nearest ramen stand. The Sannin found herself unsurprised that even half-dead with exhaustion and worry over her partner, the kunoichi had made a mental note of the stand’s location when they’d passed it on their way to get medical help.

Tsunade grimaced as they slid under the curtains and grabbed stools at the counter. Naruto wouldn’t have stood a chance with this girl as his mother. He’d have had ramen eating genes coming at him from both directions. He’d probably have eaten instant ramen for BREAKFAST if they’d been his parents, and knowing Minato, he’d probably have let it happen.

Kushina noticed the look on her escort’s face as she motioned for the cook to get her two bowls of miso noodles, “Don’t you like ramen, Doc?”

“Huh? It’s not my favorite food, but I like it well enough. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, it’s just that you made a face when we sat down.” The ANBU watched the toddler in Tsunade’s arms delicately sniff the air like a cat, his eyes getting bigger and shinier with each breath.

“Ah,” the Sannin settled the kid a little more comfortably on her lap and pointed to the pork ramen on the menu when the chef looked in her direction. “It’s not that. It’s just that ramen reminds me of Naruto’s father…He used to eat it a lot.”

‘Jeeze, Kushina! Way to stick your foot in your mouth!’ She berated herself. Everyone was always telling her she needed more tact. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up a subject that’s painful for you or something.”

Her comment was waved off, “it’s not that big of a deal. We weren’t all that close, though he definitely had his good points, and at times I admired him quite a bit. In the end, he was a complete moron.”

“Er? I’m sorry?” She had no idea how to respond to that.

“Yeah, me too…”

Kushina thought the look Tsunade was giving her was a little strange, but before she could comment on it, her food arrived, “Alright! Itadakimasu!!”

“WANT!!” Naruto exclaimed, madly trying to wiggle onto the counter and claw his way towards the kunoichi’s ramen.

Tsunade groaned. This was DEFINITELY a bad idea. She had a feeling she’d be paying for this one for YEARS to come.

Kushina grinned and playfully flicked her chopsticks at the kid, spattering him with broth. Maybe the little brat wasn’t so bad after all.

Nothing else very eventful happened during the rest of her stay with the Senju. Once Tsunade had shown her back to their little rental, she’d fallen asleep on the couch pretty much as soon as she’d seen it, and slept until her partner woke her up the next day. They were both eager to get back to Konoha and find out what happened to their other two teammates.

“Take care of yourselves, and don’t push it on the way back.” Tsunade lectured her patient. “If you reopen those wounds and Otter’s got to drag your ass back here, I’ll let Naru-chan be the one to stitch you back up.” She warned the poor man.

Kushina winced, that was harsh! She adjusted the cloak on her shoulders and knelt down in front of the toddler standing beside his mother’s apprentice and playfully tweaked his nose. “You take care, Naru-chan! Eat lots of ramen and grow big and strong so you can come back to Konoha one day and join my division! You’ll be a terror on the battlefield, I can tell!”

“K.” Naruto grinned and pulled a bandage off of Orange and stuck it over one of the eyeholes on her mask before she could even register what he was doing. She chuckled – the kid had a nice set of reflexes for his age!

She straightened up and peeled the plastic off her mask while Shizune scooped Naruto up off of the ground. “Wave bye-bye to Otter-san, and Lion-san.”

One chubby fist opened and closed rapidly in their general direction and both hardened ANBU internally ‘awww’-ed. He was just too cute.

They returned the wave, and Kushina couldn’t help but smile under her mask. She was definitely interested in seeing how that little guy turned out. She really hoped he ended up back in Konoha!

Japanese Notes:

Itadakimasu - Traditional phrase said before eating.

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