Reviews For Opaque Smiles
Name: Kamisori (Signed) · Date: 06/06/08 - 08:37 pm · For: Prolouge
lol You mean Sakura doesn't have an Obessive Compolsive disorder already? xD
Awsome first chapter! Keep writing!
Name: Artic Blade (Signed) · Date: 02/06/08 - 12:26 am · For: Prolouge
Hiya!
Just a little note to say hi. I'm one of the new Mods of the site, so I'm helping to perform a check through all the stories.
Taking a look through, you do have a nice writing style, as well as good characterisation, however, your chapts do need to be a bit longer. I know the minimum is 700, but you're barely over that. A good way to lengthen them is to include more description. I.e.: Sasuke could spend a minute focusing on a red lamp, looking over the contours and curves of the metal, and the way it seemed to compliment the rest of the furniture. Something like that can easily add a further 50 words. You may also want to look at the differents forms of 'To', 'Too' and 'Two'. You frequently used the wrong one. If you wanted to find a Beta Reader, a lot of things could be much improved.
But again, keep on going. You have a good start going. Let's just turnit from 'Good' to 'Great', okies?
C ya!
Arti