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Paperwork Ninja: a Day in the Life by Golden Kizamu

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Table of Contents

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Chapter notes: Mentions of yaoi, blah blah. None of my other pages will let me log in, so TONFA gets first swipe. rejoice.
More action next part...
Paperwork Ninja: a Day in the Life

Part two:
Reflexes, Caffeine, and Basements


Kotetsu Hagane swam slowly out of his dreams towards wakefulness, secure in the knowledge that he was not in danger and his lover would be curled against his side when he awoke. All was good with the world. He reached out to the warm lump next to him, snuggling closer.

"Oi. 'Tetsu, I appreciate the thought, but I just don't love you that way." the lump drawled. The voice was familiar, but not nearly familiar enough.

"Genma?" Kotetsu was confused. Where is Izumo? Izumo is gone. Izumo has transformed into Genma. Don't want Genma, Want Izumo! Kill Genma, Izumo come back. Something was wrong with that, but he couldn't place what... The problem with waking up slowly is that the mind also wakes up slowly, rather than jumping from zero to sixty in moments. While the brain is still fuzzy the body will often react on instinct, with unfortunate consequences. This is why most ninja don't allow themselves the luxury.

Fortunately, the mind and the instincts of Genma Shiranui were fully operational that morning, or the kunai Kotetsu had produced would have done more than graze the senbon-junkie's arm. He launched himself out of the warm bed with a grace he wasn't really feeling, landing next to the dresser in a defensive crouch, senbon in one hand while the other was already applying pressure to the cut. "Damn it, Ko. I know I'm not your one true love, but that's a little harsh."

"Where's Izumo?!" Kotetsu hissed, kunai still raised threateningly.

"Here. Breakfast is served." Izumo Kamizuki strolled into the room, a well-worn bathrobe tied around his waist, damp hair sticking to his face, a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and tray with a plate of jelly doughnuts and a coffee pot balanced on the other. He ignored the combative stances and the blood slowly dripping down Genma's arm, focused solely on coaxing the coffee to a drinkable temperature.

Kotetsu and Genma shared a look. Until Izumo had consumed at least two more cups of coffee, they could stage a mass murder and Karaoke contest featuring Gai-sensei in the living room and he wouldn't care. Notice, maybe; care, no.

"What is he doing here?" Kotetsu demanded.

"My apartment flooded. Izumo said I could crash here." Genma answered for himself, allowing the coffee-fiend to swallow the scalding caffeine slowly.

"I had to." Izumo stuck his tongue out and blew to cool it a bit, "He said that if I didn't let him, he'd go crawl in bed with Iruka. So I had to."

"See? It was the lesser of two evils." Genma defended himself. He'd decided that the cut wasn't bad and could air out a bit before he did anything more about it.

"So you crawled in bed with us?!"

"No, Kotetsu, I was on the couch." Genma's smile was far too innocent. Realizing he was still crouched defensively, he stood and put the senbon to his lips, settling it into place with the ease of long practice. "I only woke up when you started moving around."

"He looked so cold out on the couch by himself." Izumo shrugged with the ambivalent good cheer of a saint, "And you looked so lonely in bed when I got up to take a shower, I moved him in with you. I thought he'd keep you warm. Doughnut?" he extended the plate towards his exasperated lover, who had to take one.


A little later, the coffee and doughnut-stuffed trio headed towards the Hokage tower together. Kotetsu had the early shift at the mission desk with the Hokage while Genma and Izumo worked in the file room to implement the decisions reached in last night's meeting.

"Genin siblings, water jutsu, and old pipes. Add exploding tag. Result: destroyed laundry room, sewage completely covering basement floor to depth of three inches." the utterly deadpan tone of Genma's voice, combined with the bullet-statement way of describing the event that was typical of mission reports was by now an old joke for the Paperwork Ninja, but still got a laugh if used properly.

"Eew." Kotetsu wrinkled him nose in sympathy.

"It gets worse." Izumo shushed him, allowing Genma to continue his tale of woe.

"Older of Genin siblings attempts to fix problem with another water jutsu. Result: thinned sewage now flooding basement to depth of three feet. Apartment manager throws a fit, collapses and is carted off to hospital. Poor Genma stupidly teleports himself home, with predictable results. Finds Manager's brother, gets a shower, retreats to nearest friends' apartment."

"You're not serious? Your entire apartment?" Kotetsu whistled, impressed.

"Yeah, it's gonna take weeks to get the stink out." Genma shrugged, "Guess I'll just have to freeload until it's fixed."

"Poor Iruka, he's the only one with a spare room anymore."


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