“Good evening, Hidan-kun.”

“What the—fucking hell, Orochimaru, what the fuck?”

“You wanted to continue our discussion from last week, didn’t you?”

“Shit, don’t sneak up on me.”

“I’m a shinobi, Hidan-kun—“

“And don’t fucking call me Hidan-kun!”

At this point, Orochimaru would laugh, and Hidan’s mind would hear ten nails dragging along a blackboard. He always laughed, and it always hurt. Did the Snake swallow nails and slate just to achieve that effect? Fuckin’-a.

“I’m going to tell you why god is dead, and you’re going to spend the rest of the night yelling and evangelizing to me, okay?”

If Hidan had been in another world, he would have thought the sannin’s grin like that of a certain green book character. But even if Hidan had seen or read How the Grinch Stole Christmas, he probably would have said that the hell he had to experience every time the genius ex-Akatsuki got it into his head to come pester him in the Akatsuki headquarters was ten times worse.

And it seemed the older man had been getting it into his head more and more often lately.

Grumbling, Hidan set his scythe against the wall and stripped off his cloak, well aware that he was being observed closely. Orochimaru took great enjoyment in flirting with Hidan when he knew that not only was Hidan a priest, he hated Orochimaru with an intensity only rivaled by Uchihas and certain kinds of space anomalies. The man was, in all honesty, the Happiest Sadist that the Jashin priest had ever met.

No shit, he fucking gets off on annoying you. “Orochimaru, get the fuck out.”

“No.”

“Don’t fucking tell me no.”

“I’d like to see you try and make me.”

“Fuck you!”

“No, I top. I thought we went over this?”

“Ugh—that’s not what I meant, you perverted—“

“Unless you think you can pitch—“

“That’s it, you snake-eyed bastard, I’m going to fucking strangle you with your own goddamn tongue!”

Itachi sighed as various thuds, bumps and groans drifted through the wall from the room next door, and dug a pair of bright orange earplug out of his bedside table. He really wished that Hidan would be more considerate when he brought lovers back at night.