Summary: 10th Anniversary Edition! Now with 13% more typos! Bored in study hall, they started their own religion, and this one was commissioned to write its sacred text, in exchange for becoming their First Apostle. And so it came to pass, the most demented religious book ever written, an epic tale about nothing. (This book containeth more than thy USDA Recommended Daily Allowance of Irony, Unrefined Satire, and Vitamin X, and may cause random side-effects for those who take themselves, or their religion, too seriously.)
Rating: 15
Category: Non-Naruto Fiction, Non-Naruto Fiction > Original stories, Non-Naruto Fiction > Poems
Characters: OC
Genres: Action/Adventure, Fantasy, Humor, Parody, Poetry, Sci-Fi, Supernatural
Warnings: Death, Sexual Themes
Challenge: None
Series: None
Chapter: 129 Completed: Yes
Words: 101461 Read: 60620
Published: 07/08/13 Updated: 16/04/14
Story notes: It all started over ten years ago. I was totally frustrated with the series I was trying to write at the time, what would later become Tradewinds, and a friend of mine recommended I try writing "something different" for a while. It turned out to be one of the best ideas anyone ever gave me. Back then, Matt-sama, and his friend Derrick-sama, had gotten bored in study hall and decided to start their own religion, with themselves as its chief deities. Of course; in exchange for becoming their First Apostle, I wrote their sacred text, The Book of Hondo. The Book is basically a spoof of ancient myth and an epic adventure about nothing, with lots of social, political and religious commentary, and liberal doses of parody and warped humor for good measure. Contains passages guaranteed to offend anyone who take themselves too seriously. It is written in an archaic form of English grammar, but also very accessible, with abundant use of modern slang and terminology. Many who read the Book lost their intimidation of Elizabethan English and went on to read Shakespeare. (Seriously!) It'll warp your mind that much. 1. Opening by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 2]
(315 words)2. Book 0 - Hondo by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (484 words)
yes, this chapter was commanded by the Gods of Hondo :/
3. Scoot 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1251 words)
concerning the Gods of Hondo
4. Scoot 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (735 words)
Johnny Space Cadet
5. Scoot 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (863 words)
the Space Coyote
6. Scoot 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (373 words)
Scoot the Ko'An
7. Scoot 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1413 words)
searching
8. Scoot 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (686 words)
the 42 Commandments
9. Scoot 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (318 words)
the 42 Commandments (cont.)
10. Scoot 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (789 words)
Nori the Cursing Faerie
11. Pippin 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (691 words)
Pippin's lousy, no-good, very bad day
12. Pippin 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (559 words)
pizza & a bet
13. Pippin 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (261 words)
the perfect end to a perfect day
14. Pippin 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (211 words)
an uninvited guest
15. Pippin 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (552 words)
the Great Othwog
16. Pippin 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (400 words)
The Moral of the Story
17. 1st Dudes 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (828 words)
The Book of 1st Dudes
18. 1st Dudes 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (606 words)
the Brian
19. 1st Dudes 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1063 words)
the Choir-Boy of Hondo
20. Episode 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (935 words)
A New Pope
21. 1st Dudes 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (829 words)
Deus Ex Machina
22. 1st Dudes 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (592 words)
who ever heard of a talking turnip?
23. 1st Dudes 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (347 words)
the Legendary Super Squirrel
24. 1st Dudes 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (456 words)
the Holo-Demon
25. 2nd Dudes 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (859 words)
the book of 2nd Dudes
26. 2nd Dudes 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (651 words)
Dirty Uncle Orty
27. 2nd Dudes 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (733 words)
the Sermon On the Table
28. 2nd Dudes 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1224 words)
the Prophetess of Hondo
29. 2nd Dudes 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (573 words)
Bob the Kiwi
30. 2nd Dudes 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (891 words)
Odnohween Night
31. 2nd Dudes 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (617 words)
More Ninjas Than Thou Canst Stuff Into an Airport
32. 2nd Dudes 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (796 words)
Bargain Hunting
33. 2nd Dudes 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (970 words)
the Lost Flathead Lake Scrolls
34. Flav 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (201 words)
Just a heads-up, this book is a little different from the ones that came before, a book of bizarre pseudo-religious poetry and mad-libbed parodies of famous works. It was a bit of a trip, and its original readers scratched their heads at it at first, but it ultimately became a major fan favorite.
35. Flav 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (202 words)
Vote to Not, Or Vote To...
36. Flav 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (210 words)
WTH Was That!?
37. Flav 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (241 words)
WTH Was That!? (Part II)
38. Flav 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (239 words)
Hondonian Limericks
39. Flav 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (230 words)
The Son of the Hawai’ian King Kaméhaméha
40. Flav 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (501 words)
O Sing Unto the Gods of Hondo a Powered-Up Song
41. Flav 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (283 words)
For the Gods of Hondo Moveth In Stupid Ways
42. Flav 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (239 words)
the Way to Cold Mountain
43. Flav 10 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (579 words)
Crazy Like a Fox & Nutty as a Squirrel
44. Flav 11 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (347 words)
Enter Ye the Spooky Door...
45. Flav 12 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (307 words)
Channel Surfin'
46. Flav 13 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (196 words)
Ode to Flatulence
47. Chocula 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (572 words)
The Book of Chocula™
48. Chocula 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1115 words)
the Hyper-X Buttplate
49. Chocula 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (708 words)
the HellRazor
50. Chocula 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (201 words)
Dr Färtnøkker
51. Chocula 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (964 words)
the Mushroom Thieves
52. Chocula 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (679 words)
the Nazi Armored Battle Refrigerator
53. Chocula 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (276 words)
the Genie in the Toilet
54. Chocula 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (201 words)
the Genie in the Toilet :P
55. Kungfucius 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (733 words)
The Book of Kungfucius
56. Kungfucius 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1324 words)
the Politically Correct Faerie
57. Kungfucius 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (772 words)
Confusionism
58. Kungfucius 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (970 words)
Rat Boy
59. Kungfucius 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1224 words)
'I Am Scoot the Ko'An!'
60. Kungfucius 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (932 words)
Kreeblies!
61. Kungfucius 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (600 words)
'Let My People Go!'
62. Kungfucius 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (976 words)
Planet of the Teletubbies
63. Kungfucius 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (662 words)
the Godly Challenge
64. Kungfucius 10 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (887 words)
The Return of Shmiles Shmowen the Damned
65. Kungfucius 11 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (431 words)
Jinx!
66. Labors 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (808 words)
The Labors of the Dudes
67. Labors 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (692 words)
The Multi-Tentacled Home Theater Beast
68. Labors 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1042 words)
the Iron Pacifist
69. Labors 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1246 words)
the so-called "Real World"
70. Labors 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (664 words)
Bubblegum Pop + WMD!?
71. Labors 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1117 words)
Round II
72. Labors 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (734 words)
the Radioactive Catbox from Hell
73. Labors 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1627 words)
Staring at the Sun
74. Labors 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1135 words)
the Whistling Assassin
75. Labors 10 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (717 words)
the Vorlon God Boojee
76. Labors 11 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1075 words)
the Rug That Really Tieth the Room Together
77. Labors 12 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (762 words)
New Jersey!?
78. Labors 13 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1077 words)
Mr C*ns*rsh*p
79. Labors 14 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (410 words)
the Final Labor
80. Labors 15 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (240 words)
The Question
81. Kamehameha 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (505 words)
The Book of Kaméhaméha
82. Kamehameha 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (508 words)
the Death of the Brian
83. Kamehameha 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1703 words)
Sheep Goeth to Heaven, Goats Goeth to Hell
84. Kamehameha 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (339 words)
the Guru on Cold Mountain
85. Kamehameha 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (201 words)
The Return of the Brian
86. Kamehameha 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1236 words)
Chinatown
87. Kamehameha 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1719 words)
Yaarrr! Pirates Off the Starboard Armrest!
88. Kamehameha 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (888 words)
Ack-ward Boy
89. Kamehameha 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (201 words)
Hide and Seek
90. Scootly Epistle by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (212 words)
Scootly Epistle
91. Spooky Doors 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (616 words)
The Book of Spooky Doors
92. Spooky Doors 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (621 words)
the Stranger
93. Spooky Doors 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1449 words)
Ghost Town
94. Spooky Doors 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (677 words)
the Dark Dudes
95. Spooky Doors 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1154 words)
the Power of the HellRazor
96. Spooky Doors 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1037 words)
Castle von Färtnøkker
97. Spooky Doors 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (499 words)
Booby the Vampire Slayer
98. Spooky Doors 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1460 words)
grey water
99. Spooky Doors 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (853 words)
All Aboard the Mystery Train
100. Spooky Doors 10 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1007 words)
the Mighty Olds
101. Spooky Doors 11 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (899 words)
The Sweet Lady of Twylight
102. Spooky Doors 12 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (620 words)
the Factories of Machines that Make Nothing
103. Spooky Doors 13 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (341 words)
Pay The Man
104. Macabre 1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (681 words)
The Book of Macabre
105. Macabre 2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (868 words)
In the Eighth Second of the Eighth Minute of the Eighth Hour of the Eighth Day of the Eighth Month of the Eighth Year…
106. Macabre 3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (509 words)
...But That Burp Was Burly!
107. Macabre 4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1262 words)
The Joke Heard 'Round the World
108. Macabre 5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (777 words)
The Untold Story of Bob the Kiwi
109. Macabre 6 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1402 words)
How Scoot Got His Groove Back
110. Macabre 7 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1621 words)
Man The Pay
111. Macabre 8 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (592 words)
...And Back Again
112. Macabre 9 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1674 words)
late to the party
113. Macabre 10 - I - II - III - IV by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1563 words)
The Outhouse of Time I - IV
114. Macabre 10 - V - VI - VII - VIII by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1417 words)
The Outhouse of Time V - VIII
115. Macabre 10 - IX - X - XI - XII by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (741 words)
The Outhouse of Time IX - XII
116. Macabre 10 - XIII - XIV - XV - XVI by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1317 words)
The Outhouse of Time XIII - XVI
117. Macabre 10 - XVII - XVIII - XIX - XX by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (734 words)
The Outhouse of Time XVII - XX
118. Macabre 10 - XXI - XXII - XXIII - XXIV by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1142 words)
The Outhouse of Time XXI - XXIV
119. Macabre 10 - XXV - XXVI - XXVII - XXVIII by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1713 words)
The Outhouse of Time XXV - XVIII
120. Macabre 11 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1546 words)
Pocket Poodle & the Pig-Stinging Jellyfish! Live!
121. Macabre 12 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (962 words)
the end of the world!?
122. Book X - Odnoh by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (488 words)
The Book of Odnoh
123. End Credits by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (2020 words)
what it sayeth on the tin
124. Original Afterword: by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (882 words)
Origins
125. Apocrypha 1-1 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1029 words)
NOTE TO PRESENT READERS: Contains references to members of other message boards, notably Pennywisdom.com (RIP), and the original Green Mile forum, hence the names Milers and Soldiers of the 'Wise. This story was written long after the first book, as part of one of the Mile's occasional Writing Challenges, in this case being a story about other members.
126. Apocrypha 1-2 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (817 words)
Asleep at the Wheel of the Scoot Mobile
127. Apocrypha 1-3 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (943 words)
The Legend of Billy V Gan
128. Apocrypha 1-4 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (1079 words)
The Monkey Boy
129. Apocrypha 1-5 by shadesmaclean [Reviews - 0] (718 words)
The TRUE Lord of the Dance