For the life of him, Naruto Uzumaki could not, would not, figure out why his two best friends, Sakura Haruno and Sasuke Uchiha, had suddenly become so intimidatingly… well, lovey-dovey was the best word he could come up with. As he stood in the middle of the training ground, watching them spar and laugh and joke and say ridiculously mushy things to each other, he felt a kunai-like stab of jealousy, and scowled.
And so, this was how he completely, totally forgot he was supposed to be sparring with Kakashi until a certain disgusting orange book hit him directly in the face.
With a yelp, he darted down and caught it before it dropped to the ground, then gave a yelp upon seeing the title and flung it back at his sensei as though he had just picked up a particularly disgusting insect or stepped in dog poop. Kakashi smiled behind his mask.
“Good morning, Naruto,” he said cheerfully, though they'd been training for a good three hours. “Nice to see you're awake this lovely day.” Naruto rolled cerulean eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, kicking at the dirt and trying not to watch Sasuke tackle Sakura and roll around with her, both hopelessly tangled, laughing hysterically and neither willing to get free. It was sickening, and made Naruto want to throw up. Needless to say, he was jealous.
“Jealous, Naruto?” Kakashi asked, raising a lone eyebrow from his book. “What!?” Naruto began to complain in his trademark ear-piercing fashion. “Of course not!!! WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF SASUKE-TEME!?” “Let me count the reasons,” Kakashi began lazily. “Nevermind,” Naruto cut in. “I'm NOT jealous. I feel kinda sick, Kakashi-sensei. I drank milk last night and it came from my fridge.” “When will you learn?” Kakashi sighed. “No drinking milk that comes from your fridge.” He knew it was a complete lie. Of course he did; it was Kakashi, for crying out loud. He smelled lies and deceit like… like Naruto smelled ramen. Geez.
But today, Kakashi was inclined to be merciful. After all, the newest volume of Icha Icha Paradise had come out today. “Take off and go sleep and shit if you like,” he yawned, training his one eye on the contents of the book. “Oh… Arigatou,” Naruto stammered, confused at the sudden leniency until he saw the Icha Icha Paradise his teacher was reading wasn't one he'd seen before. He sweatdropped. Right. Because of his porn book. “Thanks, Kakashi-sensei, I think I will,” he replied, fake-yawning and stretching.
He proceeded to leave the training grounds, calling a quiet good-bye to Sakura and Sasuke that he doubted they heard. But Sakura, upon seeing his retreating back, stopped wrestling with Sasuke and sat up. “Kakashi-sensei, where's Naruto going?” she asked, wiping some sweaty pink hair from her face. “Yeah, is the dobe sick?” Sasuke asked, pulling himself up by her shoulder. His face was flushed and showed genuine concern. Kakashi felt slightly awkward at the sudden emotions that always appeared on his student's face, but said, without elaborating, “Yup.”
Long silence. “Um,” said Sakura, turning to Sasuke uncertainly. “What does he have?” the Uchiha put in. “He drank milk from his fridge this morning,” was the absent-minded reply. “Eww!” Sakura yelped. “Gross!” Sasuke followed up. Their sensei grunted in agreement, turning a page.

I'm not jealous of Sasuke, Naruto told himself, staring out his window. The sky was steely-grey and full of storm clouds, and though the slightest bit of rain had let to fall the wind had picked up admirably. I think it's good for him to be with Sakura. Let him get some feelings. Learn about little things called emotions from her.
Dammit, though. Why does she have to love him after he ran out on Konoha? I went looking for him; did I get a thank-you from her? Nope. None at all.
Goddammit, what do I have to do to get recognition around here? Kill Orochimaru? Turn gay? Start boycotting ramen?
I am not jealous of Sasuke.
Am I?

Naruto woke the next day to a singsong, ridiculously happy call from his front door of “NAAAAAAAAA-ru-TOOOOOOOO!” He groaned, sitting up. The tail of his black nightcap fell in his eyes and he brushed it out, blinking sleepily. The voice was familiar and female and far too happy for—he checked his clock—five-o-three in the morning.
The call came again, longer and more irritating this time: “NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-ru-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WAKE UP!”
Yep; it was definitely a much-too-chipper, very-annoying-at-the-moment Sakura. “I’M AWAKE, I’M AWAKE!” he shouted to shut her up, tearing off the nightcap and hanging it on the post by his bed. Clearly she wouldn’t leave him alone until she was sure he was up. He heaved a deep sigh and hauled himself off his hard little bed, grabbing frighteningly orange clothing hanging over one of the few chairs in his messy little apartment and headed for the shower.
Roughly fifteen minutes later he was sitting at the table in his tiny kitchen, eating cold cup ramen and juice—not milk. Unlike what Kakashi seemed to think, Naruto had learned his lesson last month about the whole drink-milk-from-my-fridge-and-suffer-horrific-diarrhoea thing. Now if he bought milk, he usually drank it within two days, to make sure he never again went through the whole drink-milk-from-my-fridge-and-suffer-horrific-diarrhoea thing.
Naruto tossed his cup in the trash and his glass in the sink—without breaking it, shockingly, but making a loud noise—and pulled on his shoes, the only things on his person that weren’t a horrid shade of intense orange other than his T-shirt, headband and collar. He barrelled out of his door, nearly knocking over his landlady coming to chase his next-door neighbour’s rent, and careened off down the hall with a loud, “Sorry!” aimed somewhere in her direction.
In his usual loud, rushed, annoying way, Naruto managed to get himself out of the building and to the bridge where he and Sakura and Sasuke met for training in less than three minutes—a new record—and knocking over only two people and getting screamed at by only nine—both also new records. He smiled at himself proudly, slowing to a walk and shoving his hands into the pockets of his hideously orange pants. His feet thudded onto the rough wood of the bridge, and he scanned the area with cobalt eyes, searching for his team mates. Oh, there they were, standing by each other on the bridge. Sakura’s hair shone beautifully in the sunlight, her attention on Sasuke complete and not giving way to anyone else. Especially considering the fact they were currently making out very passionately.
Naruto stopped dead, with his mouth open and not flapping (for once). He stared at his two bestest friends snogging in the middle of public, in the middle of the bridge, where the met for training, no less!
He’s kissing her. She’s kissing him. Oh no, oh no, oh no! This cannot be happening! Sasuke, you bastard!
Slowly, slowly, the Kyuubi vessel turned and walked away.

“Hey,” Sakura said, pulling momentarily away. “Was that just Naruto?” “What?” Sasuke asked, turning. “I don't see him.” “I could have sworn he was just there,” she muttered. “Staring at us…” She blushed and cast a shy sideways glance at him. “Y’think he was?” “If he was he was intensely jealous,” Sasuke replied, turning his head to nuzzle her neck. “He knows what good a catch I've got.”
Sakura giggled and blushed. “You naughty ninja,” she chuckled, moving her lips under his. “He can't be jealous of you,” she murmured through his mouth. “I've got a much better catch!”

“HEY! HEY! HERE!” Naruto shouted, jumping up and down in front of the screen. “Snowhearte-sama has a message for you guys! LISTEN TO MEEEE!!” “Shut up, Naruto!” Sasuke growled, slamming his fist on his friend’s head. “You’re so annoying, Naruto!” Sakura fumed, clenching her own fists. “Must you always be so loud and destructive?” “Hey, it’s not my fault!” Naruto yelped, jumping up. “Blame the Kyuubi!” “Just give them the message, dobe!” Sasuke snapped. Naruto stuck his tongue out at the Uchiha, then turned back to the screen. “Okay, guess what!?” he shouted. “Snowhearte-sama is putting this story on hold for a bit. THIS one! THE ONLY ONE WHERE I’M ONE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS! GYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” As his scream of potent rage went on and on and on, his face got steadily redder and redder and redder and purpler…

Kakashi slipped obtrusively up behind him, motioning for Sakura and Sasuke to remain silent. He pulled a kunai from his belt and tapped Naruto behind the ear with the hilt. Promptly the boy collapsed, unconscious, his scream faded away and everyone was able to take their hands from their ears.

“Sorry about the delay,” Kakashi said, eye turning into a happy curve. “She has the dreaded WBS; Writer’s Block Syndrome.”