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Adventures in Konohagakure by kiki15

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Table of Contents

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Chapter notes: Wtf? Total crackfic.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Chapter One: In the powerful springtime of youthful cheese?

Well it started out with two odd-looking green spandex wearing aliens in the middle of a sunset backdrop with waves hugged and cried. Only, they weren't aliens, but sadly, the best Taijutsu experts in Konohagakure No Sato.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

And it continued on like that for a while, until an old lady with leprosy tried to throw a flaming shoe out the window onto their heads, but that backfired when her arm went out with the shoe.

"Ah, my arm!" was heard, and the two aliens, ahem, shinobi... thought it to be there civic duty to give the lady back her arm. So it came to be that, somehow, some way, Lee figured it'd be a good idea to forgo taking her to the hospital and use glue to reattach the arm.

The only problem?

There was no glue.

Gai had in it in mind to suggest duct-tape.

The only problem?

There was none of that either.

And so our gejimayu friends looked around for something that could be a glue substitute, they attempted using butter, which didn't go over well for the old-lady when she went outside in the morning, because we all know Hyuuga Neji has a hatred for people covered in butter.

Why?

Something to do with him getting drunk one night, stripping, and having an extremely heavily blushing Tenten pour butter all over him. He apparently ran all across Konoha screaming: 'I'm a lobster, and you'll never take me alive Chef Giardez!' before the ANBU managed to tackle him with a sheet.

Unfortunately for them, in his drunken haze, he believed it to be a pot of boiling water and attacked them with his Jyuuken. Needless to say, that technique is even deadlier when the master of it has a blood alcohol level of .15, and butter covering his body. So yes, the buttered up old lady did not go over well with Neji.

The next thing they tried were 'narutos', no not Naruto himself, the spiral fishcake in ramen is called a 'naruto' too. They get sticky when wet, and of course this didn't go over good, because as soon as she stepped from the safety of her porch she was attacked by many, many, many Naruto kage-bunshins, strangely, in the henge of cats.

Why?

There's no answer to that yet, Hokage-sama is 'still' investigating.

If the old lady had ever liked cats before, she hated them now.

"Well...this is the only thing we have left..." Gai states, holding up a small wedge of cheese, putting it into a bowl, and tossing said bowl into microwave. "Let's hope it works, yosh!"

So the cheese melted, and it stuck the lady's arm back on pretty well, and the two gejimayu deemed their mission complete. And the system began anew.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Leading people to wonder if they hugged all the time just because they were crazy, or gay, or both. Also, the old lady came down with an unexpected, yet expected fear of rats. But that's a story for another day.
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