**

"Ow! Sasuke! What the HELL did you do that for!!!" Naruto took a few steps away from his most hated nemesis (and yaoi partner in crime for all of us fans), rubbed the silver plate of his forehead protector and winced. For some reason that Naruto couldn't even begin to explain, Sasuke had just come up to him and head butted him!

Sasuke remained silent. Bumping heads with a block of a brain named Naruto was one thing, but doing it while wearing forehead protectors that only enhanced pain when bumped with another so called "protector" was an entirely new definition of a headache. The clanking echo of the protectors getting to know each other on a more personal level still rang through both boy's ears.

"That really hurt, you asshole!" Naruto fixed Sasuke with one last glare before he turned to walk away. Here he was, innocently enjoying a cup or ramen by his lonesome then here comes Sasuke to bruise his poor little cranium.

If only he knew why Sasuke had done it. It wasn't to cause pain, oh no, it was for an entirely different reason.

He was trying to kiss him.

He hadn't meant to, really. He had been fully intent on going home after training but Naruto had sat down and pulled an instant cup of ramen out of god knows where, and started munching on it happily as a reward for a good day's training session.

Where he got the boiling water was a mystery too. Um... anyway...

Sasuke didn't really care too much about Naruto's mysterious ways of getting ramen. His darker than dark eyes were instead glued on the noodles being slurped into Naruto's mouth. While such a sight would remind a normal person of those two dogs and the spaghetti in the alley, the sight only reminded our dark haired child of angst in most cases of one thing:

His first kiss.

Well, you were supposed to remember your first... everything right? Sasuke remembered a lot of his first:

The first time Itachi screwed him over.

The first time Itachi killed their clan (nevermind the fact that you can only kill your parents and everyone you know once because after that they're dead).

The first time Itachi betrayed him, which kind of went along with being screwed over because big brothers were supposed to be nice... well... o.k. maybe not nice but they certainly weren't supposed to be power hungry bastards who kill everyone while you're gone.

The first time he decided to take revenge... and the second time... the third time...

Anyhow, the first kiss. The first kiss, Sasuke imagined (when he wasn't thinking of Itachi so this thought of a first kiss only came about once every thousand years), was something that was supposed to be super romantic. With birds singing and leaves dancing in the wind on a bright sunny day with a spectacularly beautiful girl. Fate hated him, she was a cruel witchy woman with a pointy hat and broomstick. Not only, not only was he cursed with an evil brother who he would spend countless numbers of episodes and manga pages trying to kill only to be thrown into a coma (poor kid), but his first kiss was with a spiky haired cutie who was hell bent on being better than him.

How ironic, he wanted to surpass and kill that bastard Itachi while Naruto wanted to surpass... but not kill... that "bastard" Sasuke. Bastard being in air quotes because Naruto didn't really think Sasuke was a bastard, well, not on the level of bastard that Itachi was on. Killing everyone to test your power was just evil and Sasuke wasn't that much of a bastard. Sasuke was just a bastard because of his attitude, and a bastard because Naruto's head still hurt from them bumping heads!

Anyhow, it was just an accidental kiss that happened a memory ago. An accidental kiss that Sasuke was reminded of because of all the noodles snaking into Naruto's mouth as he inhaled the food. And just like that, he wanted some ramen.

Not instant cup ramen, but Naruto lip flavored ramen.

That accidental kiss had tasted like ramen, so when Sasuke saw the one who gave him this kiss eating said food well... o.k., so he wanted it to happen again. He had wanted it to happen again for quite sometime. All those yaoi hints in the anime and manga were a big hint to the whiskered baka, but of course this was Naruto so he hadn't caught on... yet. So Sasuke had walked over to him and Naruto looked up at him with noodles in his mouth.

What a mood killer.

But Sasuke just increased the intensity level in his eyes, and that had the desired effect of Naruto biting into the noodles in his mouth to swallow them, his lips now covered in a few specs of ramen juice. They stared at each other for quite some time, and Naruto had the smallest of blushes on his checks.

Maybe all the yaoi hints in the anime and manga weren't ignored.

Sasuke leaned closer... and closer... this was really going to happen. He was going to kiss Naruto. Something inside of him was dancing, some small part of him that wasn't obsessed with Itachi.

While you might think that this part is awfully small take a look inside of Sasuke's brain and you will see that the non-Itachi part isn't really too little. Not anymore.

Ever since Naruto had entered his life that non-Itachi part was slowly, albeit very very very slowly, taking over more of Sasuke's brain. The Itachi part had his arms crossed and glared, glared an Itachi glare as Sasuke moved even closer to try and seal Naruto's lips with his own.

Hmph, he's supposed to be thinking about me and me only. Itachi part said.

No! I've been deprived for too long! Deprived of a childhood and friends and any type of physical contact besides that accidental kiss! I will NOT be ignored! Non-Itachi part spat back. Itachi part just snickered and rubbed his hands together.

You will continue to be deprived, look. The Itachi part pointed a finger forward and both parts watched, one in horror and one in amusement, as instead of lips meeting...

... forehead protectors met in a clash of... o.k. yeah this is how we started the story so you get it, moving on.

Naruto was... um... *scrolls up to the beginning of the story* walking away! ACK! Naruto, don't leave! Stop him, baka! *kicks Sasuke*

"OW!"

"What?" Naruto turned around to see Sasuke rubbing his backside, frowning at no one in particular (it's good to be the author, you can move the characters like chess pieces, dance my pawns! Wait... I don't know how to play chess... um... carry on).

"Um... nothing." Naruto looked ready to leave again but Sasuke stepped closer to him and grabbed his arm, stopping him. Naruto looked ready to yell at him but Sasuke pulled him closer, holding him in a shaky, but determined embrace. "Look... um... Naruto..."

"What is it?" Naruto's voice had gotten softer, the blush returning to his cheeks as he looked into those bedroom eyes (we all know Sasuke has those eyes that say let's go into the bedroom and... you know... fill in the blank this story isn't R rated) that burned into his very soul.

"Naruto..."

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto..." O.K. I can't do that anymore, sorry, I tried to do that whole repeating the name over and over again joke but it makes my head hurt.

Sasuke leaned closer, his lips trembling in anticipation. Finally, finally he would kiss Naruto! Countless episodes and manga pages of it only happening once and now he would do it again!

Go, Sasuke go! Non-Itachi part was dancing around and cheering, clapping his little hands in excitement. Itachi part looked a bit worried, the non-Itachi part was getting larger... taking over... and all the sudden all those angsty Sasuke thoughts were going away. Itachi part had to stop the madness, what would the world come to if Sasuke weren't angsty anymore! Itachi part grinned an unholy grin and rubbed his hands together, then hatched his evil Itachi plan.

... who said anything about love! Non-Itachi part screamed. I just want a kiss, damnit!

No love? Itachi part asked.

Well... kissing does sound nice. And this time it wouldn't be in a classroom full of students. Non-Itachi was using the full force pleading watery puppy dog eyes at this point, and the Itachi part sighed. Alright, fine, kiss. But nothing else.

Oh, of course sex is o.k. too when the time comes. The boy seriously needs to get laid. It was universal knowledge that Sasuke needed to get laid, but the two separate parts shook their hands in agreement nonetheless. The time had come to share a kiss, a real kiss, not a classroom shove kiss but a serious heart pounding soul melting breath steal-...

"It's too late." Sasuke muttered. The yin and yang of Sasuke's brain looked confused, then the non-Itachi part wailed when he saw that Naruto was gone.

"I um... stepped on his foot."

Idiot! This was surprisingly the Itachi part talking. You bump his head and step on his foot! I thought you were good at everything!

"I'm good at revenge and angsting, not kissing! When would I have time to learn that?"

He's got a point. Sasuke nodded to himself... since.. that was... who the argument was against. Was his mind that hell bent on revenge that he was this insane? Arguing with two parts of himself that were either Itachi or non-Itachi, how obsessed was he? This was a good time to take a serious after school special type look at his life. What had it come to, really? A teenager obsessed with killing his brother and not about normal teenage things, like beating your brother or defeating him or killing him... ACK! He was doing it again! Perhaps it was time to make a chang- Hey! You! Get your head out the clouds, you've gotta learn how to kiss and you've gotta learn now! I wanna kiss Naruto, damnit!

"And just how do you suppose I do that?" Both the Itachi and non-Itachi parts grinned, and Sasuke suddenly had a feeling of impending doom.

**

The required speech was given by the Itachi part himself, as Sasuke leapt roof to roof across the village. To become a shinobi, one must have stealth. One must be calm in any situation. One must...

... oh, shut-up! Non-Itachi stood with his arms crossed as Sasuke slipped the window open to one of the buildings in the village. Shinobi nothing, we're just stealing a book.

Not just any book. The air suddenly felt overly dramatic with a thick fog that was worthy of a soap opera... or a cheesy anime, whatever. But THE book of books. The ultimate guide to use. When possessed in the right hands, indescribable waves of pleasure can be-

Are you always this dramatic? Non-Itachi part interrupted his counterpart, rolling his eyes and wondering who the hell he pissed off to make him have to share a space with the Itachi part of Sasuke's brain.

Let me think. There was about a three second pause. Nope, I can't. Will Sasuke ever get the book he so desires for his quest to steal yet another kiss from Naruto? Will he ever defeat his brother? Will he ever kill him will he ever get a taste of revenge will he...

"Um... I got the book." Both sides stopped arguing, finally giving Sasuke some alone time to celebrate in a successful mission. For in his hands he now possessed what he needed, the one thing that would show him how to properly kiss the spiky haired idiot who had invaded his heart without permission.

Thank god it was his heart, he didn't have enough space in his head with the Itachi and non-Itachi part bickering over and over again. Looking over the book he felt like he was holding the secrets of life, felt like the book was glowing in his hands, beckoning him to open it and read it's pages and learn all that he could.

Icha Icha Paradise.

And not just any copy of Icha Icha Paradise, but Kakashi's own personal copy.

Now you may wonder, why didn't Sasuke just go and buy a copy? Well, as if he could get a book like this not being an adult. Well, technically the forehead protector labeled him as an "adult" and with his glare he could probably get it with no questions asked.

O.K. So he just didn't want to walk into wherever the hell you'd go to get... these kind of books... and ask for such a book! What would it look like, for him to purchase one of these naughty books?

He'd probably look like a normal teen boy who was just curious, but, that wasn't the point.

He was starting to wonder now if this was the right thing for him to do. This book was definitely going to show more than kissing, he could tell from all the warnings plastered onto the front page. The big huge M for mature, the red sticker in the corner, the number of strips of paper showing places that were marked in the book... wait...

... why in the world were there pages marked...

He quickly ducked behind the couch and dropped the book when he heard one of the doors in the apartment open. With a flurry of steam Sasuke watched none other than Kakashi (it was his apartment after all) step out of what had to be the bathroom. The first hint was the bath towel and nothing else around Kakashi's waist, the second being the fact that he was completely wet... and still wearing the forehead protector and covering over his mouth and eye... and somehow those items weren't wet but... whatever... and the third and final fact that the man had come from the bathroom was the... "Man, that was a great shower I had." And well, you couldn't shower anywhere inside the house... well unless if the kitchen sink broke and sprayed out water... o.k. it was obvious that Sasuke was thinking too hard. "And now, time to get ready." Instead of going to the bedroom to get dressed, which seemed to be the logical thing to do after a shower, Kakashi moved into the living room where Sasuke was so cleverly hiding.

O.K. Maybe it wasn't very clever because the couch was in the middle of the floor but somehow Kakashi missed it. It was probably because he had his eye on something else.

Icha Icha Paradise.

Sasuke took that time to quietly move to a better hiding place, behind the curtains of the window that were conveniently close by. And that's when he saw it.

Wow... Intelligent responses from inside of Sasuke's head.

And what is this it he saw? Some perverse act that's not suitable for a story rated less than R? Well... not really... seriously! It's not what you're thinking. It's not anything like that. Seriously.

Oh wait, now you want to know what that is. Well, it's not the it that's going on I'll tell you that. No, that is something entirely different from it.

Yeah. Both the non-Itachi part and Itachi parts stared in absolute amazement at what was going on. This was totally unexpected, to think that Kakashi...

And just like that it was over. Yeah, that was quick wasn't it? No I'm still not talking about that!

It is not that.

That is not it.

And the knock on the door brought all thoughts of this, that, and the other thing to a close.

Oh no, I'm not explaining this or the other thing.

Sasuke watched Kakashi head to the door and throw it open, not even caring that he was still in a towel, and pulled an adorably blushing and cute little scar having Iruka into the apartment and kissed him like there was no tomorrow (um, after moving the covering from his mouth of course).

Whoa! Both parts of Sasuke's head just stared at the couple and everyone came to a conclusion. That was it.

Wait, that is not it. I mean that in the sense of that they figured out something important or... well...

See what had happened was this, not that. This was what happened. So listen to this, not that.

Confused yet? Good.

As Kakashi swept Iruka into his room to definitely do this, that, and the other to him, Sasuke hurried over and snatched up the book.

Flipping a few pages he found the exact thing which confirmed his suspicions.

It was the exact move Kakashi had just performed just seconds ago. You know, when he pulled Iruka into the apartment and kissed him? But that wasn't it. No, it was this.

It was the fact that Kakashi had used his sharingan eye and looked at the book.

Yep, that's what it was. It was the fact that Kakashi had used his sharingan eye and looked at the book.

And what's that? That is what Kakashi did when he opened the door.

It was the sharingan. That was the result, the kiss. And now I'm done.

So, that explained the book marked pages in the book. One of the marked pages held the exact thing Kakashi had just done to Iruka. He uncovered his eye and read over all the book marked pages, then made his attack when Iruka knocked on the door.

From the noises in the bedroom there were many more sharingan tricks Kakashi was sharing, each one coming from none other than Icha Icha Paradise. So that was why he was constantly reading it... besides the obvious reasons.

Sasuke grinned. Grinned an evil Sasuke grin. An evil Sasuke grin like in the manga when he... grins an evil... Sasuke grin that one time... or second or third or fourth millionth time. He'd use his sharingan eyes and do what Kakashi just did, at least, he'd do the kissing part not the other stuff. In either case he'd take Naruto's breath away. As much as he would've liked to just read the book in Kakashi's home and leave it there, the bedroom noises were starting to get to him. It was too difficult to concentrate when you could hear two teachers screaming like they were in the middle of battle... well, in a way they were if they were doing what was in page 15 of Icha Icha Paradise...

Yep, he was leaving now. He'd just return the book later before Kakashi could miss it. And with the stealth that only a determined-to-pin-a-cutie-named-Naruto-to-a-wall-and-kiss-him-like-there-was-no-tomorrow Uchiha boy could possess, Sasuke escaped the after midnight cable channel extravaganza that was going on in that apartment and set out to find a place to... study.

**

Read the book now! The non-Itachi part of Sasuke's part was anxiously doing cartwheels, ready to open those bright blood red sharingan eyes that were dotted with ink spots here and there and learn all he could in that little book. Icha Icha Paradise was clutched loving in Sasuke's arms as he leapt across the night sky via rooftop, trying to hurry up and get home. Come on, just stop and read it! Read it!!!

"Shut-up! Home isn't that far away!" Sasuke was feeling that anxiety, why else would he be screaming at one of the two inner voices in his head out loud?

"Wait until we get home." Sasuke growled out, then wondered about his sanity more when he was referring to himself and the inner voices as a group as if they were leaping roof to roof right with him.

Oh just stop and read it. The Itachi part said, leaning back against the non-Itachi part and looking bored. The sooner you do, the sooner you kiss the boy and the sooner I can take over again.

Well when you put it like that, take your time. The two parts glared at each other and Sasuke just groaned and jumped down from one of the roofs to land on the ground safely. Tuning out both voices Sasuke opened the book and began to walk home while reading. It was relatively late and everyone else was inside, so no one would see him reading over such a naughty book. And despite the pitch blackness of the night, the moon decided to turn up its voltage to aid Sasuke in seeing the pages of the book. Closing his eyes in concentration Sasuke opened them to reveal those infamous dangerously sexy sharingan eyes of his. And now, it was time to read and learn about- Oh shit.

"What?"

Oh gods, look!" Sasuke shot his eyes up and they widened in horror. There, walking towards him and whistling happily was none other than Uzumaki Naruto, full of ramen and happy as happy could be. Sasuke had thought he sensed someone, and his suspicions were confirmed when he spotted that shock of blond hair, that orange Sunkist outfit, and those big blue eyes that seemed to glow in the moonlight. Damnit, why did he have to come now he hadn't even gotten a chance to get through the first page of the book! Why did fate hate him so much? What did he ever do to her? Did he beat her in a game of checkers in a previous life or something?

Sasuke quickly ducked into a conveniently placed alley and took a deep breath, well maybe fate liked him a little since she didn't let Naruto catch- "Sasuke? Sasuke! Was that you I just saw?" And somewhere in the distance the she devil known as fate was laughing her ass off. Sasuke growled lowly at her then leaned back against the wall, ironing out the options in his head. He could run, run and not look back, run and go home and just tell Naruto he was imagining things yesterday when he could've sworn! he had seen Sasuke duck into an alley. That would be the smart thing to do, however...

As much as I'd hate to agree... that sounds like a good idea. It wasn't often that the two voices in Sasuke's head agreed, well, agreed peacefully. Making up his mind Sasuke opened the book and let his sharingan eyes go to work.

Page one... Sasuke blushed. And if anyone asked him if he did it he would actually agree that he blushed. How the hell did this... this... stuff start on the very first page! Page two... Sasuke coughed. Damn near choked on the air around him. What the hell kind of position...

"Sasuke?" Sasuke tensed up and looked to see Naruto at the end of the alley, watching him. "Sasuke, what are you doing?" He began to approach and Sasuke began to leaf through the pages frantically. Kiss... kiss... there had to be a kiss somewhere. Ha! He had finally found... well... he didn't want to kiss Naruto there! Well... he didn't think he did... maybe...

NO! Kiss! Kiss kiss kiss kiss... "Sasuke? What are you reading?" ... kiss kiss kiss where the hell was a kiss! Was this the non-kissing edition of Icha Icha Paradise? There was the kiss Kakashi had did to Iruka but... he wanted something else. He didn't want to copy the same move his teacher had done (nevermind the fact that he's basically gonna copy the book). "Sasuke... isn't that... Icha..." Got it! A kiss! "... Icha..." A quick study of the methods, the techniques, the way the person was held, the location of hands, the positive results and encouragements and... "... Paradi-mmph!" Naruto's eyes were a comically wide size at this point and his mind was beginning to be overcome in an 'oh my GOD SASUKE is KISSING me!' fog. And not just kissing him, he was reeeeeeeeally kissing him, and it felt reeeeeeeeally good.

Wasn't this the part where he was supposed to ask questions? Why is Sasuke kissing me? Why was he reading Icha Icha Paradise? Why is Sasuke kissing me? Why... is the sky blue? Why does it take three minutes to make ramen?

Why were his questions so blurry and organized? Finally, something he could answer! Because... Sasuke was kissing him! Who cared why who cared why he was reading that book who cared why the sky was blue and who cared... well... he cared about the ramen part but not right now. Right now all he cared about was the fact that Sasuke was devouring his lips and pushing him back against the opposite wall in the alley.

Something clicked inside of Naruto's mind. A brilliant plan in the middle of this kissing utopia. It was the best plan that Uzumaki Naruto had come up with!

He wrapped his arms around Sasuke's shoulders and kissed him back.

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise. Naruto was kissing him back. Did the book say that the person would kiss back? Oh yeah, it did, but still he didn't expect... now what did the book say to do next? Slowly, ever so slowly Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto's waist. By now he was running on instinct, because for the life of him he couldn't remember anything he had seen in the book, sharingan or no sharingan. He was just running on the fact that it felt good, and tasting ramen on Naruto's lips like an odd flavored lipstick felt good, and brushing his tongue against Naruto's and hearing something along the lines of a groan mixed in with a sigh of pleasure felt damn good.

And Icha Icha Paradise was dropped to the ground, forgotten, and Sasuke mentally stuck his middle finger up at the she devil called fate. Not even she could ruin this moment, not when him and his not so secret to all yaoi fans crush was moaning so deliciously against his lips. Nope, nothing would ruin this momen-

"WHERE IS IT?!?!?!" Both boys pulled away and looked in the direction of the wailing cry of despair. Wasn't that... Kaka... "WHERE IS MY BOOK!!!!!" ... shi... jeez he was loud, the whole village had to have heard that. But it was understandable, you'd be in despair too if you were in the middle of... you know... and you had forgot to use the sharingan on the part of the book that showed... you know... and now the book was missing and you couldn't... o.k. you get it.

"His... book..." Naruto's voice trailed off and his eyes wandered down to the book that seemed to be grinning back at him. Then his eyes wandered back up to Sasuke who was mentally cursing that damn fate. Next time he'd just let her win that game of checkers so she'd stop being so mean to him! "... Sasuke... did you... ACK!" But Naruto didn't get to ask, instead Sasuke just snatched up his hand and took off running. "Wa-wait! Where are we going? Sasuke!"

**

And the lesson of the day? You can teach sharingans new tricks, no matter how old they are, just don't do it by stealing your teacher's book. Also, don't step on your not so secret crush's foot, if you do then weird things will happen afterwards like wondering why fate hates you so much since you beat her in checkers.