Reviews For Shoseki
Name: MissyQuill (Signed) · Date: 11/11/09 - 03:47 am · For: Sousa
When I first came across this little fiction in the challenges section, I was really excited because I too always have wondered about how Jeraiya writes and what Kekashi finds to interesting in the novels. And even though I'm no further than the first chapter, I must say its exceedingly hard to read. I am fully aware of using synonyms, sobriquets and euphemisms as well as implications and metaphors and their effectiveness in a work of fiction but really, this I though went slightly overboard.
Instead of using so many words from a thesaurus, I think it would be a lot more effective if you just said "Sakura supplied" or "Sasuke suggested" and so on. While description is a huge part of writing, I found this one chapter to be too wordy for my taste.
But of course, I have no authority over what is considered good or bad, this is simply a point of view and my only intention is to help so I apologize if I came across as rude or mean. The above is just my opinion because I'm OCD like that. :oops:
Author's Response: No, no. I totally agree. And the before comment has told me about it being too wordy as well. I am going to write more simply in chapters to come, and hopefully I can get around to changing this chapter, but I am working on a different project currently. Of course I'll take you suggestion!! Thanks for commenting. :]
Name: Vixkill (Signed) · Date: 09/08/08 - 01:38 am · For: Sousa
ok, you're over-reaching vocabulary. as much as it may be fun to learn new words, and it's great when you know an unusual word that's perfect for what you're trying to describe, this is alienating and confusing as well as bogging the reader down in excess words. try to be more succinct?
and count how many times you use words that end with -ly.
dejectedly, despondently, wordlessly, inadvertently, infinitely
from one sentence!
please continue the story though, a decent plot for a short comedy.
Author's Response: Thanks, I'll do that. ^^'rn