TONFA
The Original Naruto Fanfic Archive

Main Categories

Het Romance [1092]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around different sex couples.
Alternate Universe & Crossovers [651]
Where cast of the Naruto Universe are inserted into an alternate universe.
Essays & Tutorials [17]
An area to submit intelligent essays debating topics about the Naruto Universe and writing tutorial submissions.
 
General Fiction [1739]
Any Naruto fanfiction focused without romantic orientation, on a canon character in the current Naruto Universe.
OC-centric [865]
Any Naruto fanfic that has the major inclusion of a fan-made character.
Non-Naruto Fiction [291]
Self-evident
 
Shonen-ai/Yaoi Romance [1575]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around male same sex couples.
MadFic [194]
Any fic with no real plot and humor based. Doesn't require correct spelling, paragraphing or punctuation but it's a very good idea.
 
Shojo-ai/Yuri Romance [106]
Any Naruto fanfiction with the main plot orientating around female same sex couples.
Fan Ninja Bingo Book [125]
An area to store fanfic information, such as bios, maps, political histories. No stories.
 
 

Site Info

Members: 11985
Series: 261
Stories: 5884
Chapters: 25418
Word count: 47689150
Authors: 2162
Reviews: 40828
Reviewers: 1750
Newest Member: Redxkenny
Challenges: 255
Challengers: 193
 



Name: Yumi (Signed) · Date: 15/12/07 - 12:03 pm · For: Kiba's Letter
Good, but some adjustments might want to be taken into consideration.

First, the paragraph beginnings of "I remember" may want to be re-worded. Talk perhaps in the past-tense, such as "it was" or "One summer I–" and the like.

Second, the beginning of the letter is a little too round-about. Kiba wants to let Hinata know about his feelings, and the details about the hornets is a tad detailed for what he's trying to say. You could mention it, but maybe not in so many words. Perhaps hint at all the times he got stung?

Third (and it may just be me), I don't understand what is the reason for what Kiba said about Akamaru on rainy days. It's a cute visual, but is almost like an afterthought there. If you wish to put this in, perhaps it needs to be in a different location? Or Maybe you should go into more detail of what Kiba was thinking?

Overall, a very good piece. I really like the ending!

- Yumi ^^

Author's Response: Very interesting points. I have to say, I wrote this with quite a bit of my own nostalgia mixed in.

Yeah... the beginnings can be a bit repetitive. What I meant to do was to emphasize reminiscence with the "I remember" beginnings, particularly to contrast with the aspect that these memories aren't coming back. Otherwise, I usually catch myself before I repeat something, or my beta-reader will. (The only thing is that I don't get one-shots like these beta-read.)

Your point about the roundabout aspect of the letter is understandable. As I've said, I mixed my own nostalgia into this, and that might not have been the wisest thing to do. On the other hand, Kiba telling Hinata how he feels about her isn't the only point of the letter, either- I made the fondness with which he treats his memories of bygone summers quite an important subject in the story, in conjunction with that.

Lastly, well... the rain has this almost unconveyable aura about it that I can't really describe. I guess it's just how I look at it and feel about it.

Thanks for the feedback. I'll take these things into consideration in my future "letter" pieces.


Name: KibaxHinaluvr (Signed) · Date: 26/07/07 - 03:26 pm · For: Kiba's Letter
:) That, like nejis letter, was absolutely terrific. Once again, you kept the story to the characters actual attitude. great work!
______________________________________________

-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks for the review. Lots of people say I can get into the mind of a character, but I'm not so sure. Read my other stuff if you like.


Name: TemariSandyFan (Signed) · Date: 25/07/07 - 08:43 pm · For: Kiba's Letter
I loved it! If this is taking place during Shippuden, I have a little one. It won't be very good, since it's my first one, but I'll try!
______________________________________________

-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. I read your reply. Sure, it might not be as good as some of the other things I've seen here, but it's a good start. Just one tip- sappiness sells. Inject stories with a decent amount of emotions, and you'll have people craving for more. (But, like everything else, don't overdo it.) Keep up the good work.


Name: milliexchan (Signed) · Date: 10/07/07 - 07:01 am · For: Kiba's Letter
I really liked this, it's just so sweet... and I think KibaxHina is such an awesome couple. My series is pretty much all about them. If I were Hinata, I'd find it difficult to reply to a letter like that. I might have a go at doing it, if that's okay? xxx
______________________________________________

-- Swords_and_Bandages : Thanks. Things like this just pop into my head once in a while. If you want to reply, you're more than welcome. I'm looking forward to reading it.


You must login (register) to review.