It was sunny outside as Sasuke Uchiha walked down the street.
It was sunny outside. The sky was blue. Birds sang. Children laughed. It was a perfect day.
It shouldn't have been.
It should have been raining.
No. More than that. There should have been a storm. A huge raging storm, tearing up the sky, destroying the world, ripping life apart.
But there wasn't.
And the cruel injustice of it all made the weight in Sasuke's heart that much harder to bear.
Inside Sasuke there was a storm raging.
Inside Naruto...
How was it fair? How could the world be happy and smiling and bright when the happiest, brightest most beautiful smile wasn't able to enjoy it?
How could the world continue as if nothing was wrong?
Why would anyone want it to?
"All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down"
Sasuke made his way further down the street, hands crammed into his pockets. Clothes dark in the brightness of the day. Shoulders hunched. Every step taking him further away from Naruto's apartment. The place he had been told to go. Where the essence of the blonde was still as it should have been. Still bright, still happy, still smiling...
He'd go to Naruto's house when he was so scared it hurt. When his body shook and his mind ached.
When he couldn't face Naruto, because of the fear of adding more pressure to his already overloaded mind, that's when Sasuke would seek comfort from Naruto's apartment.
He'd curl up in Naruto's old rickety bed.
Then he'd smile, remembering every single time he'd suggested getting a new one, remembering every one of Naruto's replies.
He'd chuckle to himself knowing that the dobe's replies always included some sort of jokey insult or the famous Uzamaki pout.
But with that memory Sasuke's shoulders would shake and his breath would catch in the back of his throat. His eyes would burn and his body would curl in on itself.
He'd bury his face into Naruto's pillow and feel so many emotions, think so many things that his head would spin until he felt sick. Sick with worry. Sick with grief. Sick with guilt.
Sick with selfishness.
Apart from Naruto himself, this house was the only thing that could console him at times like this.
When he left it, the pillows were damp and his eyes were red but the house would always be bright and he would be comforted in some small way.
He hadn't allowed the darkness to touch Naruto's home. Keeping it as it had always been, a place of comfort and rest. It was still innocent and still untainted.
And it would stay that way.
His house would be the one to suffer. His house would become dark and haunted. Again. As it was before Naruto.
His house was where he'd go when his thoughts wouldn't clear. When they were dark and angry. When all the frustration was pent up inside and all he wanted to do was scream.
He would scream. And he would smash. He would tear. He would destroy anything and everything in a vain attempt to find a solution to the problems he faced.
But he never found one.
No matter how many plates he smashed, no matter how many pictures he ripped off the wall. No matter how many times he picked everything back up almost mechanically, setting it back in it's rightful place. He still couldn't find the answers he wanted. The answers he needed.
When he begged and pleaded and cried. No-one was there. Nobody heard him.
Apart from Naruto himself, this house was the only thing that could break him.
When he left it, the rooms were tidy and clean but the house would always be dark and he would feel emptier than before.
He hadn't allowed the darkness of his house, his past, to touch Naruto. Keeping him as he had always been, innocent and untainted.
And it would always be that way.
"And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again"
Sasuke made his way into the hospital, passing familiar people, familiar sights. And he hated it. Hated knowing what was going on inside of the hospital. Hated seeing the same people with the same expressions on their faces every day. He wanted to shake them out of it but subconsciously knew he must look the same.
Walking down Naruto's corridor, Sasuke kept his eyes on the floor. If he didn't make eye contact they couldn't talk to him. If they didn't talk to him they couldn't give him bad news. If they didn't give him bad news Naruto would be ok.
He had to be.
"Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again"
Opening the door to the oh so familiar room, Sasuke's dark eyes swept over the sleeping figure and he frowned, remembering the first time he had entered the sterile white space.
~~Flashback~~
Naruto was sitting up in bed, an impatient look on his face when Sasuke walked in. The blonde turned immediately and a familiar grin threatened to split his face in two.
Sasuke walked across the room quickly and wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde. He buried his face into the mop of golden hair and breathed deeply, calming the swarm of butterflies in his stomach.
Naruto felt rather than heard Sasuke murmur into the top of his head and not wanting to have this, or any conversation he hugged the taller boy back, tan arms snaking round a thin waist, a white identification wristband the only thing marring the perfect expanse of skin.
Sasuke tried to pull out of the embrace but Naruto decided he was not ready to let go. Pressing his face into Sasuke's chest, Naruto felt the strong heartbeat that never failed to lull him into a dream like state. He sighed deeply as he pressed himself further into Sasuke and smiled when he felt the other boy kiss him on the top of his head.
Pulling away Naruto looked up at Sasuke and smiled, "Thanks for coming."
Sasuke didn't smile back but leant down to kiss the blonde instead. "I wanted to come with you this morning."
"Well thank you for respecting me enough to only come when I asked you to then." Naruto smiled again, tilting his head back to prolong the contact between their lips.
"You going to tell me then?" the Uchiha asked tensely, not forgetting that they were in a hospital and that Naruto had been admitted into the hospital after just one doctors appointment.
Naruto had opened his mouth to speak when a nurse had walked in, telling Naruto he could now go for his ultrasound.
"Hehe everyone's going to think I'm pregnant or something" Naruto said in a cheery voice. Only the firmness of his grip on Sasuke's hand indicating how scared he was.
---
The next few hours had passed in a blur, waiting for results had been horrendous.
But then they had been told and Sasuke wished that he could go back in time.
Back when he didn't know. Didn't know that Naruto had...had cancer.
Stomach cancer.
"Must have been from all the Ramen I eat eh Suke. I should have listened to you." He had laughed.
"Naruto. It's not funny." Sasuke had said and the laughter that didn't reach his blue eyes, dropped from Naruto's face
Naruto had gone into surgery the following week.
Upon waking up the blonde was alarmed by the number of drips and wires and machines that he was hooked up to. Fortunatly he knew what they all were. Sasuke had made sure of that. Not knowing what to do with the grief and worry, Sasuke had put all his energy into knowing everything about the procedures as he could.
His usual genius self had understood it all, making it easier for Naruto who didn't always understand what the doctors meant.
It had kept him calm. Kept them both calm.
~~ End of flashback~~
Sasuke blinked away the blurriness in his eyes and tried to swallow the lump in his throat but didn't move closer to the bed. He just stood and watched Naruto sleep.
Oblivious to anything but the prone figure lying before him, Sasuke failed to notice how many people paused in front of the blonde's doorway, only to gaze sadly at the Uchiha's back before walking away.
So utterly absorbed he had become that he didn't even notice when a nurse crept towards the room and closed the door quietly.
All his attention was on Naruto.
Only Naruto.
---
Sasuke snapped out of his daze the moment blue eyes opened and blinked blearily, a smile of recognition already spreading over a tanned face. Sasuke smiled in spite of the growing pain in his chest.
A pain that never seemed to leave him these days.
A pain that hurt more than anything else ever had.
A pain that only dulled when he was pressed up against the boy he worshipped.
Naruto reached out a hand to Sasuke and beckoned the Uchiha forward. Said boy didn't hesitate and stepped forward immediately, closing the distance between them quickly.
Clutching at Sasuke's pale hand, Naruto smiled up at his boyfriend as he ran his other hand through Naruto's blonde locks.
"How are you feeling?" Sasuke murmured as he bent down and pressed his forehead against Naruto's.
"Ok I guess." Naruto replied sleepily, turning his head this way and that until Sasuke moved to kiss him. Sasuke pulled away far too soon in Naruto's opinion but he didn't complain. He was just glad Sasuke was here.
"But I know I'm on a losing streak
'Cause I passed down my old street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again"
Sasuke lay down behind Naruto on the bed and pulled himself up against the blonde's body. Gently he placed his arm over Naruto's stomach, carefully watching for any signs of discomfort. When he found none he rested his head beside the adored blonde one, mind and body finally relaxing, relishing the closeness.
Briefly closing his eyes as the intense need to hold Naruto slowly ebbed away, Sasuke breathed in the comforting smell of his blonde. The smell that lingered on his clothes, on his skin, in his hair, the gorgeous smell that saturated Sasuke entire being, making him feel whole again.
He refused to loose this. Sasuke Uchiha didn't loose. Ever.
Wouldn't.
Couldn't.
"I missed you Dobe." he whispered, breath rustling the short blonde strands that fell over his ear.
"Hmm. Me too Suke but you needed sleep. You've been here all the time." Came the somewhat croaky reply.
Sasuke frowned at the roughness of Naruto's voice, "Do you want some water?" Naruto shook his head in reply so Sasuke continued. "I want to be here all the time. There's no point me leaving, I don't sleep at home either."
"That's not going to do you any good is it?" Naruto replied, sternness lacing his tired voice.
"I don't want to sleep without you."
Blue eyes stared out across the room and Naruto pressed himself backwards into Sasuke, desperate for more contact before he answered. He was rewarded when Sasuke increased his grip comfortingly.
"You might have to."
Silence greeted these words and Sasuke stared at his boyfriends tanned neck, watching how it moved when ever the blonde breathed.
"Don't talk like that Uzamaki." he said harshly.
"But Sas-"
"Please Naruto." Came the tight voiced plea that made Naruto turn his head towards the Uchiha.
"Please don't talk like that." He murmered. Naruto looked down at Sasuke and as blue met black he nodded, letting his head fall back on to the pillow.
Reversing their positions, Sasuke sat up and looked down at Naruto, his beautiful blonde angel. Sure he noticed the hollow cheeks and the paler than usual skin but Naruto was still Naruto and he was still beautiful.
Leaning down Sasuke pressed hot, loving, needy kisses all over the blonde's face. Paying particular attention to Naruto's sore mouth and eyes. Naruto sighed contentedly at the attention and brought a shaky hand up to the side of Sasuke's face.
With Sasuke still leaning over him and a look of childish fascination, Naruto slowly traced the lines of the proud, pale face with cold but gentle fingertips. He noticed, with deep sense of guilt, just how pale the face really was. How strained with worry and stress it looked. How sadness seemed to radiate from the dark eyes whenever Sasuke looked at him.
That was what hurt the most. Sasuke's eyes. And the fact that it was him, Naruto, that was causing the pain that haunted them.
Sasuke watched as Naruto's expression flickered. Knowing that Naruto was blaming himself for this whole crazy situation, but also knowing he couldn't do anything to stop the guilt. Naruto didn't voice it. So Sasuke didn't either.
Instead he placed his hand over Naruto's and leant forward to kiss away the tears that were threatening to fall from the blonde's eyes. He gently shushed the trembling boy as his wall of happiness began to crumble around him.
"Sas- Sasuke...I did...didn't m-mean for this to h-happen. I-I'm so s-sorry." Naruto sobbed fingers curled tightly into dark hair.
"Don't say sorry Naruto. It's not your fault." Sasuke whispered painfully, so close that his mouth brushed Naruto's slightly chapped lips.
"B-but if I hadn't," Naruto stuttered out.
"Stop it. Your going to stress yourself out. Please calm down." Sasuke said, just a hint of strain showing through his carefully controlled voice. He couldn't let Naruto loose control, he couldn't bare to see Naruto in pain, he couldn't see him cry. Not Naruto.
"I- But if you hadn't met me then you wouldn't be going through all this again." Naruto said gazing up at the Uchiha with wide, scared blue eyes.
Sasuke's eyes hardened slightly as he took in Naruto's words and a wave of anger flashed through his numb body. "Don't be so stupid idiot! What the hell is that supposed to mean? If you hadn't met me? Do you wish you hadn't?!"
"NO! Of course I don't! How can you ask me that?" Naruto said angrily, sitting up and smacking Sasuke's hand aside. "I just...mean that it hurts that I'm hurting you a-and I can't stop you from hurting. I-I just...I'm not supposed to hurt you. You're Sasuke. It's not supposed to be like this." Naruto's eyes dropped from Sasuke's face as he struggled to find the words that would explain what he was feeling.
"I'm sorry that I can't beat it. That-"
"You don't have to always beat everything." Sasuke cut in, his face so serious, so sad that it hurt.
"But I want to." The blonde croaked out as he lifted his eyes to the worried teen before him. "I want to beat it for you."
Sasuke sighed deeply and placed a firm hand on Naruto's chest. Pushing the blonde back onto the bed. The Uchiha rested his forehead in the crook of Naruto's neck and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the hot tears away even as they smeared against Naruto's smooth skin.
"I'm sorry I can't help you." He said thickly, warm breath soothing the wet skin.
Naruto opened his mouth to reply but found no words good enough for Sasuke, so wrapping his shaking arms around the Uchiha's neck, he just lay there, hoping that the gesture was enough on its own.
"S'ok teme." Naruto said quietly after a while. He inhaled deeply, running his fingers through Sasuke's dark hair. "I still love you."
Sasuke smiled bitterly into Naruto neck, wondering who was actually giving the comfort. "I love you too." came the slightly muffled reply.
Sasuke sat up, one hand tenderly brushed Naruto's hair off his forehead, while the other caressed scarred, still damp cheeks. Sasuke smiled slightly and leant down to brush a kiss on Naruto's forehead "Dobe."
Naruto smiled. A warm, happy kind of smile that gave Sasuke everything he had ever needed.
Everything he had ever wanted.
And in that innocent moment, with one familiar look, one familiar word, Sasuke's world shattered once more as he wondered how he was going to survive without Naruto.
"Teme."
"'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead"
---
Sasuke sat in the uncomfortable green chair and watched Naruto doze. The chemotherapy he'd been put on was making him constantly tired. It pained Sasuke to see the usually energetic boy stuck in bed, so tired that he would sleep practically all day, but he knew that the treatment was needed.
Sasuke only hoped Naruto wasn't in pain when he was asleep. He prayed for it in fact. Daily. Just as he prayed that Naruto's hair wouldn't fall out. He knew it was silly but when he saw the look of horror on Naruto's boyish face when the Doctors had told him that it was a possible side effect, he'd fallen in love with him all over again.
It was silly that that is what Sasuke prayed for, but to Naruto, losing his hair would be like losing a part of his personality. He'd told Sasuke that without his hair he couldn't be the Uchiha's blonde. And that wasn't an option.
So in the end it was for Naruto, so it really wasn't silly at all.
The Uchiha's eyes rose to look at the door as a Doctor with brown hair walked in. Frowning slightly Sasuke watched the man pause and check the chart at the end of Naruto's bed. He checked the painkillers and saline drip before he raised his spectacled eyes to Sasuke's cold glare.
He'd been told about this boy.
Everyone had been told about this boy. He was an Uchiha.
Everyone knew his situation. It wasn't fair, not on either of them.
Everyone had tried to interfere in their relationship, it wasn't easy having a multimillionaire father.
Everyone had said the little blonde orphan was just after the money.
Everyone thought they knew better.
Well, everyone was wrong.
There had been a media frenzy when local newspapers found out that, number one most eligible bachelor Sasuke Uchiha was in fact gay but that was nothing compared to the harassment the pair faced when the world had found out that Naruto was ill.
Many narrow minded reporters had jokingly said that not even the Uchiha fortune could save him. But then everyone found out what was wrong and even though there was a public outcry, and the papers printed apologises everyone knew that the reporters were in fact right.
The Uchiha fortune could not save Naruto.
But what was worse was that Sasuke couldn't save Naruto either.
"Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again"
Letting out a small sigh, the Doctor with brown hair let gaze drift over Naruto's prone form. He knew Naruto hadn't told Sasuke but that wasn't his problem. His main concern was Naruto's health.
Gently he woke Naruto, ignoring the murderous stare he was receiving. Smiling down at the sleepy blonde the brunette tried to forget the fearful look that passed through his innocent blue eyes as they widened in realisation.
He smiled again and said calmly, "Naruto I've got your test results."
The tension in the room tightened dramatically at his words, Sasuke stiffened and looked confused, then worried, then angry, then simply emotionless. Naruto looked as if he was feeling a mix of all of these emotions and an unhappy expression settled on his face.
"Thank you for waking me ." he said slowly, tying to sit up but then deciding against it.
"Do you want me to begin? Or would you prefer it if Mr. Uchiha waited outside?" he asked confidently looking straight at Naruto as if Sasuke wasn't there.
Sasuke raised his eyebrows at this. The doctor was ignoring him. Talking to Naruto first. That was rare. Usually people talked over Naruto, especially where he was concerned. Sasuke was glad and grudgingly respected the doctor for it but there was no way he was leaving this room.
"No I want Sasuke to stay here."
"As you wish. Naruto. There is no easy way to say this, so I won't waste your time. I'm afraid the medication is not working. As you know the cancer has spread to your other internal organs and the chemotherapy and radiotherapy have not proved as sucessful as we hoped. The scan taken last night has shown-"
"What scan?" Sasuke interrupted loudly. Scan what the hell was this guy talking about? When had Naruto had a scan?
"I'm not able to discuss patient matters with you unless Mr. Uzamaki gives specific permission." the brown haired doctor replied. He opened his mouth to continue but Sasuke wasn't done.
"Patient matters?! What the fuck are you talking about? I'm his boyfriend! You can't-" Sasuke was standing now, glaring for all he was worth at the brown haired doctor.
"Please calm down. I'm very aware of the situation Mr.Uchiha but I cannot discuss patient matters-"
"Who the fuck are you? Who are you to tell me what to do? No I won't fucking calm down. Where's the doctor we saw yesterday?" Sasuke ranted, all the frustration that had built up inside him was going to explode. He could feel it.
"Dr...."
"Sasuke, it's ok." Naruto said wincing as he sat up to grab Sasukes arm. The raven haired boys attention stapped back onto Naruto once again and ignoring the other man in the room he rushed to the side of the bed.
"You're not supposed to sit up Dobe. Are you alright? Do you want me to call the doctor to put the painkillers up? What's the time? You're probably suppposed to have another dose now away..." Naruto smiled gently as Sasuke mumbled under his breath, trying to do a better job than the doctors and nurses could.
"Suke. It's ok. I'm fine and there is already a doctor in the room." Sasuke looked at Naruto briefly and coldly survayed the brown haired man that stood at the end of the bed, before placing a chaste kiss on Naruto's forehead.
"Yesterday after you'd gone home," Naruto explained blue eyes shining up at Sasuke who still hovered protectivily above him. "The pain got really bad and I started to throw up" Sasuke felt Naruto's hand seek his and he gripped tightly to the fingers that was surely too bony to be Naruto's. But he clung onto in none the less, willing his body to stop shaking. Willing himself to be strong, he needed to be strong otherwise Naruto would sink and that could never happen.
"The nurse said she thought it was because of the chemotherapy and the side effects but Dr.Miyake had already left for the night. So Dr Nakamura said that he would take over my case. I had a scan last night and then they upped my painkiller doseage until the results came back. Sasuke, Dr. Nakamura stayed here all night so he could tell us the results this morning. Ok?"
Sasuke nodded dumbly. Why hadn't they told him Naruto had got worse during the night? Why didn't Naruto want him to know? Was it that bad?
"Naruto, why-"
"Sit down teme, you're making my neck ache." Naruto interupted not wanting to have this discussion in front of someone else. "Please carry on Dr. Nakamura."
Nodding the doctor continued. "The scan taken last night shows...shows that the chemothearpy and radiothearpy have not been sucessful. The main aims of the treament were to reduce the size of the cancer and limit its spread to other parts of the body. However as you know when you were diagnosed the cancer had already spread, with the combined operations and after treatment we were hoping that the number cancerous cells would decrease but..."
Sasuke's heart stopped when he heard that word, 'But...' He felt Naruto's grip on his hand tighten and he squeezed back, trying to warm Naruto's cold fingers. "But what?" came he quiet voice of the once loud boy.
"T-the cancer has spread faster than we ever thought it would and you are no longer responding to any of the treatments. We have tried all possible medications and treatments we can use at this stage and they...t-they are not working."
Sasuke couldn't breathe, he couldn't hear the doctor talking even though he could see the man's mouth moving. All he heard was an unbelievably loud roaring noise that seemed to echo through his head.
It felt like he was running toward the edge of a cliff.
He was totally out of control.
He knew that if he kept moving he'd fall but he couldn't stop himself.
He couldn't prevent it from happening.
No matter how much he wished it, he couldn't stop the fact that he was heading for a fall.
A devastating but irreversible fall.
"'Cause baby, ooh, if heaven calls, I'm coming, too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead"
Dimmly he could hear Naruto talking and pulling himself out of the recesses of his mind he focused on that voice. "What are the chances that I'll ummm" the blonde looked down and the white sheets that covered him, "that I'll survive?"
"That's impossible to say."
"You must have some idea though. Please I need to know." Naruto pleaded, blue eyes shining.
Dr. Nakamura sighed sadly and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Considering your age, the treatment you've had, the duration of your stay, the violence of the cancer, meaning what stage you were in when it was diagnosed...I would have to say... Well generally it is thought that if a patient is doing very well then they may survive for two years after being diagnosed with stomach cancer that has spread."
"Two years?"
"But I'm not doing well."
"Naruto are you sure you want to know this? I don't have to tell you, you mustn't feel pressured." The blonde nodded, eyes wide. Dr. Nakamura sighed hating the pain that was swimming in Naruto's face. But he didn't look away. He would not do the boy the injustice. "Fewer than 1 in 20 people survive if they have stage 4 stomach cancer when they are diagnosed. That's about 5%."
There were several points during Naruto's hospitalisation when Sasuke thought it could get no worse. But this was an all time low.
1 in 20 people.
5%.
Two years.
It couldn't be right.
These numbers were too small to be correct. Surely this was wrong. Naruto's chances couldn't be that slim could they?
Sasuke gaze flickered down to Naruto whose hand had lost it's grip on his. Grasping it harder that was necessary, Sasuke blinked slowly at the doctor who was still stood by the end of the bed.
He stepped forward and despite himself the doctor tensed just a little bit. Naruto looked up and opened his mouth to tell Sasuke to back off when the Uchiha surprised them both.
Reaching out a hand to the doctor, he breathed deeply and said "Dr. Nakamura. Thank you for staying here to tell us. I appreciate that. And no doubt it made it e-easier for Naruto. For that I will always be grateful."
Dr. Nakamura stared at Sasuke in almost a comical way before he nodded and shook Sasuke's hand. He pretended not to notice how much it was shaking. "That's perfectly alright Mr Uchiha. I can only apologise that we cannot do more."
At this Sasuke broke eye contact and nodded stiffly. "If you need anything please do not hesitate to ask."
Sasuke couldn't say anymore so he nodded, still unable t look at the doctor again.
"I'll see you soon Naruto ok?" the brunette smiled.
"Bye. And thanks, you know for all you've done." Naruto replied from behind Sasuke.
Dr. Nakamura nodded again and began to turn to leave the room. "Doctor?"
"Yes."
"I can do it you know. I can be that person. The only out of twenty." Naruto said quietly.
The mans brown eyes flicked back to the couple behind him and he smiled sadly. However it wasn't the burning determination in the dying boys eyes that hurt the most. It was the look that filled Sasuke's entire being at the exclamation.
Black eyes snapped suddenly on to brown and the doctor found couldn't look away. He had never seen anything like it before. How could someone so guarded show so much raw emotion for another person. It was baffling.
"I hope that will be the case. I really do." the older man said honestly, half wishing it for himself.
"It will be. Believe it. It took the bastard two years to even ask me out. I'm not done with him yet."
Dr.Nakamura watched as Sasuke's proud face seemed to crumple before the raven haired boy dropped his head, breaking the eye contact once more. With the promise he'd be back later to check on Naruto and a final glance over his shoulder at the pair, the doctor left the room and closed the heavy door behind him.
"Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again"
A few days later found the two boys still in Naruto's hospital room. Still in limbo. Neither knowing which way was up or which was down. Naruto had deteriorated so quickly since the test results had come back that Sasuke now refused to leave him.
Simply refused. They had tried to remove him but all it took was for him to utter something about his father being angry. And they left him. Being an Uchiha had to have it's perks sometimes.
Sasuke sat on the bed, his legs folded, a tanned head resting lightly on his thigh. Absently Sasuke stroked the blonde strands that hung around Naruto's face.
Naruto was tired. Sasuke was empty. Only the weight of Naruto's head on his leg anchoring him to reality.
They had talked all day. About everything.
All the good times that they had shared.
All the arguments, both pointless and meaningful.
All the silly little things that Naruto enjoyed.
All the silly little things Sasuke pretended he didn't.
Naruto had brought up marriage. A painful topic for them both but he needed to talk about it. Needed Sasuke to understand why he had said no and how saying no had be the most difficult thing he had ever had to do. Needed Sasuke to understand that although he wanted him, needed him, he couldn't say yes and make Sasuke a widower before he had even had the chance to be a groom
Sasuke's family had been brought up but the subject was quickly changed. Sasuke had told them that he did not want them to pretend they now cared. After all the time and effort spend trying to drive them apart, he couldn't trust them enough to allow them to see Naruto. Not like this.
He didnt want to see them and Naruto couldn't care less. He had Sasuke with him. He didn't need anything else.
Well maybe one thing.
"You have to promise me that you won't change." He said quietly. Feeling Naruto shift slightly Sasuke turned his dark eyes to blue ones and gave the blonde boy a questioning glance. "When I'm not here. You've got to keep smiling Uchiha." Naruto said laying back slowly on to the mattress, wincing ever so slightly.
"I want you to promise me." Naruto said as he looked up at the raven haired teen, seeing the flash of concern that flickered through the onyx eyes. He waved his hand dismissively but when Sasuke broke their eye contact he frowned.
"Please Sasuke." he whispered needing to know that the Sasuke he loved wouldn't disappear. He wasn't stupid, slightly oblivious maybe but he wasn't stupid. He knew he wouldn't be there to see Sasuke fold in on himself again. He knew that. But he needed to know that it wouldn't happen, that Sasuke would fight it, move on, be happy, have a good life... love someone else.
Naruto needed that reassurance. Once again he was dependant on Sasuke.
The only one that could help him.
The only person that could make it better.
The only one that would understand.
Only Sasuke.
"Yeah, I know I'll see your face again"
"You're the only reason that I smile Dobe." the Uchiha said quietly, a small frown marring his perfect forehead.
Naruto sat up again, trying to reason with the other who was still avoiding eye contact. "Suke that's not true. That can't-"
"Why can't it be Naruto?" Sasuke cried suddenly, looking straight into Naruto's eyes. "Why can't it be? Why can't it be you? You know you're the reason. You know it, I know it. Why can't you let me?" He was so close to the edge it was scaring him. Naruto was fading so quickly, so suddenly, that he couldn't cope. Couldn't be strong anymore.
Tears of fear and frustration welled up in Naruto's large blue eyes as he pulled the other closer. The tears pooled for a few seconds making the blue brighter, before they fell, drop by drop over his whiskered cheeks.
"But Sasuke you have to. I-I need you to. I can't...without knowing...I need you to promise that you'll carry on and-" Naruto stuttered desperately, trying hard to impress upon Sasuke how much he needed him to understand.
"Carry on! Naruto how the fuck can you expect me to carry on?" Sasuke nearly screamed, voice becoming as hysterical as it could and would ever become. The usually stoic boy was frantic, Naruto didn't seem to understand the situation. Naruto was going to... he still couldn't accept it.
If he couldn't accept it now, here with Naruto still fighting and beautiful and... everything, how was he suppose to carry on once he was gone?
"Because I need you to." Naruto said calmly, only the strength of his grip on Sasuke's arms and the tears running down his face indicating how similarly close to the edge he was. "Because you're too...too perfect to throw everything away. Because you're too young and you have to do everything you wanted to do. Everything we wanted."
"Yeah, I know I'll see your face again"
Naruto stared into Sasuke's black eyes, black eyes that seemed darker now that they were swimming with tears. He moved closer to Sasuke's face and whispered, "And because you love me."
Sasuke's eyes dropped to the white and green sheets between them once again. He was finding it hard to breathe, his throat seemed to be closing over and an indescribable pain was throbbing deeply inside his chest. He tried to swallow to rid himself of the pain but it just wouldn't go. If he didn't know better he would have thought that his heart was breaking. But it couldn't be breaking. Surely there wasn't any of it left to break?
Ironic wasn't it. The sole reason he had a heart at all was the reason it was now breaking, now broken.
"But Naruto I can't. I n-need you. I know it's selfish. I-I know it is but I can't carry on without you. I don't want to. Please don't-" he choked out, voice breaking as soon as he began.
"You do love me don't you?" Naruto interrupted turning the Uchiha's chin up to look at him. Sasuke nodded, mumbling so quietly Naruto only heard a few words. Words that sounded like "so" and "much" and "more".
"Then you can't let me be the reason that you don't smile anymore." Sasuke bowed his head again at Naruto's choice of words. "Please Sasuke. Please don't let me be the reason that you don't smile. I can't bare that."
Naruto was still clutching desperately at Sasuke's wrists when he felt the wet drops of Sasuke's long coming tears fall onto his once tanned skin.
The raven haired teen finally let go. He let himself cry.
Cold hands pressed themselves against him, pulling insistently until their owner was sat in between his legs. The comforting gesture wasn't unnoticed but Naruto's hands were so cold. Sasuke cried harder, his sobs becoming bitter and ragged. Naruto shouldn't be cold, he shouldn't be. It went against the rules of everything.
Sasuke tried to get in control of himself when he felt Naruto place small kisses all over his face. The blonde was desperately trying to help but Sasuke's tears were so overwhelming that he was having a hard job of it. It was difficult for him to comfort Sasuke when all he wanted to do was break down. But he kept on trying until Sasuke's breathing began to even out and his shoulders stopped shaking.
Naruto continued to kiss Sasuke's tears away and began to stroke his face, murmuring comforting words as he did until the raven haired boy returned the embrace. Sasuke kissed back tentatively, the need he had to protect Naruto stronger than any other need he had. Naruto smiled slightly and Sasuke pressed his lips more firmly against the blonde in response.
Holding Narutos skinny face in both hands Sasuke wiped the blonde's tears away as he kissed him and when Naruto's trembling fingers latched themselves on to Sasuke's shirt the Uchiha pushed himself forward. Deepening the kiss he needed, drinking in the person he needed.
Sasuke pulled away slowly but Naruto latched himself on the the Uchiha's neck. Kissing and licking and gently biting up the pale column. Loving the heat that seemed to pour off Sasuke's skin, he pulled himself closer and wound his fingers into Sasuke's hair.
He felt the other boy sigh with pleasure and smiled, bringing one of his hands down to Sasuke's thigh Naruto began to stroke the material before he ran he hand up under Sasuke's shirt.
Gasping at the coldness of the hand, Sasuke snapped out of his Naruto induced daze and stilled the other boys movements. "Stop Naruto. We can't do this."
"Why not Sasuke. I need you." Naruto breathed harshly into Sasuke's ear.
"I-I need you too. But I won't hurt you because of that." Sasuke ground out with some difficulty. It felt so good having Naruto touch him.
"But Sasuke," Naruto whined "it won't hurt me."
"It might."
"It might not."
"Well I'm not going to take the risk ok?" Sasuke said finality in his voice as he pulled Naruto's face away from his neck and the blonde's hands from under his shirt. Naruto pouted, Sasuke smirked and leant down to kiss him.
Naruto melted into Sasuke's kiss, feeling welcomingly relaxed until a violent shiver wracked his body. Gasping at the pain it caused he felt Sasuke pull away in panic.
He winced as he began to shake uncontrollably but Sasuke focused immediately and stilled the blonde with a pair of hands on this tired shoulders. "Cold?" he asked tenderly, watching as the other tried to nod and stop his teeth from chattering at the same time.
Kissing the blonde swiftly on the forehead Sasuke stood up and retrieved the extra blanket from the cupboard. Returning to the bed he wrapped the thick material around his little blonde and sitting with his back the the wall he gently pulled Naruto towards him, hugging his possessively.
"Yeah, I know I'll see your face again"
"You ok?" he asked, worried that Naruto might be in pain. Said teen merely nodded as he pressed himself into Sasuke's warm chest. Breathing deeply he closed his eyes and just felt the closeness of Sasuke surround him.
The Uchiha held Naruto close and ran his fingers through his blonde hair, feeling the tense body relax against his. He closed his eyes as the rhythmic rise and fall of Naruto's chest fell into sync with his own.
After a few minutes of just sitting Sasuke felt Naruto shift in his arms. He opened his eyes and looked down to find Naruto gazing up at him. Sasuke lowered his head and kissed the younger boy. He pressed his lips against the blonde's, wishing that they would colour and not retain their sickly pale look. He tried to impress all the love he held for the blonde with that kiss, all the emotions he had for the dobe.
The fact that Naruto didn't whine and complain jokingly that the kiss was soft and gentle was proof alone of how supremely tired his was. Instead the blonde sighed into the kiss, tears forming in his blue eyes once again. But this time Sasuke was there to kiss them away. He refused to let them fall. Kissing the blonde's eyes closed he told Naruto how much he loved him and how beautiful he was. Sasuke stopped his ministrations and smiled slightly when Naruto's eyes flickered open but it was a sad watery kind of smile that only made Naruto feel terribly guilty.
He felt guilty but he was still going to get Sasuke to promise him. He might be sick but dammit he was still determined.
"Please Sasuke. Please promise me." Naruto whispered, blue eyes wide and fearful. Desperate and pleading. Loving and needy.
Sasuke felt like he was choking again but how could he deny Naruto? The one person he would give everything for.
Sasuke nodded and whispered out a small "I promise."
Naruto knew that was all he was ever going to get and felt happy that Sasuke was promising to do something he found hard, just for him.
"Thanks teme." he replied as he flashed the other a blinding grin and settled back into the warm circle of Sasuke's arms.
"I'm never going down,
I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down"
That night Sasuke was leaning his head on the mattress, not really sleeping but dozing fitfully. Suddenly he felt a hand on his head and looking up he saw Naruto was gazing at him, eyes half closed.
"You're awake." Naruto murmured, his voice so quiet Sasuke had to strain to hear it.
Sasuke nodded and felt an ominous feeling shoot up his spine, spreading goosebumbs as it moved. "Naruto?" he croaked out, moving closer to the bed. Kissing the blonde's hand.
"Sasuke. You know you promised, well you have to keep it. Never break it."
"Naruto? Wha-.." Sasuke began confused, all traces of sleep wiped fro his mind.
"You have to let me go."
"I don't want to."
"You promised."
"I know. B-but I'm not sure...I can't." Sasuke blurted out.
"You can and you will." Naruto said firmly. "You promised me. And you love me. So you'll keep it."
"But Naru-"
"I love you Sasuke."
"Naruto? What's going on? Why are you- you're scaring me."
"And I'm sorry that I have to leave you, I don't want to but I can't do it any more. It hurts so much. I can't fight it. Please don't make me." the blonde pleaded, hands clutching at Sasuke's arm.
"I.." Sasuke gasped out at the defeated voice and he stood to lean over the other boy, who didn't open his eyes.
"Naruto! Naruto I will! I promise I'll try. I really will." he cried desperately, shaking bony shoulders.
Naruto opened his eyes and smiled tiredly "Good."
Sasuke stared into the blueness of Naruto's eyes, completely and utterly captivated. As he always was.
He leant forward and kissed Naruto's smiling mouth. "I love you. So much."
"I love you too. And don't worry teme I'll see you again someday. But for your sake you better have some good stories to tell me." Naruto laughed then, a small sound that the sterile environment failed to muffle.
"Sasuke. I really gonna miss you." he whispered as Sasuke buried his face in his neck.
"Dobe." Sasuke breathed against the tanned skin. But as he stood there, face pressed into the familiar curve he realised something was wrong. something was missing.
"Yeah, I know I'll see your face again"
And it was then, in that second of realisation, that Sasuke noticed he couldn't feel Naruto's pulse any more. Naruto's faster than average pulse was gone and his chest was not moving either.
Sasuke snapped. He sobbed. Hot, salty tears soaked the still chest. Clammy pale hand clutched at the cold tanned ones. One phrase spinning sickeningly round and round his head.
Don't let me be the reason you don't smile.
Just thinking of his last promise to naruto made the Uchiha calm down. He still felt a crushing sense of sadness and loss but he had to be strong. He couldn't break a promise to Naruto. Not now. Not ever.
Not wanting to leave his blonde's side but needing to do this, Sasuke reached across and pressed the nurses bell, alerting the world that it had happened.
Naruto Uzamaki had died.
He was gone.
---
It was raining outside as Sasuke Uchiha walked towards the newest tombstone in the Konoha cemetary.
It was raining outside. No birds sang. No children laughed. It was an empty.
And the justice of it all made the weight in Sasuke's heart no easier to bare.
It was fair and yet it wasn't. The world had lost. It was less happy, there were fewer smiles. It was not as bright. But Naruto would not want that. Just because he couldn't enjoy the world it didn't mean that his precious people shouldn't.
The world was not continuing as if nothing was wrong. At least Sasuke's world wasn't.
Why would anyone want it to?
Sasuke didn't
.
But Naruto...
Naruto did.
"Naruto."
The only person he would ever chase.
The only one he would cry for.
The only person he would ever love back.
It was only fitting that Naruto would be the only one he lived for.
Only Naruto.
End.
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Story notes: Hey. Naruto and Sasuke both feature in this but for some reason I can't add both of the character names. Oh well. Enjoy.
The information used in the story, the 5% fact for example, was collected from various sources but nothing has been copied directly. I am not qualified in any medical practice and the story has been interpreted to fit the song. Nor am I suggesting that medication provided by a hospital is faulty, or inadequate in any way.
It's just a story.
Sorry if I offend anyone, in any way, it is not intentional and I apologise.
Just thought I'd say that to be safe, love miesha xxx
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Nor do I own the song "The Drugs Don't Work." Sorry it's so long xxx