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The Singing Consipiracy by Frosty

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Story notes: Naruto and all related titles are proporty of Masashi Kishimoto and Shonen Jump.

All referances (ie. The Log, The Gumby Mailbox, The Wonderball, Yhatzee, random illusions to poems by Kipling, etc.) are proporty of their respective owners.

All songs used (Except for 'We're off to see the Hokage' and 'Hey There Deidara') are proproty of their respective owners.

Parinaz owns herself, but I stole her for this, so ha!

One of the things I DO own is the NaruItaDei crack fic baby. Steal her and you die.
Chapter notes: Chose this song because my old math teacher was singing it once and it really made me laugh.
Oh, and because this all started with me getting contacts, and when I got them, well, I could see clearly.

Song: I Can See Clearly Now
Artist: Johnny Nash

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Thanks stlyrics.com for the lyrics!
Five… four… three… two…

“AHHHHHHHHH!”

I can’t help but smile at the scream of horror coming from the bathroom as Pari – oh, er, I mean Parinaz – discovers that I dyed her hair blue last night when she was sleeping. She would be furious, but that fifteen second, ear piercing scream was so totally worth it.

“What the hell did you do to me?” the blonde-turned-bluette demanded to know, pointing one pale finger at her head and looking extremely pissed. Parinaz – I call her Pari – is a short little thing four feet tall, blonde – usually – with blue eyes. She’s the sort of person that wears pink skirts and glittery tops, and puts clothes on small dogs.

“Me? Whatever do you mean?” I asked, looking innocent. “Blue looks good on you, by the way.” I added, almost as an afterthought. She howled in frustration and then turned to go attempt to wash it out. “Won’t come out, Pari!” I told her, smirking. “That’s permanent. You might as well get used to it! Consider it payback for the time you bleached half my hair blonde in the middle of the night!” I still have blonde streaks from that…

“… I guess that’s fair…” She conceded, coming out, her light blue hair dripping slightly.

“Yup. Totally fair. You had it coming, and not just because of the bleach thing. Remember the time you shoved me off that cliff at camp?” She nodded. “Or that time you took my glasses and hid them on top of that rock wall?”

“Oh yeah!” She was cracking up now. “Man, Ember, you are blinder than Itachi without your glasses, you know that?”

“Aw, shut it!” I growled, shooting her with my signature death glare. Now I can give a mean death glare. I’m short, though not as short as Parinaz, but giant midget or no, I can still freeze people with an angry glance. There’s a reason people say my eyes look like the fires of hell when I’m pissed. Of course, most of the time I’m your average black haired, green eyed, freaky-narutard of a teenager. But when I’m mad? Whoo boy! It’s best to stay out of my overly pissy, would-be-ninja way. But enough about me. I’m sure that you’re much more interested in what happens next, I know I am.

Anywho, just then the doorbell rang, and I shot up, racing for the door.

“ThereherethereherethereheretherehereTHEREHERE!” I sang, vaulting over the couch and racing through the door my little brother had just opened. He likes to be the one to open the door because he knows it pisses me off, and he likes to tell people random shit about me because he can. Evil little snot. So, anyway, I plowed through the door, nearly running my brother over, and skidded to a halt before the delivery man, who was looking kinda stunned in his costumecontacts.com uniform and slightly skewed hat.

“I’ll take those!” I said, signing the paper on the clipboard he had held in one hand before grabbing the box he was holding. “Arigato!” I sang out before zooming back to my room, leaving the poor guy stunned on my doorstep.

“No more caffeine for you!” Pari declared as I started opening the small box happily.

“Shut it! You’d be excited too if you were getting Sharingan contacts!” I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

“No way! Those are them? I thought you had to get them from your eye doctor! Let me see!” She tried to pry the box from me. Fat chance!

“No way. You don’t get to see them till I have them in!” I announced, heading for the bathroom, home-made Akatsuki cloak over one arm, leaving Pari to wait in my Gaara-fied room.

Yes, I did say Gaara-fied. Any of you out there think your Gaara’s ‘number one’ fangirl? Think again! You ain’t got nothin’ on me, foo! Seriously. My room is 100% Gaara. The ceiling is Gaara posters. There is exactly three inches by six inches of clear space up there, in which I wrote the kanji of Gaara’s name. The walls – much to my mother’s horror – are hand painted pictures of Gaara that I did during the two and a half weeks she was gone at a vet conference. The window… the window was my favorite part. It had taken me ages to get right. I had painted it so that when it was open, it looked like you were looking over Suna. I hadn’t painted in the sky, so Suna went through days and nights as the same time I did. It was set up so that if you were geeky enough to notice you’d realize that if you were in the village hidden in the sand, looking over the rest of the city, you’d be in the Kazekage’s office. Oh, yes, I was a freak. But I knew it, so it was okay, right?

The only part of my room that isn’t devoted to the ‘Kage King’, is my closet. In there you can find my secret obsession. It’s a walk in, and if you push the clothes to the side you’ll find a shrine to Deidara that would rival even Tobi’s shrine to the missing rock nin. You know that basket-ball head has one.

I came out of the bathroom, sharingan contacts in place. Of course I was already wearing my Akatsuki cloak and had arranged my hair to look like Itachi’s. What was that? Need a picture? Of course not! I’m narutard enough to Itachify myself without the aid of a screen shot, thank you very much! And, yes, I had used eye-liner to give me weasel lines.

“My gods, Ember! You look just like Itachi! Only shorter and a girl…” Pari told me when I came in, eyes wide.

“Really? Sweetness! Un!” I paused. “Oh… er… that was Dei dei ish… I should try and sound more like Itachi… So… uh… Oh! OH! I got it! Okay! Here goes!” I took a deep breath and looked bored. “hn.”

“Oh my gods! Perfect! You so have to cosplay Itachi!” She declared. I frowned.

“No way. I much prefer cosplaying Deidara. I’m better at it! Watch!” I flipped my loose bangs over to my left side and posed. “Art is a bang, un!” causing Pari to fall over laughing.

“Yeah…” she said when she sat up again. “You are better at Dei dei… but right there you like the freaky ass offspring from some ItaDei crack fic.”

“Lovely.” I said dryly. “Thank you for that mental image. Ember, the ItaDei love child.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“No, really. Here, wait there a sec, I’ll show you.” Parinaz said, hopping up and running to our bathroom. She returned seconds later with a hair tie, a brush, and a handheld mirror. We had a hand held mirror? Weird… she knew more about my house than I did! Almost immediately she got to work. When Pari’s in ‘makeover mode’ it’s best to just let her go at it and try and fix the damage afterwards.

“Perfect!” She squealed, before shoving the mirror in my face. I gasped. The face staring back at me really did look like that of a freaky ass offspring from some ItaDei crack fic, especially with the blonde streaks that still remained from Pari’s little midnight prank last month.

“I want fox ears.” I decided after a moment.

“Uh… what? Why?”

“Because I do.”

“But you’re the ItaDei crack fic baby! You can’t have fox ears. That’s Naruto baby specific!”

“I don’t care! I want fox ears!”

“Fine, fine!” Pari ran off to find me some, coming back shortly with my fox ears, tail, and collar. I slipped on the ears and tail while she fastened my collar around my neck. That done, I yanked two somethings out of the pocket of my Akatsuki cloak – I had put it in for convenience, even if they didn’t really have pockets – which I proceeded to stick to my hands. The somethings were 3-D stickers of tongues. That done, I went into my Deidara pose again.

“Art is a bang, un!” I declared, sending Pari into another fit of giggles.

My brother chose that moment to come into my room, probably with the intent of making my life hell.

“Holy shiznits! You look like the result of a threesome between Naruto, Itachi, and Deidara!” He exclaimed, and I looked at him and laughed manically. He paled.

“Foolish little brother!” I cackled. “You lack… RAMEN! UN!”

I yanked out my plastic kunai – like a true Narutard I always had three on me – and proceeded to chase him through the house. He ran out the door and leaped over the fence. I tried to follow suit but managed to catch myself on one picket, thus flopping over the fence instead. I rolled down the hill, heading for the pond at the bottom. I could hear Pari shouting something, but I was busy bracing myself for the cold water. I closed my eyes and waited for the splash.

It never came.

Instead, a bright, light blue light engulfed me and I hit something soft with a light thud. The something went ‘oof’ before shoving me off. After that, of course, I opened my eyes…

…only to find a kunai – real, not plastic – inches from my face.
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