Reviews For A Toast
Name: Yumi (Signed) · Date: 15/12/07 - 12:18 pm · For: What Fools Men Be
Good, but I was slightly disturbed by the ending. 11-12 lines do not have the same rhythm as the rest of the poem, and it is painfully obvious once you get to the 13-14 lines. The image is done well, but perhaps the wording could use a slight tweaking. Also, the last line's question I feel is the wrong one to ask. A hero knows what he fights for, but perhaps why does he risk his own skin? "Why do they fight, when all ends in defeat?" ? Again, a wonderful piece with minor errors, in my opinion.
- Yumi
Author's Response: *sigh* Writing isn't easy for me without inspiration, it seems.
I wrote this one a while after I wrote the 1st one, and I will admit, it came out rather forced. What I aimed to do was to describe the viewpoint of a person whose loved one died in a heroic act that the person does not yet fully comprehend, yet it seems I didn't do it quite right. It does not reflect my views on the matter, however.
The other thing I'd say is that, for poems, it seems that I should finish writing them in one sitting. I wrote the 1st part to this one, ran out of lines, and picked it up after about a month or so.
Well, I guess I just have to have inspiration, eh?
Name: Yumi (Signed) · Date: 15/12/07 - 12:11 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
It's very good. I'm sure if I had read the story it would have meant much more to me. However, even without knowing the inspiration, this piece can stand on its own and bring a bitter-sweet sadness to the reader.
This is the third piece I've read of yours, and I must say that YOU are incredibly talented with emotion. ^__^
- Yumi
Author's Response: Thank you. The story that inspired this is TTM's The Diary of Kiba story. Check it out if you like.
Name: DancerOfShadows (Signed) · Date: 17/08/07 - 04:40 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Excellent. The rhyming is there, but so well done that it doesn't scream "hey look! Look! I'm rhyming!!" which is nice. It is sad, but also hopeful...again, very good.
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. I don't like forced rhymes, either... when it comes to poetry, I'm focused on how everything flows. Sadly, I rarely, if ever, come up with something like this. It's hard to get inspired to write something like this. I hope you can get lots of inspiration while you're writing.
Name: Lamerstu (Signed) · Date: 30/07/07 - 03:20 am · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
So true... the heroes... I'm not usually in a mood like this, your poem kinda affected my mood. It's very, very, inspirational. Please read some of my work and give me some much needed advice! Thank you!
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. All you need for a good story is inspiration to carry you through it. I'm glad I can inspire people. (This poem is also a tribute to Deidara... Rest in Peace, Deidara.)
Name: rasengan_welch (Signed) · Date: 29/07/07 - 09:14 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
nice!!! i wish i could give you a 20 for this.it's just like my poem,but diveted in a certain way.4 thumbs up(including big toes)
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. Big toes, huh? *muffled laughter, then returns hi-5 from review response on A Mere Crush* Thanks for the 40 pts, man (20 from here, 20 from the review I gave ya). Good luck with your stories.
Name: Kibakun (Anonymous) · Date: 24/07/07 - 11:58 am · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Great poem. It flows really well and the lines you use are awesome. Particularly, the third and fourth to last. And it makes me feel a little better about Asuma's death.
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. Glad to know people appreciate this stuff. Just got to have inspiration, you know what I mean? By the way, I'll definitely check out your Journey to the East story.
Name: Blurble (Signed) · Date: 18/07/07 - 12:15 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Oh my God. That was so beautiful. I'm glad I decided to check this out, it's really amazing.
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. Spur-of-the-moment thing, you know. Every writer gets one of these moments where brilliant stuff just flows out of nowhere. I'm sure you've had those moments, too.
Name: TTM (Signed) · Date: 16/07/07 - 07:54 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Okay, I linked my readers to this page and credited you. Again, nice work and thanks for letting me link it :D
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Your welcome. Keep up the good work on Kiba's Diary. I hope you get a lot of inspiration from everywhere for it.
Name: TTM (Signed) · Date: 16/07/07 - 07:54 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Okay, I linked my readers to this page and credited you. Again, nice work and thanks for letting me link it :D
Name: ForyourLove (Signed) · Date: 15/07/07 - 05:58 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Yeah I noticed the part about the cigars and I was going to comment on that but I believe I still liked the second line more ^_^
*sigh* I miss Asuma xD
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. Creativity needs inspiration. I hope no one here will run out of inspiration. Keep up the good work.
Name: TTM (Signed) · Date: 15/07/07 - 04:16 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Hey, I would like to link your poem to my deviantART account, which is where my master of The Diary of Kiba is kept. If you have an account please get me the name and upload the poem, if you would like. If you don't, and you want me to link it, I can directly link here. I await your reply.
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. I don't have a deviantART account, but link it if you like (just remember to say I wrote it). My reply was delayed since I was reading The Leaf that Found Its Way (I forget the author's name).
Name: TTM (Signed) · Date: 15/07/07 - 03:39 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
My work inspired this? Wow. I'll take this as a compliment. Thank you.
The poem is quite deep, Myself, I could see Ino thinking this sadly after she returned home. Nice one! :)
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks, and your works did inspire this poem- because it's inspirational. My full compliments to you.
Name: ForyourLove (Signed) · Date: 15/07/07 - 12:58 pm · For: A Toast Worthy of a Hero
Wow this is really good.
I wish I could write like this but poems and such are just not my strong point.
I don't know why but the I love the second line more then any of them.
Once more, beautiful work.
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. I'm not really good with poems either, but once I have an inspiration to go by, it works out. I'm sure you got other strong points, and that I have a few of your stories in my favourites column. Your penname sounds familiar, that's why.
______________________________________________
-- Swords_and_Bandages : Oh yeah, you wrote Scham. Good job on that one. Personally, I like the part about raising a glass in his honor. It refers to a part in Kiba's Diary. It's by TTM, and read it if you like. I also like the part about lighting up a cigar, which is a reference to how Shikamaru started smoking after Asuma died (but not smoking cigars).