Damn you Itachi, i hate you so much, i would like to painfully torture you to death, yeah to death.
With some pliers and rolling pins and tickly feathers. Man i really should stop thinking to my self like that, especially when I'm on a date with........ who am i on a date with again?
(I really should stop asking myself questions too)
“Sasuke-kun why are you frowning?”
Oh yeah i remember, its sakura, i hate her too, stupid pink hair bitch.
wait why did i ask her out?
Anyway what was i thinking before?
Oh yeah Itachi, i think it is time for a pointless flash back, don't you think so sasuke.
Yes i do sasuke.
“Hello, Sasuke?”
“SHUT UP, CANT YOU SEE I’M TRYING TO HAVE A FLASHBACK?”
Anyway, it all started when i was 9 years old, it was my brothers birthday the next day so i thought what i could give him. I wasn't given pocket money after the incident with the chicken farm and the hose pipe, so i decided to make him something. I slaved over that sewing machine for 10 hours straight and i gave it my brother with great anticipation.
“What the hell is this?”
“Um its a cloak thing don't you like it?” My cute 9 year old self said.
“DO I LIKE IT? DO I LIKE IT? ITS THE CRAPEST PIECE OF CRAP I EVER SAW!”
“No”
“THE DESIGN IS DISGUSTING!”
“No!”
“THE STITCHING IT BELOW PARR!”
“NO”
“YOU COULDN'T CROSS STITCH FOR TOFFEE!”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
There it went, all my hopes of being a famous designer had been ruined for ever, i never stitched again.
And that wasn't even the worst part....
It happened just recently. My best friend Naruto had been getting some hassle from some evil organisation. I had been given a mission to spy on their lair.
Only when i got there i instantly noticed the outfits they were wearing...
My design.
“Hey Itachi, these cloaks are fabulous, how do you do it?”
“Well, its just a gift i guess”
At that moment i forgot about the dumb mission, i went home and committed suicide to my favourite song , Barbie girl......

Of course suicide was not the end, NO-ONE CAN DEFEAT ME, not even myself.
I woke up and i was in Konaha hospital, with naruto in my face.
“What the hell happened?, Where am i?”
“Sasuke don't you remember? You attempted suicide, but failed”
“I DIDN'T FAIL.....I MEANT TO DO THAT”
“Sure....Oh Sakura’s here to see you”
“Tell her i died.....of....sub conjunctionalhemeragedisorderness”
“Okay, seeing as your the suicidal patient”
Naruto went out the room and after a few moments i heard a shriek, so loud only a pink-haired stalker bill bored forehead bitch chicken hater could pull it off with-out her ears falling off.
“SASUKE, NO SASUKE, I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO SAY I LOVED YOU”
Oh yeah, what about the billion times you did, like when i was eating with Naruto or all those times you ‘ran out of toilet paper and accidentally came into the bathroom while i was in the shower’.
ANYWAY, that night while i was sleeping i heard a noise from my window, and i saw a dark shadow at the end of my bed.
“I’m going to rape you little boy”
“WHAT THE FUCK, WHO IS THAT?”
The light switched on and i saw the figure was none other then my older brother Itachi...
“You, I HATE YOU, YOU RUINED MY DREAMS, YOU, YOU DREAM RUINER”
“Man stressy, calm it down, anyway i came to say i have kidnapped your little girlfriend Sakura”
Me being the genius i am i played along.
“Noooo, not sakura leave her alone”
“No, i wont MWHAHAHA *cough, cough*”
“Oh, so is that it?”
“Yeah pretty much......”
“So what was with the ‘im gonna rape you little boy thing all about?”
“I was just having a jaffa cake with you lil bro”
“Really”
“Of course..”
“So..it never crossed your mind”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well you know you sneaking into my room while i am in bed, you could have just called”
“Yeah well i didn't, ummm anyways i got to go, balamoy’s on and i haven't taped”
“Kay well.....see ya”
“You dont want me to give you a hug good nigh-”
“Just go”

(Itachi’s lair)

“You wait! Sasuke’s gonna show up and kick your butt!” Sakura said despairingly.
“Really, because i have just been over there and he doesn’t really seem bothered, i don’t think he will be coming over here and playing hero anytime soon”
“*sigh* So what are you going to do to me No wait don’t tell me......sex slave”
“Ugh, don’t think so, i am far prettier than you, if i wanted a sex slave i might as well shout out onto the street and plenty of girls would come running, the reason i brought you here is to lure sasuke here, but it seems he doesn't give monkeys butt about you, so instead while i was over there i took something much more valuable to him. I think we will be seeing him any second..”
QUE SASUKE!!
“Ok you bastard where is he!?”
“SASUKE-KUN YOU CAME BACK FOR ME”
“Ew, hell no i hate girl’s, they give you cooties you know, i am here for my best friend”
“Sorry sasuke i really don’t know what you are talking about” Itachi said in a sly voice.
“YES YOU DO YOU DOSY PLANK FACE, I WANT MR. FWUFUMS”
“NO”
“YES
“NO”
“NU HU”
“UH HU”
“NU HU”
“STOP THIS, WHY DO YOU WANT MR.FWUFUMS ANYWAY?”
“Because i enjoy every moment of your misery, plus i REALLY have nothing better to do”
“........Is that why you joined the Atsuki, and evil organisation which lives to kill SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU WERE BORED?”
“No, they sent me a very persuasive leaflet here i will show you”

JOIN THE ATSUKI
our facilities include pool table and
hot drink’s machine!
(must be willing to risk life in hopeless battles )
Also we have
!free muffins!

“Wow that is persuasive!”
“I told you so”
Sasuke thinks.
“Hey, are they still hiring?”

“No, they don’t have any positions left, i took the last one and i am the tea boy”.

“Ah. Damn, now i have to keep playing this dumb character when i could be feasting on free muffins”

“That's just how the cookie crumbles little brother”

“Hey, you know what, i hate you even more because you got that tea boy job”

“.......?”

“DAMN YOU ITACHI, YOU RUINED MY DREAMS OF BEING A TEA BOY FOR AN EVIL ORGANISATION!”

“sasuke, don’t you think its just slightly strange that you hate me for all these dumb reasons but feel no resentment towards me what so ever about me killing mum and dad and everyone you ever loved”

“Good question, i have two answers to that. 1. this fanfict would get way too serious if i actually hated you for a good reason and 2. I AM TOO PERFECT TO LOVE ANYONE”

“..............And they call me the twisted one”

“You know i am still here...” Says Sakura.

“Oh hey Sakura, when did you get here?” said sasuke.

“Oh god, my brother’s an idiot, and i was hoping you could kill me when i got bored of living as well....” Itachi sighs.

“SHUT UP” Sasuke thinks of good comeback, “WEASEL”


(sorry for the really short chap but now you also know how Itachi got the name weasel)

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Well that's the end of the longest flashback ever recorded on naruto, and do you remember the Zabuza saga?!? Oh no we are being attacked by Zabuza, what ever should we do? I KNOW, flashback time!
I am pretty bored now, all alone in the world , no-one cares, no-one loves me *sniff*.
“Sasuke. . . are you okay?”.
“Oh hey Sakura, when you get here?”.
“I have been here all night. . .you kinda spaced out at around 9 pm.. . . “.
“What time is it?”.
“. . .five am, oh and your brother rang, he says hi and he is inviting you to his office Christmas party”.
“HMmmmmm which brother?”.
“Oh you know, the one who kidnapped your girlfriend, raped your best friend, killed your clan and ruined your dreams forever”.
“. . . EWWW, girlfriend?? hell no, we are just a couple that excites the fanfict writers, Ino is the one i love, i am totally grossed out by the whole pupil thing ewww, hmmm Christmas party eh. . . well i do love juesus and all. . and turkey”.
“Don’t you think its kind of suspicious though?”.
“Why do you say that?”.
“Well it is April and all”. . .

(At party)

“mmm, hey Sakura, what do you think of my shoelaces, do you think they match my socks?”.
“Does it really matter Sasuke? honestly, no-one will be looking at your shoelaces”.
“I guess, i am just really fussed about it cos Ino will be there, mmmm Ino, don’t you think she is hot”.
“. . .I wouldn’t know, hey why did you ask me to this party anyway, if you want to hook up with Ino slut face, hn.”
“Aw, you know why i invited you.......your my wing man dude, also your so ugly looking that you make me look super fly. . uhhu supa fly”.
“I am a girl!! also what the crap is ‘supa fly!?!’”.
“YOUR A GIRL, wow creepy, so that time you came and watched me in the mens showers. . . and the time we. . . we EWWWWW. I MADE OUT WITH A GIRL GROSS”.
“. . . Its a good job that your cute. . . “.
We went in and i saw Ino, mmmm Ino.
“Hey Ino, looking brillo pad as usual”.
“Whats up with those shoelaces, they so don’t go with those socks, you just look foolish, *sigh*, but i will let you look down my cleavage for 20 pounds..”.
“Damn, i only brought 60 pence”.
Ino walked off, i was just about to follow when i heard the sound of a retarded cat being tortured.
Wait, no, it was just Sakura on the karaoke machine.
“I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU SASUKE, REMEMBER THAT HONEY”.
“Hehe, who is Sasuke, loser, sucks to be him i bet, hehe”.
“.....You are Sasuke”, Ino said.
“Yeah sure, why would sakura sing me a song, she’s a lesbian, everyone knows that, gezz”.
I noticed, Itachi standing beside Ino with his hand down her top casually.
“Dude, whats up with those shoelaces, they so don’t go with those socks, messed up”.
“Wha-why Ino, i thought you loved meeee, whyyyyyyy?!?”.
“Sorry Sasuke, but you laces are really un-cool, also, i am a whore, you know, i go for top dollar, you should have suspected this when you came in on me and that Third hokage guy”.

Na na na na, do de do, bamb nammm bam bam bam bam’
“Okay, cut the music, sasuke what are you doing behind my couch?!?”
“Damn, what gave me away?!”.
“You were playing the mission impossible theme tune”.
“.I thought the moment needed something..”
“So, dare i ask what you are doing here?”
I stood up on the coffee table.
“I have come to avenge my clan and my friends......and stuff”.
“Oh really, and how do you expect to do that?”
*Evil laugh time for sasuke*
“Mwhaha, i am going to...”
Bam bam bammmmmm.
“REVEAL TO THE FANS YOUR TRUE SEXUALITY”.
“*Gasp*, you wouldn’t dare!”.
“Oh really?.....Itachi is a --”
*Knock on door*
“Commming”, Itachi runs to the door, with sasuke trailing behind him.

“Why hello Mr, and Mrs Uchiha, how are you today?”.
“WTF. We are both men”, Says sasuke.
...
“Just to be curious, which one of us did you think was a woman?”.
“Why Mr, Uchiha, they told me you were a card, always plotting to destory the world , ho ho ho ho”.

(I literally have no idea where this is going, i just make it up as i go along..)

“Any way i came here to tell you that your, well i am not sure how to say this but Your uncle jimmy has died, along with the rest of your clan..”
. . . .
“And, your point is..?”, Itachi said.
“Well, he wrote in his will that after his death, the oldest remaining uchiha and his lover must stay in one of his abandoned mansions for two nights, to receive Thirty Billion Dollars”.
“Isn’t that just slightly cliche?”, says Itachi.
“I AM NOT HIS LOVER, I AM HIS YOUNGER BROTHER!!”.
“Oh, well i guess, that means you will forfeit the money and Itachi, will get it all”..
“Ohhh, just kidding, i love my Itachi, baby, we have been married for three years you know”.