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High Maintenance Woman by A Vampires Butterfly

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Chapter notes: Hi there! This started out as a funny fic, in my head at least, but then well...*cough* Well it changed in the middle, so then I was going to give it a nice ending, but well....*cough* Find out for yourself I guess! Oh and the song is High Maintenance Woman by Toby Keith, bet he never thought his song would be used for this, huh? Enjoy! With much love, A Vampires Butterfly ^.^
I see you laying
by the poolside every day,
She ain't got a lot on,
she ain't got to say.
She wouldn't look my way,
but buddy what'd you expect?


“Hurry up; I need the filtering system fixed by tonight.” She says in a curt, cold voice, but he gives her a bright grin and a thumbs up anyway. He wears an ugly dark green jumpsuit, with the words ‘Youthful Maintenance' sprawled across the back in large, jumpy letters.

She wears a skimpy pink bikini with sparkling crystal beads, that seem to be made out of real diamonds, the word ‘Sexy’ written in beautiful cursive writing. She rolls her eyes and lays back on her pool chair, a martini in her hand and sunglasses placed back over her eyes.

He only sighs and goes back to work on the filtering system of her big expensive pool. He really likes her. Heck he likes her a lot, but who is he kidding? He’s just here to fix her pool, and nothing more. He goes back to work, but not without a few glances at the superstar herself.

I'm just the fix-it-up boy
at the apartment complex.
And she'll go out dancing bout 7:15,
climb into the back of a long limousine,
I know where she's going,
she's going downtown,
I'm going downtown too,
and take a look around.


He is called to go downtown to fix the light system for a big, fancy nightclub. The scary doorman sneers at him before letting him in, he just goes along smiling and grinning, pretty excited to be even allowed in the nightclub. He doesn’t care that he doesn’t belong, or that he isn’t exactly wearing night club clothes, he just cares that he gets to see a place like this in his poor lifetime.

All the ladies look away from him, but he just keeps smiling and grinning. It kind of hurts, but he keeps that on the inside, no need to feel sad in a nice place like this. All the guys sneer at him, all of them are rich, some famous actors even, but he doesn’t care that he just the maintenance man, nope he is too happy. Nothing could bring him down.

“Ew…what is the guy who fixed my pool doing here? Don’t tell me I have another stalker.” She says and laughs with the little soulless friends that follow her around. His grin slips a bit, he loves the sound of her laugh, even though time he hears it his grin slips a bit more. He just waves to her and she laughs again, before turning away to some sort of movie star, or maybe the man is a porn star, he isn’t sure, but he quickly fixes the lights in the club. He takes a minute to think if maybe he should try to make a move on her, but then he kicked out of the club.

Really, who is he kidding?


She's my baby doll,
She's my beauty queen,
She's my movie star,
Best I've ever seen.
I ain't hooked it up yet,
But I'm trying as hard as I can.
It's just a high maintenance woman,
Don't want no maintenance man.


He dreams of her as he sleeps that night, dreaming of her seeing him without the jumpsuit and actually laughing with him, instead of at him. He dreams of her beauty, of her smile, of her everything. Cause he has fallen for her. He has fallen for the beauty queen. The superstar. The model.

But well,

He’s a maintenance man.

I'm just sitting around
waiting on a telephone call
after a water pipe exploded,
in the living room wall.
If your washer and dryer
need a repair,
You know your handyman's waitin,
and he'll be right there.
24 hours, 7 days a week,
If it's getting clogged up
or maybe starting to leak,
Just ring up my number,
Baby give me a try,
You know I got all the tools,
And I can satisfy.


He waits by his phone, all day, just hoping that she will call, that anyone will call so he could some how see her again, anyway just to see her again. He can repair anything, it is in the guarantee, but the call never comes.

His coworkers start to worry about him. The red headed one actually offers to buy him some lunch. He refuses. What if she calls while he is gone? He stays by the phone, just hoping that maybe she will call, maybe she needs something from him. ‘Cause he sure knows he needs something from her.

Even as his shift ends, he stays by the phone, staring at it with large round eyes. He knows that she won’t call. But he waits anyway. A guy can dream, right? He asks himself this, staring at the phone, trying his hardest not to blink just in case.

Then almost as if it is a dream the phone rattles. He grabs it on the first ring and sure enough her voice is on the other line.

“Hey, can you send over that handyman from last time? I have a special job for him.” She says, giggling heard in the background, then hangs up, but he is happy anyway, overjoyed really. He grins and hops from one foot to the other in eagerness. His coworkers shake their heads sadly, they know what’s going to happen but none of them have the heart to tell him, except for one.

“Don’t go, I’ll go for you, just don’t. It will end badly.” His redheaded coworker tries to warn him, green eyes staring into his. But he shakes off the man’s arm.

“I must go, she asked for me!” he shouts and runs out the door. The coworker, who wants to be so much more, stands in the doorway of the office, before closing the door.


She's my baby doll,
She's my beauty queen,
She's my movie star,
Best I've ever seen.
I ain't asked her out yet,
Cause I don't know if I can.
It's just a high maintenance woman
Don't want no maintenance man.


He arrives at the door of the mansion in a matter of minutes, toolbox in hand, and grin plastered on his face. His eyes shine in happiness, and everything about him screams brightness and joy. When she opens the door, she is only wearing a pink lace bra and panties. She smiles a secret smile at him and motions for him to come in with a finger. He hesitates. It doesn’t feel right to him. The words of his coworker come back to him, but he shakes his head.

He loves her.

So why not just go in?

He walks in after her, toolbox left forgotten on the doorstep. She keeps smiling, whispering dirty secrets in his ear as she leads him up the stairs to her bedroom. He knows he should be happy, any man would be, but he can’t shake away that nagging feeling. He doesn’t want things to go this fast, something is wrong. But he keeps following her till they both stand outside her bedroom door.

She's my baby doll,
She's my beauty queen,
She's my movie star,
Best I've ever seen.
I ain't hooked it up yet,
But I'm trying as hard as I can.
It's just a high maintenance woman
Don't want no maintenance man.


She smiles at him once again, pushing him against the door; he falls back and lands on the hard floor in a dark room. The lights flash on and the room is filled with superstars and models, all laughing at him the same way she did.

“Did you really think I would do you?” She asks him as he lays on the floor in a horrible daze, laughter ringing in his ears.

“You are more of a loser than I thought.” She sneers as he gets up and runs out of the room, laughter following him where ever he goes. He picks up his toolbox on the way out and keeps running till he some how finds himself back at work.

The sign reading ‘Youthful Maintenance’ named by his own father, once made him so proud, now disgusted him. He pushed open the door, throwing his toolbox to the side, enjoying the crashing sound. It drowns out the laughter, but for only a moment, soon it is back, along with her words ringing in his ears.

The office is dark and cold; he topples over his desk, slamming the phone into the wall with a crash and the crackle of the wall breaking. He doesn’t care though, he can fix anything right? He picks up his toolbox and throws it against the same wall, before breaking down next to it, crying.

Everyone was right.

Ain't no high maintenance woman
gonna fall for a maintenance man.
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