Shinobi Insider by Oni_Chan
Summary: Shinobi Insider. Normal talk show for ninja? Of course not! Where’s the fun in that?

Hosted by Oni and Nikki
Co-Hosted by Imashime and Yabane
Mayhem and disaster? Of course!
Categories: Het Romance > Top Six Pairs, Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance, Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance Characters: None
Genres: Humor
Warnings: AU, OOC, Yaoi
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 2077 Read: 4574 Published: 26/06/07 Updated: 26/06/07

1. Intro Episode by Oni_Chan

2. Butterflies and Unicorns by Nikki_Yaoi

3. Pervert Palooza by Oni_Chan

Intro Episode by Oni_Chan
Author's Notes:
Nikki's idea but damn this will be soo fun to write *stifles laughter* *fails*
Anyway! Imashime is Nikki's and and Yabane is mine, duh! Anyone else making appearence will be Kishimoto's unles stated or is obvious
Remember! We need your support!
The camera zooms in from a black screen to the view of stage, more than likely a talk show of some kind. The lights flicker on to illuminate the stage, one side designed with crimson and scarlet, the other side of blue and white. All is silent until the sign in the corner flickers to the word ‘applause’ and thus the set is filled with the audience’s cheering as two girls walk out on stage with microphones.

Fiery Raven- Welcome! I’m Oni!

Brunette- And I’m Nikki!

Both- And we’re your hosts here on Shinobi Insider!

Oni- *takes a seat in the center of the stage on the crimson side* Shinobi Insider! The show where we tell our loyal viewers what goes on in the minds of the Naruto cast!

Nikki- And in the minds of our OCs! *takes a seat next to Oni on the blue side*

Oni- Joining us every day will be our two fun co-hosts!

Nikki- Koushou Imashime and Shiryou Yabane!

The audience cheers and the camera is directed to the same entrance Oni and Nikki arrived from. The cheers die down and still nothing comes forth from back stage.

Nikki- *whispers* Sempai? Did you make sure to tell them 12pm? Today?

Oni- *whispers* Of course Kohai! I mean, it’s only Imashime and Yabane… what’s the worst… I’ll go get them

Oni stands from her chair and slips around the camera view to back stage. From Nikki’s vantage point she can hear an angry scream from her Sempai, a relieved cry and a pissed curse. The sound of chains being flung across the room startled Nikki into giggles until she saw Oni come from back stage dragging both boys by their shirts.

Nikki- *cough* Koushou Imashime and Shiryou Yabane!

Silver- Hn. *fixes clothes* My name is Yabane

Blonde- *pouts* And I’m Imashime

Oni- Oh yes feel the excitement radiating from our co-hosts! *rolls eyes*

Nikki- It’s like any moment they will try to steal the show away from us! *fakes a gag behind her hand at Oni*

Imashime- *takes seat next to Nikki* Yeah, yeah, one day we won’t be putting up with this

Yabane- Agreed. *sits next to Oni*

Nikki- Yeah ‘cause you’ll be putting up with your twins

Both OCs- WHAT?

Oni- That’s a different episode! *snickers*

Yabane- *twitches*

Imashime- Oh kami…

Nikki- Anyways! Back to the matter at hand! Introducing the world to Shinobi Insider!

The audience cheers as spot lights zigzag across the stage in multiple colors for fun effects.

Oni- Every episode of Shinobi Insider will feature two or three guests!

Nikki- You will either meet two of Sempai’s and my OCs and a member of the Naruto cast!

Oni- Or a single OC of Kohai’s or my mind and two cast characters!

Imashime- I still want to hear more of this twin nonsense!

Yabane- That’s another episode, thank kami

Imashime- Whose side are you on?

Yabane- *shrugs*

Imashime- I’ll teach you later

Nikki- I smell yaoi! *pulls out a recorder from under chair*

Oni- You can smell that stuff?

All But Oni- *sweat drop*

Oni- *looks around* What? What I do?

Nikki- *hits head* Anyways!

Imashime- *looks away from Oni towards camera* We want to hear from you!

Yabane- *follows suite* That’s right, we want to hear from you the viewers

Oni- You tell us

Nikki- Exactly what you want to know

Stage- And we give you the answers!

Oni- Ask anything about any character!

Nikki- And any pairing!

Girls- *in dark, we will kill you dead voices* But bring Gaara and Orochimaru into a pairing and you die horrible flaming deaths!

The audience stares at the girls wide eyed before slowly backing up in their chairs. Some even try to pull their neighbors in front of them as shields. Even the co-hosts look at the girls strangely.

Girls- We mean… *look nervously* Yeah! We’ll give you bunnies and unicorns! *look aside* Made by Deidara but you don’t need that knowledge… yet

Oni- *nervous giggle* Any who! Just ask the questions! And get the answers!

Nikki- And each week we will bring in a guest OC to help us host the show!

Imashime- If Susu-nee or Taki-nee show up I’m out of here… with Yabane

Yabane- Don’t leave me with him *gets hit by random crumpled paper from Imashime*

Imashime- *smirks as Yabane reads the very detailed description of later tonight*

Oni- *looks over shoulder while holding nose* Kohai… I think it’s time we end the show *grabs own recorder*

Nikki- You read my mind Sempai! *evil glint* This has been Nikki!

Oni- And Oni!

Yabane- …Yabane… *horrified*

Imashime- *smirking* And Imashime!

All- of Shinobi Insider signing off!

Imashime- *pounces and drags Yabane off*

Yabane- Release me

Imashime- No

Oni- *over shoulder* Remember to ask us lots of questions! *chases after boys*

Nikki- And remember the bunnies and unicorns! *follows Oni*

The screen goes black as some of the audience finds it safe to clap, some still too horrified to move. Others were passed out from lack of blood at the thought of the two shinobi being chased by their creators. Squeals were heard from backstage as crashes sounded throughout the studio.
Butterflies and Unicorns by Nikki_Yaoi
Author's Notes:
-evil smile- I hope you enjoy this chapter, I sure did

Anyways, have fun
The camera flashes on and focuses on the four hosts in their chairs, though it suddenly shakes, before once again focusing.

Nikki: WELCOME TO SHINOBI INSIDER! I'M YOUR HOST NIKKI!

Oni: AND I'M ONI!

Yabane and Imashime: You know who were are...

Girls: Losers...

Nikki: Anyways, lets invite our guest host first...

Oni:SHIINTO KELSEA!

The camera turns towards the entrance as a girl with long brunette hair that's up in a side ponytail comes out, waving. She looks at the hosts and sits down next to Yabane.

Nikki: So, Kelsea-chan, you wanna introduce the topic today?

Kelsea: Why of course!

A shuffling sound is heard as Nikki walks backstage, throwing things aside until coming back out with a crumpled up envelope.

Kelsea: -takes envelope and opens it- ....The...the topic is...

Imashime: WOULD YOU TELL US ALREADY?! GOD! I have better things to do -looks at Yabane-

Yabane: o_o Take all the time you need...

Kelsea: Is Orochimaru a pedophile, from Vampire's Butterfly...

The camera moves to show Nikki stomping off stage in a made rage as she comes back with atomic bombs, pepper spray, and a chainsaw.

Oni: Okay...

Everyone scoots away from Nikki as her evil laugh echoes through the entire studio.

Imashime: Our guests are Orochimaru, Uchiha Sasuke, and Yakushi Kabuto...Oh no....

The camera flashed back to the entrance of the studio where the three nin came out, annoyed looks on their faces as they glared daggers into the audience. A loud thump is heard as Imashime is pushed out of his seat.

Nikki: OROCHI-KUN! SIT NEXT TO ME!

Orochimaru takes his seat next to the hostess, who automatically clings to his arm, as the others sit in the available seats. Another thump is heard as Yabane is pushed out of his chair, and pulled back in it, once Imashime has sat down.

Kelsea: So, Orochimaru-sama, are you a pedophile?

Orochimaru:...Are you?

Kelsea: No

Orochimaru: There you just answered the question.

Kelsea: Bastard...

Imashime: So, Sasuke, Kabuto, has Orochimaru raped either one of you?

Sasuke: OF COURSE NOT! He supports SasuNaru, the only reason he took me to his lair was to make me strong, so I can stay seme.

Kabuto: I wi...I mean, no, my dear Kelsea-chan...

Cameras turn to face solely on Kelsea, as she glares daggers into Kabuto, as if daring him to finish that sentence.

Kelsea: So, Nikki-sama, what do you think about his?

Nikki:...Hn

The sound of a chainsaw being revved up is heard coming from behind Nikki's seat, as an evil smirk is placed upon her face.

Oni:...Kohai, are you okay?

Nikki: NO!

Sasuke: You know, I've wondered, why do people always make the bad guy a pedophile, and besides, do you think I'd let myself get molested? My ass is for no one.

Imashime: ...How about Naruto-chan?

Sasuke: His ass is mine, difference.

Imashime: I want Yabane's ass....

Yabane:...

Nikki: Anyways...Orochi-kun...Orochi-kun...what are you doing?

The camera focuses on the raven haired jinchuuriki as he writes down plans...involving blood, lots and lots of blood.

Orochimaru: I'm perfectly fine....

Nikki: Um...Okay, if you say so, Orochi-kun

Oni: I have a question of my own! Why is Kelsea acting so pissy right now?

Kelsea: Kabu-kun is mine...

Kabuto: Apparently...all Shiinto's ha...

He is cut off as Nikki appears behind him, whacking him on the head with a baseball bat.

Oni: KOHAI! Why'd you do that?

Nikki: Sempai, because it's time to end the show...

Oni: Okay...but did you really NEED to do that?

Nikki:...Would you rather it be you?

Oni: Um....no thank you....

Nikki: Good...ANYWAYS! NIKKI SIGNING OFF!

Oni: ONI!

The cameras search around for Imashime and Yabane...who seem to have disappeared.

Nikki: Damnit...-grabs camcorder- Their at it again...

Orochimaru: Orochimaru signing off.

Sasuke: Uchiha Sasuke...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ANIKI

Nikki drags Orochimaru off stage, Sasuke and Oni behind, leaving the knocked out form of Kabuto to the angry Kelsea.

Nikki and Oni: UNTIL NEXT TIME
Pervert Palooza by Oni_Chan
Author's Notes:
*snickers* Episode Three! *is happy* And yes! The pervs keep piling in!
The cameras zoom in onto the set, all four hosts seated in their usual spots. The girls smiling, the guys wanting to anywhere but here.

Oni- I’m Oni!

Nikki- And I’m Nikki!

Imashime- Hn

Yabane- …

Stage- And we bring you Shinobi Insider!

The audience cheers as the lights zigzag across the stage.

Oni- Our first guest today is none other than

Nikki- Nonki Neikan!

Neikan- *walks out on stage as a squeaking girl is heard from outside*

Yabane- *watches Imashime glare at Neikan as he sits next to Yabane*

Imashime- *points at Yabane* Mine

Oni- *rolls eyes* Anyway! Onto the topic and our guests for today!

Nikki- *scurries backstage and returns with envelope*

Imashime- *takes folder* Our topic today, Is Kakashi a sex addict? From Uzamaki_Fluff *snickers*

Yabane- With our guests, Jiraiya, Sai, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Umino Iruka.

The guests walk out from backstage and take up seats on either side of the stage, the audience applauding them all the while. Fan girls squealed as their favorite perverts entered, occasionally rocks were thrown at a certain pink guest, no names will be mentioned.

Oni- So the question, you all know

Nikki- Now give us answers!

Jiraiya- Of course he’s a sex addict! He reads my work after all, masterpieces! Each and every one more addicting than the last!

Neikan- *nods* Yes they are

Imashime- *looks at Yabane* Very inspirational too

Yabane- *gulps*

Sakura- …Well… I wouldn’t call sensei an addict but… The man is a complete pervert!

Oni- Duh! I could have told you that, blob!

Nikki- If that was all there was we wouldn’t have to have this episode!

Naruto- If you ask me, sensei is completely addicted! How many sensei go around training their students while reading smut? None!

Neikan- And what a shame that is… *thinks for a moment* I shall be a sensei some day

All But Neikan- NO!

Neikan- *pouts* Just a suggestion…

Yabane- *looks at Iruka*

Imashime- Does the teacher have anything to add?

Iruka- *nervous look* I’m not really comfortable with this topic…

Oni & Nikki- I sense gossip! *tackles Iruka* Spill!

Iruka- *on floor* *pushes girls off* If you must know… Because of those damn books Jiraiya-sama writes KAKASHI WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!

At once the stage and audience gasps and look at Iruka who is porting a major blush.

Oni- You mean…?

Nikki- He…?

Sai- Penis?

Iruka- Yes Damn it! *runs off stage with hand out towards camera*

Oni- *whispers* Kohai… wanna split up afterwards..

Nikki- *whispers* I call the OCs!

Oni- Damn you but fine *snuggles recorder*

Neikan- Show? Hosting? Ringing bells?

Oni- Oh yeah! *nervous giggle*

Nikki- Sai anything you want to add?

Sai- *blank stare directly at camera* Kakashi likes penis. And Naruto lacks one.

Naruto screams and nearly causes a scene like that from The Jerry Springer Show before the girls call security and have the blonde dragged off. The guests smile and wave at the camera as the screen starts to change black.

Oni- This has been Oni!

Nikki- And Nikki!

Imashime- *not there*

Yabane- *not there*

Neikan- *tip toeing after stage hand*

Girls- Damn it all again! *grabs cameras* Signing off! *runs behind stage*

The stage goes completely black as the audience claps, by now they know all too well what the co-hosts are up to. The guest host they can only wonder and be afraid. The remaining guests were then politely escorted out of the building before being tossed in the street next to the still fuming Naruto.

Normal show? Of course not!
This story archived at http://www.narutofic.org/viewstory.php?sid=5433